Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Oh god, I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

Best shocker of a line that made me fall out of my seat....

        "There remain two more," said Elrond, "and I suggest that Lina and
Gourry travel with you."

Can't.... stop.... laughing....

Now the best line from sheer comedy value was of course....

        "Come on, Lina." said Gourry.  "It's a desperate, dangerous quest to
free the land from evil!  You said that's what you always wanted."

        Lina folded her arms.  "You shouldn't listen to me.  I lie a lot."

Again.  Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

        The door burst open and a petite elf-maid rushed into the room.  She
wore a simple white gown, and her long golden hair was first bound
tightly into twin spheres, then allowed to fall in twin streamers down
her back.  Lovely she was, but awkward and ungainly as a young colt.
Frodo knew her name:  Arwen, Elrond's daughter, born unexpectedly no
more than fourteen seasons ago.  She stood, panting and wild-eyed, as if
she had been running.

Now this... this more made my eyes cross suddenly, but it's good!  It's
good!

        Elrond Halfelven reached up and rubbed his temple gently.  "Arwen, I
said 'no.'  When I say 'no,' I usually mean 'no.'  I do not mean 'yes,'
or 'maybe,' or 'ask me again in two seconds,' or even 'perhaps if you
whine and cry at me for a while.'  I mean 'no.'  Am I perfectly clear on
this point?"

Tolkein never wrote Elrond having to deal with _this_!

        Gandalf raised his bushy eyebrows at her.  "Oh?  So now that you've
managed to mortally offend Elrond, Mordor seems the less perilous path?
How things change.  Between you and Pippin, I'm not sure who is worse;
he has the excuse of youth, at least."

Oh what, and Lina doesn't have the excuse of youth?

        Pippin gave him an innocent look.  "Why, cousin, merely that we might
take a stroll around the countryside after the company leaves.  And if
that stroll happens to head south, towards Carhardras . . ."

        "Can I come?" Arwen's voice came from behind them, causing both hobbits
to jump.

Please, please, _please_ continue this!  This is the best
parody/crossover idea I've seen in a long time.

LINA: Hah!  It's mine, mine, mine!

RING: (thinking) Egads.  The power of her greed is more than even I can
handle!

So you going to write a little more?  Huh?  Huh?

-- 
Matthew Campbell
E-mail: mgcampb@clemson.edu

"Margaret's explanation, which I liked better, was that you 
had to learn a culture until you knew whether the person on 
the other side of the table was following a cultural norm 
different from yours, or just an asshole."

- EARTH MADE OF GLASS by John Barnes