Silence filled the arena, save for the confused murmurs of the 
crowd.  Suddenly, a large cape crept along the floor out of the red doors.  
When it arrived at the ring, a small white mouse emerged from it and crawled 
up into the ring. The mouse made puffing and wheezing noises and crawled 
back into the cape. Hot water flowed out from under the cape and the cape 
rose up, behaving as if it was going through a Jedi Masters death in rewind. 
Finally, The Feared nay, The Dreaded or The Great Dewin is in the arena. He 
leaned against the railing and calmly gazed at the doors where his opponent 
would emerge.  A husky young man ran up to ringside and waved to Dewin.  
Daniel Duvae waved to his brother.
        Captain Gotoh entered to Pink Floyd's "Brain Damage".  He stepped 
into the ring and glared menacingly at Dewin before his cellular phone went 
off.  He pulled out his cell-phone and answered it.  After about half a 
minute, his face began to show great annoyance.
        "Fine.  I'll be right there." Gotoh grumbled before leaving the 
arena.
        "Um, replacement!" C-chan yelled.
        Suddenly, Doco's "Where Do We Go From Here" began playing and a 
dark, silent figure began zinging to the blue corner of the ring.  It leapt 
up onto the corner post and revealed itself to be a white-haired man.  His 
hair was blowing dramatically despite the fact that almost no wind was 
generated in the arena.  The audience almost began singing "Beans, Beans, 
the Musical Fruit", but when no one could smell anything or hear any 
distinctive noises, they decided to let the stranger be.  Seratia, Shinomori 
Aoshi (from RK) and Sakurazuka Seishirou (from X/1999) walked up behind him.
        "Kamui, you know what to do." Seratia told him.
        Kamui Sha'Kanar nodded and turned to Dewin Duvae.
        "Are you sure he's really a human and not that lanky mouse we saw 
earlier that was saying 'Narf!'?" Kamui asked Seratia a little too loudly.
        Dewin didn't know what Kamui was referring to, but he got mad 
nonetheless.  He began flaring with anger and a sickly pinkish-green aura 
surrounded him, very similiar to Dan Hibiki's aura.
        "Naw, he wasn't special.  He was just an ordinary mouse." Seratia 
replied.
        Dewin's aura went from sickly pink/green to bright red.  It also 
grew in size and was now quite healthy.
        "Remember, attacks before the match that are not accidental will 
disqualify you." Robo reminded Dewin, keeping the angry nezumi-boy in check 
temporarily.
        "fight..." Shao Khan murmurred, waking up briefly to make sure no 
one was poking at him through the cage's openings before returning to 
slumber.
        Kamui shot around the ring, circling and taunting Dewin.  Dewin 
pulled a metal baseball bat out of Pocket Space (tm) and swung it through 
the blur that was Kamui, cracking Kamui in the forehead, sending the 
white-haired man to his back.  Dewin tossed the bat away and began tugging 
on Kamui's head, trying to tear it off.  Finally, he gave up and began 
jumping up and down on Kamui's stomach.
        Shinomori and Sakurazuka began getting into the ring when Shinomori 
felt something hit him.  He each found a little dart on his arm and about 
ten more laying around him.  Daniel Duvae, tucking away his tranquilizer 
gun, hurried back to his side of the ring as Shinomori collapsed.  
Sakurazuka began chasing Daniel.  Kamui, now angry, grabbed Dewin and threw 
him across the ring, to rebound on the ropes and come flying back, metal bat 
at the ready.
        *WHAM*
        Kamui staggered back, clutching his head and wobbling dangerously.  
Dewin rolled to his feet, ran up behind Kamui and swung again.
        *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WRUNCK*
        Dewin let go off his bat as Kamui collapsed, the bat wrapped around 
his head like a metal pair of earmuffs.  Dewin managed to roll Kamui over 
and began stomping on his stomach again.  With a count of three, Dewin was 
declared the winner.  This distracted Sakurazuka from chasing Daniel, who 
managed to get away.
        Dewin thanks the kamis and megamis for his victory.  Seratia grabbed 
a fan's hat, threw it to the ground and began stomping on it.

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        "Wow!  I never thought this fight would wind up like this." ????? 
commented.
        "Then again, we weren't expecting a forfeit before the match even 
began." C-chan replied.
        "True.  Time for a commercial, then onto the last two matches of the 
evening.  Priss versus Ebitan and Mon Lon versus Parn!" ????? announced.
        "Hey, this was made three years ago and stars A-kun himself." C-chan 
replied.
        The girls stared at the monitor intently.

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******
        Anime Express

SI-Wannabe: Aw man!  I screwed up AGAIN!

A-kun: How so?

SI-Wannabe: Well, I wanted to get to the Urusei Yatsura Universe and I wound 
up in Ranma 1/2!

A-kun: [turning to the camera] Has this happened to you?  Tired of 
unreliable self-insertions where you find yourself in a world you don't 
know, with people you've never seen, doing things no one should ever have to 
do?  Worried that your next planned SI is going to be to the wrong universe? 
  Well, take Anime Express.  We'll get you where you wanna go.  So, no more 
unreliable and dangerous self-insertions.

SI-Wannabe: Thanks to Anime Express, I got to the Urusei Yatsura Universe 
without any hassles.   Now, I'm engaged to Lum, the Lum Storm-Troopers and 
Benten want my head, Mendou wants me to be his idol and Ataru keeps trying 
to beat the crap out of me.  Thanks Anime Express! [smiles showing that he's 
now missing ten teeth.]

A-kun: So why do it the hard way?  Take Anime Express. [A-kun gets on a 
black train that's EXTREMELY familiar.]

Tetsuo: Move over.

A-kun: Sorry.

Tetsuo: Look, it's Captain Harlock!

        [A-kun looks.]

        [In tiny writing at the bottom of the screen, two warnings appear.  
Warning #1: Anime Express is not responsible for any and all problems after 
you arrive at your destination.  Warning #2: Riding on Anime Express does 
not guarentee that you'll meet Tetsuo, A-kun, Captain Harlock or get to ride 
the Galaxy Express 999.]

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        Both girls twitched a few times before bursting into laughter.  When 
they finally calmed down, C-chan noticed the camera was on.
        "We're back with the fight between Priss and Ebitan!" C-chan said, 
wiping a tear away while still giggling.
        "Wanna slurpee?" ????? asked, blinking to clear her eyes.
        "A Shin Slurpee?" C-chan asked.
        "Probably." ????? answered.
        "Eh. They're okay.  Just remember to get me the Eva-02 limited 
edition cup this time." C-chan added.
        And somewhere, Jackson Ferrell, author of Shin Slurpee Evangelion, 
felt a blantant plug had been made about his series.  (to find Jackson 
Ferrell's first five chapters of Shin Slurpee Evangelion, go to A-kun's 
webpage at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Island/3968/index.html and visit 
the guest page)

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        Priss glared back at Leon and Daley, who were following her through 
the red doors.  They merely shrugged.  Her pre-recorded song "Mad Machine" 
was playing over the speakers as she, Leon and Daley walked to the ring.  
Priss entered and checked her gun to make sure it hadn't been grabbed by a 
fan or fallen out during the walk.
        To the tune of "Everything You Know Is Wrong" by Weird Al Yankovic, 
Ebitan walked in via the blue doors, confident in knowing that the only time 
he had ever been beaten, he had been trampled under a stampede of heavy 
martial artists.  He got into the ring and tested his bamboo rod and made 
sure it hadn't been tampered with.
        "Say, does Weird Al's song really suit Ebitan?" C-chan inquired, 
before realizing that ????? was gone.
        Ebitan took up a defensive stance.  Priss eyed the pint-sized Lucky 
God Martial Artist, but decided that it didn't matter.
        Someone had prodded Shao Khan awake, so he let out a tired, "Fight!"
        With cool ease, Priss pulled her gun and shot Ebitan.  Through the 
chest.  Making a large hole.  Ebitan mentally cursed himself for not getting 
that "knock the bullet out of the air" trick that all those movie martial 
artists knew.  Robo declared it a legal move.

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        "That.... has to be the SHORTEST fight so far.  Well, next to the 
Captain Gotoh forfeit and that Captain Tylor thingy." C-chan commented.
        C-chan looked around nervously.
        "Um, let's go to the Parn versus Mon Lon fight." C-chan said, trying 
to smile politely and winding up with an evil smirk.

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        Mozart's Requiem was playing as Parn, Etoh and Deedlit walked 
through the blue doors and down to the ring.  Parn was carrying his father's 
sword and wearing polished tan armor.  He had a confident stride and managed 
to climb into the ring after only three tries.
        Fastball's "The Way" was playing as Mon Lon entered wearing the same 
outfit she wore in Ranma 1/2: the Movie.  She strummed her lute a few times 
and smiled politely to Parn after she leapt into the ring.
        Parn had been warned about Mon Lon by Etoh, who had apparently 
talked to someone named Nabiki, who had talked to someone that was named 
Scooby-Doo or something like that that had battled her before.  The person's 
name was something that you put in your hair.  Conditioner?  Buckwheat Soap? 
  Dial?  Kelp?  It didn't matter right now.
        "Fight..." Shao Khan coughed into the microphone before brushing his 
teeth.  Robo sighed in disgust as toothpaste foam and spittle hit him.
        Parn charged Mon Lon, his sword drawn and ready.  Parn slashed at 
her again and again, but Mon Lon seemed to slip past his sword time and time 
again.  He thrust his sword forward, but missed again.  He made a 
cross-slash and nipped the front of her outfit, but not enough to actually 
tear the flimsy garment that hugged her lush curves like the arching curves 
of a ripe plum.  Parn launched into his fastest set of slashes, cuts, 
thrusts and whirlwind cuts.  Then he stopped.  Mon Lon was on his head.
        "Time to end this." Mon Lon said, before bringing her lute crashing 
down onto Parn's head.
        The lute broke.  Parn grabbed her.
        "Uh-oh..." Mon Lon squeaked.
        After a quick, but relatively gentle, beat-down, Parn stood over an 
unconscious Mon Lon.  And for those of you who think Parn was mean, he was 
gentlemenly enough not to punch or kick her in the face.

        ******  ******  ******  ******  ******

        "Well, we'll be back again in the future for Round 4, but again, 
don't hold your breath." ????? said.
        "Yeah, these things are hard to write, no da." C-chan commented.

        TO BE CONTINUED IN ROUND 4


===============================================================================================

        Apologies to those who did NOT get to do their finishing moves or 
their victory signs due to physical or mental inabilities.

        Anyone who is confused as to how someone can appear on someone's 
team, then someone else's should remember that there are a lot of elseworlds 
out there.

        Signed, ????? and C-chan
        And part-time writer, A-kun

        To contact any of the three people above, contact A-kun at 
akun15@hotmail.com


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