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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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********
=> I'm warning you at this point in time that the fic STILL has a
*really cheesy ending*.
=> Also, the plot (actually the ending) is not really my original idea.
I would like to thank my contributor (who still desires to remain
nameless) for coming up with the cheesy ending that started the wheels
turning in my mind to come up with a story to match. May she (and all
those other nameless people) find our own cheesy ending sometime in the
foreseeable future.
=> Some notes on notation. Things in {curly braces} are author's
comments within the fic. Signs and sound effects are in... uh...
<pointy braces>
=> The disclaimer is at the end, and the more people I would like to
thank.
=>In addition, I would like to thank the late great Issac Asimov who made
up the psychohistory bit in the prologue. His ghost has been bugging me
all this time and I want it to stop without calling the Ghostbusters.
They charge a pretty penny.
=>And so... On with the story.
********
Prologue
Hiroshi and Daisuke stepped out of the warp zone in two flicks of
a dime. They dashed to the nearest window and bid farewell to one of
the nicest dinners they have had in a long time. It took a few minutes
of barfing and doing a lot of awful hacking sounds with their throats
before they managed to gain a semblance of sanity in their stomachs.
Daisuke was the first to recover. "Good gosh, why the heck did you have
to install a twisted link like that to your site," Daisuke asked the
short-haired man behind the chair who watched them with unrepressed
glee. "What are you, some kind of weirdo who takes an insane pleasure
in making his guests barf?"
"Well, it does keep salespersons out," Mayhem replied, grinning.
"And, no, I don't have an insane pleasure in making people barf.
However, the guy you passed by on the way here, Switch, you know, the
guy who looks like Gosunkugi? Well, he's the one who has the insane
pleasure of making people barf. Be careful around his site. He eats
those who stay too long in his room." He gave his swivel chair a whirl.
"So, what's up?" he asked nonchalantly.
It was Hiroshi who spoke. "Well, the sky for one thing," but he
did look out the window. "Why did we come there again, Daisuke?"
"How the heck could you forget, Hiroshi!" Daisuke strangled the
other. He fainted. Seeing there was no one else to talk to, he spoke
to the other seemingly sane person in the room. "Could you help us?
We're looking for a place to crash for a while. Everything's gone to
hell back at home, today being Valentine's day and all..." He shuddered
at the memory. "Everyone's mad, I tell you, mad!"
Immediately, Mayhem came to his aid. "So everything's getting
wrecked back there, huh? Just as I expected." He slid the swivel over
to the other side of the room, which was taken over by an extremely
large and sophisticated computer system. State of the art was one word,
monstrous was another. He removed the "I fell out of a truck sign" and
began typing on a few keys. Seconds later, a complex mathematical
pattern appeared on the screen, complemented with graphs and squiggly
stuff.
Daisuke, having a passion for things that looked like they came
out of a Star Trek movie, looked over Mayhem's shoulder. "What's that?"
he asked, for that was all he could say, if he could say anything at
all.
Mayhem, insistently finding ways to fuel his largely inflated ego,
began to speak in a strange language that Daisuke had difficulty
understanding. "Well, this here is a mathematical representation of the
Ranma universe. I've managed to reduce to mathematical equations the
characteristics of each of the cast. The way they interact is
determined by a set of rules that is defined by the mathematical science
of psychohistory. Theoretically, one should be able to project the
socio-economic situation of the Ranma universe into the past or into the
future. But, all I have now is a semi-working model of Nerima. In
other words, this here is a fanfic generator, that is, given a certain
input event, this program could simulate what would happen to each of
the characters, how they would react and interact with one another.
Maybe someday, we can find the point in time where all of the characters
would settle down and reach a state of equilibrium, but this model still
does not take into account random events such as monsters and stuff like
that. I..." He looked at Daisuke, whose eyes were already spinning.
"Oh... Sorry 'bout that."
It took a few cups of ice tea to revive the fallen duo. After a
few minutes, Daisuke was once again looking at the computer screen and
Hiroshi was looking at the posters of Sailor Mercury that adorned
Mayhem's room. Mayhem skipped over the description of the process,
vowing to someday explain it in more simple terms. "Well, here's a
graph of a typical situation in Nerima. That is, the situation at the
start of each episode or chapter in the manga."
Daisuke stammered out a retort, "surely that can't be the *entire*
model, right? I mean, you can't really graph what a person feels."
"No... This is just an simplified version. If needed, I can
increase the character resolution, but the statistics that it would show
would more than fill this small screen. Watch as I input the date to be
Valentine's day." He pressed a few keys and the flashing lights and the
squiggly lines the computer displayed went haywire, much like a
caterpillar having a seizure. After a while, a DON'T PANIC sign
flashed. "I guess no explanation is necessary."
Daisuke tried to stop the headache he was feeling right now.
"Well, all you did was explain the situation in... uh... terms a lot
harder to understand." He thought for a while. An idea hit him like a
ton of bricks. "Well, how the heck can we stop the carnage? You did
say that you could simulate what can happen, right. There could be a
way, a certain input event that could make it all stop, now. You could
find it, right?"
"Well, to tell you the truth..." He typed a few keys.
Immediately, all the flashing lights disappeared and the DON'T PANIC
sign was replaced with a glowing white sign. "EQUILIBRIUM REACHED!"
the computer declared, and added a trumpeting victory sound.
"Wow! You mean Ranma and Akane got married..." Hiroshi appeared
somewhere behind all of them.
"Nice observation, Sherlock," Daisuke sarcastically said.
"Well, he's wrong," Mayhem swiveled his chair. He had this
serious look in his face. "It wasn't just Akane and Ranma who got
married - everyone else got married. What you see before you is the
fastest way to a settlement of all the characters in the shortest amount
of time. One single event that would end all the speculation and
generate a near-happy ever after, and end the entire Ranma series,
without any of the major characters getting killed, all in one day. The
problem is, it's a pretty cheesy ending."
"Wow... That's pretty cool," Hiroshi said in a small voice in the
sudden quiet that descended the room. "Can you tell us what this..." he
looked at Daisuke for help, unfortunately, he was looking somewhere else
"... thing is?"
"Actually, it's a particular person," Mayhem clicked the mouse on
the execute button.
8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F
Twenty Less Lonely People in the World
<otherwise known as Mayhem's Valentine Fic with the Cheesy Ending>
By the currently sessile (not senile) Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo
8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F
{
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at Mayhem with disbelieving eyes.
"I SAID SESSILE! NOT SENILE!"
*BONK*
}
Chapter One
Rude Awakenings
Ranma ran through the deserted streets of Nerima, with the scourge
of hell following him in waves of pain and anger. He was afraid. He
knew he couldn't win. He hated it. He hated running away. He knew
that he should fight, and that he could defeat it, just like everyone he
had faced before, but all he wanted was to run away. Just run away. "I
can't look..." He cried out for help, but his scream died in his
throat.
The monster at his heels laughed horribly, sending its tentaculous
arms throughout the entire world, turning everything it touched into
nothingness.
Foolishly, Ranma bumped into the last brick wall in the universe.
There was nothing left, Nothing was left in the void that used to
be the universe, except for Ranma, the monster, and the brick wall.
He turned around, there was nothing left to do. He looked the
monster straight in the eye.
It said, "Goodbye, Ranma," in a voice that was both familiar and
strange.
And he shattered into a thousand pieces.
Akane never had nightmares. Unlike Ranma, who once every often
woke up screaming. Maybe it's a psychological effect of his early
separation from his mother, his fears manifesting and repeating
themselves at the subconscious level. Or, maybe, it's a dumb stroke of
bad luck.
Well, Akane's dreams were never that scary. Of course, she did
have nightmares, once in a while, but they was never so dark that she
would wake up screaming in the middle of the night and be unable to
sleep.
But this time, it was weird.
She found herself confronting a cup of instant ramen claiming to
be her inner self. Of course she was angry, who wouldn't be if you
found out that your inner self looked like such.
It said to her in a strange way, "you carry your anger around as
your shield. Stop, or it will happen again."
What followed was a pang of sadness and guilt that she had never
felt for a long time.
She called out to it, asking what the heck was going on.
It screamed back at her, loud.
She woke up with the ringing still in her ears.
Because it wasn't a dream, the Styrofoam cup was still screaming.
No... it was actually Ranma, screaming his lungs out in the other
room.
"Trust Ranma to ruin everything," she hrrumphed, tossing in bed.
A loud bloodcurdling scream shattered the early morning
tranquility of the Tendo Dojo.
Lots of things happened at the same time.
To ease the description of the scene, it could be said that the
same sequence of events that took place was similar to that shown at the
start of the Cookbook episode (OAV 2). That is, everyone fell to the
floor in surprise (except for Nabiki, who, by definition, is never
surprised, and Kasumi, who gets surprised but doesn't show it), and ran
up the stairs. History did have this thing for repeating itself.
Of course, they were a bit different this time. First of all, the
mob that made its way up the stairs was fairly puzzled when they saw
Akane step out of her room, not being the person who was, in actuality,
screaming.
The second thing that made this scene different was made apparent
by the composition of the said mob.
And that made a helluva difference.
The sliding door was kicked in, and Miss Hinako was the first
person to enter the room. Taking out a fifty-yen coin, she blasted the
would-be screaming delinquent in the room.
But the problem with Miss Hinako's battle-aura-draining power was
that it only acted in a direct line of sight with the coin. If a person
were to hide behind somebody else, that person wouldn't be drained of
his battle aura.
And now, in the Saotome room, a large panda effectively blocked
whatever attack she dished out with his comparatively large volume.
Poor Genma, who was sleeping at the time, found his energy being drained
from him, and his fat furry body shrunk much like raisins exposed to the
sun.
(Of course, that analogy would be much more appreciated, given the
fact that Miss Hinako did look like the sun, 'cause she was wearing that
skin-tight one-piece yellow miniskirt and did make people, actually the
men, sweat profusely.)
Soun Tendo was the next person to see exactly what was going on.
What caught his attention was the battle-drained panda, drifting in the
wind. Of course, this was Soun's first first-hand experience dealing
with energy-deficient person, besides the time a few months back when
the skies over Nerima were filled with hundreds of shrunken, energy-
drained bodies floating in the wind. There were lots of scared people
that afternoon, and Soun was one of them.
He held on to Genma-panda for dear life. "OH, SAOTOME! WHAT
TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU!" He wailed, flooding the room with tears.
"WHY HAVE YOU BECOME SO THIN?!?" The panda began to drift in the small
breeze that blew through the room. "Oh no! His spirit is leaving us!
Somebody, do something!"
The first thing that Akane did when she entered the room was to
run over to Ranma's side. He was in his girl form and was cowering in
one corner of the room, trying to ward off evil spirits with his... her
hands. She shook her awake. "Ranma! Snap out of it!" she said,
slapping him. "It's just a bad dream! Come on, wake up!"
"Uh... Akane..." Ranma stared at her bleary eyed. "I thought
that you..." she stammered out, still half-asleep.
"Uh... What Ranma?" Akane grew this little red line across the
bridge of her nose at the way Ranma was staring at her, with such want
in her eyes... She shook it off. "Ranma," she hissed, "there are
people watching."
Ranma was about to say (or do) something that would have ended the
entire series then and there when Nabiki chose to enter the discussion.
"Ranma," she said in the caring way we all know and love, "I can't
believe you would be scared of a little brat."
"Little brat?" the two of them echoed, and they stared somewhere
behind them.
Kasumi was holding a little boy around the age of six who held a
small squirt gun in his hand. "Hello," the boy shyly said, "my name is
Junior... What's yours?" he asked in a small-child charming way.
"Junior?!?" Akane and Ranma echoed, with a startling thought that
pierced through them like an arrow. They stared at the person who would
have most likely had an explanation.
Genma-panda took out a small sign. <Food will heal me.>
{
"Hey! You mean a kid is going to solve everything?" Daisuke asked
disbelievingly.
"And... his... he..." Hiroshi followed through.
"Watch and learn..."
}
Chapter Two
Letting go of the past
"Yes... The Tendo Dojo will be taking care of Junior," Soun said
to the gathered group around the low-slung table in the dining room.
The little boy and Genma-panda were playing at the far corner of the
room. Ranma, Akane, Kasumi and Nabiki were at their usual places at the
table.
Soun continued, "this little boy was left by his father---"
Ranma ran over to where Genma-panda was playing with the little
kid after Soun's declaration. He grabbed Genma by the scruff of his
neck. "ALRIGHT, POP! ANSWER ME! IS ALL OF THIS YOUR FAULT?!?" <Hey!
I didn't do anything wrong!>
Akane grabbed Ranma. She glowed an angry blue. "Well... Since he
can't be a new fianc�e (unless Mr. Saotome was *really* desperate for a
meal at the time)..." She glared at them with an evil eye. "IS THIS
YOUR SON, RANMA?!"
Ranma began to stammer. "Hey! It's not my fault!"
"You're being defensive. So he *is* your son then!"
The three began arguing.
It became even worse when the kid decided to take part in the
growing heap of anger at the center of the room. When no one was
looking, he tackled Genma, tickling him. In the m�l�e of furry arms and
legs and falling bodies and crashing plates, something happened that
only Kasumi saw, and she smiled.
After a few minutes of screaming and shouting and nobody-knowing-
exactly-what-was-going-on, Miss Hinako chose it proper to drain everyone
in the room (that is, the men) to restore order and discipline, in the
Ninomiya way.
Since Soun was drained, Miss Hinako spoke for him. "First of all,
I would like to say that Mr. Saotome here," she meant the two Saotomes
as they lay down on the floor, "has had nothing to do with the case of
this child." She tweaked his ear a little bit. "This little boy was
found lost at the train station this morning, calling for his father.
Most probably, he had been separated from him in the early morning rush.
The Nerima town council has moved to help the plight of this child. The
police had been contacted and they are searching throughout the entirety
of Tokyo trying to find the missing father. Your father, being the Town
Council chairman, was elected to take care of the child until his father
is found."
"You mean, the town council wants *us* to take care of the child?"
Nabiki asked inquisitively. She took a deep breath before she began the
cross-examination. "Isn't it strange that the Town council would want
to ask a *martial arts* family to take care of a small brat? I mean,
they could have had some other family to baby-sit, like the Addams
family (a classic horror type family) or the Partridge family (an
extinct 1970's band type family) or maybe even the Huxtable family in
the Bill Cosby show (a wholesome comedy family)." She glared at Miss
Hinako. "There *is* something wrong with this kid." It was a
statement, not a question.
Miss Hinako was unfazed. "Yes, there is. As you did see awhile
ago, the kid's a bit mischievous, and could cause a lot of damage if not
properly taken care off."
"So you're going to dump the brat here, just like that?"
"Miss Tendo, I assure you: the town council is doing the best
that they can. For that matter..." Miss Hinako paused as if trying to
think something over, "... I would be staying here for awhile to help in
disciplining the child."
Soun weakly rose from the floor. Miss Hinako helped him to sit,
not looking into his eyes. Akane felt something strange pass by that
wasn't there a while ago, but it was gone.
Soun said, "before we are interrupted again, I would dare suggest
that Ranma and Akane be the ones to take care of the child."
This was met by a loud groan from the floor and a loud protest
somewhere to Mr. Tendo's right.
"DAD!" Akane said, "You mean you want me and Ranma to take care
of him?!?"
Kasumi smiled. "Father, that's so clever. That way, they can
prepare for the time that they will have kids of their own."
Soun had already regained his strength. "Since, someday, you two
would be married and will have your own children, it would only be best
if you started taking care of children, even now. Please, I leave him
to you two. It is your duty as martial artists and as heirs of the
Anything-Goes School." Little rivers began to flow from Soun's eyes.
"Take him around town; maybe somebody will recognize him and he will
finally be reunited with his family. Please, think of the poor father
who most probably is worried sick now."
Nabiki said, "what father means to say is that, to avoid any
further damage to the house, you better take him out for a walk... Isn't
that right, daddy."
"But, dad," Akane said, "I have a date today, with all my friends.
We've planning it for a week. I can't go ahead and just cancel it."
"But you can take Junior here with you, and Ranma. It would be
like you're one big happy family."
Akane sighed, nodding. "This isn't a date, Ranma. You better not
forget it."
"Like I would *want* to be seen in public with an uncute tomboy
like you and a very naughty kid like him."
Akane replied by unceremoniously dumping the dining table on his
head.
Nabiki said, "Don't think of it as marriage training, Akane.
Think of it as babysitting." She rose up to leave. "Excuse me, but
I've got a few calls to make." Akane walked out with her.
Junior poked Ranma in the head. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine, go away."
"Okay, then!" he responded by spraying him with water from the
squirt gun.
{
Hiroshi interrupted the narration rudely. He asked, "how come Miss
Hinako only drains men? Don't you remember, Daisuke, when she came to
Furinkan, she drained only the guys. I call that sexual discrimination.
If she should drain us guys, she should drain girls, too."
Mayhem replied, "Well, she did drain most of Ranma's other fianc�es in
the manga. But do take note: the only other females in the scene were
the three Tendo daughters. Now, we wouldn't want to drain Kasumi, would
we? Nabiki could retaliate in ways that Miss Hinako can't
counterattack, even with her power, and Akane's... not the kind of
person who would be drained."
It was Daisuke who had the best answer. "Well... aren't Soun, Ranma
and Genma the major causes of trouble in the Tendo Dojo, aside from
Happosai?"
They left it at that.
}
Chapter Three
The streets of Nerima
"I can't believe we're taking this little kid around town instead
of doing my martial arts," Ranma complained as he walked on the fence.
Akane trailed on the street below, holding the little boy's hand.
"Do you always think of yourself, Ranma?" Akane asked
sarcastically. "Just like your father."
"Hey! I'm not like my pop!" he replied angrily.
Akane began ticking off her fingers. "It's there, Ranma. What
about every night, at dinner, when you and your father compete for
what's left of the food."
"He's a lot more a pig than me," Ranma argued weakly. "At least I
don't hide as a panda whenever things go bad."
"That's because you change into a girl. Like whenever Auntie
Saotome comes by?"
"At least..." Ranma came up blank with a reason. "At least I'm a
better martial artist than he is..." he reasoned desperately.
Akane laughed. "Like *that* matters..."
They walked a few minutes in silence.
"Fine," Ranma jumped down from the fence. He crouched down to the
kid's eye level. "Do you want a piggy back ride?" he asked the little
kid.
A few minutes later, Ranma was walking along the fence with the
little boy on his shoulders. "I'm not doing this for you, you know,"
Ranma retorted. "Jerk," Akane thought, "and here I was, about to thank
him."
They walked together for a while in silence.
"All right, I'm sorry," Akane broke the impasse. "I shouldn't
have joked about you and your father."
"And I'm sorry about not helping you take care of Junior. I mean,
he is our responsibility," Ranma replied, looking straight ahead.
"Yeah, what a stupid idea to use him as bridal training."
A cool breeze blew though the morning sky, tossing a few curls of
hair here and there and moved a few fluffy clouds.
Ranma jumped down the fence.
They walked side by side the rest of the way.
Ukyo was in the middle of her usual morning jog when she saw
something really unusual.
It was Ranma carrying a small kid on his shoulders walking side by
side with Akane.
She resolved to follow them quietly for a few blocks.
"Where do we go now, Akane?" she heard Ranma ask.
"Well, why don't we ask Junior over here," Akane said, tickling
the little boy.
"JUNIOR?!?" Ukyo screamed in her mind. "Is that Ranma and
Akane's..." She shook that thought off. "Come on, Ukyo, that couldn't
be Ranma's son. I mean, it couldn't be Akane's son. It's impossible."
But there was this nagging feeling. Maybe the kid was adopted or
something. She needed to find out.
She marched off in their direction.
Ranma waved to her. "Why, hello, Ucchan! Nice to see you again,"
he said.
Akane couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy. "Why
hello, Ukyo," Akane said with an even voice.
Ukyo said in an adoring voice, "well... Who is this little man you
have here," she said. She was met by a gentle splash of water from the
squirt gun, which she accepted playfully. A regular sized puddle of
water formed on the sidewalk. "I see you have a squirt gun."
"Yes!" The little boy looked at it as if it was a trophy. "My
father gave it to me..."
"Oh... Your father gave it to you..." Ukyo said in this weird
voice. "And what is your father's name?" she asked.
Ranma, in a rare flash of insight, "Ah... Ukyo..." He looked for
a good way to phrase it. "He's not related to me, at least
genetically."
Ukyo gasped. "You don't mean that you're related legally---"
"YES! NO! I mean... we're... uh..."
Akane butted in before Ranma could make an even bigger fool out of
himself. "We're just babysitting." She smiled a winning smile, the way
Kasumi smiles to end any discussion. "The little kid got lost and we're
trying to find his father, right, Ranma," she elbowed him discreetly.
There was something in the way Akane said it that made Ukyo wary.
"I guess I better follow them just to make sure."
"So, where are you going, Ranma?" Ukyo asked.
The little kid blurted out. "We're going on a date!"
"I knew it," Ukyo thought.
An uncomfortable silence descended on the three of them (with the
kid too young to be stuck in uncomfortable silences). Akane silently
prayed that Ranma wouldn't open...
"Uh... Ukyo..." Ranma felt the need to break the silence. "Would
you like to come with us? The kid could be quite a handful," he
inwardly groaned.
"Sure, Ranma!" Ukyo replied quite joyously. "If you want, I'll
carry that kid for you," she reached out and tried to lift the kid off
Ranma's shoulders.
But Akane beat her to the punch. "I'm sorry, Ukyo, but this
little guy is coming with me. Come on, Junior, let's leave these two
slowpokes behind." They marched on ahead.
"Gah!" Ranma thought, "how uncute."
A few blocks behind them, a no left-turn sign began moving, then
it gained speed.
A few blocks ahead of them, two people were chasing each other.
Akane and Junior turned left at the corner.
What followed required two instant replays to be analyzed.
Ryoga, running like mad, away from something, screamed, "RANMA!
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!!!"
Behind him, wearing rollerblades, was the terror of all cutiees.
"CHARLOTTE!!!" Azusa Shiratori cried in that all-too-familiar excited
shriek.
And, on the other end of the street, Tsubasa Kurenai went on a
rampage, wearing a vending machine suit. "My dear, dear Ukyo!" he
called out to her in waves of pretty pink envelopes and soda cans.
Ranma, not really knowing what was going on, jumped into the air.
Ryoga jumped. "Ukyo! Watch out!" He crashed into Ukyo, the
force of the impact twisting them in mid-air.
Azusa and Tsubasa, running at high speeds, tried to stop. And, of
course, braking with rollerblades or wearing a vending machine was
pretty hard, especially if you aren't that good a martial artist. They
cracked their noggins on each other and fell instantly unconscious.
It was a general rule that if two people of the opposite sex were
to fall at the same time, they would land in a very compromising
situation.
We have here four (even if Tsubasa dressed otherwise).
Tsubasa fell on Azusa, who fell on Ukyo, who fell on Ryoga, who
fell on a regular-sized puddle in the ground.
Ranma landed a safe distance away. "Ukyo? Are you okay?" he
asked the large pile of humanity on the street.
"Ryoga?" Akane and Junior reappeared. There was no Ryoga, all
Akane saw was Ranma helping up Ukyo carrying a small black pig to her
feet. "P-Chan! What are you doing here?" She ran over and hugged the
pig, which didn't really help him to regain consciousness.
Ukyo shook the dust off her clothes. "How the heck did this
happen?" she asked, eyeing the pig and eyeing the two sub-normal people
still in a heap on the street.
Akane let go of the pig and gave it to Junior. She came over to
the two of them. "Wasn't that Azusa and Tsubasa over there?" she
asked.
Ranma grabbed her arm. "Come on, I'm not going to wait and find
out." The four of them walked a good distance away before they spoke
again. "Well, that was a weird thing."
Ukyo echoed his sentiments. "Yeah, but changing into a pig is
another," she glared at the small pig who was in Junior's arms. She
declared, "I have to go home and get for myself a change of clothes."
She picked up P-Chan by his bandanna. "And, me and a certain someone
have to one-on-one talk..." P-Chan squeaked terrifiedly.
Akane protested, "Ukyo, where are you going with my P-Chan?"
Ukyo was about to retort when she saw Ranma shake his head
vigorously. "So Akane doesn't know..."
"Come on, Akane," Ranma said. "You can't take care of the pig and
Junior at the same time. One of them is quite a handful already. I'm
sure Ukyo would be glad to take good care of P-Chan for a while, won't
you, Ucchan?" Akane couldn't help but agree to Ranma's assertion.
"See you at the park in the afternoon!" Ukyo waved goodbye.
Akane felt pretty angry, "why did you let her go with P-Chan?
Won't she use him to get back at me?"
"I think P-Chan is going to be in good hands," Ranma reassured
cryptically.
{
"Hey... This is getting to be a bit cheesy."
"'ya ain't seen nothing yet..."
}
Chapter Four
A walk in the park
Junior was in the playground, generally enjoying himself. Ranma
and Akane sat quietly on a nearby park bench, also enjoying themselves
but not making the said enjoyment apparent to the significant other.
It was already late in the morning. It would have become a bit
unbearably hot, if not for the fluffy clouds that blew across the sun
once in a while. A cool breeze blew throughout the playground, singing
through the trees.
Ranma felt this strange fuzzy feeling, but did not really
acknowledge Akane to be its cause, blaming it instead on the weather.
He gazed at her once in a while, enjoying the way the breeze blew
through her hair. How come he felt this strange closeness to her all of
a sudden? Must have been that weird dream, he thought.
There was something in the air that made Akane feel slightly
lightheaded. Is it the wind, or the sunny sky? Or is it really... She
smiled softly.
There was this soft sighing sound that was rampant in the air. An
air of contentment and ease. Akane sneaked a peek at Ranma's face and
found him gazing slightly at her with a smile on his face. She gulped
and allowed herself to look fully on his face. She took on a slightly
questioning look on her face, and hoped that Ranma wouldn't say
something stupid.
Ranma looked into Akane's eyes. He knew moments like these were
rare and decided not to do anything at all. There was nothing needed to
be done. He just looked at her and smiled a pure and simple smile.
The comfortable silence lasted a few minutes.
Akane felt an uncontrollable reddening crawling over her face.
She looked away, embarrassed. Ranma looked away at almost the same
time. It was a moment lost.
"Ranma," Akane said, breaking the silence, "since we saw Azusa a
while ago, wouldn't Mikado be around here as well?"
"Maybe. Those two are always together, being the Golden Pair and
such..."
A startling thought came over Akane. "You don't think that
they're..."
Ranma almost barfed. "No way... You know how Mikado is, don't you
think that he would have done *something* to her, if he did seem
attracted to her? Face it. The guy would kiss anything that has lips,
that is, anything female that has lips."
At the word lips, Akane found herself staring at Ranma's lips as
they moved, imagining what it would feel like if they... She shook the
thought off. Ranma wouldn't really want to do something like that. How
many times has he had the chance to do that? Akane sighed. At least
Ranma has already kissed someone, she sadly thought.
"How come Akane feels so sad?" Ranma silently thought. This
time, it was another startling thought that came over Ranma. "Don't
tell me that she still has the hots for that molester guy..."
Before Ranma could consider the consequences of that concept, a
female voice broke over their musings. "Well, if it isn't everyone's
favorite couple. Fancy meeting you here!" Nabiki not-so-quite yelled.
"So you managed to dump the brat and go off on your own?"
"Nabiki!" Akane protested. "We weren't doing anything?"
"So you say..." Nabiki looked at her watch. "I have to meet Kuno
baby here today. Oh, there he is... See you guys around." She walked
away, but not without a parting shot. "And don't get any ideas on
starting a family of your own today!" She was rewarded by a bright red
blush from the two of them. "Just as I thought."
The blushing took a few minutes to die down. Then, more genetic
functions began to activate.
"Nabiki and Kuno?!?" Ranma and Akane found themselves exclaiming
at the same time. "This I got to see," Akane said, disappearing into
the bushes. Ranma, being also the son of his father, followed closely
after her.
And Junior, out of curiosity over what was going on, followed them
into the trees.
From the cover of the trees, Ranma and Akane watched the quick
exchange of bills and goods between Kuno and Nabiki. "Why am I not
surprised," Ranma found himself saying, in a slightly loud voice. Of
course, that blew their cover.
"Ranma Saotome! You dare attempt an ambush on the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High! Surely you are a Saotome to do such. For only true and
honorable warriors would attack in the open, like I, Tatewaki Kuno." He
saw who Ranma was with. "Ah! It is Akane Tendo! No doubt the cretin
Ranma has forced you into the cover of the woods for which to do gain
his lustful ends. Do not fear, for I shall smite the cursed monster
back to the hellfire from which he had been spawned, and your love for
me shall truly shine once more."
"Can it, Kuno!" Ranma menacingly approached Nabiki. "Tell me,
have you been selling pictures of me again?" To which Nabiki replied,
"You tell me, Ranma. Don't you know eavesdropping is a criminal offence
and you can be persecuted to the full force of the law? And, for that
matter, don't you know parental negligence is also a crime?"
"Parental negligence?" Ranma, Kuno and Akane echoed.
"Yes. My dear Ranma, where is *Junior*?" She said, emphasizing
the little kid's name.
Which did produce the appropriate side effects.
"JUNIOR?!?" Kuno's jaw dropped all the way to the ground. He
gained control of himself and took a deep breath. "Ranma Saotome, how
dare you violate the pureness of the pig-tailed goddess and/or Akane
Tendo to produce your dark offspring! To touch their tender bodies and
crush them like one heartless as you would crush a tender flower.
Truly, you are a monster, to use them to further your dreams of world
conquest and create a race of semi-men with which you can control the
world! By these hands... BY THESE HANDS I HAVE, I SHALL SMITE THEE!"
He began a series of attacks. "DIE, SAOTOME!"
"Not again..." Ranma murmured as he avoided Kuno's clumsy blows.
"Junior!" Akane called out the little boy's name. "Honestly, I
can't keep my eyes off him for a minute. Nabiki, could you help me look
for him?"
"No need..." Nabiki pointed to where a small smiling face looked
on them from the bushes.
"Oh good..." Akane was about to relax when a high-pitched laugh
tore through the air.
The two combatants paused for awhile to head the call. "It is my
twisted sister," Kuno said. Ranma groaned, "at least things can't get
any worse..."
But they did. Ranma and the others felt the soft splash of cold
water from the squirt gun of the little kid.
Kodachi Kuno called out in her own loving way to her brother.
"Brother dear, what has come over you, brandishing your sword in front
of your pig-tailed goddess," she spat.
"Pig-tailed girl?" Kuno turned and found himself staring at his
red-headed goddess. "PIG-TAILED GIR--mmph."
A body flew in mid-air and crashed on top of Kuno. The sun shined
on the dashing man, dressed in a white suit and rollerblades, carrying a
bouquet of flowers. Mikado Sanzenin, the foremost member of the Golden
Pair of the Martial Arts Skating, presented himself in front of the two
women. "Akane Tendo and... I am not worthy to recall your name...
please accept this bouquet of flowers as a token of my appreciation of
your beauties. Please, feel free to thank me with just a simple
kiss..." He was met with two fists in the kisser.
"Why? Don't you want my kiss? Don't you know that today's---"
He was cut off by a vicious swipe of a bokken that ripped through his
designer tux.
Kuno rose from the ground, glowing a bitter, angry blue. "How
dare you parade yourself in front of my two goddesses and step on me!
Miscreant! Death is too kind for you!" He brandished his bokken.
"Prepare to face my legendary bokken!"
Mikado was not impressed. "Don't you know who I am?" He
introduced himself, nonetheless, "I am Mikado Sanzenin, the foremost
member of the only-once-defeated Golden Pair of Martial Arts Figure
Skating." The sun glinted off his teeth.
Kuno introduced himself, too. "I am the undefeated champion of
the Furinkan High School Kendo Club. The rising star of the fencing
world. My enemies shiver at the mere mention of my name. My peers call
me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. I am Tatewaki Kuno. No one dares
even talk to my goddesses without passing through me." Thunder cracked
somewhere in the background.
Ranma and Akane sighed in disbelief.
Yellow aura began to glow around Mikado. "These two are your
goddesses. Well, I can tell you that I have already kissed the two of
them."
"Fool! I have done the same thing even before your moronic
grandfather was born!" Kuno countered.
"WHAT?!?" two people screamed. Fists crashed into the faces of
two other people, burying them in the ground from the neck up.
Nabiki smirked. There was a good business proposition in the air.
"Now... now... calm down, the four of you. I think we can all talk
about this like civilized people." She took out a package of pictures
of the two most contested women in town from her pocket. "I have, in
front of you, pictures of Akane Tendo and Ra--- the pig-tailed girl."
She smiled sweetly. "Bidding starts at three thousand yen."
"I'll take it!" Mikado and Kuno exclaimed at the same time from
somewhere below the ground.
"Nabiki!" Ranma and Akane spoke suddenly and vehemently.
"No! I'll take him!" Kodachi said dreamily.
"Huh?!?" Bigsweats appeared on all their faces as Kodachi draped
herself all over Mikado. "Make me your own," she said, draping kisses
all over his face. Mikado gasped for air.
"Kodachi! Have you gone mad?" Kuno asked. "Oh yes, you already
are." He took out a fan with a red circle. "Very well, I give you
permission to date him."
Kodachi happily dragged the hapless Mikado.
"Hey! What about your beloved Ranma!" Ranma chose to protest,
much to Akane's resentment.
"Tell him I have found a more manlier man than him," Kodachi
laughingly yelled as the happy(?) couple leapt with a bound through the
town. "Help me, please!" Mikado desperately cried out. They
disappeared into the horizon.
"Well, that was weird," Akane said slowly. "Looks like Mikado
finally met his match."
"'ya don't say," Ranma replied.
Chapter Five
A Chinese Lunch
"How did you get so dirty?" Akane asked the little boy as they
walked in the direction of the nearest restaurant. Ucchan's was
strangely closed, even though it was already lunchtime. The Cat Cafe
was the second choice. Akane was doubtful of the wisdom in choosing
Shampoo's restaurant for their lunch destination. They would have to go
through the explanation again about not being related to the little kid
and that they were just babysitting, like they went through with Ukyo
and with Kuno. But it was no use arguing with two really hungry men.
"I was digging a hole in the park, you know, to trap tigers and
lions in the jungle," he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in
the world.
"Well, I'm sure you'll capture one before the end of the day,"
Ranma said reassuringly.
"Are you sure?" the kid asked with wonder in his eyes.
"Yeah. You know there are a lot of monsters here in Nerima.
Maybe you'll capture one."
"Then what are you going to do with the monster?" Akane found the
little kid's disposition contagious.
"I'm going to shoot them with this water gun," he said,
brandishing the water gun to shoot at some imaginary prey.
"Then what are you going to do?" Ranma couldn't help but ask.
"I'm going to sell the monster to a canning factory to turn it
into sardines."
Ranma's stomach did a somersault as he imagined the evil Orochi or
the evil oni or any of the more insane monsters he had fought eaten for
breakfast. "Yuck. I don't think people would like to eat monsters for
breakfast."
They arrived at the Cat Cafe laughing a little bit and their
stomachs grumbling a little bit. They slipped their way through the
noontime crowd and settled down to a vacant table.
Shampoo arrived to take their order. "Nihao! Welcome to Cat
Cafe, what your order?" She gazed at the three newcomers. "Oh! Ranma!
It you! You come marry Shampoo, yes?" She glomped onto his arm.
"Ah... Shampoo we came here to eat, not to throw up," Akane tried
to keep her voice even.
"YES! JUNIOR WANT TO EAT!"
Shampoo looked at the little kid with her eyes narrowed to slits.
She looked alternately between Ranma, Akane and Junior.
"Ah... eh..." Ranma stammered.
Once again there was a lot of kicking and screaming and people not
really knowing what was going on. Mousse was trying to hold back a very
angry Shampoo who, like the others, jumped once again to conclusions.
Ranma was trying to hold back a very angry Akane who suddenly became
very protective of the little kid. After a while, they directed their
attention to Ranma, who was always at fault no matter what. The
audience was startled by the sudden change in the atmosphere of the
restaurant, but they took it in stride, having a penchant for mindless
and really painful carnage. Many more orders of top ramen were called.
Ranma lay on the floor half-conscious, while the two women argued
over him. "Ranma no right to hide that he have son already," Shampoo
declared, stomping on the floor, who was Ranma. Akane stomped on the
floor, too.
"Why can't you listen to me, Shampoo!" she exclaimed, doing the
blue aura thing. "We're just babysitting!"
"We aren't babysitting," Junior excitedly exclaimed. "We're going
to watch a movie later this afternoon!"
Of course, that made things a lot worse.
Things would have gone out of hand if not for Cologne's
intercession (and for Junior's very often used squirt gun). Where once
there was a loud argument, only an occasional angry miaow and consoling
quacks.
Mousse quietly cleaned the clutter that the lunchtime crowd left
when they dashed out of the Cat Cafe. When Mousse and Shampoo changed
into their animal forms, everyone (save for a few honest ones) used the
opportunity to run away under the guise of fear and not pay the bill.
The little kid did enjoy the chaos though, and Mousse thought that
there might be something strangely wrong with that kid. Now, Shampoo
was visibly entertained by the kid's antics while Akane and Ranma
apologized profusely for being the indirect cause of the scenario.
After a while, they left with the little kid on Ranma's shoulders,
laughing about a private joke.
Mousse heard Cologne call Shampoo. There was this whispered
conversation about following Ranma and Akane just to make sure that
nothing strange would happen to threaten the engagement between Ranma
and Shampoo. He heard Shampoo happily exclaiming her wish that Junior
was already her child.
Mousse recalled the way Shampoo had felt when Ranma defeated her,
pressured so hard to leave the village and hunt Ranma to the ends of the
earth. He recalled searching for her though the long months right after
she returned in disgrace from Japan. Ranma and Akane coming at that
point in time, their simple laugh with the child, as if they were one
happy family, was everything he ever wanted to be with Shampoo. He
suddenly felt that all his life, he had been used. That all this time,
Shampoo had been using him for leverage to gain her own lustful ends
with Ranma.
He unceremoniously dumped the broom he had been using and walked
out the front door.
Chapter Six
Let's meet by the fountain
Ranma and Akane sat by some fountain in the park, enjoying the way
the water flowed, softly and coolly, complementing the breeze and the
sunny sky. The little kid stood on the other side, refilling his much-
used squirt gun for future targets.
"Why are we here again, Akane?" Ranma asked as he watched a leaf
fall onto the water's surface. Although the situation was pretty
pleasant, the lack of action was beginning to get on his nerves. He
knew, by some mysterious paternal instinct that appeared from out of
nowhere, that, after a few more minutes of waiting, Junior would become
a bit impatient and become the little brat Nabiki so pleasantly
described that morning. He felt a little bit harried already, but as
long as the kid remained on his good side, he knew that he could manage.
Akane looked at her watch. "Well... This was supposed to be the
meeting place for our date." She tapped her foot on the ground, making
little squeaky noises. "They were supposed to have been here a few
minutes ago."
Ranma felt a slight pang of jealousy on who this "our" could be,
but tried not to show it. "I really need to talk to them," Akane
continued. "Sayuri's and Yuka's phones where busy this morning and I
wasn't able to tell them the change of plans."
A pony-tailed girl appeared from the faceless crowd and began to
walk to the two of them. "Hey, Sayuri!" Akane waved. "Over here!"
Sayuri looked pretty nervous about something and hesitantly approached.
"I'm sorry for being late." She took Akane's hands in hers. "There's
been a slight change in the plan, Akane. I know that we planned the
movie for just the three of us... I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?" Akane asked, puzzled.
More faces appeared from the crowd. It was Yuka leading Mio by
the hand. "Well... You see, Yuka tried to play matchmaker again, and
she's set up Mio for a blind date."
"A blind date?" Ranma laughed. "How can you set up a fortune
teller on a blind date?"
"A good question, Ranma," Mio replied in her normal mysterious way
(all fortune tellers have to speak mysteriously, because the future is
mysterious). "Since I can see the future, I already knew who the person
I was going to be introduced, his characteristics, his features,
everything. I would dare say that, this time, Yuka has found a near
perfect match. He might even be my karmic partner."
Yuka, slightly ticked off when Mio said 'this time,' asked, "isn't
soulmate a better word?" She asked in a tone that would made it seem
that all her matches were soulmates.
Mio began talking in occult terms. "Well, soulmates are those
people who share the same souls, and the same dreams. Somehow, there
exists an attractive force, the Ultimate Force, as it is sometimes
called, that would make them seek each other, no matter where they are
in the world, maybe even on whatever plane of existence. However, there
is also a repulsive force that activates when the two soulmates have
become nearly intimate with each other. What happens is a very painful
separation that scars them even unto the next life, wherein they would
try to seek each other again. Soulmates are the most perfect of all
match-ups, but they almost always end up in tragic circumstances.
"On the other hand, a karmic partner, although hard to find, would
create a stable relationship, with no external forces trying to separate
them. Although they are a near perfect match-up, it has a higher degree
of stability than most soulmates would. It is all in the stars."
Sayuri snapped her fingers. "You mean like Lois Lane and Clark
Kent? You know, in the TV series Lois and Clark? They spent a few
seasons on the verge of getting married, then spent the next few ones
trying to avoid the super-villains that try to rip them apart."
"You don't say," Akane said, slightly bewildered. But there was
this certain ring of truth that she found indismissible.
Ranma leaned slightly back, but remembered the fountain behind
him. He sat back up straight again. "Still, I still think that you're
the one who decides your fate, and no crummy stars are going to change
that."
"Believe what you want, Ranma. There's no changing fate." She
closed her eyes for a little while. "Aha. I feel him coming. He will
arrive..." she pointed to the other side of the fountain, "... in that
general direction."
They all looked at where she was pointing. Junior was playing
with some marbles he had found. Yuka and Sayuri bigsweated. Ranma and
Akane, on the other hand, stared.
"You mean, you know that kid?!?" they exclaimed at the same time.
Mio found herself reddening. "Of course not. I said that they
were going to come, not coming right now."
"They?" Akane asked. "Who's they?"
Sayuri found it her turn to explain. "You see... Mio's blind date
needed to have some people with him."
Hiroshi and Daisuke arrived in two flicks of a dime, with
Gosunkugi on a reluctant third toss.
Hiroshi got a small microphone from out of nowhere. "Look who's
here! It's the coolest man in the universe! Hikaru Gosunkugi!"
Daisuke's ears were ringing. "Hiroshi, it didn't have to be that
loud."
Gosunkugi began to wither at Akane's nonchalant glance, but perked
up at some mystic aura emanating from Mio.
"I thought so..." Ranma walked over to the trio. "What was that
you guys said that you were going to do today? Try out a new game at
Gosunkugi's place?" He shook his head, "what a lousy excuse."
Hiroshi retorted, "what about your lame excuses whenever more than
one fianc�e shows up at the same time?"
Sayuri followed through. "Men like you don't deserve to be
matched up with any women, {Count(Ranma.fianc�es@Japan)}-timer!"
Akane was beginning to get angry. "You mean to tell me that you
were going on a triple date without me knowing?"
Yuka replied, "Daisuke did think that you were going to bring
Ranma along, and he was right." She glanced at Daisuke, who glanced at
the same time on some silent signal. "Guess that's it's going to be a
quadruple date," she said smiling.
"No... It's going to be a quintuple date." Nabiki and Kuno
appeared from the other side of the fountain. She spoke to Akane.
"Since you and Ranma were in such a hurry to get away from the park a
while ago, I had to dig Kuno out with my bare hands." She smiled.
"Cost him a fortune."
Kuno opened his mouth, with expected results. "Ranma Saotome.
Only infidels like you would leave wounded men behind. Do you have no
honor to leave a fair woman like Nabiki Tendo to dig me out from the
hollowed ground, to do work not reserved for women? You enemy of women!
I shall smite thee when the time is right. Prepare yourself."
He looked in Akane's direction. "Oh, blessed Akane. Though thou
longst to throw yourself into my arms, I beg thee to wait, for I must
honor the request of Nabiki Tendo. Fear not! For I still love you as
long as the sun does shine and the sky be blue."
Ranma groaned.
Of course, things get worse all the time.
Ukyo arrived with Ryoga in tow. "Hey! Ranma invited me, too, you
know." She glomped over Ranma's right arm. She gave this angry look at
Ryoga, who slid over to Akane. Ryoga said, embarrassedly laughing, "I
guess that this is going to be a... uh... seven person date..."
"Eight very lucky in China!" Shampoo arrived with Junior in tow.
"Ranma, don't forget Shampoo! And little Ranma."
"LITTLE RANMA!"
Akane and Ranma just sighed. "Here we go again..."
{
Mayhem took a cold sip of ice tea. He noticed the two staring at him a
bit strangely.
"..."
"Uh... Have I been overdoing the 'Junior' gag?"
"..."
"Fine..."
}
Chapter Seven
Getting back together again
"So he's lost his father, huh?" Yuka asked as Sayuri fuzzed over
the "littl' thing." It was a slightly long line to the film and no-
finesse martial arts fights were to be strictly avoided in the meantime.
Akane tried not to look back where Ranma's arms were being used as a
rope in a tug of war. "I can't believe I'm pretending to be married
that big idiot over there," she said, for the benefit of anyone who
would have been listening. She sighed. And she thought that she had
gone somewhere with him today. A startling thought came over her.
"Soulmates?"
Ryoga walked quietly behind Akane. Ukyo was quietly giving him
the "go ahead, jackass or else..." look. He remembered the conversation
he had with Ukyo right after her discovery. She did slap him, recalling
the fact that P-Chan had this regular habit of sleeping in Akane's bed.
"What kind of pervert are you?!?" she had said then, just as she was
about to flatten him with mighty, mighty spatulae. He was fortunate
that the desperation of the situation made itself apparent to Ukyo.
Ryoga could not believe the way Ranma's father is, using a poor
and innocent little kid in a last ditch attempt to put Ranma and Akane
together. (Of course, he did not think the same way about Mr. Tendo,
since he was Akane's father and such.) First, he engaged Ranma to
Akane, then engaged him to Ukyo, then he...
Wait a second, Ryoga thought. Why did he suddenly think about
Ukyo? She was his best friend, or the closest a martial artist could be
to another martial artist, aside from marriage. They were kindred
souls, both of them loving someone who only thought of them as friends.
Of course, they did argue about what each found in each other's beloved,
thinking each other was trash or totally uncute, but those things didn't
last for long.
No! He couldn't think of Ukyo that way. That would have been a
false ending, and not a real happy one that he had dreamed for all this
time. He couldn't do that. That would be cheating. That would have
been something Ranma would have wanted. With his courage resolved, he
walked side by side with Akane.
Akane looked at Ryoga's hard and resolute face as it gazed on the
ground. He was a friend, a best friend. The only person in the mad
world who was kind and gentle all the time, not like Ranma who had these
strange mood swings every once in a while. She sighed. Was it fate
that drove Ranma and her apart whenever things got rough? She
remembered what Mio had said. "Soulmates are constantly driven apart by
external forces and put together by internal forces. However, karmic
partners, though hard to find, have generally have a happier life than
soulmates." She thought quietly for a little while. It was so obvious,
she wondered why she didn't see it before.
And, as they entered the dark theater, she tenderly reached out
and linked arms with Ryoga.
{
initialize seating_arrangement = [aisle, Gosunkugi, Mio, Sayuri,
Hiroshi, Daisuke, Yuka, Akane, Ryoga, Ukyo, Ranma, Shampoo, Junior,
random(people.names), aisle]
location(Nabiki_Tendo) = location(Tatewaki_Kuno) =
MovieTheater@TheMostExpensiveSeats
}
Ukyo smiled quietly to herself in triumph. In the dark, she saw
Akane leaning slightly on Ryoga in the seat to her left. At last, she
had finally managed to link Akane with Ryoga. Only one more thing left
on the hitlist. She glared at the person to her right. "Shampoo," she
whispered, leaning over, "where's Mousse?"
There was a visibly reddening hue that crept over Shampoo's face
visible even in the dark. "SHAMPOO NO CARE!" she said quite loudly,
and was hurriedly booed from behind. Ukyo snickered, "seems like she
was thinking about him." She sighed contentedly, leaning on Ranma's
shoulder, "well... I guess, that's that."
"Or is it?" Ukyo's conscience began bothering her. "What about
Ryoga? Aren't you jealous?"
"Jealous?" Ukyo argued in her head. "Me? Jealous about Ryoga?"
"You almost reduced him into a 2 x 4 slab on the ground when you
found out that he was sleeping with Akane, now, you did."
"Hey... That doesn't count, you know."
Ukyo sighed. She was arguing in vain. Yes, she did felt jealous
when he found out that he was already sleeping with Akane. Memories
flooded her vision of the time in the cave when everyone else thought
that they were together. They fought everyone from every side, even
Ranma and Akane, insistently denying that anything was there. And when
Ryoga left on one of his long trips, there were still lots of questions
left unanswered, lots of uncomfortable questions.
That's why she was doing this. Because she did not want to face
the answers. Because she was afraid of what she might find. All that
mattered to her was Ranma, the only person in her heart. There was no
room for anyone else there... save for...
It bothered Shampoo the way Mousse walked out from the Cat Cafe.
Of course she did not care for him, she thought. She just missed the
attention he was giving her.
Still, the laws of the tribe went above anything else. And, even
if she did care for him, she still had to marry Ranma, no matter what.
There was something that Mousse said, Shampoo recalled. Something
about going after her dreams, to follow where her heart goes... "Mousse
probably want me to go against tribe." But she smirked. "But what
tribe want, Shampoo want..." And the tribe wanted Ranma to be her
husband, to add to the strength of the clan. And so, she loved Ranma,
because the tribe loved him.
A small part of her yelled in protest, but she buried it under a
ton of popcorn.
Ranma yawned as the movie began. Not really digging these romance
things (his father said that real men are not romantic, that only power
was important), he found himself yawning. The movie was about this bald
man with glasses who was running away from his wife, who had brown hair
tucked into a coif, because of some lame promise he made to her that he
couldn't keep. "What a cheesy plot," Ranma found himself snickering.
Most of the movie was devoted to an explanation of honor and such and
such that the bald man made to his friends, but inside, he was just
running away. There was a lot of angst, both on the part of the wife
and the husband about being kept apart, and other details that Ranma
didn't really find important.
Then the wife came over to visit the house the bald man was
staying in because of a phone call from one of the daughters of the
owner. Everyone in the house knew of the bald man's problem, and tried
to hide him from the wife. That is, except for one woman dressed in a
one-piece yellow mini-skirt whose name Ranma couldn't quite catch, who
wasn't able to get the whole story. So when the men were away (the men
empathized with the plight of the bald man, but the women in the movie
snickered at him behind his back), the wife and the named-but-couldn't-
be-recalled woman (who had romantic links with the owner of the house
that the bald man was staying, but that was another story) talked for a
little while.
Another scene, the bald man was sitting by the side of some river,
talking to the owner of the house (who had really long black hair, and
also felt the same way with the unnamed woman, but vowed to remain
faithful to his wife who was dead for years) about reuniting with his
wife but being afraid all this time. It was a very touching scene,
which was hailed by the critics as the winning part of the movie, where
the macho image that the bald-man projected collapsed because of being
kept away from the woman he loved.
The climax of the scene came when the husband and the wife finally
met when the two fathers arrived from the riverbank. Everyone expected
the bald man to run away, but they met each other in a long and
passionate embrace, which left half the audience crying. The wife
declared the promise null and void because that was the one thing that
kept them apart after all these years. "I don't care about the
promise," the wife said, holding the bald man with tears in her eyes,
"all I need is you." The wife and the husband looked longingly into
each other's eyes and kissed as the sun set in the background. The
credits rolled across the screen as the house owner and the unnamed
woman looked on, wishing that someday they too will find the courage to
take a step forward.
Daisuke and Yuka took their leave immediately after the end of the
movie, just in case the cease-fire between the martial artists ended.
Sayuri was crying all over Hiroshi's arm. "Did you see how he held
her..." she cried, taking a few proffered tissues. Gosunkugi and Mio
mysteriously disappeared when no one was looking, but most of the people
did see a dark shadow moving through the crowd. Ranma woke up from his
sleep when the lights went on again, and Ryoga was more or less
unconscious, too, for other reasons. Akane and Ranma stared angrily at
each other for a little while when they found out who each was with
during the course of the movie, then decided to pointedly ignore each
other for the rest of the day. Ukyo was glaring at Ryoga, who woke up a
little bit later under Ukyo's harsh gaze. Shampoo just sat quietly in
her seat.
Soun and Miss Hinako left the two other significant adults. They
had a lot of catching up to do.
"Where's Mousse?" Akane found herself asking Shampoo, thinking
that he was somewhere with them.
A loud whoosh answered Akane as the silver screen burst into
flames.
"RANMA SAOTOME! PREPARE TO DIE!"
The chopsticks Kasumi was using snapped in two. "A bad omen," she
said, hurriedly leaving the house.
Chapter Eight
A fight for life
The fire caused a frightened mob to run out of the theater as fast
as it could. The stampede destroyed a lot of the seats and ravaged a
clear path through the moviehouse. Debris littered the floor as the mob
crashed through the doors, effectively leaving a clear battleground.
A large red battle aura surrounded Mousse. He menacingly
approached Ranma with fire in his eyes. "Ranma Saotome, I challenge you
to a fight to the death," he declared slowly.
There was a loud report, much like a shotgun, as the Mousse's
words slowly sunk in.
"NOW THAT'S THE BEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY!" Ranma cracked his
knuckles.
Akane suddenly felt this strange queasiness in her stomach.
"Ranma, don't you dare go into a fight with Mousse. He's dead serious."
"Of course I'm dead serious, Akane Tendo." Mousse seemed like the
devil himself, the horrible red battle aura complementing the fire as it
quickly turned the far side of the theater into an inferno. "For a long
time now, I had devoted myself entirely to Shampoo. I cleaned for her,
I worked for her, I even imagined that someday I could share the rest of
my life with her. Now, I realize the truth. All this time she has been
using me as her washpail, as her old cloth rags, throwing me away
whenever she did not need me anymore. I don't know why I stayed quiet
for so long." He laughed insanely, "maybe because I loved her."
"But now, all I have is hate for Shampoo. All this time she had
my heart out on a limb, laughing as she saw it break, smashed it into a
million pieces. A simple smile healed my heart quickly, but she did
that just so that she could have the pleasure of seeing it break again.
Not a day would pass where she would not ground my heart, or throw it to
the dogs, or do cruel and merciless acts, just for the sake of seeing me
suffer. But, now... now, my eyes are clear."
Ukyo looked at Shampoo. "No, Mousse..." Shampoo was murmuring.
"No do this to Shampoo."
Ranma taunted him. "Your eyes still aren't clear, Mousse. You're
still blind as a bat! Fighting me won't do any good! She won't love
you even if you defeat me." Ranma began to generate a small blue aura
around him as his body snapped into the Traditional Anything Goes
Fighting Form.
Mousse's eyes glowed an insane hue. "Ranma Saotome. You're
wrong." A few chained weapons began to detach themselves from Mousse's
body, floating in the chi-saturated atmosphere of the moviehouse. "All
I want is to make Shampoo's life A Living HELL!" With a loud yell, he
hurled himself and his weapons in a deadly whirlwind of chi and metal
and fists.
Ranma's blue aura grew in intensity as he dashed into the
maelstrom. The air was filled with shockwaves as attacks were launched
and blocked, then counterattacked. A strong gale blew from the center
of the impromptu battle arena, filled with debris from the floor as it
cracked under the pressure of the enormous willpower.
Akane crawled over to Shampoo, who was seemingly in shock over
what was happening. "Shampoo never see Mousse that mad in entire life!"
Ukyo shouted over the din. "There's no way Mousse can win.
Ranma's a lot stronger than Mousse."
Ryoga yelled. "Don't you see! This is a fight to the death! No
matter who would win, only one person will be left!"
Akane couldn't believe what was happening. Ukyo was right. There
was no way Mousse could win against Ranma. That would mean that...
"MOUSSE! RANMA! STOP THIS!" She stood up and began running towards
where the two were fighting.
Ryoga and Ukyo grabbed Akane's ankles. She fell down to the floor
with a loud thump. "AKANE!" Ryoga pulled her back, away from the
danger zone. "There's nothing you can do!"
"Why?!? Why can't we make them stop!" Akane was trying really
hard to get away from Ryoga. "I suppose you're hoping that Ranma's
going to die so that you can have Ukyo all to yourself!"
Ryoga slapped Akane. "SHUT UP!" he screamed. Then, the
implications of his act stunned him. Akane stood there, holding the
sore spot. Amidst the chaos that surrounded them all, tears began to
fall. "Please, Ryoga..." Akane pleaded. "Please make them stop... I
beg you!"
Ryoga felt his heart lurch out. He couldn't bear to see Akane
cry. It took Ukyo's strong hands to hold him back. "You jackass! What
the hell are you doing!"
"I've got to stop them! I can't... I've got to!"
"WHY, RYOGA?!? WHY?!?"
Ryoga looked Ukyo straight in the eye. "BECAUSE SHE'S RIGHT!"
Ukyo looked at him stunned.
There were loud screams of pain as some of the attacks got through
someone's blocks. Drops of blood could be seen on the floor. But the
fight continued relentlessly.
There was a flurry of movement, and Akane, Ukyo and Ryoga saw
Shampoo run off.
Ranma blocked every attack that Mousse dished out. Inside the
twisting vortex of energy, he was surprised at the strength and ferocity
of Mousse's attacks. "Mousse is really playing for keeps this time," he
thought as a chi-enhanced Fist of the White Swan Barrage Attacks ripped
pieces of cloth of his Chinese shirt. He didn't want to hurt Mousse,
but the way the battle was going, only a strong and perhaps fatal attack
could punch through his defenses.
He saw a flutter of movement somewhere from his right. It was
Shampoo, running towards them at breakneck speeds. "Shampoo! Don't
come any closer!"
Mousse, on the other hand, did not see her coming, and seeing
Ranma's apparent distraction, brought all of his strength to bear on
Ranma in a devastating roundhouse punch.
"Mousse!" Shampoo screamed, pushing Ranma out of the way.
"Mousse! You no have to do this!"
Mousse horrifyingly tried to stop the attack, but it was too late.
A massive shock wave ripped the cement floor, blew holes in the
roof and snuffed out the flames as Mousse's fist came in contact with
Shampoo. The force of the blow blasted her though a nearby wall,
burying her underneath a pile of rubble.
A terrible silence descended upon all of them, much, much more
terrifying than the roar of battle.
Chapter Nine
Aftermath
"SHAMPOO!" Ranma's scream echoed through the now-silent theater.
He hurriedly dug through the rubble, expecting to see Shampoo's broken
body. A sigh of relief came over him as he realized that Shampoo was
still breathing. He collapsed on the floor.
An enraged Ukyo picked Mousse from off the floor using just one
hand. "JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!!" She was about to
strike him when she felt water fall on the hand that was holding Mousse
a few feet from the floor. Mousse cried hot and bitter tears, tears
that he had kept for so long, tears dripping down his cheek. Ukyo threw
him roughly to the floor. "My God, what have I done," he sobbed.
Akane stood up in shock, suddenly remembering. "WHERE'S
JUNIOR?!?"
"Over here!" Sayuri called from a portion of the theater where a
piece of the upper balcony caved in. "It's Junior! I think he's okay!
Someone get him to the hospital, quick!"
The exit doors at the far end of the ruined moviehouse crashed to
the ground as two figures entered. Dr. Tofu grasped the situation at a
glance. "Kasumi! Go and help Shampoo. I'll take care of the little
kid." He hurriedly ran over to the little kid, while Kasumi went to
check on Shampoo. In his haste, Dr. Tofu dropped his glasses.
Akane heard a third person enter the room. "Son!" the man
bellowed. "Where is my son?!?"
"Oh no," Akane thought. "It's Junior's father!"
Hiroshi held Sayuri protectively as Dr. Tofu and the man checked
on Junior's vital signs. "He's stable now," Dr. Tofu declared after a
few terse seconds. Sayuri breathed a sigh of relief, and Hiroshi held
her tighter, sharing her pain. He led her away, to fresh air.
"Someone take him to the hospital." The father was only too happy
to comply. Junior began to moan. "Dad..." he said, coughing, "I'm
okay. You can put me down now." "No son, we have to go the hospital,
just to make sure." The father and son ran out through the broken doors
and disappeared, stepping over Dr. Tofu's glasses in the process.
Dr. Tofu stumbled his way over to Kasumi, who applied first aid to
Shampoo. After a few minutes, she was weakly complaining. "Shampoo
Chinese Amazon. It take more than stupid punch to beat Shampoo."
Ukyo walked over were Ranma was still on the floor, weak with
relief. Ukyo held Ranma's hand protectively.
Akane felt warm hands on her shoulder. Ryoga wanted very much to
comfort her, to take her in his arms, but it was not his place. She
cared for Ranma, he knew, she cared for Ranma more than anything else in
the world.
It was too much for Akane. Mousse going berserk, Shampoo almost
getting herself killed, Junior... It was all her fault. She should have
kept an eye on Junior. She should have been sitting beside her and not
beside Ryoga a while ago just to spite Ranma. She hated herself. She
had this tremendous desire to run away, to just run away.
There was the sound of running footsteps. Ranma sat up to see
Akane's departing figure. "AKANE!" he yelled, forgetting everything.
He ran after her, as fast as he could.
Ukyo was stunned to see Ranma jump away like that. At the same
time, there was this loud crashing noise where Ryoga crashed to the wall
in a fit of depression. Ukyo didn't ask herself which path to follow.
She just upped and ran.
Seeing that it was all over, Kasumi leaned on Dr. Tofu's arm.
"Let's leave them alone..." she said, whispering quietly in his ear.
Dr. Tofu was amazed that he wasn't going crazy. He reached out to take
Kasumi's hand. "Please lead the way," he smiled sheepishly, "I can't
see very well without my glasses." Kasumi smiled a quiet and simple
smile. The two of them walked out hand in hand.
They left Shampoo and Mousse in the ruins of the empty theater.
One floor above, another couple stepped out of the doors of the
upper balcony. "Well, that was a good movie," Nabiki said in her normal
coldly calculating tone. "Going out on this date was such a good idea,
Kuno. If you find yourself buried neck deep in the ground, give me a
call, okay?"
Kuno, covered with dust, said with much pain in his voice, "How
could you be so insensitive, Nabiki Tendo?" He left Nabiki staring at
his back dumbfounded.
"What the heck was that?"
Chapter Ten
Equilibrium Reached
The setting sun cast quiet shadows into the dark interior of the
ruined moviehouse, filling the auditorium with soft, yellow-orange
light. Only two people were left to witness this, these being Shampoo
and Mousse. Everyone else had left, as soon as they could, to avoid
getting blamed for the incident, except for them. Now, each waited for
the other to leave first, each waiting in vain.
Shampoo gazed at Mousse's crumpled form on the ground. She
couldn't help but feel that it was somehow all her fault, that all this
time she had taken Mousse for granted. She took a hesitant step
forward.
She placed a hand on Mousse's shoulder. "Mousse," she said,
wanting to share in his pain, "you no have to cry. Let's go home."
Mousse looked away. "Shampoo... I'm sorry for causing all this
trouble. I just... I just..."
"No, Mousse, you no have to talk. It all Shampoo fault. Shampoo
treated Mousse like old rag. Mousse only did honorable thing."
Mousse shook his head. "You don't understand. I almost killed
you. That's inexcusable. I... I don't have a right to treat you that
way. All this time, I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to spare you
from pain. When Ranma came with Akane and the little kid, it seemed
that they were one happy family, that somehow something wonderful was
going on." He looked into Shampoo's eyes, his own eyes glistening with
tears. "They're going to get married someday, Shampoo. I couldn't bear
to see you hurt that way. I thought that either Ranma, or I, should
die. I thought that it would be better if I forced you to see the light
before it was too late. I was wrong. But you can't force people to
love you. You just can't. You're going to love Ranma, even if you end
up getting hurt."
"But you win, now," Shampoo said, holding Mousse in her arms.
"You defeat Chinese Amazon in combat. Now you become Shampoo's husband.
Is that what Mousse wanted, all this time?"
Mousse threw Shampoo's arms down. "You aren't listening to me,
Shampoo. No matter what I do, you're still going to love Ranma. You
almost died for him. I... I don't have a place in your heart. All I
want is for you to be happy. That is all. Even if... even if I'm the
one who ends up being hurt." He began to walk away. "Goodbye, Shampoo.
You'll never see me again. Go to Ranma. I declare this marriage null
and void."
"What about tribal laws? What would ancient and honorable
ancestors say?" She grabbed his arm, begging him to stay, if not for
her, then for the tribe.
Mousse looked away. "Shampoo, this isn't love. You've hated me
for a long time, ever since we were kids. A single fight won't make you
feel the same way for me." He gently lifted Shampoo's hand of her arm.
"Go Shampoo. You're really in love with Ranma, and not with me. I... I
can never make you as happy as he would." He stood up as straight as a
broken man can. "Ranma's the one you're supposed to love, not me." He
sighed, "one can only wish for heaven to come to a man such as I."
When Mousse said this, Shampoo felt a pile of bricks crash down on
her again. Mousse was letting her go just because she loved Ranma.
"What noble and honorable man Mousse is. Shampoo wonder why she never
see it before." For the first time in her life, she felt shame for her
actions, a shame that sent waves of grief washing over her like waves on
the beach. Mousse really cared for her. Even if Mousse were to go
against the world, he would gladly do it. Now, he was walking away,
because he felt Ranma to be the right one for her. But, is Ranma the
right one for her? She wasn't sure now. Her life had suddenly lost its
direction, the path that she had thought to be the truth was false, and
the path that she did not follow lead to true happiness. She felt as
helpless as a child once again.
She crumpled to the ground, sobbing softly. "I... I wrong all
this time," she said between each quiet sob. "Shampoo feel like most
dishonorable woman in all the world." She tried to shake the sadness
off. "Shampoo no cry. Chinese Amazon no cry. It sign of weakness,"
she bravely said, but there was this pain in her eyes that melted
Mousse's resolution. He couldn't bear to see her cry. "Go ahead and
cry, Shampoo," Mousse said with all his heart. "I won't tell anybody
that you cried. It'll be our little secret. Crying is good, it would
make you feel better afterwards," he said, opening his arms.
Shampoo tearfully jumped into his arms, crying as she had never
cried before. All the pain and the shame in her heart bawled out like a
burst pipe. "Shampoo need Mousse," she whispered quietly. "Please,
Mousse say that he forgive Shampoo..."
Mousse held her tenderly. "I won't leave you Shampoo..." He said
quietly. "I'll never leave you ever again."
A cool breeze passed by.
A mysterious dark cloud watched the events from an undisclosed
location. The sun set in a beautiful canopy of colors. After a while,
they weren't watching anymore.
Ranma ran through the streets searching for Akane. It scared him,
it scared the hell out of him, the way Akane ran away from the disaster
area with tears in her eyes. He knew, he knew deep in her heart that
Akane blamed herself for what had happened. He had to talk to her, he
really had to, before she... she... He shook his head. He did not want
to think about the consequences.
The Tendo Dojo seemed hauntingly vacant. She was nowhere to be
found. She was not in the yard, not in the kitchen, and not in her
room. What frightened Ranma the most was the fact that Akane wasn't in
the training hall. If she was normally angry, she would have been
smashing bricks there, but the stillness of the room echoed Ranma's
fear.
He walked over to the koi pond, wondering what to do next when he
heard a soft sobbing sound somewhere behind him and was surprised that
it actually came from the roof. In two bounds, he was on the rooftop
and, at the far end of which was Akane, gazing at the setting sun.
"So, there you are! I've been looking all over for you," Ranma
not-so-quite yelled, walking over to her, then stopped as he noticed
tears glistening in the last few rays of the setting sun. "Oh, darn,"
he thought. "Akane, you've got to come down, you've gotten everyone
worried sick about you. Akane, please..." The last part of his
sentence drowned in his mouth as Akane turned her back toward him.
"I don't want you here, Ranma. Please, just leave me alone," she
said softly, not looking at him, not wanting him to see her tears. Deep
inside, she wanted desperately to hold someone, to hold someone as she
shed her tears, bitter tears she had kept for the entire afternoon. She
wanted to hold Ranma at least for a moment, for a little while, she
wanted him to tell her that it was all okay, that it was all a horrible
nightmare that would go away. "Please, just go..."
Ranma berated himself. He hated seeing Akane cry. He hated
himself not being able to do anything about it but would make things
worse. He wanted to hold her that moment, to tell her that it was all
okay, that it was not her fault. A thousand words died in his throat as
he tried to speak. Not knowing what else to do, he placed his hand on
her shoulder.
"I won't leave you, Akane." Ranma's heart was in his throat as
Akane slowly turned towards him, as a cool wind blew softly through her
hair, as he saw her eyes filled with a tender...
... burning hatred, as Akane slapped him on his cheek.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?" Ranma angrily screamed.
Akane turned her back once again to Ranma, hiding the pain she
felt behind a wall of hate, a wall that she had depended upon for so
long, a wall that she longed to tear down. She remembered the way Ukyo
held him back at the theater, or the fact that he defended Shampoo. "I
don't want your pity, Ranma," she said, looking away. "I can do this on
my own. I'm asking you, please, just leave me alone."
"Oh, I see," Ranma said in barely contained rage. "For the first
time in a long while, I do something nice for you, and this is the
thanks I get." He also turned his back on Akane. "Not only are you
uncute, you're also so stubborn." He harrumphed. "Sometimes, I wonder
why I even bother... Why don't I just leave you, then?"
"Why don't you do that, Ranma? After all, you're always thinking
about yourself. You jerk."
"At least I'm not the one who almost killed a little kid just
because she was angry and---"
That last remark tore though Akane like a shot. Guilt over what
she had almost done. Anger at herself for losing control. Hate.
Shame. The wall of hate that shielded her from the outside world began
to choke her with sobs of helplessness and shame. She should have kept
a closer eye on Junior. "Oh, no... What have I done," she thought,
trying with all her might not to let the tears flow. She was sure Ranma
was laughing at her right now. No, she won't let him see her tears. No
way.
Ranma stopped himself as he blurted out the last sentence. He
suddenly turned around, expecting to see the worst. And he was right.
There was a look of intense sadness in Akane's eyes before it
clouded over. She smiled bitterly. "You really don't care about me, do
you, Ranma? You like Ukyo, or maybe Shampoo, or maybe even Kodachi."
It was more a statement rather than a question. It felt strange for her
to acknowledge what she had feared for the past months, from the moment
that Shampoo arrived in Nerima. The feeling that there was no way for
her and Ranma to be together since every other girl that chased after
Ranma was better than her in everything. They were better martial
artists, better at being a girl than her (even Ukyo), and worse, they
were better cooks. There was a dull pain in her heart as she said,
"maybe it's one of the numerous fianc�es. Why spend your time here when
you could have all of them? I bet you've been waiting for me to say
those words for a long time now. Go on! Leave! See if I care."
A twisting tornado of darkness blew through his soul and sent it
to places of eternal sadness. He knew it. He knew that she did not
like him. The one thing that kept him going when the times went tough,
the thought that she cared, that she cared only for him. He had always
known that she did not really care for him but he kept himself in that
comfortable illusion, that someday things would go better, that someday
he would find the courage to say the words, those words. It was strange
to find his worst fear actually becoming true. His heart shattered into
a million pieces.
He fought the growing fear in his stomach. "I didn't say that!"
"Then how come you always keep doing this? Huh?"
"You talk, how come you always keep shoving me away?"
"Is it because I'm not good enough for you, is that it?!?" They
both declared at the same time.
A stunned silence blew across the wind like feathers in the breeze
as realization hit them like a ton of bricks. The loud and
uncomfortable silence stilled even the breeze, as it died in mid-stroke.
Akane was the first to speak. She hid the pain that she felt
inside in a fa�ade of ennui. "That's it," she declared and began
walking away from Ranma. "Since we're not good enough for each other,
I'm going to call it off."
"Call what off?" Ranma asked in a tone that belied his inner
turmoil.
"All of it!" She waved her hands vaguely in the air. "This
stupid engagement! This stupid thing about carrying on the Anything-
Goes School. All of it." She noticed Ranma starting to open his mouth.
She cut him off with a gesture. "Now, don't you say no, Ranma. You saw
what happened today. It's never going to work out. You said so
yourself." She smirked, "now you can have all your other fianc�es all
to yourself."
Ranma stammered a retort. Unable to find one, he said, "Don't
Akane, you... we're going to regret it."
"How can you regret that?" Akane had this insane gleam in her eye
that Ranma rarely saw. "You don't care about me, you said." She began
mimicking his voice. "You're not going to spend the rest of your life
with a tomboy, you said. What kind of a girl is she, can't even take
care of little kids, you said. At least I'm not the one who almost
killed Junior, you said." She looked him straight in the eye. "This
has to end now."
Something inside Ranma snapped. "FINE, AKANE! IF YOU WANT IT
THAT WAY, FINE! If you want to call it all off, go right ahead, I won't
get in your way." He was about to jump away, away from it all, but
there was something that held him back. "And here I thought that
something good was finally happening between the two of us," he
whispered quietly. "But it's all a darn lie."
Akane's heart leaped at Ranma's words. She felt the same thing.
She thought that perhaps there was a chance that they could be... But
Ranma was lying, wasn't he? After all, how could he love someone like
her who almost killed a little boy to attack him for spite. "You're
lying through your teeth," she said bitterly. "You lie all the time..."
"Then I'm lying when I say that I..." Ranma paused as he suddenly
found himself in a middle of a trap with only one way out of. There was
no turning back.
"That you what..." Akane dared him, hoping against hope that he
would say...
"That I... That I don't really care for you!"
Time seemed to stop for Akane as the words she wanted to hear for
so long, words she never knew, never dared to think, would come from
Ranma. A cool breeze began to blow, causing the smooth surface of the
koi pond to ripple in response. She couldn't help but notice the hard-
set features of Ranma's face as he said it, as he said it with all his
heart, the way the wind tossed the tightly-bound pig-tail to and fro.
The way his eyes shimmered in the sunset light...
The declaration needed a reply. "Ranma... You..."
Ranma's heart thudded against his chest. He said it! He finally
managed to say it! But, what good will it do, now that he knew that
Akane did not care for her the same way. Grief and despair loosened his
tongue and all the emotions he had kept bottled up for all these months
raged forth like water from a burst dam.
"Idiot, don't you get it. I... I care for you, dammit. I never
liked Shampoo or Ukyo or Kodachi or all those other women. I cared only
for you." He looked away, not wanting to see her mocking glance. "I...
I just couldn't say it because I was afraid that something like this was
going to happen."
He smiled a bittersweet smile, a smile of one who has gone to hell
and back. "I never lived in a dream, Akane. I always knew that you
never cared for me. I... I couldn't face up to the rejection. So I
told myself that I should prepare for the time that you would tell me
how you really feel, that you don't feel that way. Maybe that's why I
keep saying the wrong things all the time. It's because I was afraid
that saying the right thing was wrong."
He looked up to the sky. "But I had hope, Akane. Hope is not a
dream. I always hoped that someday, you and I could be together,
without all these people trying to push us together and pulling us
apart. But you were right. You said it. You just didn't care about
me. You want to call the engagement off. Now, I realize that you're
right, that I have been living a dream, that I had wasted these past few
months clinging on to something that wasn't really there." Unknown to
him, bitter tears began flowing on his cheek. He tried hard to push
them back, but he couldn't help it. There was this intense feeling of
loss.
"What's the use," Ranma said, turning his back on Akane. He did
not want her to see the tears he said, fearing that she would mock him
even more. "What's the use of Ukyo or Shampoo or all those other women
loving me, when I can't love them back? All I care about is you. But
now, what's the use since you don't really care..." His voice began to
break.
He wanted to run away.
He needed to run away.
He must run away.
He tried to jump, but something held him back.
It was Akane, holding on tightly to his Chinese shirt.
Ranma looked into the sparking tear-stained eyes. He felt a
certain softness in them that he felt only rarely. He blocked off the
warm feeling he had, it was all just a dream. "Dammit, Akane," he said,
trying very hard not to look into those eyes, "don't give me your false
pity."
"Shut up..." She looked into his eyes and saw the pain mirrored
inside. She depended on Ranma for everything. She hated him crying.
He needed her, like she needed him. "I... I feel the same way, you
idiot."
Ranma couldn't believe his ears. The moment when he had thought
that all was lost... The moment that he thought he was going to spend
the rest of his life never knowing how... "Akane?"
"Ranma, I'm sorry, I never knew how..." She began wiping the
tears away, and began crying herself. "You must think that I'm some
kind of idiot, crying---"
The last part of her sentence was muffled by Ranma's chest as he
took her into his arms, just as the last rays of the sunset filled the
western sky in flames of crimson red. Both of them wanted this for so
long, it was almost a relief. The soft breeze that was blowing a while
ago returned in soft whispers, tossing their hair as they touched. The
sky, the trees, the water, the grass, everything was perfect.
There was nothing more needed to be said.
"Ranma, I...I..." she began, squeezing her grip on Ranma's body.
"No, don't... You don't have to say it... I know..." he said,
running his hand through her hair.
"Ranma... I... I love you, too..." she said, looking into his
eyes.
"Will you just shut up..." he said lovingly, looking into her
eyes.
"No, you shut up..." Akane said, tenderly.
The wind sighed. Some things never change.
Genma and Nodoka slipped out of the house when no one was looking.
Ukyo ran after Ryoga, knowing what kind of damage a frenzied
depressed maniac can do. In her mind's eye, she saw the entire Nerima
district being blown up by a full shi-shi hokodan. It was relatively
easy for her to follow Ryoga. He left a large trail of dust and debris
behind him.
The trail led into the park behind a cluster of trees where it
stopped. Ukyo looked around her, then heard a voice calling her.
"Ukyo! Over here!" Ryoga called from somewhere below the ground.
Ukyo found Ryoga stuck in a deep pit. "How the heck did you get
down there, you jackass?" She peered into the pit.
Ryoga's warning came too late. "Ukyo! Don't come any closer---"
Ukyo fell into the pit with a loud thump.
"Oww... That hurt." She looked around them. There was not much
room inside the hole, a tight squeeze for two people. "Where's Ryoga?"
She thought, and a squirming body below her caught her attention. "Oh,
sorry..."
She helped him up to his feet. "Are you okay, Ryoga? You got me
worried back there when you ran out like some kind of freak. You've got
to get a grip."
"What's there to hold a grip on," Ryoga said, "Akane loves Ranma.
There's no place for me in their happy family, unless I become a pig and
become their pet."
Ukyo slapped him. Of course, that didn't make much of an impact
on Ryoga, him being as hard as rock. "Come on now, Ryoga. There's a
lot more fish in the sea. I don't see what you see in that tomboy
Akane."
"You should talk. Ranma's a very dishonorable man. I wonder what
you see in him?"
"Well... Ranma can be pretty nice, sometimes..." she said
dreamily.
"Yeah, pretty nice as he dates behind your back," he declared
sarcastically.
"And what's there with Akane?"
"Akane's very caring. And she's very... uh..."
"Nice to sleep with?"
"Hey, take that back!"
"You take what you said back first."
The two stared each other down. Then, they became melancholy.
"Face it," Ryoga spoke, looking downcast. "Ranma and Akane are a
couple now. There's no place for us, there."
"Yeah... Even thinking about it makes me sick. My Ranchan ending
up with that hussy Akane?"
"And my Akane with that pervert Ranma?"
They both sighed.
"Well," Ukyo said, feeling the need to be optimistic just in case
the guy she was sharing a small hole with should berserk, "maybe this is
fate. We've devoted most of our lives to just one particular person,
that we have stopped looking around. You know, looking at just one
flower when there a thousand more out there."
"You mean something like stopping to smell the other flowers, and
stuff like that?" Ryoga began to think. "I guess you're right. Most
of the time I get lost, all I do is just think of her that I forget
looking around me. There was even a time when I was almost hit by a
truck... Never mind, you'll just get bored."
But Ukyo was interested. "Please. Go on. I promise I won't get
bored."
The closeness of the place began to get to Ryoga's nerves. "Ah...
Don't you think we should get ourselves out first," he laughed a nervous
laugh.
Ukyo looked around. "Well, climbing out is out of the question.
The hole is too narrow to do that." She thought for a while. "You can
get us out, right? I mean, you're a better martial artist then I am,
and you travel a lot. Most probably you have a special technique for
getting people out of holes."
"Ah... Actually, I just waited for the rain to come, so I can
become a pig and I could climb or float out."
"Some help you are. I know! Maybe we can call for help."
"I think the sun's already set. Most of the people around here
have already gone home. There's no one outside."
The hopelessness of the situation began to sink in. "ARRGHH! I'm
going to get whoever dug this hole!" Ryoga began banging the walls,
pretty hard if you're in a tight spot with a cute girl that even mere
body contact would cause you to lose blood.
"Hey, get a grip, will 'ya. The walls might cave in."
"Well, what the heck do we do until morning?"
Ukyo, ever the practical one, "well, you could tell me stories."
"Promise you won't get bored?"
"At least that's better than banging our heads on the walls."
A few minutes later, they were laughing heartily in the small glow
of Ryoga's portable lamp.
"Hey, this was a good idea," Ryoga said, between laughs. "I might
actually like spending a night in a hole in the ground, with you, I
mean."
"Yeah, me, too..."
There was a short interval for looking into each other's eyes and
blushing.
"What you said back at the theater..." Ukyo asked, noticing the
way the light cast shadows on his face.
"Ah... eh... I... I..."
"Don't... You don't have to explain. Maybe it's fate," she said,
blushing.
Ryoga gulped. "Still... I... think we should stay friends for a
while..." Ryoga said.
"Yeah... I don't want this to be a rebound thing. I... I don't
want to get hurt anymore."
"Maybe, someday..." he said, looking in her eyes, not seeing
Akane.
"Hopefully..." she said, looking in his eyes, not seeing Ranma.
And, so, the two spent a night in a small hole in the ground,
built for two, exchanging stories over the soft glow of a portable lamp.
Kasumi led Dr. Tofu on the most indirect route back to the clinic.
"Why the heck am I doing this again?" Nabiki Tendo found her way
to the Furinkan High school soccer field. And, sure enough, a lone man
with a bokken bid farewell to the setting sun.
She walked over to him. Kuno's back was turned to her, as he
stood gazing at the red orb as it hung lowly above the horizon. "Ah...
If it isn't the cruel and heartless Nabiki Tendo. Tell me, what brings
you here to the hollowed grounds of Furinkan High?"
"I have to safeguard my assets," she replied. She took out a
small wad of pictures from her pocket. "I still have these pictures I
haven't sold yet. You still wanna buy them?"
"I have no need of them," Kuno said slowly. "By my own eyes, I
have seen true love. It is the love that burns and ravages the soul,
turns one into a raving lunatic, and consumes the man afflicted by it.
I have seen the full power of Ranma Saotome, and finally know that I
cannot defeat him no matter how hard I try. Let him keep the pig-tailed
girl and Akane Tendo. For I know now that they shall be protected unto
death by Ranma Saotome."
Nabiki took on an air of ennui. "You mean to say that you've
given up on the two of them."
Kuno replied, "No. For I still care for them as long as the sun
will shine. But they have a much better protector than I..." He took a
deep breath. "What fools these mortals be. All of us hide behind masks
that cloak what we really are inside. For Saotome, it is a cloak of
incompetence that fooled even the keenest of eyes. I wear a mask of
poetic justice. And you, Nabiki Tendo, you hide behind your appearance
of calculated equanimity. You are heartless by definition, but your
presence here indicates otherwise."
"What do you mean to say," Nabiki asked with nearly closed eyes.
"Ah! A sudden interest from the unmovable Queen of Capitalism?
For we hide behind masks, to protect our true self from the piercing
gazes of others, for we cower in fear of being laughed at or scorned.
But, sooner, we find ourselves becoming the masks that we wear, and we
long for the true self that we have so callously lost. I have seen
through your mask, Nabiki Tendo, and I find a heart that is as pure as
the light of the sun.
"For that little boy has melted the heart of stone that you have
trapped yourself in. I saw the look in your eyes when you saw the
balcony upon him, a horrified and desperate look that pierced through
your cool and composed self. Why is it that disasters bring out the
best in men, when desperation forces him to reach beyond the shell he
has created around himself. Perhaps, it is because of the primal
instinct of survival, that we cannot live alone in the world. Inside
your soul, you constantly seek out and yearn for another. You have a
caring heart, Nabiki. Do not be ashamed to show it."
It was 5:34 PM, the moment when the sunset was at its most
beautiful. No words passed between them as the flaming ball that was
the sun ended its long arc through the sky, to be replaced by more
distant suns.
Kuno took out a small bouquet of flowers. "Nabiki Tendo, I would
humbly ask you out on a date with the Blue Thunder---"
Nabiki slapped him. "What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?
There's no way you could make me go out with you," she walked away,
leaving the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High on the ground.
Unseen by any mortal eyes, Nabiki Tendo broke out into a smile.
"I would like to go out on a date with Tatewaki Kuno, not the Blue
Thunder," she said quietly to herself.
Hiroshi and Sayuri limped out of the theater just as the police
and rescue vehicles arrived at the scene. Daisuke and Yuka ran up to
them, with a concerned look. "What happened," they asked at the same
time.
Hiroshi looked at Sayuri for a little while. "Next time," he
said, gazing into her eyes, "Let's not invite martial artists over."
"Thank you for all your help," the man gave and his son gave a low
bow to Mr. Tendo and Miss Hinako. Soun apologized, "we're sorry about
the accident." The man shook his head. "Don't be. Junior here is a
very tough boy. It would take more than a few bricks to keep him in
bed." He lifted the little boy and placed him on his shoulder.
"Well... We have to go now, still have a long way to go... Say goodbye
to the kind people, Junior." "Bye-bye, Uncle Tendo. Bye-bye, Miss
Hinako." The gate opened then shut as the father and son tandem took
their leave.
Miss Hinako said, "I guess I have to go, too." She gave a low bow
to Soun and stood up. There was an awkward silence as each waited for
the other to make the first move.
It ended up both of them doing it the same time.
Memories of the morning's rumble in the dining room came back to
them in vivid recollection.
The brat began tickling Genma, causing furry arms and legs flying
over the place. Miss Hinako was knocked off her feet, straight into
Soun's arms and sending them both crashing to the floor.
Time seemed to stop for Miss Hinako as she lay softly on Soun's
chest, feeling every muscle in her body tense then relax as the feeling
of closeness overwhelmed her. There was something different she felt
for Soun than for all the other people she knew. It was only too bad
that Soun had chosen to live in the past together with his deceased
wife. Miss Hinako regretted that the man she had chosen to love was
just as dead to her as Kimiko was to the rest of the world. Soun loved
only his wife and his wife alone. "If only he could move on... Just
move on..." Miss Hinako placed her head on his chest, wishing that
things were different.
Time seemed to stop for Soun as he cradled Miss Hinako in his
arms. An overwhelming feeling of grief engulfed him as he remembered
the last time he had held Kimiko so close. It was a spring day very
much like this one. She had her head pressed softly against his chest.
Soun could feel her heartbeat. A small breeze blew through the window,
and her hair waved softly in the wind, calling to him in soft whispers.
Soun gazed lovingly into Kimiko's face, and her face dissolved into Miss
Hinako's face as he held her so close, so softly. "If only I could move
on... Just move on..." Soun held her close, wishing that things were
different.
Remembering the rest of the world, they both hurriedly stood up.
"Sorry about that," they said at the same time, concentrating instead on
the ball of fur at the center of the table and the one child that was
the cause of all this. Their hearts moved on to other less important
matters.
But now, they won't move on. They stayed in each other's arms for
a few minutes that seemed to have lasted a few days, enjoying every
moment of the comfortable closeness.
"Forgive me," Miss Hinako said, "I just couldn't..."
"Don't be," Soun replied. "Don't be sorry... All I need is time."
"Promise me that this won't be the last time you hold me," she
sighed.
"I promise..." They held together for a few more seconds, then
they reluctantly let go. Miss Hinako bid goodbye before it became too
late for them to turn back. The gate swung shut after that.
Turning his head to the sky, Soun wept openly. "Kimiko...
please... a sign, that's all I need. Tell me, tell me if... I
should..." His monologue was interrupted by the drifting of a feather,
a true heavensend.
Chapter Eleven
No more secrets
The man and Junior walked through the twilight streets of Nerima,
enjoying the early night breeze as it blew through the trees. "Ah... I
love days like this," the man sighed, taking in a large breath of air.
"It's too bad days like this don't happen very often."
"They happen once a year, dad," Junior replied, eyeing the squirt
gun that saw lots and lots of action that day. It was nearly empty, and
they passed by a fountain in the park.
The man smiled. "That was a good job you have done, son. I
couldn't have done it better myself."
The kid reddened a bit. "Thanks, dad," he said. After a few
minutes of resting, they went on their way again.
"Still," the father mused, "those were strange tactics that you
used, going along with them. Couldn't you have just watched from the
sidelines and struck from there?"
The little boy answered. "The links at this location were unclear
at the start. I had to go among them to find out what would be the best
plan of attack. It would have been very distressing if I made a
mistake. If I did, things would have gone from bad to worse." He
sighed, "at last peace has come to this part of the world."
"But there are much more places around that would need our
intervention." The father mused, "It's a dirty job, but someone's got
to do it. After all, money doesn't turn the world, something much more
powerful does."
"So could I get that new SuperSoaker15000?" the kid asked in a
really cute way.
"Son, sometimes I wonder why you use that water pistol when an
arrow has a lot more precision and could have done a similar job with a
smaller amount of mess." The man took out a magnificent bow made from
the finest white wood. A red arrow as thick as Junior's arms was
loaded, and it flew through the air in a majestic arc. In the distance,
there was a loud shriek as the deadly projectile found its target, which
was replaced by an even stranger sound.
"Oh, Happy!" "Oh, Cologne!" <kiss, kiss>
"Oh, father," Junior said in a soft tone, "I think that it's time
for a bit of modernization. After all, you don't go around wearing
diapers anymore."
The man placed the bow and the sack of arrows in a specialized
version of Hammerspace. "Good point, son," Cupid said, "good point."
{
End prog.
}
Epilogue
Hiroshi and Daisuke stared open mouthed into the computer screen.
"You're right. It is cheesy ending," Hiroshi said. "You mean that the
only way for the Ranma Universe to settle down is if Cupid chose to come
by and nuked everyone there?"
Mayhem nodded, "Well... I told you that the solution was cheesy.
And I didn't say that it was feasible."
Daisuke continued, "Hey! How come the title said 20 Less Lonely
People. I count a lot more than that."
Mayhem answered. "Well, Miss Hinako and Soun did not really end
up together, just a promise to do so in the near future." He rubbed his
tummy. "And, of course, you two aren't really included. After all,
you're the only people in the cast who have a more or less stable
relationship at the start. Don't you think that you're lucky?"
Hiroshi said, "what about the others? I mean, like Konatsu and
Akari?"
Daisuke echoed Hiroshi's sentiments. "Yeah. Us side characters
have rights too, you know."
Mayhem replied. "'We side characters.' And the program isn't
perfect, I told you that from the start. If you want, you can link the
two up and not make much of a splash in the general equation."
Daisuke slumped down on the swivel chair. "I guess were stuck
here," he said. "Either way, people would get hurt, and we were looking
for a chance to end the carnage without much bloodshed."
Mayhem sat on his bed. "Well, there really is no way to end the
entire series at the end of just one day. Besides, the program is just
an approximation."
"Come again?"
"Since the characters move chaotically, the story represents
greatest percentage of what they would do. In my opinion, Cupid would
have just shot everyone without really bothering to create a large
amount of angst in the process."
Hiroshi and Daisuke stood up menacingly. "You mean to tell us
that things didn't have to be that angstful?" Hiroshi said slowly.
"Yes! According to popular culture, Cupid really just nuked
everyone, and a direct hit would have been fatal. Uh... What's going
on?"
There was a loud shimmering in the air as the rest of the Ranma
cast came into Mayhem's room. "I can't believe that we went through all
that if there could have been a better way!" Akane did that blue aura
thing.
Sayuri declared, "Manipulators like you don't deserve to write
anything about us."
Mio mysteriously said, "I don't see any future in your lifeline."
Gosunkugi took out a few spleen bombs that he hadn't used for a
long time.
Shampoo said, "people like you go to very bad place."
Yuka agreed. "You could have done it in a better way? Why all
this drama?"
Mayhem replied sheepishly. "Well... That would have been a lot
cheesier, wouldn't it."
Kuno said, "How dare you use such a base and useless plot on a
character as great and noble as I, Tatewaki Kuno!"
Ranma began cracking his knuckles. "For once, I agree with you.
What say you guys, we do a grand finale?"
The rest of the cast replied with a loud battle cry. They
menacingly approached Mayhem.
"Uh... Guys..." He backed into a corner. "Uh... You don't really
have to do this..." He eeped. "help..."
A loud and bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the Anime Web
ring.
"What was that?" the mysterious keeper of the FFML asked.
The answer came as Mayhem's innards were e-mailed through the
list.
"That's the best ending I've ever seen!" the critics unanimously
declared.
THE END
@----------------------------------------------------------------------@
|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
@----------------------------------------------------------------------@
=> Well, it didn't really end the way I wanted it to be. Darn, I should
have started doing this months ago.
=> Sorry for all those who have put up with the cheesy ending.
=> Apologies to Rumiko Takahashi and all those who own the characters of
Ranma 1/2.
=> Special apologies to the People at the Hill, the NFTZu, and all my
friends who had to put up with my constant bickering these past few
days. (I did the story in four. Should have thought about it more.)
{
"Any last words," the mob asked, as Mayhem was about to be tied above a
sugar bomb.
"Uh... Happy Valentine's Day, everyone?" "DIE!"
}
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