---P-R-P-Chan <prpchan@colba.net> wrote:
At 08:21 PM 3/5/99 -0800, you wrote:
HI,
Interesting and well done as usual. Nice dialog and description.
However there doesn't seem much room for conflict or development.
Powerful/unbeatable martial artist. . . Death and destruction. But
why
conflict man vs himself i think this would be.. and there's a lot
that can be
done here.. as they attempt to help Ranma lead a normal life..
does anybody care??? So far Ranma is not a likeable character.
not all characters are likeable.. and can u really say that Ranma is a
likeable character? he's an arrogant prick for the most part..
##perhaps I should have said sympathetic. In that the character has to
be done in such a way that the READER feels motivated to care about
the character and what is happening to him/her. This is just my
opinion of the story. Other people reading this may have found the
characters, as written, very engaging.
Extremely dangerous. You might be able to build on past associations
between Soun/Genma but that is going to take a great deal of
development. (Convince Soun to keep a homicidal maniac AND a gaijin
woman in his house AND his 'old friend' with his three
daughters???) I
this is Soun.. all he has to do is cure Ranma of his homicidal
tendencies
and the Dojo will be secure!!!
##ALL!!! Ranma has just tried to kill his baby daughter, HAS broken
her arm badly AND almost killed him in passing. My point is that under
THESE circumstances the motivation should be clearer.
feel there needs to be some way to CONNECT Ranma with someone or
something else. And what is the Amazon's motivation for helping? This
is not clear to me on first reading. Nor is it going to be easy to
develop any sympathy for Ranma as a character. I like the idea and I
look forward to seeing more. I do NOT envy you. This looks like an
extremely difficult story to develop and finish.
what's Shampoo's motivation? why very easy.. if she can find a cure
for
it.. then the Amazons will know it.. and since they obviously are
scared of
what the berserker state can do.. why not try to cure all of them?
##Good point. However,(again IMO) this point still needs more
development. What Amazon ethic is involved? As opposed to their 'Kiss
of Death' for outsiders defeating them in a contest or eating food
prize; Why try such a dangerous option of attempting to 'cure' rather
than simply 'kill'. If 'curing' is a SAFER option this needs to be
clarified.
besides.. if a cure works.. Shampoo might just get herself a
husband...
##There are cases of women marrying convicted killers while they are
in jail. And of course some women marry the men who abuse them etc.
However most of them seem to have some mental problem. I'm not sure
this fits into Amazon thinking (as I understand it. ^_^) Again this
needs more development. I think that Shampoo thinking of Ranma as a
husband at this point is just a bit early. After all SHE was the only
one with enough sense to get out of the way when things started to get
ugly. This, IMO, does not seem like the start of an ideal courtship.
IMO Amazons are looking for strong men to improve the tribe . . .not
homicidal maniacs. (At this point Ranma might be useful if they kept
him in a box marked: In case of attack, break glass, point toward
enemy . . .run like hell. ^_^)
P-R-P-Chan
"Nihao Ranma! Shampoo come sit on face?"
The Ranma !/2 Fanfiction Archive
http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/index.htm
P-R-P-Chan's Pathetic Little Place
http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm
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