On Mon, 10 May 1999, Ranma Al'Thor wrote:

such as?

	Suggestions are welcomed. :)

The weak point of this story is that it is incredibly difficult to follow
since no one knows this universe as well as its author.  There are about a
billion original characters, and I've reached the point where I can't
follow them all.  While I can follow the broad plot despite my confusion,
trying to keep track of the details is eluding me.  The end result is that
large chunks of this blur together as I try to remember who rules what and
lives where and is allied to who and when and why.

Basically, I need Cliff Notes to follow this.  But I don't have Cliff
Notes.  You've introduced a good two dozen major new characters, and I
can't keep track of them all.  It wouldn't be so bad if you'd introduced
them slowly over a fair # of chapters, but we've been hit with them all at
once, and I just cannot keep up.

And the Tenchi and Company presence still feels glommed on, too.  

	Those two objections fit together perfectly.

	One of the overarcing themes of the Together Again series is, what
do you do when the rules change?  Whether it's Priss dropped into a future
she never made, Akane trying to cope with the fact that her normal isn't
other people's normal (and that her weird is positively mundane compared to 
some people's weird), or Tenchi&Co. dropped into a situation which they
don't understand, and which they aren't a part of.

	Actually, there's a lot of this going on in this story:  Ta'aru is
going to be forced to deal with the fact that most people don't share his
sense of right and wrong.  There's a revelation coming for Leda that will
basically shake her to her core.  And Rabby ... dear God, I can't imagine
someone more alienated from her current reality than she is, can you?  She
doesn't speak the language, nothing she encounters has any connection to
what she knows to be true ... 

	So the characters are going through much of the same thing that you
are.  They're discovering what the "rules" of the situation are, just like
the readership.  It's an old trick ... reread Mark Twain's "Connecticut
Yankee" if you want an idea how old.

	But the other part of the story is the opposite of that:  What do
you do when you discover that you *do* have a connection to what's going on?
It's Priss discovering that the world is one that was essentially created
so that she can have a happy ending, it's Akane tying the story together and
putting her own distinct spin on it, and this time it's Tenchi, Ryouko and
Ayeka discovering their heritage as it's being born.  It's Ta'aru saying
"Fukku datte nansenzu" and standing up for what he knows is right.  It's
Leda coping with the challenge with stubborness very like that of the
daughter she'll bear one day.  And for Rabby ...

	Let's just say that if the end of this works like I want it to work,
John, the "Dance of Life" sequence in Shiva will have competition for the
title of "most inspiring and elegaic conclusion to an epic".

	Call it a "Symphony of Humanity".

Chris Davies.
(Would be willing to write a Dramatis Personae listing ...)