(an FFIRC project)
"So where is this last entry?" Oscir asked.
Nietzche checked his watch. "Running a little late, I guess.
I'll just go back to my reading and you wait for him."
"Why read? I've got _lots_ of things we can do that are more
exciting than reading!"
"Yes, and I've got a very large and sharp and pointy knife."
"Reading for you it is! I'll just look over my winning entry
some more."
Nietzche nodded and left the pool room.
Ranma and the Chipmunks
by: David (Fido) Lindquist
The god of crappy fanfic grinned as he sat by the bowl of change.
*This is almost as fun as the first one!* Oscir thought. *I wonder
who will come by next? *
As if on cue, a large shape emerged from out the mists that
surrounded the little corner of perversion Oscir called home.
The shape appeared to look like a huge, 7 ft.tall, brownish-grey
wolf. The only thing that was odd (That is for a 7ft. tall wolf) was
the bandanna wrapped around its head and the lost look on it's face.
"Where in the hell am I now?" it growled softly, a hint of despair
creeping into his voice.
It took Oscir a few minutes to recover from the natural terror he
felt for the creature. The god then thought he recognised him.
"F..F..Fenris, " he stammered completely ignoring the visitor's
question. "H..how nice to see you.."
The wolf glared at the cat god then let out a sigh. "I'm not
Fenris. I'm his cousin, Fidokaro, " he then quickly added,
"thegodofanimalswithidentitycrisis."
Oscir blinked. "Umm....could you repeat the last part?" The god
of crappy fanfiction asked. His fear replaced with curiosity. "I
didn't quite hear it."
"Fidokaro, the god of animals with a identity crisis," he repeated,
grinding his sizeable canine teeth at every syllable in an effort to
intimidate Oscir.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oscir responded totally ignoring Fidokaro's
efforts.
The wolf's ears drooped some and his face took exasperated
expression as the other god rolled on the ground, still laughing.
"It's not that funny," he growled.
"Boy! You must of been really late when they were handing out the
godhood assignments!" Oscir said between giggles.
"I GOT LOST OKAY!" he roared sending Oscir head over heels. The god
continued to tumble until he smashed into the wall behind him.
The cat god peeled himself off the wall and regained his senses.
"Touchy, aren't we?" he said.
"You can't possibly now how many times I get told that," Fidokaro
grumbled then his mood seemed to perk up a little. "But it could have
been worse."
"Really?" Oscir replied. "How?"
"I might have got stuck with being the god of crappy fanfics!"
he barked out. "Whoever got that job must be a real loser!"
"I'M THE GOD OF CRAPPY FANFICS!!!!" Oscir cried out.
Fidokaro blinked. "You aren't the other one?"
"YOU HAD BETTER BELIEVE IT BUSTER!!" the cat-god replied.
The wolf just slumped his shoulders and sighed. "Wrong place
again..."
It took Oscir a few minutes to regain some of his/her composure.
After that, he decided to see what his idea was. He most definitely was
not going to let HIM have it. "So...what you got?"
"Are you sure you want to hear it?" Fidokaro replied. "It isn't
that bad an idea."
"Trust me," Oscir said flashing him a big smile. "I can make it
bad."
"Of that I have no fear whatsoever," Fidokaro deadpanned.
Since Fidokaro was already there (and he seriously doubted he could
find the one he was looking for by the turn of the next century), he
decided to participate.
As the cat-god activated the scrying bowl, the words Fidokaro had
said earlier finally registered in his head. Even Oscir could put two
and two together... ...eventually. "Say, You wouldn't by any chance be
related to Ryoga would you?" Oscir asked.
"NO!!!...umm, No," he replied, as a large sweatdrop formed at the
back of his head. "I have never met that fine, upstanding, incredibly
talented young man."
"Oh..okay."
***********************************************************************
A UNKNOWN FOREST IN THE WEST, BEGINNING OF WINTER
Genma breathed a sigh of relief as he slammed the lid down over the
pit. It had taken him weeks to gather all the items needed to perform
the ritual he had copied from the Native American woman, Michelle. Her
martial art skills were easily as good as his, and her daughter Julia,
was almost Ranma's equal. He had really hated to copy the instructions
without her consent but it was for 'the Art'.
*Just keep telling yourself that Genma, and maybe someday you will
actually believe it,* he thought as he walked over to his son.* After
all, that way worked with the Great Pumpkin!*
When he got there, Genma looked at his son. The nine year old boy
was bound with ropes. He also had various acorns and nuts tied to his
clothing. His young face was a mask of worry and confusion.
"Papa? I thought we weren't going to do the Neko-ken training?" he
said, struggling slightly against his binding.
His son's question caused Genma to remember the near disaster of
the last time he tried something like this, when they were both back in
China. How he had 'borrowed' most of cats from a local village and put
them into a pit like this one. If he hadn't rechecked the instructions
again, Ranma would have gone insane from learning the neko-ken and how
would he have explained it to his wife? Of course if he HAD learned the
neko-ken, maybe they could have avoided all those angry villagers
chasing them. He involuntarily shivered at the next memory.
If the mob hadn't stopped at the tip of Siberia when the two of
them jumped into and swam across the Bering Strait, the villagers would
probably still be hunting for them. Of course Ranma and him kept going
after they had reached the other side. The two didn't stop until they
reached that place called 'Seattle'.
*At least some good will come from this trip*, Genma thought.
*That is, once Ranma learns the 'Way of the Chipmunk'.*
"This isn't Neko-ken training boy," Genma replied as he rechecked
Ranma's bonds. "It's better."
Ranma turned and looked at the closed pit. It sure didn't look much
better to him! "I..I don't..." he stammered out but before he could
finish Genma interrupted him.
" Look, it's the same training your friend Julia was going to do,"
he said, choosing not to mention that she would have went through the
training as an adult. " Are you going to tell me that a girl is more
dedicated to learning 'the Art' than you?"
"NO WAY!" Ranma replied with a look of determination.
Genma just smiled at his son and thought; *It's for the Art. It's
for the Art...*
THE PIT
"Alright! In you go!"
The lid opened and a bound human sailed through the opening. It
landed with a thud at the bottom and almost squashed a few of the
chipmunks. Fortunately, they managed to get out of the way in time.
The captured animals then heard the voice say:
"Remember Ranma! Think like a chipmunk!"
"Think like a chipmunk?" one of the chipmunks, dressed in a bowler
hat and suit said. "How absurd. Why I have a mind to call my solicitor
when I get out of here."
"Who said we were ever going to get out of here," another one said.
"We are obviously in the hands of a madman!"
"Hey!," a small rotund baby chipmunk, one of two brothers that had
been kidnapped, yelled out. "He's got food!"
"Theodore," his brother said, adjusting his glasses as he did. "We
have more important things to think about than food."
"I'm sorry Simon," Theodore replied, "but I'm so hungry....I've
gotta get some of that food!"
"THEODORE!!" his brother called out, but it was too late. His
brother had already raced over, climbed upon the human called Ranma,
and began eating some of the acorns tied to him.
Following the baby chipmunk's example, most of the others also
began to crawl over him and started to either eat or gather most of the
food bound to the boy's body. Unfortunately for Ranma, this brought out
a response in him that he didn't expect. "HEHEHAHAHAHAHAHA," he
bellowed. "S..stop it!..hehehe... that tickles!"
The chipmunks ignored him.
OUTSIDE THE PIT
After closing the lid, Genma sat down and began his vigil. A small
pang of guilt rose up as he waited. Of course, he had to overreact to
it. "Am I such an awful father to do this to my only child!" he shouted
as he stood up. His voice was laced with anguish. Then Genma heard a
strange noise come from the pit.
"heheheh..."
"Oh, what tortures my son must endure!" he continued, completely
ignoring the laughter coming from where he had thrown his son. "But it
is for the Art!"
"HAHAHAHAHA..."
Genma then turned and stared at the source of the laughter. *Hmph,*
he thought as he sat back down, *At least he could SOUND like he's
being tortured....*
ONE HOUR LATER
*Everything's ready,* Genma thought as he gave a final look at the
net. He would need it to recapture Ranma when he came out of the pit.
Once Ranma was caught, he could start the treatment to remove the 'way
of the chipmunk' drawbacks. Namely, to return his son's mind from
thinking like a chipmunk to its own natural human thought patterns.
His thoughts were interrupted by the silence coming from the pit.
According to the instructions, that was the sign for the trainee's
learning of the way. Genma started to get the net.
*It won't be long now.*
Genma did not notice the various bushes that began to shake around
the campsite.
THE PIT
Ranma looked at his two brothers. He didn't know when they had
become siblings but now he knew they were family. The other chipmunks
had also accepted him as one of their own. Ranma also knew one other
thing. They had to find a way to escape from the crazy human that had
captured them.
"Do you smell that?" One of the elder chipmunks said.
Ranma and the other instinctively started to sniff the air.
"It smells like....they came!" another one shouted.
"That doesn't matter now!" a third one, dress in a five star
general's uniform, shouted. "We continue on as planned. Now remember,"
the chipmunk general continued as he pointed at Ranma. "Your job is to
get them," the leader then pointed at Simon and Theodore, "out of
here. I won't have civilian lives endangered on this escape attempt.
Are we clear?"
The other chipmunks(and Ranma) stood at attention and shouted
almost in unison:
"YES SIR!"
"Alright then. We launch Operation Freedom in T-1 minute," he
stated.
"But General?" one of the other chipmunks said. "None of us wears a
watch."
"Don't bother me with details!" he replied.
While the others 'discussed' this little problem, Ranma carefully
picked up the two baby chipmunks. "Don't worry brothers," he said,
"We'll find mama. I promise."
OUTSIDE OF THE PIT, ONE MINUTE (more or less) LATER
THOOM!!!
Genma jumped in surprise as he watched the lid fly off the pit. He
recovered in time to see his son leap out and sprint towards the far
side of the encampment. Ranma's father also noticed that the chipmunks
were also climbing out.
Moving quickly, Genma began to run after his son, readying the net
to capture him. Unfortunately as he started to throw, something snagged
the end of it and sent him sprawling to the ground.
As Genma looked back, the martial artist saw the most unusual sight
he had ever seen in his life. Squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks and other
animals had grabbed the end of the net and were holding firm. Genma
then noticed three other things.
The first thing Genma realised was the fact that they were not
alone. He saw numerous forest creatures around him, practically cutting
off all means of retreat. The second fact was that they were all VERY
angry but what had worried him the most was that all their rage was
directed at one target: Him!
Genma knew he had to think quickly to escape this situation.
Unfortunately, all he could do was say:
"But it was for the Art."
Much to his surprise one of the animals, a deer, stepped forward
and said, "We don't care if it was for Art, Jim, Frank or anybody else!
You are gonna pay!"
Thing got rather painful and messy after that....
IN ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS
Ranma didn't know how far he had run. However, the young martial
artist did know that he was extremely tired. He looked down at his
chest and seeing that both of his brothers were already asleep, he
decided to get some rest also.
Spying a large tree hollow, he climbed up into it, then after
making sure it was safe curled up protectively around his siblings and
drifted off to sleep as well.
HALF HOUR LATER
"SIMON!"
"THEODORE!"
"WHERE ARE YOU?" the worried mother chipmunk cried out as she
walked through the woods. She had been searching for her missing
children since the strange human kidnapped them two days ago. The
rumour
was that the others in the chipmunk community had also been taken but
that didn't matter to her. All that she cared about is finding her
boys.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a large crashing noise. She looked
up just in time to see a large human wearing glasses run past with
about one thousand forest creatures chasing him.
Over the various angry exclamations of "GET HIM!", "Rip his head
off!" and "What about Ranger Smith, Yogi?" she could hear him scream,
"I'MSORRY!!I'LLNEVER,EVERDOITAGAIN!ISWEARONMYOATHASAMARTIALARTIST!HELP!
!!!!"
As Mother Chipmunk watched this spectacle unfold, the wind
shifted and brought a familiar smell to her nose. She sniffed once then
again, just to make sure.
"I..it's them!" she shouted.
Tears of joy ran down her face as she tracked the scent. A few
minutes later, she located the source. Her heart sped up with
anticipation as she scampered up the tree hollow. However, it almost
stopped when she peered inside.
It wasn't the sight of her two sons that shocked the mother but the
sleeping human curled protectively around them. *How come I didn't
smell him?* she thought. The mother cautiously crept towards the human,
her whole body ready to attack him if he moved, and sniffed him. She
pulled back, her mind in some confusion over what the mother's senses
told her. *Strange,* she thought. He looks like a human but smells like
one of my children.*
Surprisingly though, a small part of her mind remarked that they
did look cute huddled up together.
Before she could come to a decision about what to do, Theodore
choose that moment to wake up.
"Where's breakfast?" the little chipmunk said, still half asleep
then his eyes focussed on the figure that stood at the opening.
"MAMA!!" Theodore cried as he scampered toward his mother. "SIMON!
RANMA! MAMA'S FOUND US!"
Simon woke up at the shout and stared at his mother. "Mother?
...MOM!" he said then joined Theodore as he went to his parent.
Their mother met them half way and threw her arms around the two
children and gathered them in a hug.
"Simon! Theodore! I thought I would never see you again!" she cried
out as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Our brother Ranma saved us!" Theodore said, also crying as they
embraced.
"Brother Ranma?" she said, the confusion started to resurface in
her mind but was cut short by a new sound.
"M...mama?" the new voice said.
She looked up and saw the young human staring at her, a look of
confusion, fear and joy mixed on his face. That expression alone told
her exactly what she was going to do. Moving Simon and Theodore to one
side, the mother held out her free paw to the boy. Then she spoke three
words with an authority that would of backed down the gods of Olympus:
"Come here....son."
As she welcomed Ranma into her family, Mother chipmunk thought *Now
I have three sons! Even if the largest one is the ugliest chipmunk I
have ever seen.*
A few minutes later, the family had decided to go back to their
home. After climbing out of the tree, they were assaulted by the a
horrible stench. The baby chipmunks had never experienced anything like
it.
"What is that smell?" Ranma asked his new mother.
Before she could answer, the human that went past her a while ago
ran in the opposite direction. He was still being followed but at a
somewhat longer distance. The smell practically centred on his body.
"Nothing important," she replied as she watched the human run
through the brush. "Just someone who got introduced to Mr. Skunk."
MID-WINTER OF THAT YEAR
The wind howled as Mother chipmunk ran from the house where she had
left her children. As the tears streamed down her face, Mother chipmunk
knew that she didn't have a choice. Ranma's appetite had completely
depleted the food they had stored for winter as well as a few other
families reserves too. *Who would have thought that a chipmunk so
young, could eat so much!* she thought. With the storm coming and the
badgers they were staying with eyeing her largest son like a blue plate
special, it was the only thing she could have done to make sure her
children would survive.
As she past the mailbox on her way into the woods, she glances at
the name painted on the side. Even though he had given them food
before, she still had her doubts. *I only hope that this 'David
Seville' takes good care of them.*
SIX YEARS LATER
As David Seville walked towards to dressing room, he couldn't help
but be a little nervous. *This was it,* he thought. *With the
world-wide simulcast, this concert is going to be the biggest the boys
have ever played! I hope they are up to it.* Reaching the dressing
room, Dave calmed himself opened the door.
"Five minutes until curtain," David Seville said as he entered the
dressing room. "You boys ready?"
Simon, a tall, thin chipmunk with glasses, looked up from the
'Advanced Mathematical Theory' book he was reading and smiled. "Sure,
Dave! Just let me save my place," he replied, absently adjusting his
glasses.
The second chipmunk, a large, chubby fellow (for a chipmunk, that
is) called Theodore, took a final bite of the apple he was eating and
threw it in the trash.
He said, "Re reafy rin ra rinete!"
"Theodore," David said with a sigh, "Don't talk with your mouth
full."
Theodore blushed slightly then quickly swallowed his food. "I'm
sorry, Dave," he said. "I'll be ready in a minute."
Dave smiled at Theodore then he turned and looked at the third
member of the group. The handsome young man was leaning in a chair
already wearing his trademark Chinese clothes and baseball cap. He
didn't even notice Dave's presence as he talked on a cell-phone.
"Ya babe! It'll fly! A three picture deal with us as the stars!
Each one will be a Mega-Smash!"
"Ranma?" Dave said. "What are you doing?"
Ranma seemed to ignore Dave's comment as he continued his
conversation. "And with the satellite simulcast of tonight's concert
being played all through Asia. It's a lock!"
"Ranma!" Dave said in another attempt to get his attention.
The musician waved him off as he continued his chat. "Think of the
merchandising! Action figures, food, bathrobes. Shoot! We can even sell
Ranma and the Chipmunks condoms!"
The three other members in the room froze at the mention of the
last item.
"C-condoms?!?" Simon blurted out.
"What's a condom?" Theodore asked.
Dave's face turned red with anger. He used it to fuel his voice.
"RAAAANNNMMMMAAAA! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?"
Ranma jumped up and spun around. He immediately saw the level of
anger that Dave was at and quickly decided that he really should quit
while he was still alive...for the moment anyway. "I'llcallyouback!,'
Ranma blurted out as he hung up. He then looked at Dave. "Umm...Hi
Dave! What's up?"
Ranma's mind instinctively began to plot out a viable escape route
just in case he needed it.
"What were you doing..." before Dave could begin yelling at Ranma
again, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. It opened and one of
the backstage personnel leaned in.
"One minute to curtain people!" he stated then left. "Oh boy! I
didn't know we were running that late! Well, we gotta get out there
and perform! Bye!" With those last words, Ranma Seville ran out of the
room almost running over his brothers during the attempt.
"This isn't over Ranma!" Dave shouted after him.
DURING THE CONCERT
Ranma and the Chipmunks gave perhaps the best performance of their
lives. The simulcast exposed them to a whole new audience and most of
them found them incredible, especially two teenagers in a place called
Nerima, Japan.....
TENDO HOUSEHOLD
Akane Tendo was mesmerised by the singer performing on the T.V. He
was like nothing she had ever seen before! Strong, handsome and has
a voice like nothing she had ever heard before!
"He's dreamy..." she whispered.
"I thought you didn't like boys, sis," her sister Nabiki, said
while smirking slightly.
"I DON'T!" she yelled back then replied in a calmer voice. "But
he's not a boy! He's a rock star!"
Satisfied with her own answer, Akane returned her attention to the
screen. As she watched only one thought played over and over in
her mind. *Wouldn't it be great if I was married to him?*
KUNO MANSION
Kodachi Kuno watched with fascination at the singer on the screen.
*He is magnificent! What grace and beauty! Only he would be worthy
of the Black Rose! I must have him!*
Others however, have a different opinion....
Tatewaki Kuno glared at the television screen. *Feh! He is
pathetic!* Tatewaki thought as he turned off the T.V set. *He
caterwauls in a pathetic attempt to elevate his station in life but he
is nothing!*
And a small few took offence to Ranma personally....
DOWNTOWN TOKYO
With a sigh, a young man wearing a backpack slowly trudged through
the rain. *I wonder where I am now?* Ryoga Hibiki thought as he passed
an appliance store. Suddenly he heard something that made him pause. A
large T.V was on in the display window.
"We now return you to Ranma and the Chipmunks in concert!"
*Ranma?* he thought as Ryoga turned towards the sound. *Can it be?*
As Ryoga watched the performer, his anger began to grow. "All this time
I have searched for you..." he muttered then shouted, "AND YOU HAD FLED
TO ANOTHER COUNRTY!!! HAVE YOU NO HONOR!?!?" Ryoga calmed down a bit.
"It doesn't matter... I will find you... and when I do... YOU WILL
PAY!"
Ryoga looked around. "Now all I have to do is figure out which way
is America...."
But out of all the people who watched, only one would affect Ranma
in ways he could never imagine....
He blinked twice and cleaned his glasses just to be sure. He had to
be sure. It had been a little over six years.
As the screen came into focus, Genma Saotome knew that his quest
was nearing a end. "Ranma... I've found you at last."
***********************************************************************
"I don't get it," Oscir said.
"I bet you don't get any... at least I HOPE you don't get any,"
Fidokaro replied.
"No, me mean what happens next, and what's with the Way of the
Chipmunk?"
"Well Yes, Ranma does take the place of Alvin here but there are
differences. First of all, Ranma doesn't possess the Neko-ken
ability but instead has 'The way of the chipmunk' which grants him
incredible speed and reflexes plus acute senses. Once Ranma starts
moving, he is almost impossible to touch much less hit. Secondly,
Ranma's personality is somewhat different than the mainstream Ranma. He
is more self-centred and since he has lived in stable homelife for six
years, he can relate to other people much better but Ranma can be
tricked into almost anything by playing to his ego."
Fidokaro took a deep breath. "Also, both Simon and Theodore are
martial artists. Simon is almost at a little below Akane's level at the
start of the Ranma 1/2 series. Theodore is below Simon."
"Me listening,' Oscir said, doing no such thing.
Fidokaro continued, despite Oscir's inattention. "Except for Akane,
everyone else acts the same way they do in Ranma1/2. Akane however is
another matter. Imagine your first crush, no matter who it was and then
get told you are going to marry them. This is what Akane is feeling.
Ranma is Akane's second big crush (Tofu being the first) so she will be
exceptionally sweet to him to the point where Ranma could take
advantage if he wanted too."
"Let's see some bits from after, okay?" Oscir said, standing near
the exit and thus barring Fidokaro from fleeing, unless he wanted to
get close to Oscir, and no sane or even insane being would ever want to
do that.
FUTURE CHAPTERS
1. Ranma is reunited with his father
Genma: SON!
Genma runs over and hugs Ranma, who is confused.
Genma: At last I found you! Now get your things. We have to leave
soon....
Ranma: Do I know you?
Genma looks shocked.
Genma: It's me boy... your father.
Ranma(sarcastically): Funny, you don't look like a chipmunk.
Genma(disbelieving): You-- you're still under the influence of the
training.
Ranma: Training?
Genma ignores his question.
Genma: FOR THE SAKE OF 'THE ART' I MUST SAVE YOU FROM THE TRAINING'S
SIDE EFFECTS!!
At the mention of 'the art', Ranma remembers where he saw this guy
before and he isn't happy.
Ranma: HEY! I remember who you are! You tried to keep me and all my
brothers in that dark....
(THUMP!)
Genma hits Ranma with a mallet. Ranma falls unconscious. Genma then
picks him up and runs towards the docks.
Genma: It is for 'the art'!
Just as he says it two people walk out of a store and stare at him.
Man: Well...looks like the nuts are out early this season.
2. Ranma meets the Tendo's and has to pick a bride.
Soun: Which one of my daughters do you want as you wife?
Before anyone can say anything Akane lunges for Ranma.
Akane (screams): HE'S MINE!!!
Akane latches on to Ranma for dear life. Unfortunately, her hug closes
off Ranma's air supply. Soun and Genma begin to celebrate. Kasumi and
Nabiki are surprised but Nabiki almost instantly recovers. Akane is
still holding on to Ranma with a glazed, happy look on her face. While
Ranma is gradually turning blue from lack of oxygen.
Nabiki(deadpan): Well that's settled. Can I go now?
Kasumi: Sister? While I am overjoyed that you like your new fianc� so
much, I think you should let go of him now.
Akane (Upset but not letting go): But sis, Why?!
Kasumi: I don't think he can breathe.
Akane turns back to see Ranma with his eyes bugged out and a deep
bluish tint to his skin.
Akane: Oh.
Akane lets go. Ranma collapses to the ground and starts sucking in air.
Ranma: (Gasp).They...(wheeze) They're all.... (pant) insane!
3. Dave arrives
Dave the other chipmunks find Ranma. The end result is that Dave
would have to stay in Japan with Ranma until a proper ruling can be
handed down. Genma will have visitation rights and spend all the time
trying to influence him that he is the better father. I'm not sure
where to go from here.
Kodachi kidnapping him a la Misery with Simon and Theodore mounting a
desperate rescue attempt to save their brother from 'a fate worse than
death?'
Uncle Harry could show up and conspire with Genma (for a proper
fee) to get Ranma back.
Kodachi vs. Akane for the right to be Ranma's no. 1 fan?
And what about Julia? She would feel that them 'stealing' a copy of
the training procedure is a insult that can't go unpunished. What if
her, Ukyo and Ryoga ran into Ranma at the same time? For that matter,
what about Tatewaki Kuno? He is most definitely not going to like Ranma
being at the same school much less the fact that Akane will be telling
everyone that she is his fianc�e!
Of course there will be a Chinese tour in which everyone would have
to come along. It would be complete with cursed training grounds,
Amazons and other wild events.
Theodore could decide that Kasumi would be the perfect wife for
Dave (She can cook, and clean! She's pretty and she can cook and do
laundry and cook! Did I mention that she can cook?). Of course Dr. tofu
is not going to like this one bit.
And Simon may try to set Dave up with Ms. Hinako at the same time.
(Dave, she is intelligent and she is beautiful... about half the time
anyway) Ranma on the other hand, well he would either be trying to
break up their attempts (Are you two kidding?!?) or trying to set up
Dave with a female martial artist he could learn from... maybe Cologne
if she is there!(WHAT?!?) :)
All three may attempt a little matchmaking.
Then there is the trial to see who is the legal parent for Ranma.
Kodachi would be attempting to influence the judge in Genma's favour
and
insuring he would stay in Nerima while Tatewaki Kuno may attempt to
influence the judge to side with Dave in the hope that he would Ranma
back to America and away from Japan (and Akane!). Add to the others
throwing their support for one or the other and you have a major mess!
And what would Nodoka's reaction be to the whole mess?
Nodoka: YOU LOST OUR SON!?!
Genma faints.
"As for the ending?" Fidokaro asks. "Well, Ryoga marries Akane,
after Ranma elopes with Nabiki. Kodachi and Tatewaki are both committed
into institutions. Ukyo and Kasumi both become saints and Genma is
killed by a rampaging water buffalo because I am this fanfic's god and
I can do what I want!!"
Nietzche taps Fidokaro on the shoulder. "You sure you want to say
that?"
Fidokaro looks at the existentialist personification and asks, "Why
not?"
"You may want to get out of here soon."
"Why's that?"
Nietzche leans in and whispers something into Fidokaro's ear.
Fidokaro looks at Nietzche, who just nods solemnly. Fidokaro runs off,
yelping and with his tail between his legs.
1/2 a God-- Omega
"What was that about?" Oscir asked.
"God's coming," Neitzche replied.
"Which one?"
"No, you misunderstand me, I said _God_ is coming. Don't you
remember my entry?"
"Oh dear."
"Quite."
"He'll never get by the asterisk barrier, which separates us from
the fics! Why should I worry?" Oscir found that thought extremely
comforting.
"Don't you remember what He said at the end? And Didn't you notice
something a little strange, as well?"
Oscir did not, in fact notice anything strange, nor did it remember
the entry, fantasising as it was about its winning entry. However,
Nietzche did not seem the type to play mindgames, and so Oscir was
getting a little unsettled.
"This don't look too good," Oscir said, worriedly. "Where'd he
go? What'd he mean by putting a stop to this?"
Nietzche just grinned and pointed behind Oscir. Oscir looked.
"Right here," the big 'G' God said, standing where Nietzche was
pointing.
"Impossible! How did you get here! No one should be able to
break through the asterisk barrier!" Oscir cried out, afraid.
"I'm going to put a stop to this. Meddling with the affairs of
humans, pissing around with timelines with this really smug
attitude and generally making yourselves feel big." God cracked His
knuckles, which echoed throughout the dimension like a thunderclap.
"You just made a real big mistake, kitty." God smiled. So did
Nietzche, as God went Old Testament style on the hermaphroditic
feline being claiming divinity.
"I don't know why you're grinning," the Supreme Being who,
short moments ago was called Ranma, said. "You're next, after all."
Nietzche slowly backed away and tried to stall for time. "Er...
why? Let's be reasonable here. It was my change which allowed all
this and--" he was cut off by RNM.
"Let's put it this way: if I don't exist, then this won't
really hurt, will it?" the Lord said, smiling.
Nietzche really wasn't able to formulate an effective reply
after that.
"There, now that I'm done with that...." The Supreme Being was
momentarily distracted by the pool in which Oscir caused the
changes. "Hmmm. You know, I really hated when.... Oh, just this
once. What if this happened to Ranm--" there was a popping sound as
God made a change, which altered the timeline and Ranma never fell
into the Spring of drowned God. Of course, that meant that He never
became God and so never broke the aserisk barrier and none of this
actually happened.
Matthew Lewis is:
Matt on IRC
Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
maybeso@ican.net
a casualty of causality
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Reality and I have this arrangement, see?
I ignore it, and it ignores me. we're quite happy
with the way it works, really.
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