here we go again folks...after much computer wrasslin' I am now attempting 
once again to post the draft of a fic I am writing as a favor to a couple of 
friends. Any and all opinions are not just desired, but neccessary. For those 
who might be interested, Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa, the original 
characters, are my friends Medi Kitty and Raingoddess respectively.



Standard Warning: The Dirty Pair aren't mine, and I don't pretend that they 
are. Please don't sue me.


     "Stop fidgeting."
     "I'm not fidgeting."
     "Yes you are. Now stop it!"
     "�"
     "�"
     "�"
     "You're fidgeting again."
     "I am not!"
     "You're fiddling with your hair! That's fidgeting!"
     "I'm not fiddling with it! I'm fixing it! It's getting all frizzy�"
     "Oh, for�It looks fine! Your hair looks just fine! Now stop playing with 
it. It makes you look vapid."
     "Okay! Okay! You didn't have to snap at me�"
     "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"
     "�"
     "Fine then, be that way�"
     "�"  
     "�"
     "Are you sure it looks fine?"
     "�"
     "Okay, okay�you don't have to give me that look�forget it."
     "Sorry�yeah, it looks fine. I'm sorry I'm being this way�I'm just 
nervous."
     "It's okay�I know how you feel. I mean, here we are, getting our first 
assignments for the 3WA!"
     "Yeah�now, stop fidgeting before I bash you."
     "Jerk."

Expository Publications Presents�
     "God, I hope we don't end up having to do desk work or something�"
     "I know. Well, don't sweat it. The odds of that are pretty slim, 
actually. We'll probably end up doing basic patrols or something�pretty tame 
stuff, most likely�"
An original work of fanfiction by Captain Exposition�
"Do you think this thing is too tight?"
     "Natsumi, that's your academy uniform. They wouldn't have let you wear 
it for two years if it was in any way indecent."
     "I know that, but I still think this blouse is a little tight. 
Hmmm�Maybe they grew. Do you think they grew?"
     "I can't believe I'm having this conversation�"
Featuring the Dirty Pair in�
     "Okay�here we are�stay cool, girl�are you cool?"
     "I am cool."
     "Right. Well�here we go then. What we've been waiting for�"
     "Yeah�are you ready?"
     "As I'll ever be. Let's go then."
The Dirty Pair: Double Vision

Cycle One

      The elevator doors slid open on a silent puff of air, and two very 
pretty girls stepped out. They exited the elevator car into a bustling 
office, filled with busy-looking people rushing back and forth from room to 
room carrying documents, computer readouts, palm-computers, or just a 
panicked expression. A number of these people paused to look at the 
newcomers, the women with curiosity, and the men with admiration. And their 
admiring glances were justified.
     The girl on the left was a very shapely five-foot-eight, with bubble-gum 
pink hair that swept down to mid-back before curling daintily at the ends. A 
paler pink streak ran through the middle of her glossy hair. She was 
fair-skinned and very pretty in a preoccupied, slightly distracted way. 
Behind wide, machine-gunner style glasses a pair of intelligent green eyes 
watched the hustle and bustle of the office with frank curiosity. When her 
eyes met those of one of the watching men, she flicked her eyes over them as 
if trying to decide what to make of them, and then darted off 
disinterestedly. 
     The one on the right was shorter, perhaps five-foot-six, but just as 
pretty as her taller companion. She had a rather cute face, somewhat pale but 
obviously used to smiling. Her own hair was cropped short in a sort of long 
pixy cut, glossy black with a streak of brilliant cerulean blue in the longer 
bangs on either side of her face, where the hair fell just below her ears. 
Her eyes were the gray of gunmetal, and boldly met those of any of the men 
who gawked at her as they passed. One man met her eyes, and as he did, she 
winked at him languidly. He began to smile rather foolishly, right up until 
he walked headlong into a mail cart. Both girls rolled their eyes.
     Both of them were dressed in the standard uniform of a female 3WA 
trainee; knee-length navy skirt, white blouse, and navy jacket, 
three-quarters buttoned. Each also wore a laminated ID badge clipped to her 
jacket proclaiming her name, rank and an identification bar code for the 
security systems. The pink-haired girl's badge read, "Tenjo, Sakura: Agent, 
Third Class". The shorter girl's badge read similarly, stating, "Ogawa, 
Natsumi: Agent, Third Class". 
     After a few uncomfortable moments while they met public scrutiny, a 
secretary stood up at a desk to their left and asked, "Can I help you 
ladies?" The pink-haired girl nodded and replied, "Yes, we're here to see 
Director Foley. We're being expected."
     The secretary nodded and asked for their names. After they stated them 
and pointed to their ID cards, the secretary spoke briefly into a headset. 
She listened for a few moments, nodding slowly, then looked up at them. "Go 
right on in," She said to them, "Go down the hall on the left, last door on 
the right side of the hall." The two girls bowed politely and walked briskly 
down the hall.
     When they reached the door in question, they paused to bolster their 
courage. They read the brass plate on the door. It read, "Victor Foley, 
Director of Human Resources". Both girls silently noted that the door and its 
frame appeared to have been shot at a number of times, all of the holes 
filled and painted over. The pink-haired girl, Tenjo, glanced at her shorter 
friend. Ogawa was lazily blowing a large white bubble with a wad of chewing 
gum. Tenjo stared. "Is that chewing gum?" She demanded incredulously. Ogawa 
stared at her and nodded wordlessly. Tenjo pressed her mouth into a thin, 
hard line and pointed at an ashtray by the door. "Spit that out!" She 
commanded. Ogawa shrugged and turned Tenjo's hand over. Opening the fingers, 
she noisily ejected the well-chewed gum into her friend's hand. She smiled 
sweetly as she closed Tenjo's fingers around the squishy mass. The taller 
girl stared down at her hand and turned slightly green.
     As she flicked it from her hand, she whispered, "Remind me to hit you 
really, really hard later." She knocked on the door, three short, sharp raps. 
As they waited, each girl pictured the Director in her own mind. Tenjo 
pictured a tall, acetic man with a piercing gaze, silver hair, and strong, 
sure hands. He would have a low, firm voice and would wear wire-rimmed 
glasses that gleamed when he spoke�
     In Ogawa's mind, the Director appeared as a tall, shadowy figure wrapped 
in a dark cloak, who sat on a massive throne while spirits swirled around 
him. He would have a mighty rumbling voice, and would point dramatically at 
them as he said, in dramatically archaic speech�
    "What is it?!" The girls looked at each other worriedly. The voice that 
spoke sounded frazzled, raw, and anxious. From within, the voice issued 
again. "Get in here!" They looked at each other again, shrugged, and opened 
the door.
     The office within was large to be sure, but made up for this by being 
the messiest room either of them had ever seen. Every surface available held 
piles of paper, empty coffee cups, instant noodle bowls, and a variety of 
other bric-a-bracs. Two television monitors flashed random newsfeeds at 
thirty-second intervals. Three computer terminals were on, each set to a 
different program or function. And at the eye of the storm was a long metal 
desk, also covered in at least four inches of loose paper. Sitting at it was 
a man. He was short, no more than five-foot-two. He was rotund, virtually 
bald, and had red-rimmed eyes with large black circles under them. A 
cigarette was caught in a deathgrip between his jaws. As they entered he 
looked up and glared at them. "Are you Tenjo and Ogawa?!" They nodded. He 
jerked his head towards a pair of chairs studded with cigarette burns and 
coffee stains. "Good. Siddown." He pointed at the gaping door and bellowed, 
"And shut that door!" The two girls practically scrambled over each other to 
shut the door first.
     Once the door was shut and they were sitting, the Director seemed to 
calm down a little. He fished a pair of tan dossiers from the jumble on his 
desk and opened them. The girls tensed as he began to read aloud. "Humph�you 
girls made quite the ruckus over in the Academy. Let's see�both Lucien 
genetic upgrades�both graduated with honors from Meizuiru University�both 
applied and were accepted in the A-group applicant pool to Takachiho Military 
Academy." He looked up at them. "I take it you two are good friends then."
     Tenjo nodded and answered. "Yes sir. We met during freshman orientation 
at Meizuiru and have sort of stuck together since." Foley grunted and 
continued reading aloud. "At Takachiho you both maintained grades in the top 
one percent of your class�impressive. According to this, you two tied for 
third place in final exams. Good job." Ogawa smiled. "Well sir," She said, 
"They hadn't posted grades when we left for here, but we had a pretty good 
feeling about our scores. If I may ask sir, who placed second and first?" 
Tenjo poked her in the side, eliciting a yelp. Foley waved it off and 
answered, "It's alright, I admire that sort of competitive edge. For you 
information Agent Ogawa, second place was taken by a certain Miss 
Ami Mizuno IV. First place went to one Frederick Dalton." Both girls nodded 
thoughtfully. They remembered both of those students. Mizuno came from a long 
line of intellectuals, all of whom had served one government or another. 
Dalton was a tall and vaguely sinister boy who, though unpleasant and 
arrogant, was unquestionably a genius. Word around the Academy had been that 
he had already had a spot reserved for him at the BTR, the Bureau of 
Technological Regulation. This came as no surprise to most, as the majority 
of the student body agreed that he would be an ideal spook.
      "This is most impressive." Foley continued reading their files. "I see 
you both excelled in combat training, both real time and slow time. Tenjo, I 
have to say, even I am impressed by your scores on the artillery range. Where 
the hell did you learn to fire an anti-aircraft cannon so well?" Tenjo 
blushed and said demurely, "Oh, I guess I just have a knack for it�Sir." 
Foley nodded and continued reading. He paused at something in Ogawa's 
dossier. He looked up at her with his brow wrinkled curiously. "Ogawa," He 
asked, "Why is there a recommendation here by your vehicular instructor that 
you never be allowed behind the wheel of anything bigger than a tricycle 
without proper supervision present?" This time it was Ogawa's turn to turn 
red. "I�I just have a tendency to, um�crashthevehicles." This last phrase 
came out in an embarrassed jumble. Foley raised an eyebrow. Tenjo glared at 
her friend and supplied, "What she means, sir, is that she had more than 
enough enthusiasm behind the wheel of the training vehicles, and often lets 
said enthusiasm take control, to the detriment of the vehicles."
     Foley shot her an amused look. "Thank you Agent Tenjo. The next time I 
want your help interpreting one of my employee's words, I will ask you." 
Tenjo flushed and muttered an apology. Before she could be further 
embarrassed, an intercom balanced precariously on a pile of papers buzzed. 
Foley jabbed at the button and snapped, "What is it?!" His secretary, long 
used to his abrupt manner, replied smoothly, "Mr. Foley, the Lovely Angels 
are here." Foley twitched slightly, an action he seemed to be totally unaware 
of. "Send them in." He leaned back in his chair and drew a blue bottle from 
one of the drawers on his desk. Tenjo and Ogawa recognized it as a popular 
brand of liquid antacid. To their amazement and alarm he opened it and began 
slugging at it as if it were a bottle of water.
     After a long swig he exhaled and glared at the two new agents. "I take 
it you two have heard of the Lovely Angels?" The girls paused, then shook 
their heads. The name did seem vaguely familiar though�
     Foley twitched again and continued, "Of course, they are usually known 
by their public-given nickname�the Dirty Pair." Both girls made simultaneous 
noises of surprise. Tenjo blinked and said, rather succinctly, "Ack." Ogawa 
paled and said, equally succinctly, "Gleep." Foley nodded in commiseration. 
"Did you know stress makes you go bald?" They stared at him dumbly, brains 
still locked in deep-freeze. "Well it can!" He snapped. He took another swig 
of antacid. It was then that his door flew open.
     Like a henna-haired tornado of bouncy energy and�other bouncy things, 
3WA troubleshooter Kei trooped into the office dressed in a black men's suit, 
complete with dark tie, white oxford, and black leather gloves. She knocked a 
pile of papers to the floor, much to Foley's irritation, and sat on the 
corner of his desk. "Hiya Foley!" She chirped, "Howya been?" He glared at her 
with what could best be described as the expression of a man eyeing a vial of 
nitroglycerine held in an unstable clamp.
     Following in the aftermath of Kei's entrance was her more discreet, and 
in this case more normally dressed partner, Yuri. Yuri entered wearing a 
sensible blouse and skirt combo and an embarrassed smile. "Er, hello Director 
Foley�sorry about Kei�" As she shut the door, she spied Tenjo and Ogawa 
sitting and watching them like they were snakes of a particularly lethal 
variety who had happened to escape from a zoo. She smiled at them and asked, 
"Oh, hello there. Director, if I may ask sir, who are your pretty guests? New 
recruits?" Kei blinked and noticed the two girls for the first time. "Oh," 
She said, "Hey! Are you two new victims, I mean, new employees?"
     Foley grunted and leaned forward in his chair. "I'm glad you girls asked 
that. Because," He took a slow puff on his rapidly diminishing cigarette and 
said, "You two will be working with these two newbies for a few months. Kei, 
Yuri, say hello to Sakura Tenjo and Natsumi Ogawa. Your new partners." Four 
voices rang out in identical shouts. "WHAT? PARTNERS?!"
     Foley leaned back and grinned savagely. He said, "Yep. I have you girls' 
next assignment, and I want you to take along these two young ladies, show 
them the ropes. It ought to keep you two out of trouble too, while you're at 
it." Yuri stared at her boss in dismay. "But�but sir, they're just 
Third-Classes! Barely out of the Academy! You can't possibly expect us to 
carry them for an entire assignment!" She glanced at Ogawa and Tenjo and 
smiled, saying, "Nothing personal." Over mutters of, "None taken" and "Don't 
sweat it", Yuri went on, "Why not assign them to someone else? Someone a 
little less busy, maybe."
     Foley shook his head, obviously enjoying this immensely. "No dice Agent 
Yuri. They applied to be field troubleshooters, just like you two. They are 
also a team, and both females. You are the only other all-female team I have. 
Frankly, I think they can learn a lot from you�slaughtering civilians, 
decimating cities, costing me money and years off of my life�"
     Kei had had enough. She slammed her hand down on his desktop and leaned 
forward until she was about an inch from Foley's face. "What gives? What did 
we ever do to you to deserve this�this babysitting job?" Foley, utterly 
unimpressed, replied wryly, "You mean aside from ruining my life, shredding 
my career and wreaking havoc on my nervous system? Look, I am serious about 
this! I think these girls show a lot of promise, but they need guidance. And 
if one looks beyond the fact that you two are psychotic, ultra-violent 
bimbettes�" He ignored twin cries of "Hey!" and concluded, "You're both damn 
good agents. They could really benefit from this, if you don't get them 
killed, that is. And if it helps any, this is a direct order." 
     The staring match between Foley and Kei went on for several more seconds 
before Kei finally gave up and leaned back. She crossed her arms in front of 
her chest and grumped somewhat huffily. "Fine. Whatever. We'll guide them by 
the hands and change their diapers�but I don't want to have to do this again. 
Ever." Foley held his hand up and said, "Hey, no promises there. But if you 
do well on this, it could reflect very well on you come evaluation time, get 
it?" Kei snorted. "I repeat, whatever. Now gimme my mission so I can get the 
hell out of here."
     Foley held out a plain CD to them. "Contact me if you have any 
questions." Yuri took the disk and gave a polite bow. "Yes sir. Thank you." 
She turned to go. Kei glared at Ogawa and Tenjo. "Come on, you two."
     The two new agents stood to follow as Kei and Yuri exited the office. 
When they turned to go, Foley called out to them. They turned to look at him. 
He toasted them with his bottle of antacid. "Good luck, you two. You'll need 
it." They made identical "ack" noises and trooped out into the hallway. There 
they joined their new partners.
      Kei held a finger under Tenjo's nose. "Listen you two!" She snapped, 
"We'll get along fine as long as you remember a few basic rules. One: Kei is 
God. Treat her as such. Two: As God, Kei must be obeyed at all times. And 
Three: Kei does not like having more than one partner, so stay outta my way!" 
With this she stomped off, stopping only to kick a passing mail-boy into a 
wall. Yuri watched her raging partner storm off with a large sweatdrop 
standing out on her head. Smiling somewhat embarrassedly she said to Tenjo 
and Ogawa, "Sorry about Kei�she gets a little grumpy whenever we come into 
port for an assignment. It isn't really you. But just the same, for the 
duration of the mission, try to stay in the background and just watch what we 
do, okay? Right then, let's go collect your things and have them loaded on 
our ship!" 
     This said, she walked off down the hall in the direction of Kei, or 
rather the noise of Kei savaging some unoffending employee who had had the 
misfortune to admire her for more than the .5-second limit. Tenjo and Ogawa 
just stood there and stared after the two legendary troubleshooters. Without 
looking at her, Tenjo said, "Natsumi-chan?"
     "Yes, Sako-chan?"
     "I want my guns."
     "I know. This is gonna suck."
     "Yeah."
     This issue clarified, they went after the two girls whose hands their 
lives would be in for the next several months.


To be continued in Cycle Two