Very nice fic. The main idea, as far as I see it, is quite original. I like the choice of Hotaru as main character (we don't get to see much of her in the series), and the poetry is marvelous.
But for me, it isn't enough. It seems the goverment of Crystal Tokyo is hiding something from the general public. Namely, a plot. Some hints of Sets attacking, Sailor Moon getting hurt and stuff, but it isn't enough. Also, the Hotaru part seems rather... how should I say it... flat. She learns something in one paragraph and puts it to use in the next. Not too interesting, IMHO.
It almost seems like you cut out parts of a larger fic and without much changing, made those clips into a stand-alone plot. Just an impression.
To be totally technical, if you're using the original names, the transformation phrases should end with "make up!". Also, if the senshi are at Crystal power, Sailor Moon should say either "Moon Crisis, make up!" or "Moon Eternal, make up!". (That is, unless you plan to say later that Pluto got drunk. ^_-)
Meagen
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