Subject: [FFML] Review Mar 25 1999
From: David Johnston
Date: 3/26/1999, 6:00 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Just a few thoughts.

Title:  	Elsewhere Part 1
Author:  	R. Alexander Spoerer <iczer2@generalagents.com>
Date:   	Thu, 25 Mar 1999 00:49:34 -0500
Series:  	Evangelion

Description:       The Children have each mysteriously come down with 
a case of amnesia and have been fitted up with new backgrounds, 
including a recently deceased family for Shinji and Rei, and an intact
family for Asuka who have agreed to take the orphaned brother and sister
in.  It isn't certain, but seems likely that the backgrounds are fake 
and this is more SEELE scheming.  The moment Shinji sees Asuka, he has
the hots for her, giving a sort of Evangelion meets Marmalade Boy feel.

Comments:  The author has some lovely descriptive prose and nice 
characterisation, although all three characters have been altered in the 
direction of sanity, amnesia aside.  Plot can't be evaluated at this 
point, except to say that there seems to be one, so that's good.  

On the technical side there are some problems.  Although reformatted,
the format is still sloppy and uneven, but readable.  It would probably
look better on a website.  The author knows how to use a spellchecker,
which is good, but several spelling errors which can't be caught by one
slip through.  

Let's save a little time.

Subject: 
        [FFML][FIC][YUA] Miyuki...==> Car Chase Chaos 
  Date: 
        Thu, 25 Mar 1999 01:22:21 -0500 
  From: 
        J Chu <chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu>

Description:  Seems to be a version of the hurricane episode in which
things didn't go as well for the good guys and there was no cat.  A 
maniac is endangering lives with his car, having already run down 
Miyuki.  

Comments:  At least this title isn't as bad as the last one.  Personally
I'd suggest "Hot Pursuit".  Be the first YUA fic to take the obvious 
choice.  It's nice to see someone exploring uncommon territory, and it's
not badly done.  There's not much plot, but then plot wasn't a big 
strength of the YUA episode I'm familiar with.  Chase the bad guy until 
you catch him, and deal with any side issues and consequences; but it 
was a well described car chase.  Nice little twist at the end.  Minor 
formatting and spelling errors.  

Subject: 
        [FFML][kodacha][Fic in progress]Need some inspiration... 
  Date: 
        Thu, 25 Mar 1999 00:20:30 -0500 
  From: 
        J Chu <chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu>

Description:  A brief and incomprehensible sample from a fic based on
a series I've never heard of.  

Comments:  No help from this quarter.  Sorry.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [fanfic][logh-tr crossover]Come and Discover - Prologue 
and
        Chapter 1 
  Date: 
        Wed, 24 Mar 1999 19:29:40 -0600 
  From: 
        "Califf, Jennifer" <jcaliff@nsai-petro.com>

Description:  A ship full of less than heroic deserters from Legend of 
Galactic Heros stumble across the world of Teddy Ruxpin.  Hokas anyone?

Comments:  So far, just exposition.  Author assumes the reader will
know what an Octopede or Illiop looks like, and that is probably a 
mistake.  She misspelled "fuel" but there aren't any other technical
errors that I noticed.  She has let us know what the personalities of 
the characters are like, so that's good.  Although this crossover is
somewhat wacky it shows potential, and it's the first fanfic for LOGH
that I've ever heard of.  (It's also the first Teddy Ruxpin fanfic, I've
ever heard of...but...) 

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fic][SM]The Tables Have Turned 2 
  Date: 
        Wed, 24 Mar 1999 17:00:04 -0800 (PST) 
  From: 
        Karlee Paige <queen_morgana@yahoo.com>

Description:  Darien seems to have a drinking problem, but I didn't
read it very closely.

Comments:  The reason I didn't read it very closely is because of it's
excessive line length.  It is very difficult for me to read anything 
where every line is a separate paragraph.  Also paragraphs should be
separated by a blank line by preference in this medium.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [fanfic] [R 1/2] An Unusual Engagement: Chapter 1--sec 
1/2 
  Date: 
        Wed, 24 Mar 1999 13:50:20 PST 
  From: 
        "Andrew Carey" <ap_carey3@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  Alternate universe in which Ranma shows up three years
later, Kasumi is channeling Doctor Dolittle and is way less picky about
her men...and her women, Ranma is engaged to Ukyou with Nodoka's full 
encouragement, Mrs Tendo is alive...  A scattershot of alterations all 
over the map.  Kasumi is going to try to marry both Ranma and Ukyou but
first she's going to have to overcome Ranma's fear of sex.

Comments:  Generally speaking I prefer alternate histories where one 
change has significant consequences rather than this barrage of 
apparently unrelated deviations.  Apart from that we've got a very 
lemony set-up with no actual lemon as yet.  This one probably needs to
go lemon.  The characterisation isn't particularly deep or plausible,
there isn't anything funny happening (apart from those who go into 
hysterics at the mere thought of Kasumi trying to lure the Kunos into a 
threesome), and the prospects for action are there, but don't appear to 
be pronounced.  Kasumi's animal telepathy power is very well described
and evocative, probably the best thing in here.