A few people wanted to see the Kagato scene I had in mind. It's here. As is 
Mihoshi's bit. And I modified the 'Smut' song.

Tenchi Muyo!- The musical!
======================

(Scene opens with Aeka. Alone in her room, looking at a picture of Tenchi. 
She strokes something out of sight in a drawer, smiles, and then starts to 
sing�)

I long for the touch of your lips, dear
But you long for the touch of my whips, dear
I can raise welts
Like nobody else
As we dance to the Ju-u-raian tango!

Let our love be a flame, not an ember
You know it�s you that I want to dismember
I�ll blacken your eye
And set fire to your tie
As we dance to the Ju-u-raian tango!

At my command,
Before me you will stand,
Your Heart in my hand,
(Audience: Yecch!)
At my feet you should lie.

My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
I will put on my cleats
And stamp on your thigh.

My heart is as hard as stone or mahogany
Which is why you�ll be in such exquisite agony;
My soul is on fire,
It�s aflame with desire
As we will dance to the Ju-u-raian tango!

I�ll catch your nose
In my left castanet, love,
You�ll feel the pain yet, love,
Whenever we hear drums.

And you will envy the rose
That I hold in my teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking in my gums.

My eyes will cast a spell that bewitches
Next time you will need twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
I�ll make with my lash
As we dance to the Ju-u-raian tango!

I�ll bash in your brain,
And make you scream with pain,
And I�ll kick you again,
And say we�ll never part.

I know you too well,
You�re underneath my spell,
And if you smell something burning,
It�s my heart.

I�ll lose your pervert of a father,
And work you up into a lather,
I�ll fracture your spine
And make you swear that you�re mine,
As we dance to the Sadism-
Whoops, sorry-
Ju-u-raian tango!

Ole!

(Aeka  has been getting more and more excited as she sings. The view moves 
to outside the room as she breaks into moans and groans.)



(Cut to scene of Nobuyuki, in a room previously unseen. He is reading a book 
of questionable taste. In a fetid, breathy voice, he begins to sing�)

Smut!

Give me smut and nothing but!
A dirty novel I can�t shut
If it�s uncut
And totally unsubt-le.

I�ve never quibbled
If it was ribald.
I will devour where others merely nibbled.
As the judge remarked on the day he acquitted my aunt Hortense
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without social Importance."

Ecchi pictures I adore
I like them more
If they�re hard core.

(Spoken: )

Bring on the Hentai movies, murals, postcards, neckties, samplers, stained 
glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I�m still not satisfied!

Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers
Lurid, Licentious and Vile
Make me smile.
Novels that pander
To my sense of candour
Give me a pleasure sublime.
LET�S FACE IT- I LOVE SLIME!

All books can be indecent books
Though recent books are bolder.
For filth, I�m glad to say,
Is in the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
I could tell you things about Peter Pan-
And the wizard of Oz; There�s a dirty old man!

I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill
And I suppose I always will
If it is swill
And really fil-thy.

Who needs a hobby like tennis or Philately?
I�ve got a hobby- re-reading Lady Chatterly.
But now they�re trying to take it all away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand we fight for freedom of the press.
In other words: Smut! I love it.
Ah, the adventures of a slut.
Oh, I�m a market they can�t glut.
I don�t know what compares with smut.
Hip, hip hooray!
Let�s hear it for the supreme court!
Don�t let them take it away!

(Scene pulls out, leaving Nobuyuki drooling over his magazines.)

(Scene cuts to Washu, looking at a recording of Tenchi. Slowly, sadly, she 
starts to sing:)

I met him on the Souja
A couple of months ago
He was rather overshy
     And nervous.
But as I stayed in his company
He cast a certain spell...

I basked in his attention
For a couple of hours or so
Until the sordid job
     Was finished.
If he was real or not
I couldn�t tell
But, like a stupid fool I fell...

Mad about the boy
I know it�s stupid to be
Mad about the boy
I�m so ashamed of it
But must admit
The sleepless nights I�ve had
About the boy.

On the Holo-screen
He melts my unscientific heart
In every single way.
Although I must admit
That here and there are traces
Of the fool about the boy.

Kami know I�m not an idiot
Though I really shouldn�t care
Kami know I�m not a schoolgirl
In the flurry of her first affair.

Will it ever cloy-
This odd diversity of misery and joy
I�m feeling quite insane
And young again
And all because
I�m mad about the boy...

It seems a little silly for a girl
Of my age and intellect
To walk down Ginza in a haze of love.
It ought to take a great deal more
To get a bright girl down.

I should have been exempt
For my particular kind of  fate
Has taught me such contempt
For every phase of love
And now I�m wasting my divine time
To cry over a prince Juraian...

Mad about the boy
It�s pretty funny but I�m
Mad about the boy.
He has a strange appeal
That makes me feel
There�s something
Sad about the boy.

Walking in the trees
His eyes look out at me
>From every leaf I see
I can�t believe it�s true
But when I�m sad
In some strange way
I�m glad about the boy...

I�m hardly sentimental
Love isn�t so sublime
I�m going halfway mental
And I can�t afford to waste much  time.

If I could employ
A little- hah!- magic
That would finally destroy
This dream that pains me
And enchains me
Because I�m mad about the boy.

(Washu turns away,  and the scene melts into Kagato in the same position, 
facing out of a window on the Souja, waiting for Tenchi. He begins to sing.)

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry spaceway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

There were no times, I'm sure you knew
That I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of winning.
And now, my fears subside,
I find myself grinning.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what am I, what have I got?
If not Tsunami, then I have naught.
I say the things I truly feel;
And before Tenchi, I will not kneel.
And my dark power grows hour by hour-
I�ll do it my way!

(Fade out on Kagato�s psychotic eyes reflected in the window. Cut to scene 
of Mihoshi. Fast, upbeat, syncopated music starts to play, with much 
clapping.)

Oh Tenchi, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey Tenchi, hey Tenchi

Oh Tenchi, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey Tenchi, hey Tenchi

Oh Tenchi, you're so fine
You pick carrots all the time
Hey Tenchi, hey Tenchi

Oh Tenchi, you're so fine
How I�d love to make you mine
Hey Tenchi

Hey Tenchi
You never use your noble blood but you got the birthright
You wake up Ryo-ohki in the middle of the night
Stop shakin' your bokken and use Tenchi-ken�s might Tenchi

I'm sick of Funaho and Misaki always comin' over here
'Cause Azusa eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
Why don't you use your powers and make them disappear Tenchi

Oh Tenchi, what's a girl like me supposed to do
You really drive me wild when you run those bad guys through
Oh Tenchi, you're so smart, yet don't have a clue
Well, here's to you Tenchi
I love you too Tenchi, too much Tenchi, let me hold you  Tenchi

Hey Tenchi
You're always hiding from the girls, you never let me through
I'd love to make you mine but I�m scared you might say no
Oh, please honey please, let me be with you Tenchi, wah

You�re always indecisive and fluster so easy
You then get lost for words and your speeches get so cheesy
But you�re such a great guy I don�t know what to do Tenchi

Oh Tenchi
Such a pity, don't you understand
That all this time I�ve loved you and you�re oh so close at hand
Oh Tenchi
You�re the only leader of our band
So here's to you Tenchi
I love you Tenchi, Love you Tenchi
Please say you love me too!

(Cut to a scene in the main room of the Masaki house. Ryoko and Tenchi are 
sitting, watching TV.)

Ryoko and Tenchi sat one night.
The sky was dark. The stars were bright.
The wind was soft. The  moon was up.
Ryoko drained her sake cup.

She licked her lips. She felt sublime.
She switched off Gainax question time.
Tenchi cringed in fear and dread
As Ryoko grabbed his shirt and said:

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it,
Do it while the moon is right!
I�m feeling,
Appealing,
I�ve really got an appetite.

I�m on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

But he said:

I can�t do it.
I can�t do it.
Whatever would Aeka say?
This fashion
For passion
Will have to wait for another day.

No derision!
My decision
I�d rather watch Ranma on the television.
I can�t do it.
I can�t do it tonight.

So she said:

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it,
Do it �til our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.

This folly
Is jolly,
Bend me over backwards on the kitchen trolley!
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

But he said:

I can�t do it.
I can�t do it.
My energy for the day has gone.
I�m knackered,
Cream-crackered,
It�s other things that turn me on.

I�m imploring:
I�m boring.
Let me read this catalogue on Dojo flooring.
I can�t do it,
I can�t do it tonight.

So she said:

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it,
Have a crazy night of love!
I�ll strip bare,
I�ll just wear
Stilettoes and a leather glove.

Don�t starve a
Girl of palaver.
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava.
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

But he said:

I can�t do it.
I can�t do it.
I know I�d only get it wrong.
Don�t angle
For me to dangle
My arms have never been that strong.

Stop pouting.
Don�t start shouting.
You know I pulled a muscle on that last school outing.
I can�t do it.
I can�t do it tonight.

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it,
Share a night of wild romance,
Frenetic,
Poetic,
This is your first big chance

To quote Musashi,
To act  flashy,
To eat from my bare skin freshest sushi!
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

I can�t do  it.
I can�t do it.
I�ve got other little jobs to do.
Don�t grouse
Around the house
For Sasami will never forgive you.

Stop nagging.
I�m flagging.
If I stay up much longer tomorrow I�ll be dragging.
I can�t do it.
I can�t do it tonight.

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it
While I�m really in the mood!
Release your rages-
It�s been ages
Since I even caught you semi-nude.

Be drastic.
Gymnastic!
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic!
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

I can�t do it.
I can�t do it.
I must refuse to get undressed.
I�ll feel silly
It�s not good for me
To try it when I�m so stressed.

Don�t choose me.
Don�t use me.
My mother left a note to say you must excuse me.
I can�t do it.
I can�t do it tonight.

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it!
I feel I absolutely must!
I won�t exempt you,
Want to tempt you
Want to drive you mad with lust.

No cautions,
Just contortions,
Smear an avocado on my lower portions,
Let�s do it,
Let�s do it tonight!

I can�t do it.
I CAN�T DO IT!
It�s really not my cup of tea.
I�m harassed,
Embarrassed,
I wish you hadn�t picked on me.

No sex yet,
Just make a bet,
I haven�t decided which girl I want yet,
I can�t do it,
I can�t do it tonight!

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it!
I really want to run amok.
Let�s wiggle,
Let�s jiggle,
Let�s really make the rafters rock.

Take your quotient,
Be potent,
Have me on all fours while being watched by my rodent!
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

Let�s do it!
Let�s do it!
I really want to rant and rave!
Let�s go,
�Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave.

Not bleakly,
Not weakly,
Beat me on the bottom with a Newtype weekly,
Let�s do it!
Let�s do it tonight!

(Fade out as Tenchi sprints out, Ryoko close behind.)

Well, I hope you enjoyed it.

Any suggestions for Kiyone and Sasami's songs?
---------
The Novocastrian Samurai:
      Master of Wrong Shui.

'There are circles to move in and squares to avoid; but a triangle with four 
corners is probably a pyramid.'

'Always remember that two wrongs never make a right, but three rights will 
usually make a left.'

'A mirror on the bedroom ceiling reflects badly on you.'


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