I have no clue who owns the rights to Record of Lodoss War. . .
This is based on the 13-volume OVA series.
Child of Balance: Calibration
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By: Anand Rao
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Every time I close my eyes the dreams come. Awake or asleep, it doesn't
matter. I dream and it's real and it's making me crazy. The dreams are
worse than anything; worse than losing my father, worse than the
frustration I felt at Ghim's death, worse than the guilt I felt at
Wood's disappearance, and. . . yes, even worse than Vagnard taking Deed.
It seems like so long ago, that she was taken, that I held the swords of
power in my hands and defeated a Goddess, and yet, it was only a few
days ago.
A Goddess.
I defeated a Goddess. Oh yes, I felt her rage, and it was nothing. It
was insignificant compared to the power I held that day. It was a
moment that was intrinsically mine, a moment where I could do anything,
a moment where I, and I alone, controlled the nature of life and death.
As always, I ran forward to meet my fate, and as always, I survived.
The people around me, King Kashue, Slayne, even Etoh, think I'm brash
and reckless. They don't understand. I run forward because it's all I
can do, there is nothing else. And now. . . now, I have no where left
to run. The adventure is over, and my quest fulfilled; but the dreams.
. . the dreams never end. I close my eyes and wait with fear, hoping
that they will not come, knowing that they assuredly will; the dreams I
can not run from. . .
I look to the left and weep in pain and sorrow. The carcasses of a
thousand dead dragons and gods lay before me, their blood flowing in
rivers through the land. My father, the mighty Falis has joined them.
So much death and destruction in this pointless war. I do not belong
here, healers were not made for war. Yet, I am the only one left, and
the mad Goddess Kardis stands before me.
And I weep, not for fear of my own death, which is surely coming, but
that I must take a life. All life is precious, but Kardis will destroy
everything, and there is only me. Marfa, the Creator, must end this
war, if the world is to be saved. Perhaps those who come after us will
learn from the error of our ways. . .
I look to the right, and am blinded by rage. Pain and sorrow accompany
it, yes, but no tears. Oh no, no tears. My lover, the all powerful
Falaris lies dead, killed by that pathetic excuse of a god, Falis. He
didn't understand, none of them understand! My beloved was meant to
rule! It was his destiny and they took it from him! How dare they?
HOW DARE THEY!
Everything in existence is his by right! HIS! It will be destroyed,
all of creation will join my beloved in the here after. I am Kardis the
Malevolent, nay, the Destroyer! And none shall stand in my way.
I open my eyes and breathe heavily. I hear the cheering outside, and it
sickens me. The people are happy; they drink and rejoice in ignorance,
but they have no idea what really happened. I'm starting to believe
that they don't really care to understand. They're safe now, so the
dead no longer hold any meaning.
Etoh would say that I am being too judgmental, too harsh. But so many
good men have died, and the people rejoice. Blood has flowed freely,
sons have lost their fathers, wives their husbands, and yet, the people
rejoice. Am I so alone in this grief? The dreams, oh the dreams. . .
Wood was right. It's a knight's fate to die, forgotten, his body
returning to the soil. That's the path I've chosen, but it's not enough
anymore. I want to live, and grow, and learn. I want people to
remember. The never-ending cycle of war, death, and greed has to stop.
I want it to stop. Yet it continues and has continued for years. The
dreams tell me that much; the suffering has existed since the beginning
of time. Marfa's hope, my hope, was never realized. Kardis rage, my
rage, still runs rampant across Lodoss. King Kashue would know what to
do about it. I should tell him, but I won't. How do I explain my
visions, my window to the ancient past?
I can't.
I really don't understand them myself. Perhaps someone else will know
what to do. I have to leave Valis. The help I need, I will not find
here. Knighthood can wait, but the dreams beckon now.
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Parn will be leaving soon. He probably doesn't even realize it yet, but
he can't stay here. He's grown so much in the short time I've known
him, and now, Valis can't contain his spirit. I envy that in humans at
times, their passion for blindly running forward, confident that courage
and heart will see them through.
Elves, even in their youth, do not experience such intensity of
emotions, and I am not a young elf. By human standards, I was old even
when Parn's father was a child. Yet, it will be a thousand years and
more before gray touches my hair and wrinkles line my face. Parn will
grow old, and die, while I remain the same, at least physically. That's
why it's so ridiculously silly how I feel.
I love him. With my whole heart, I love him. Years will pass like
seconds for us, yet I still want to be with him. I don't know when or
how it happened; loving a human was certainly not something that I had
planned. His fire caught me unawares, and then, I was scared that I
would lose him. As it was, we would have so little time together, and
that brave, adorable fool kept putting himself in harm's way.
So, I promised to watch his back, and that's just what I'm going to do,
whether he wants me to or not. It's ironic, though, that with all my
concerns in protecting him, he's the one who ended up saving -me-. I
wonder how he did that. How did this human face the wrath of a Goddess
and survive? Is faith and passion so very powerful? It must be. . .
for a High Elf to fall in love with a human.
He came for me. He was willing to die for me. I'd like to think that
meant something, but I can't be too sure. Parn would have done that for
anyone; that's just the way he is. If he believes he's right, no power,
no authority, no danger can intimidate him. Oh, he can be so
frustrating at times! Falis only knows how many hints I've dropped, and
he's ignored them all. It's strange, really, he doesn't seem to have
any of the lust that is prevalent in most human males. I'll have to do
something about that eventually, I suppose.
I can be stubborn too.
I long for him to hold me, kiss me, caress me. I want to embrace him
tightly at night, and make all his nightmares disappear. Oh yes, I know
about his dreams, I know how they trouble him. I go to his room at
night, when he's asleep, just to look at him. I can stare at him for
hours, without having to worry about that embarrassed, unnerved look he
gets on his face whenever I smile at him.
His sleep is pained and restless. He tosses about, murmuring one
minute, and screaming the next. It is during these times that it is
especially hard for me not to wake him, embrace him, and kiss him into
insensibility. That would be too much, too soon, and an Elf never acts
in haste.
Well, rarely, anyway.
Parn deserves to be happy, and there's small chance of that happening on
whatever quest he takes up next. He has to learn how to enjoy life, and
that means I have to go with him. After all, no one enjoys and
appreciates the wonders of life more than an Elf. Besides, Parn loves
me.
He just doesn't know it yet.
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Coming soon, er, eventually: Child of Balance (COMPLETELY REVISED) Book
1: Contents of Scales.
Okay! Status Report Time!
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For the Love of a Mortal 5: Not Even Started.
For the Sake of the Children 10: Not Even Started.
His Only Begotten Son 2: 30% done.
Chosen Path 2: 30% done.
Juxtaposition (thanks Phil): Who knows? This is my Ranma/UY cross and
has taken up most of my writing time. There are approx. 3 chapters done
(70+ kb), and I haven't posted it anywhere. . . I want to get a bit
more done before I do.
Namaste,
Anand
Anand Rao
anandr@mminternet.com
anandr@deranged-otaku.com
http://www.deranged-otaku.com/
"He's a sex object. He asks for sex and women object."
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