Harnum & Willmore <harnums@thekeep.org> wrote:

This is the first chapter of a collaboration between Chris Willmore and
myself.  We've been at work pretty hard on it, and would be interested in
any commentary you might have.  

Right. Well, it was good. Can't say much about the overall plot, because
it's not at all clear yet, but it's very vividly written. Happosai was
especially well-handled; you really captured the essence of the
character.

The only part I didn't like were the scenes at and en route to Furinkan.
Akane was pissy for no reason I could fathom, and the scenes didn't seem
to accomplish much other than telling us that we're in a manga
continuation. The scene at Ucchan's could have accomplished this by
itself, and it was an effective parody of the slashed-wrists-Ukyo
cliche.

Oh, and one canon nitpick.... I'm fairly sure that Ryoga's multiple
bandanna thing only worked once. Azusa and the Kolholz Fashion Club both
took it off him without infinite copies appearing.

Hoping to read the next part, where we'll hopefully get some idea as to
what the heck is going on. ^_^


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html