Subject: Re: [FFML][Fanfic][Ranma] Crossed Wires (Chapter 5)
From: kleppe@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
Date: 4/22/1999, 11:57 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Just a reminder to everybody out there... PLEASE be careful not to
double-post. Thanks.

Kent Hyam <rodney.hyam@sk.sympatico.ca> wrote:

    At lunch, Akane found herself sitting alone with Ryoga and Ranma.
She was beginning to wonder if her friends were avoiding her.  There
seemed to be quite a crowd around Sayuri for some reason.  Akane's
brooding was interrupted by the back wall of the class exploding inward.

Should probably say the back wall of the room, or of the classroom.

    "Kuno, what are you talking about?"  Ryoga hurriedly dodged as Ukyo
followed him out the window, and buried the blade of her spatula where
he'd been standing.
    "Doubtless this is another fair maiden you have sullied.  It ends
now."

How is Ukyo dressed? If she's in her boy disguise, Kuno probably won't
know that she's a maiden at all.

    Ryoga was forced on the defensive as Kuno and Ukyo attacked
simultaneously.  He managed to sweep Kuno's legs out from under him, but
was forced to leap away from Ukyo's attack.
    "Ukyo, I don't want to fight you."
    Ukyo didn't waste breathe replying, instead she leveled another

Breath. Breathe's the verb.

mighty slash at Ryoga.  Ryoga dodged easily, but was forced to block a

block an

exceptionally viscous swipe by Kuno with his forearm.  He was quickly

Why isn't Kuno using his bokken?

     "Bakusai Tenketsu!"
     Both Ukyo and Kuno, were understandably surprised, when Ukyo's
weapon suddenly blew up in her hand.  Ryoga was not slow to take

Technically, that's only supposed to work on rocks, but if it's
important for the plot then I guess it doesn't matter.

staggered out of the cloud, seconds later, Ukyo was nowhere to be seen.
    Ryoga shrugged and jumped back up, through the open window.
Moments later, he stumbled out of the girls washroom blushing

Heh. But it should be girls' washroom.

    As Ranma hurried upstairs, to change out of the hated school
uniform, Nodoka turned towards Ryoga.  "What will you and Ranko be
doing."

doing?"

    At that moment, Ranma came down the stairs dressed in her usual
chinese clothes.  "Come on, Ryoga.  Lets go."

Capitalize Chinese.

    "It sounds as if there might be something between them.  We'll put
making Ranma jealous on hold for a while.  Was that your only problem?"
    "No.  Other problem much bigger.  Ranma wearing dress.  Shampoo
think curse start effecting his mind."

Should be affecting, though this could be due to Shamps' bad command of
the language.

    "Well, Happi is the expert on the effects of the curses, but it is
possible.  Even though the victims retain their intelligence there's an
obvious mental effect."
    "What you mean?  Shampoo not effected by curse."  Shampoo started
to look a little worried.

Same here.

     "Perhaps.  There's probably another explanation.  In order for
Ranma to affected, he'd have to spend almost all his time as a girl."

to be affected,

     As her young charge went about her duties, Cologne shook herself
wearily.  There was no rush to investigate she decided.  If Ranma was

investigate, she

     Supper that night was a subdued affair.  Nodoka's presence acted
as a restraining influence and many of the diners were somewhat tired
>from a long day.
    "Ranko, Nabiki and I packed the clothes we bought for in Akane's

for you in

    There was little other conversation that evening and eventually
everyone quietly retired   for the night.  There was one exception to
this.  Mr. Panda was now sharing a room with Soun Tendo, due to
complaints from both Ryoga and Genma.  Soun found the company of his old
friend somewhat less than ideal.  His memories of training under
Happosai had mercifully dimmed with time and he'd forgotten how truly
deafening Genma's snores could be.  Groping for a boken, Soun silently
rose.  "Saotome, this is the only way both of us will be able to sleep."

Should be bokken -- though actually it's probably a shinai. (Shinnai?
Not sure how to spell that.)

    Some time later, Ranma was once again walking to school with Akane
and Ryoga.  However, she seemed strangely subdued.  It was a marked
contrast to the vocal displeasure she'd displayed the previous day.
    "You look kind of uncomfortable, Ranma, is something wrong?"  Akane

Ranma. Is

    Ryoga announced, "I didn't need to hear that," and increased his
pace.
    "Wait up you idiot.  If you try to get to school by yourself,

up, you

    School was rather dull that day.  The only points of interest were
Kuno's daily attack and Ukyo's absence.  Even the nervousness and
strange looks from the other students had abated somewhat.  On the way
home Ranma and Ryoga maintained a running battle, while Akane followed
behind smiling at there antics.

their

    Eventually they arrived back at the dojo.  "You two wait here, I'm
going to get changed," Ranma said.
    Akane nodded and then stopped.  "Ranma wait, you don't..."  Her
protest was in vain as Ranma ignored her and raced inside.  "Oh well.
He'll remember he doesn't have any of his own clothes.  Ryoga I've been

Ryoga, I've

    "Ranma, you don't mean..."
    "I don't like pretending to be a girl, but other than that things
aren't to bad.  I mean, I'm friends with Ryoga, and my Mom likes Ranko

aren't too

too.  A lot of my other problems are less trouble as well.  Even Akane
and I are fighting less.
    "But what about you and Ryoga?'
    "He knows we aren't really dating."  Ranma shifted uncomfortably.
"Even if we were it would still be less creepy than Kodachi."

He'll get around to dating her later....

    Ranma left the house wearing a tight white t-shirt and a pair of
jeans that seemed to be painted on.  "Okay, everyone, lets go."

let's

    Dark clouds were threatening rain when the three martial artists
returned to the Tendo's home.

Tendos' (there's more than one)

    "You're home early, Ranko.  Nothing went wrong did it?"

wrong, did

    As he got out of the furo Ranma regretfully splashed a bucket of
cold water over himself.  Her disguise now in place, she quickly dried
off and got dressed.  Wearily, Ranma trudged up the stairs to Akane's
room and opened the door.
   "Pervert!  Get out!"
   Ranma stumble backwards as a heavy school book bounced off her
skull and the door was slammed in her face.  "Geez, I didn't know you
were changing Akane.  It's not like I wanted to see your body anyways."

changing, Akane.

    As soon as Akane saw the cause of the disturbance that had awakened
her she collapsed to the floor.  Ryoga was lying on the floor with
Ranma's torn shirt in his hand.  Trapped between them was the naked
figure of Ukyo.  In the hall behind Akane, Kasumi and Nabiki looked
ready to join her in unconsciousness.  Frowning, Nodoka stepped forward.
    "I hope there's a very good explanation for this."

ROTFL!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html