more strangeness by metroanime@mindspring.com
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/
disclaimer #1: i don't own these characters.
disclaimer #2: this is just written for amusement, it is
   NOT intended to be taken as great literature.
definitely a prereader version.
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BOTTLE OF DJINN 3
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 A little black cat turned towards his unwanted companion 
and gave the sort of long suffering look that comes from 
having been around for thousands of years and still 
seeing events like these transpire.

 "I thought you were trying to cheer up ol' Haurvatat, 
weren't you?" Loki scratched his head. "Somehow I don't 
think having Akane Tendo trying to give Ukyou Kuonji a bath, 
or Nabiki in lust with Ranma, or Kasumi and Shampoo in lust with
and married to Ranma is going to give a Persian goddess of purity any 
particular thrill. I just don't see it, meself."

 "This sucks," Toltiir responded without enthusiasm. "I was 
rather hoping that Kasumi would surprise everyone and pull 
a miracle from the jaws of disaster." He never HAD gotten along
with Loki. He'd had a bad feeling about this the moment the
Norse had shown up.

 "Well, look at it this way, shorty." Loki pointed at the scene. 
"Look at the good things that have happened. Ryouga isn't 
completely lost anymore, he can always find Akane's bedroom. 
Mind you, this is annoying the hell out of the fair maiden herself."

 "She is?" Toltiir blinked. "I thought..."

 "No, no, she's a little slow compared to most high 
school girls. And it _is_ Japan, after all. They're all kinda late 
bloomers there."

 "That's not what I've heard," Toltiir mumbled. "OK. 
Ryouga's able to find a bedroom. Nabiki's fabulously wealthy. 
Kasumi's... hmmm. "

 "A lot more limber than I thought she'd be," Loki 
chuckled.

 "Huh? HEY!" Toltiir spat and made a point of NOT 
watching the scene unfolding in Kasumi's room. "I don't do 
lemons." 

 "Then you got about thirty seconds before 
Kasumi gets into some serious Honeymoon action, kittycat." 
Loki chuckled. He was Norse pantheon so lusty behavior was 
expected.

 "Let's see," the cat began. "Hmmm. Tatewaki Kuno? 
No. A horde of vikings? Been done before. Tentacled aliens? 
No, they're all auditioning for that Urotsukidoji/Evangelion fusion. 
Running battle from Urusei Yatsura? Too obscure. Maybe THIS..."
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 "Now, Ranma-kun," whispered Kasumi throatily as 
she unbuttoned his shirt. "We'll see if you're good at something 
besides martial arts."

 Ranma came awake, realizing that maybe fainting had 
NOT been such a good idea after all.

 "Meow?!"

 Ranma stiffened. Two mice crashed through the window,
looking momentarily stunned, then ran down the hallway as if all
the demons of hell were right behind them. Ranma might have agreed
with the sentiment if he were able.

 Cats appeared, streaming through the window, racing over
the bed, swarming over the occupants, and finally speeding down the
hallway after the two white mice. There alley cats and sleek persians,
dark Abyssinians and tailless Manx. They only had one thing in common
other than species, each was unheeding of all obstacles as they pursued
the two mice.

 Kasumi sat back and pouted, blowing a few cathairs out of her
mouth as she did so. "Well, that was...unusual, eh, Ranma-kun? Ranma-kun?"

 Ranma looked up from where he was crouched near the foot of
the bed. "Mrowr?!"
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 Nabiki considered the bottle as she fitted the often ignored 
"Occupied" sign into place and closed the door to the furo. A nice hot
soak, well she'd launched a number of plans from there before. Most
had worked out.

 She opened the inner door and paused, KNOWING that 
someone was hiding behind the door. Running through a number of
suspects, she eliminated most and smiled. "It's OK, Ukyou. I'm not
Akane."

 "How much?" The chef's voice came from her position.
"How much is this going to cost me?"

 "Two deluxe okonomiyaki specials with all the trimmings
at a lunch to be named later." Nabiki thought about it. "Make it four
and I won't tell Akane where to find you."

 "Done." Ukyou didn't hesitate a heartbeat.

 Nabiki smiled and closed the door. Sure, she had enough
money to not worry for a long time to come, but she didn't want to
get rusty either.

 "Nabiki, what's going on? Akane's been acting awfully
weird, Ryouga walked out of Akane's room and came back out of
Akane's closet a moment later, a horde of cats went through a few
minutes ago pursuing a couple of white mice, and there was a priest
wandering through here not too long ago looking for wedding sake.
I mean, things are pretty weird around here, but this is just gone
way past my tolerance levels." Ukyou paused. "And you just came
fully dressed into your own bathroom."

 "Make that an additional condition for my silence. Your
silence." Nabiki thought about this for a moment. "Bottle, tell me 
about each of the wishes that have been made so far."

 The bottle spoke, which reminded Ukyou where she'd
last seen the thing.

 "Fang-boy's instant wish was to be able to find Akane
Tendo's bedroom. He can't find anything else, but he can sure find
that bedroom now. His second wish was a bit strange, but he then
wished that Akane Tendo would be in love with some guy named
Ukyou."

 "HEY!" Ukyou glared at the bottle, then stalked over and
grabbed the bottle in Nabiki's hand. "Well, I wish she'd be content
that any relationship with me remains platonic!"

 "GRANTED!" Crackle. Thoom.

 "Ukyou, give that back." Nabiki stepped towards Ukyou
who danced back away in response.

 "Growf!" A panda's arm slid the window back the rest of
the way and the other arm snagged the bottle. Ukyou didn't let go
though, so she was dragged out the window after her.

 "AT LAST, SAOTOME!" Soun grinned at his partner in
crime. "Our houses will be joined!"

 "Growf!" The panda held the bottle up, ignoring kicks 
from Ukyou who was still holding tightly to the genie's prison. "Growf
growf growf!"

 The bottle spoke again. "I'm not fluent in panda."

 Soun gently broke the grip of the chef, then held up 
the bottle as soon as Genma relinquished it. Okay, he knocked
Ukyou out from behind then tugged the bottle from his friend's
grip. "I wish that Ranma and Akane were happily married!" 

 "Granted!" Crackle. Thoom.
---------------------------------------
 Kasumi, already happily married to Ranma, heard the
thunder and moaned as Ranma nuzzled the area where neck met
shoulder. He'd come out of the cat fist in accordance with the 
parameters of Nabiki's second wish.

 Akane blinked, looked over at a bewildered but happy
Mousse, and smiled happily at her husband.
---------------------------------------
 Soun looked at the bottle. "Granted? That's it?"

 "What did you want? Both Ranma and Akane are
happily married. Isn't that what you wished for?"

 Genma came up and held out his hand, having
used a cup of hot tea to turn back into his human form.

 Soun, deep in thought, handed over the bottle.

 "I wish that I didn't turn into a panda!"

 "GRANTED!" Crackle. Thoom. Splash!

 A thousand gallons of fresh Jusenkyo 
springwater splashed down in the Tendo backyard.
The sudden flood swept over two middle-aged men, a bottle
(which was unaffected), an unconscious chef, the two white mice
who were hiding, splashed the girl stalking out of the house
(to retrieve her bottle), the three carp in the pond, and the
unfortunate horde of cats.
--------------commercial break--------------------
 "Hi, I Rink! douzo"
 "Hi, I Pink! douzo"
 "Many peoples no know us in America. douzo"
 "Partly because no many people watch Ranma, and also no
English release issues we appears in. douzo"
 "That's why," the two amazons said, speaking in unison
and pulling out nearly identical cards, "we carries this!"
VOICEOVER: "Passports. Don't leave your country without them."
--------------------------------------------------------
 Genma used her fingers to flick water out of her eyes
and realized that this hadn't been the most intelligent wish that she
could have made.

 Soun's gaze conveyed the same opinion.

 "Hmmm," Nabiki hummed. She had the most odd urge to
go bake cookies.

 "Saotome, that was not a very good wish to make."

 "Pardon me," a young lady with white hair and a high 
forehead interrupted. "Do I understand  correctly that the brass 
bottle there is able to contravene the normally immutable laws of
physics and to grant something like wishes?"

 "Wow, Brain!" A vapid-looking woman with similar
white hair and a much lower forehead exclaimed. "Do you suppose
you can get your deposit back on that one?"

 "Perhaps the device needs adjustment?" The first
white-haired woman said, glaring at the second one. "If I might
take a look at it, I can see if it's defective."

 Genma looked down at her gi, still in shock, and
actually handed the bottle over until she realized what she had
just done.

 "BWAHAHAHAHA!" A former white mouse held the
bottle up to the heavens. "I wish that I ruled the world!"

 "Sorry, outside my scope, only local changes allowed."

 "Ooooo. The bottle spoke, Brain." Pinky captured the
pretty bottle before it could hit the ground.

 The Brain realized just how Bad this could be and
froze. Not the most effective survival mechanism to be sure.

 "Wish that we were freed of these curses," suggested
Genma then thought about it. "Wish that we were free of ALL 
curses."

 "Wish that we didn't have so many houseguests,"
said Soun, eyes huge as he continued to count naked young
attractive women (some of whom used to be cats) trying to
get used to the novel concept of standing on two legs.

 Nabiki realized that her self control was rapidly
being eroded by the lust spell. Only one thing to do. "Wish
that Nabiki had a Ranma of her very own." Unfortunately,
she wouldn't get the chance.

 "No, Pinky," mumbled the Brain as he realized that
his associate was about to say something. "Please no."

 "I wish..." Pinky began, then noticed that she was
a naked and quite attractive young woman in someone's 
backyard. "I wish I had..."
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 still not quite satisfied with making it Spring Of Drowned
Girl water. may have to go for something more "exotic"