Jamie and Bridget Wilde <wildeman@psn.net> wrote:

Jamie here. I was reserving judgement for this story until I was able to
read a little bit more. Now I am willing to commit. (But you must excuse
my occasional absense whilst I put together the pot roast for tonight's
supper.)

Of course. Food before fanfic. :)

Arrrgh! Now I know why I hesitated in C&Cing this... It's that damn "I
Dream of Jeannie" theme music now reverberating in my head!

Maybe I should start including Vince's version of the song with each
episode.... :)

What makes Ranma think that marrying Akane will make her his only master
(mistress)? Wouldn't his ability to grant wishes continue to remain an
"area effect" sort of thing?

Well, if nothing else, she could keep him at home, or always go out with
him so that he only went to genie form when she wanted him to.
Basically, always being with him and 

        "Right. I wish you were there."

o/' Wish you were here... o/'

Let's hope Ranma never hears that song. :)

        Akane deftly caught the rose by its stem. "The same as them?"

Perhaps she should say, "The same as those 'peons'?" Tatewaki's
following reply would make better sense that way.

Okay, that works.

        Ranma tried to tap Kuno on the shoulder, and missed. He wasn't
used to not being able to see his own hands. Maybe if Akane made him
invisible again, she could do it so he could see himself but nobody else
could.

This I don't buy. As a capable martial artist Ranma has to have
excellent control over his movements, and I don't think he's going to
have a problem with depth perception or spacial awareness against a
large stationary target.

Okay, good point. Will think about changing this.

At last the true horror of dating Tatewaki Kuno is revealed. I don't
think this aspect has ever been explored in Ranma fanfiction. Too many
people I think would tend to have him trying to manuever his date into
bed, forgetting that Tatewaki's first true love is himself.

Yeah. And he actually DID date with the Pig-Tailed Girl once, and didn't
make any of those moves on her.

        "I wish you were wearing normal clothes," Pop said. The genie
costume vanished, replaced by Ranma's usual Chinese shirt and pants.
They hung loosely on his smaller female body.

Is Genma's wish for "normal clothes" what he expects Ranma to wear, or
what Ranma herself expects to be wearing?

Good question. :)

        "Oh, hello! You must be Akane." A woman stepped into the living
room from the kitchen. She looked roughly thrityish, with slightly wavy
hair. Dressed in a old-style kimono, she carried some long, thin object
about the size of a kendo stick, wrapped in cloth. "How do you do. I'm
Mrs. Saotome!"

Aiiieee... I see we are edging the level of conflict up just a notch or
two here.

Heh heh heh!

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html

I will conclude with the one comment that every author longs to hear: I
look forward to more!

Thanks! The C&C is much appreciated.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html