The emotional range for this story is good, but the premise is a 
little fuddled.

<Spoiler>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

All we see (All that I could see from a thourough readthrough. Maybe 
I'm blind?) is that Ranma and Akane at some point had a child, lost 
that child, broke up over the matter. Ranma later (re-adopts?) his 
own child with his new wife.

Ranma does a (almost completely unexplained) 180 when confronted by Akane.

Akane and 'Red' come to an understanding, and then all is well.

Frankly, there needs to be more explanation. All we're given in this 
story are the character's emotions. There are no adequately explained 
reasons for the emotions. It's like sitting in a coffee shop and 
listening to a heated argument between two people who are obviously 
friends or lovers. It's interesting, but you keep asking yourself 
'what the hell is going on here that would make these people like 
this?'.

A 'subtle' payoff is okay. The payoff we get here is almost 
non-existant. All we are told for certain is that Ranma had to go 
through a lot of legal hoops to keep hold of his daughter.

My suggestion. Keep the plot. Keep the emotions. Add a chapter 
between 3 or 4 that details exactly why Akane and Ranma broke up in 
the first place, and what exactly happened to 'Red' so that Ranma had 
to fight for her.

A story about just emotions is okay, but when you throw in any plot 
at all it becomes unsatisfying unless those emotions are adequately 
explained..

C.
* * *

C. Jones - cjones@arn.net
ARNet Incorporated - (806)3553539

"The impeachment scandal tarnished everyone who caused it. On
the Democratic side, that would be: President Clinton. On the
Republican side that would be: The United States House of
Representatives."       - Jack Hitt