From: Donny Cheng

No, both are Keiichi.

Now I get it, if they didn't spend money on parties she wouldn't get to see
K1 so much. Still I think you should mention him by name here. That would be
nice.

She was looking up originally, expecint someone tall like the others.

That would work.

I'll add a line saying he drank some at home and made extra in case it
wasn't enough to keep him awake during class.

In that case, instead of 'Ah, I didn't drink from it yet.'
Try something like "It's my reserve, I hope I won't be needing it."

because the first thing he thinks of was that the tape was from his

sempai.

If that's the case, I think 'because his sempai were of questionable moral
character...' would be more appropriate. No need to involve the whole Club.
Since, before K1 started winning races, it really wasn't very popular
anyway. K1 was actually embaressed to admit he was in the club.

Heh, so the ones that _did_ stay needed some sort of reason ^_^

They were really auto-crazy!

Thanks for the in depth C & C, been a big help :P

And I just realised that there were some other things that I missed out
earlier.

She was as beautifully exotic as the rumors had said

I suggest using 'exotically beautiful' instead. For some reason 'beautifully
exotic' just sounds wrong.

Whatever had prevented me from actively pursuing Keiichi before had been

removed with

Belldandy's arrival.

You make it sound as if Sayoko actually admitted to herself that she wanted
K1. How about 'With
Belldandy's arrival, Keiichi no longer seemed as undesirable as he used to'?
That even sounds like how Sayoko would think it.

I remember there was one boy that always stood to the side,

'I remember when...' and change the 'that' to 'who'. When dealing with
people, use 'who' not 'that'. You make this mistake quite often in this fic.
I think I caught most of them, but you should go over it again just to make
sure.

always stood to the side, never in the crowd, always beside it,

'always beside it' is redundant. You can kill it.

He was no longer there anymore when my eyes wandered.

Or when she was drunk. Perhaps the only drawback of Belldandy's arrival.

I'll be looking forward to reading the revision as usual. So please post it.