I must say, what is *really* missing in this thing is some real *plot*.
OTOH, knowing your taste in such things, I guess it will gradually
show up in due time - but still, some hints of conflict would be nice.
As is, the story is not really going anywhere; just slowly oozing
forward without much direction, and feels more like an outdrawn
prologue than anything else. It feels like there's just got to be
something for all this stuff to lead UP to - but not even the slightest
glimpse of what that something could be.

Other than that - the characterizations, mainly, work fine (IMO). I
like the child-parent tension stuff, even if it *is* a little cliche.

sat with the paper in front of him.  His entire face was covered from
view.

Try "the magazine covered his entire face" or something like that.

	Years of being Vejita's wife had taught her to know when he was in a
good mood and from the way he didn't grumble at the mentioning of her

mood, and

	"Oh, Dad brought Uncle Goku in.  I think they had one of their fights
again."  Trunks was still slightly surprised to learn that his father
had surpassed the Super Saiyajin Two mark into the third
transformation.  He smiled when he remembered his father's jaw lock into

The knowledge that his father had (...) still surprised Trunks slightly.

place when both he and Bra said they must have missed it.  The gravity
rooms were designed to block most of what went inside from the outside
world and vice versa.

"He smiled, remembering the way his father's jaw had locked into place
when both he and Bra said they missed it." Um. Maybe. The problem I'm
trying to get here is that it seems sort of like what Trunks and Bra
missed was the jaw setting.

	Bra managed to hold her giggle in at her mother's implication of Daddy
only putting Goku in this State because Uncle was softened up.  "No, I
don't think so.  I haven't felt any sudden rise in chi from people other
than Daddy and Uncle for a long time now," Bra smiled when she saw the

now."

	*Oh dear,* Bulma thought as she saw the veins on the hand gripping the
paper pop out.  She gave a look to Bra, admonishing her.  Bulma shook
her head as her daughter simply smiled impishly back.

Heh. Poor Vejita.

	"Oh, Daddy, you know I love you," Bra giggled as she went over and
wrapped her hands around his neck.  She gave him a peck on his cheek,
his stony face didn't even soften a bit.  "Congratulations.  I'm happy

but his, or some other conjunction.

	Vejita merely straightened the paper he held as if only caring that his
daughter's open show of affection had creased it.

Again, the connections in this sentence can easily be mixed up.

	Bra wondered if she had went too far, but she then felt her father's
hand on her own.  It was gentle like always when he wasn't training her.

This sentence reads the same as "When he wasn't training her, it was
gentle like always" - ie, it's slightly different from what you're
aiming for.

	"Your chi level has raised.  Yours too, Trunks."

Isn't it "risen"? (I might be wrong)

heard his father give a noncommittal grunt.  Anytime his father didn't
say anything at all or outright disapprove of it was a good sign.

A bit too convoluted there. "If his father didn't outright dissaprove,
it was a good sign," does the job.

	"Okay," Trunks said.  He was beginning to wish he hadn't been training
all afternoon.  The fight his father and Uncle Goku had must really have
been something to watch for his father to be this happy.

For his father to be this happy, the match between him and Uncle Goku must've
really been something to watch.

	Bulma ignored her husband's words.  He didn't really mean the things he
said.  This was a man that nearly destroyed a school when Bra had a
paper cut when she was still in elementary school.  Not to mention the

Heh.

number of boys that Bra brought home to meet him, fleeing after only a
minute of talking with him.  Bulma also remembered the time Trunks had

him, all of whom fled after only a minute of talking to the father.

	"What!?" Vejita thundered.  "Are you out of your mind, Woman?"

Hm. Should "woman" really be capitalized there? I can see the reasons
why you did it, but I'm not sure it's right...

	"Now that's the Vejita, I know," Bulma said as she put her fingers to

the Vejita I know

her ears, muffling the loud deafening noise.  She could now see her
husband's face.  It was angry as usual.  "Finally.  I was wondering when
you would take that damned news paper away and talk to me."

face; angry, as usual.
or
face - angry, as usual.

	Bulma was shocked to see her husbands angry frown lighten up as she
neared him.  While he never remained angry at her for long, he never
forgave that quickly before.  "You can't be that happy about Goku in the
tank and you out here, can you?"

that quickly, either.

was.  Well a small part of it since Goku had been mostly acting as his

Well, a small part of it[,] since
(the second optional depending on what you're trying to say)

punching bag.  His contentment had come from something even more stupid
a thought.  When he was younger, being anything less than the best was

hm? "from an even more stupid thought", "from even more stupid a thought"
or "from something even more stupid".

woman he first met was impossible.  Bulma had to admit though that it
did wonders for her self-esteem.

admit, thought, that

Bit of fanservice, eh? ^_-

	Trunks frowned, his good mood disappearing quickly as he entered the
gravity room.  It seemed Ranma was back at work training.  The boy's
stamina was amazing.  From the logs in the computer he knew that Ranma

The boy's stamina amazed him. 
computer, he

	"It's your house," Ranma shrugged.  He sighed with relief when the
older boy returned to room to its regular gravity.  He felt the sudden

the room

wash of power surging in his veins now that the power was no longer
needed for him to move in the room.  It took only a second for him to
dissipate the power his will controlled and he was left with an empty
feeling that he had gotten used to.  

IMO, with the empty feeling

	"Never ever seen a human rise as fast as you," Trunks said, starting
the conversation.  Just what was it about this human that made his
father take notice?  Trunks couldn't believe it was power since as

power, since

	"Yeah, you reached that first stage of that transformation thing you
guys do faster than he did," Ranma recalled from his conversations with
Vejita.  Well they were more like the other man talking and Ranma

Well, they

martial arts.  Vejita doesn't seem that obsessed with you learning it as
much as my pop is."

Doesn't seem as obsessed (...) as my pop is

	"Maybe," Trunks replied.  His thinking however was the opposite of
Ranma.  Trunks could still remember when he had told his father that he

His thoughts, however, was the opposite of Ranma's.

	Trunks failed to even grin as he normally did when his father
complained about Gohan.  Gohan had reached the level two of the
Saiyajins the earliest of them all at eleven years old.  It was not so
much as wounded pride rather than regret, Trunk knew.  Regret at never

It was not as much wounded pride as regret

having fought the person that could have been the strongest ever known
had he tried.

the person who, had he tried, could have been the strongest ever.

	*How long have you been monitoring me, Dad?  Since I first decided to
stop?* he wanted to ask.  Instead he just nodded his head as his father
assessed how his training was going.

Dad?* he wanted to ask. *Since
instead, he

	"I've seen the readings also.  If I'm right you should be at the
pinnacle of the first transformation.  One more step and you should
surpass it.  Do you want to reach it?"

I've also seen the readings.
right, you

	*No,* Trunks remembered had been his answer when he was younger.  He
knew what Vejita's question meant.  His father would go all out on him,
causing him pain unimaginable.  The thought of that happening has

unimaginable pain
had

sickened him, and yet he would have done it if his father had pushed the
idea on him.  Before he had thought his father didn't care enough, but
now he didn't know.

Before, he

	*Now if only she wasn't here,* Bra and Pan thought as she glared at
each other.

as they glared

	The store owner looked on with mixed emotions.  On one hand the

hand, the

business was good with three hefty eaters, but on the other hand, all
his other customers sitting around the three had left in a hurry.  The

all the other costumers

	Dende laughed as the older Namek through him up into the air and then
into a bone crushing hug.  "Is it really you, brother?"

threw


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."