I know, it's pretty much like the first episode of Brimstone, but I
had to start somewhere. I'd appreciate any C&C suggesting where to take
this, but I'll ignore messages telling me where to stick it. ^_^

       Jed.

Hi Jed.  Don't have time to do a thorough scrub on this
one, but since it's a first draft anyway, I figured I'd just
tender a few thoughts.

For one, I think Gary was on to something when he 
suggested putting a more Japanese slant on the 
theology in place here.  That would require a bit of
research to adapt the story, but I expect the results
would be worth it.

Part of why I think "Brimstone" failed to catch on as
a series was because the all-or-nothing sort of 
approach to salvation/damnation was just not very
appealing to people.  The problem, of course, carries
over to this story.  Without trying to spark a religious
debate here, I think it's safe to say that "Brimstone"
wasn't even particularly accurate in its representation
of Christianity.  The problems are compounded when
you introduce Ranma, who is not a Christian, into
that sort of theological environment.

This is especially true in light of the powerful 
Japanese traditions and beliefs about vengeance,
about which I have only an incomplete understanding.
By the sort of antiquated martial-artist cultural 
standards which Ranma seems to follow, though,
an act of vengeance such as the one he performed
on Kasumi's behalf would be throroughly justified,
if not demanded (I also think that Kasumi might
be expected to kill herself, but modern sensibilities
about that have softened).  Putting Ranma into sort
of an autocratic rule-based universe where the 
Powers That Be don't really care about the cultural
context of his actions, or indeed whether they were
right or wrong (and I imagine a great many readers
would argue that his actions were justified, at one
level or another), is a bit depressing.  Of course your
source material ("Brimstone," not Ranma 1/2) had 
the same problem (in addition to the writers' inability
to resist all manner of perdition-based puns and 
bad one-liners).

That doesn't mean the idea is a wash (far from it),
only that I would encourage you to take many more
liberties with the "Brimstone" source material in order
to make the story more interesting.  I'd draw it away
from the confused and heavy-handed "Spawn" style
theology into something that plays a little more 
directly into the Ranma universe.  

So while you need a devilish character to instigate
Ranma's quest, it doesn't necessarily need to be
"The Devil."  It can be a demonic being, a dark 
spiritual force, that somehow gets its grip on Ranma
and attempts to use him in this capacity (after all,
did we ever really believe that this was going to be
a clean deal?   Since when does THAT happen?)

These are pretty vague suggestions, I know, and
this is largely because I'm in a pretty vague frame
of mind right now (a mild case of sleep deprivation
psychosis).  If I come up with something more
concrete, I'll pass it along.  My main point is that
"Brimstone" started with an interesting enough 
concept but suffered from some real problems in
execution.  As such, I don't think you should feel
any compulsion to stick to the script.  Ranma is 
a whole different guy than whats-his-name from
the show, and comes from a very different background.
He may end up having a completely different 
reason for getting caught in this kind of situation
once you toss it around in your head... and his 
handling of it is bound to be in his own unique
style.

Have fun with it.  Use "Brimstone" as a springboard
but don't treat it with too much reverence.  And,
as always, best of luck.

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless