At 09:34 AM 6/29/99 -0700, Brian Payne wrote

<snip the entire MFin' post. :)>

	I don't really have any criticism to offer, which is strange.  Aside

>from typos (mostly missing ending punctuation), the only things I can

suggest relate to the story itself.  And unless there's more, well...

	My biggest question, I think, is this: is this an actual fanfic, or
are you just writing out scenes for the hell of it? ;)

	Overall, I liked the tone and feel.  I've always liked grim, gritty
atmospheres and this one seems to be just that.  Good work!

Thanks for the comments.  I reposted the proofread fic.  Still maybe some
errors.  As a rule, I don't worry too much about proofreading before 
posting here due to the general nature of the criticism; however, mechanical
criticism is always welcome and actually speeds up the finishing process.

I dig lurid subject matter as well, hombre.

-The Reverend Prez

*  *  *

+-----------------+-<The Badass Reverend of Funk Prez>---+
|    Presley H.   | Political Science / Computer Science |
|    Cannady II   | and Electrical Engineering Undergrad |
|<revprez@mit.edu>| at the Mass. Institute of Technology |
+-----------------+-<Anime Manga Development Group>------+
+     Author of Liars and Dreamers, a Robotech fanfic    +
+-------<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/1731/index.html>-+
| MIDN 4/c A-2-2 SQD, MIT-Harvard-Tufts NROTC Battalion  |
|_|"The art of war is of vital importance to the state"|_|