Ukyou's Gaijin
A Ranma � Fan Fiction
By Thor Odinson
Disclaimer: Ranma � is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and is owned
by Viz.
Self-Insertion Warning: Yes, this is a S.I. fanfic. Almost everyone
does one at one point.
Disclaimer 2: Q, a part of the Star Trek universe, is property of
Paramount.
Episode A
January 26, 2000
Nerima Ward, Tokyo, Japan
Today. Today marks the first anniversary of my arrival here. Q, for
some reason, is still giggling at this whole thing. Let him. Far for
me to challenge being thrown into the zaniness [or madness, on other
days] that is of the Ranma � reality. I really couldn't complain; he
teleported me and my sizable apartment building to a vacant lot. It's
earning me money and I have plenty of space. My car's still working,
although I still have problems driving on the left side of the road.
Fortunately, the stores are close enough that one can walk.
Anyway, I digress. One year ago, when I left the Hewlett Packard
office in Atlanta and got in my car, a flash of light appeared in the
passenger seat. After coming to, I looked and saw Q. Yes, the same
guy out of Star Trek. I just stared at him with very wide eyes [like
you would expect someone to literally pop on in!]. He then tells me,
"Well? Aren't you going to say something?" Once I got back to
reality, I told him, "Um�Q�What are you doing here?" He grinned and
said, "Well, besides talking to you, the Continuum has decided to
shuffle the deck, and you are one of the cards, so�voila!" He snaps
his fingers, and the next thing I remember, I am in my room, waking
up. I went upstairs to fix myself something to eat, but before I
entered the kitchen, I noticed that the outside world did not look
like Atlanta or anything close to being in Georgia. And it was COLD!
And to make things worse, hearing the phrase "RANMA, YOU JERK!"
roaring throughout the area brought me to yet another state of shock.
I came to rather quickly, but not quick enough to avoid a flying
red-haired girl who landed on top of me.
Now I have been introduced to the very center of it all: Ranma
Saotome.
But meeting him in his girl form was rather embarrassing for the both
of us. More so since I had inadvertently grabbed his chest [very
bosmy, I might add]. Ranma then said, "Um�could you please stop
groping me?" I got up and apologized. Ranma got up and looked around
the porch and glanced inside the apartment. "Jeez, this place is a
mess."
"This is a bachelor pad, so expect it to be messy. Oh, it's a
pleasure to meet you, Ranma." I was about to offer my hand, but I
bowed instead.
Looking very surprised, Ranma replied, "You know who I am?"
I gestured to him to come downstairs to show him the collection of
Ranma videos as well as my personal manga collection. To make a long
story short, Ranma was in shock.
"That is how I know about you, Ranma. You should have seen what
others have done on the web."
"Just what have they done?" queried a nervous Ranma.
"Oh, lots of things." I replied. "They set up special web pages,
calling them shrines, churches, or temples. What really disturbed me
was the Church of Ryouga�"
Ranma sat on the floor, holding her stomach, saying, "I'm going to be
ill."
I continued. "There was, also, the Shrine to Pantyhose Taro�"
Ranma laid down flat on the floor, saying, "I'm REALLY going to be ill."
"And then there was all the hentai pages�"
Ranma yelled, "SHUT UP! Don't go there, ok?"
I looked at him, and agreed, thinking about a certain perverted
martial artist who I did not need to see right now. Before I could
say anything else, Ranma's stomach grumbled.
"Ya got something to eat?" she asked.
"Sure. Just don't eat everything, ok?"
"Ok."
We then proceeded to eat some leftovers. Then I realized something
very important.
The electricity was still working.
So as Ranma chomped away at his food, I checked the house to see if
everything else was working.
Computers: check
Gas Stove: check
Gas Heat: check
[Fortunately, it was rather mild outside, but it was good to be ready.]
Water: check
Then I turned on the TV and the cable. I regretted my action when I
saw Q on the tube.
"Ah, there you are, Mr. Louis Francisco Perico. How is Nerima?"
Ranma looks at me and asks, "Friend of yours?"
"Nah. Just an extremely powerful supernatural entity known as Q." I
replied. "Q, not that I don't mind leaving my current conditions, but
how in the HELL am I supposed to get to work?!?"
Q pouted. "Aww, poor baby. Got house, car, food, utilities, AND a
future girlfriend�"
Ranma quickly replied, "I am NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!"
Q scornfully replied, "I wasn't referring to you, Ranma Saotome."
"Then who?" I asked.
"And ruin the surprise? Not a chance. Expect a mailman tomorrow. He
will have a letter and a box for you. Bye bye!"
The TV then flickers, then the screen shows a local channel. Then I
realized something else.
I turned to Ranma and asked, "Ranma, am I speaking English to you?"
She gave me a look between bites and said, "Are ya kidding? Your
Japanese is near perfect. Why?"
"I'm hearing you in English and your lips are coinciding with my words."
"You sure you haven't taken anything illegal?"
"Pretty sure." I said.
==
Thor Odinson
Grand Paladin and Acting Patriarch of
The Church of Ukyou, located at:
http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/thechurchofukyou
Unofficial Forger of the BFS-9000 Spatula
Author of "A Tale of Two Crowns"
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