Here they are Ch 1 n 2
2 is new, but it builds on #1. RSVP with commentary
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Ranma 1/2: Stranger in a stranger land.
by Trevor Laughlin
Based on the works and characters of Rumico Takahashi
An attempt in 'not-so creative' writing.
And so it begins
Opening Scene:
Thursday, during the school year, late spring.
A cab pulls up to the Japanese boarding house. A young western man in his mid teens
wearing jeans and a white dress shirt exits the cab. Assorted duffle bags and suitcases
accompany him to the doorway. A large, overly friendly white dog greets him with a
flying tackle. -Woof!-
Ken: Whoa there big fellah!
Dropping a duffle bag and bracing for the slobbering impact of the white mogul.
Ken: (pinned on the ground and currently being licked into the concrete) My. You are the
friendly sort aren't you.
Female voice from above: Actually he only does that to people he likes usually. Consider
that a stamp of approval, licked and all (the voice giggles). Come here Suichiro.
Suichiro gets off the boy and walks to his mistress' side.
The lick-wified youth gets up and we finally get our first good look at him. He
sports light brown hair with a parting through the middle and brown eyes behind square,
black rimmed glasses. He is clean shaven and he stands about 5'10.
Ken: Auntie Karrini-san I presume? (said in conveniently good Japanese)
Karrini: Welcome to Maison Ikoku Urdly-san. I....
Ken: <interrupting> Please, NOT Urdly san. Ken. Just 'Ken' if you don't mind Auntie
Karrini. (under his breath) I can't STAND that last name. Gee I hope this isn't a cultural
thing.
Karrini: Ok, Ken. Welcome to Japan. Is this your first visit here? You Japanese is very
good. (escorting him inside and carrying some of the lighter bags herself leaving him the
trunk to pull on his own)
Ken tries his hand at the task of moving the trunk and talking at the same time.
Pushing, -grunt- "Well, yes. *groan* Sort of. *urp*. I mean." giving up with no success.
Pulling: "You see *Hurg!*. I had some *grunt* practice *pant-pant* speaking in Little
Tokyo back home, (resting against the trunks side sweating) but that's not the same, is
it?" His futile struggles do not budge the trunk on inch.
Karrini smiling at his struggle puts down the bags and comes to the young man's aid.
She gives him a warm motherly smile and offers him a hand up.
Karrini gives the trunk a quick heave-to and carries it inside with no effort at all. Ken
stares, eyes bugged out, mouth agape, blushing in astonishment. His head quickly falls
to his chest and into his hand in shame. A little anime octopus pops onto his head
carrying a "How embarrassing sign." In his embarrassment, he fails to notice the dog,
Suichiro, pointing and laughing at him.
Karrini (from inside the boarding house) "No, nothing's ever easy the first time round.
That's what your mother told me in high school and it's still true today."
As Ken goes to pick up his bags, Suichiro resumes normal 'dog-like' behaviour before
anyone can notice. Still, Ken gives the dog an accusing stare just to make sure and
charges inside with his bags.
Scene: backing away from the house, we hear Ken and Karrini-san talking.
Karrini: "The tenants are out today so we can get you packed in and ready for school
tomorrow."
Ken: "SCHOOL?! Already! But I just got here."
Karrini: "Oh, come on. It's a nice school just down the road. Furenken High. You'll like it
there. I've heard it's a nice quiet school.
Ken (fading): My pen pall said there would be days like this.
Scene: Fade to black- cut to tomorrow, Friday, morning after hearing the now
infamous words of Kuno: " I love you both, I would date with thee!" (enter comical chase
music as Tatewaki Kuno chases the elusive pig tailed girl and Akane Tendo for the
umpteenth time).
Ken is peacefully cycling down from Maison Ikoku to school. Today, he wears a
zip-up yellow sweatshirt, a white T-shirt, jeans and a blue baseball hat. His route today
happens to be part of the typical route from the Tendo dojo to Furenken. As he near the
street near the waterway two coloured streaks, one red (Ran-chan) and one light blue
(Akane) zip across his path kicking up clouds of dust in their wake.
Ken screeches to a halt. A figure lands in front of him and poses dramatically
(Kuno, of course) followed by a flash of blue light and the sound of rolling thunder. His
wooden sword is drawn and he is garbed in his traditional blue outfit.
Ken: *Blink-blink*
Kuno: I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furenken High will have of what I would
claim as mine own. (charges off in pursuit after the two dust trails).
Sasuke (following moments later with the lighting equipment and the thunder
machine),speaking to Ken : Um,... I'm with him (to Kuno). Master Kuno, wait for me, this
equipment is heavy, *THUD*. (as a 250 watt speaker falls over and crushes Sasuke.
Ken: *Blink-blink* Ooooh Kaaaay. Right. Off to school.
He continues cycling towards school with an overtly stiff posture and a wary
expression on his face.
Ken (thoughts): Well, I guess even Japan has to have it's share of weirdness.
This thought barely said, a bicycle bell rings out. Birds take to the air and squawk
out in protest as Shampoo rides along an overhead power line to fulfil an early morning
delivery.
Ken: *Blink* (Silence. His head turns to follow the phenomenon).
<C-R-A-S-H!> Ken finds himself face first into a concrete pole. His front tire is
ruined and his face is in much the same state. His body is contorted into a state that
would make a yoga master flinch.
Scene: fade out from a groaning Ken to the front of Furenken High. In the bicycle stand,
you see the beat-up contraption that used to be Ken's bike. The bell rings, it is 9 o'clock.
We go to Ranma (now male) & Akane's classroom. Ken stand at the front to be
introduced by the teacher
Ranma to Akane: Hey? Where's Nabiki today?
Akane to Ranma: Didn't you hear at home?
Ranma to Akane: No? (with indignation) Pop had me chasing down the old lech last
night in the public baths.
Akane to Ranma: Kasumi said she came down with the flu last night (looking
concerned). She's ok. But she's gonna miss school today.
Ranma to Akane: Hey who's that? (indicating to Ken)
Akane to Ranma: I don't know? (smiling) He's kinda cute.
Akane's opinion seems to be shared by most of the girls in the class as they stare
at the strange young foreigner with wrapped attention and dreamy eyes. This unnerves
Ken to a small degree.
Ranma: (frowning at Akane's reaction to Ken)
Many of the boys of the class are of a similar frame of mind, particularly Kuno
(who's used to being the centre of attention). This unnerves Ken to a greater degree.
Akane: (smiles at Ranma's reaction to her reaction)
Faceless teacher (gather the classes attention with an 'Er-hem'): Class, we're very
honoured to have a special guest today and for the rest of the school year. Mr. Kenneth
Urdley (at the 'Urdley' a snicker comes from the class and a sigh from Ken). He's here
from Canada after winning the International Arts and Poetry Competition (this time a
snicker comes from the boys at class and a sigh from girls smattered with comments of
'How romantic' and 'He's so dreamy').
At this Ken virtually goes red in the face. Putting his hand behind his head he
manages a half hearted laugh "Ah, well, you see I've never really thought I was all that
good." To this point the class is in a dichotomy of statements ranging to either "Ah, he's
no good." (boys again) or "Oh, he's just being modest."
A voice from the class: "Prove it!"
The idea is seconded and gains support rather quickly.
Faceless Teacher : Yes. I think that would be an excellent idea. Ken would you favour
us with a sample of handiwork?
Ken: Well I didn't bring any of my works with me today, but <cut off>
Another voice: "See!"
Ranma's expression get's more smug.
Ken: But I could do something live if you wanted? How about a sketch of one of
classmates?
The class mumbles its approval
Ken: Alright. Who?
The class is in an uproar of female voices and hands begging to have their turn. Akane's
voice is not one of them, given her modesty; a fact for Ranma is secretly thankful.
Ranma (thoughts): Sure glad Akane's not into that 'art stuff'
It is Kuno's voice that is heard above the rabble.
Kuno: There is not one beauty that can only be found in the beholders eyes. For there
are only two things of such pure beauty worthy of such preservation; Akane Tendo and
the pig tailed girl. Alas it is but to my sorrow that the latter is not here for her wild spirit
would surely adorn the canvas like a raging fire. Yet as fortune would see to show me
grace Akane Tendo IS among us and WILL be the soul of your art.
The reaction on Ken's face is pure fear <thoughts> "Oh great, the psycho with the sword
from this morning. Great choice in schools Aunt Karinni."
Faceless Teacher (who is now counting a wad of bills handed to him by Sasuke): Yes. I
think that would be an excellent idea Master Kuno. And as the subject of the drawing we
will have (receiving instructions from Sasuke), Ms. Tendo.
Ken: (confusion apparent) What the ...? Who? Pig tailed what? What gives you the right
to..? Where's the logic behind..? Oh, never mind.
Resigned to the decision of the mob and their leader. Ken pulls out his
sketchbook and begins to set up. Oddly enough, the class, save Ranma and Akane,
root the decision onward. Akane is caught somewhere between scared and
embarrassed. Ranma is just pissed at Kuno. Ken, sensing the tension, tries to sooth the
situation by talking with Akane. He walks over to Akane's desk with 11 X 17 sketchpad
and pencil in hand. Sitting on Ranma's desk he turns to Akane and starts talking. The
class slowly silences and some begin to gravitate towards Akane's seat.
Ken: Urm... miss? The class seems to support Mr. Kuno's decision here. Now let me just
take a stab in the dark here, but you've never posed before have you?
His pencil already stars to move on the paper.
Akane: (flushing) Er, no. I haven't.
Ken: And you're worried that about begin the centre of attention, right?
Akane looks away and blushes a bit more.
Ken: Well that's to be expected. Everyone gets a bit nervous sometimes, right?
Akane return her gaze to Ken. he returns the growing smile.
Ken:<thought> Keep talking to her.
Ken (to Akane and the class): Well, you all know I'm not from around here. I'm from
Canada. Let's see, what can I say about Canadians? We only have two seasons in
Canada, winter and construction.
The class moans at the joke, but the tension level goes down a bit
Ken: Right, keep off the bad Canadian humour. I come from a place called Vancouver.
It's about 30 minutes from another city called Toronto. Toronto is the capital of Canada;
oh sure the maps say it's Ottawa, but we're trying to change that.
The classes attention is now divided, half (incl. Akane) listen to the story, the other half
(incl. Ranma) watch Ken draw with rapt attention.
Ken: Our national food is maple syrup and bacon, and our national sport is hockey. We
have this other place in Canada called Quebec; its a city and a state. We want it to
leave Canada so it'll be a shorter drive to Newfoundland. But the real kicker is the polar
bears in winter. It's just so hard trying to go from one igloo to your neighbours without
running into one of them.
Ranma <thought>: He's got to be bluffing.
Akane: You're just making all that stuff up. (putting on a relaxed smile of disbelief)
Ken (putting down the pencil and putting both hands up in the air): Oh, darn. Caught
red-handed. But do you know what the best part about spinning tall tales is Akane-san?
Akane: What's that Ken?
Ken: It keeps subjects from suspecting that they're being drawn.
And with a small flourish, he produces for her and the class a sketch so like
Akane, that if it were not pencil, you would mistake it for a photograph. She is posed,
seated with a shy half smile on her lips; charming, yet innocent.
Ranma: <thought> Wow, he is good! But that can't be Akane he drew, she's looks to ....
cute. (He mentally winces at the expected pain of verbalizing that thought.
To the applause of the class he hands the sketch to Akane,
Akane: *speechless*
Ken: For you, for being such a good sport.
Akane: (surprised) Why thank you.
A flash of black crosses the screen and the picture disappears from Akane's
hand. Materializing on top of the desk, Sasuke stands holding the sketch rolled in his
hands. "I claim this piece of art in the name of the House of Kuno."
Akane: The drawing!
Ranma; Hey, give that back you little creep!
Kuno: Sasuke you idiot! What are you doing?
Sasuke: What? You do not want it Master Kuno? Ok. I'll keep it then. (and he darts off
through the door muttering something of the fair and sweet look of Akane.)
Ranma (in pursuit): Come back here with that you little thief!
Kuno (angry, in chase): Sasuke! (boken raised and out the door).
The scene turns back to the classroom as the students move towards the door to follow
the chase. Ken turns to Akane as they follow the crowd: "So, I guess this is like,
'unusual' for your school right? Your putting on some special shown for the gai gin?" he
says only half believing his own words.
Akane (blushing at the truth of the matter): "Actually no. This is a pretty typical day.
Quiet by most standards.."
A huge sweat drop emerges on both his and Akane's head.
Sasuke takes Ranma and Kuno down a merry chase through the halls of the
school darting in and out of classrooms past the gym. All the time Sasuke is throwing
shuriken at Ranma forcing him to dodge left and right off the walls and the ceiling.
These shotts interfere with Kuno more than anything else and he ends up the victim of
Sasuke's ninja webbing, yet again. 'Round the corner and past the pool the merry
chases proceeds (yes, Ranma chan appears about here) which is fortunate, because
out of the girls change room comes a small masked figure and a sack of female
underwear. This second figure (Haposai) is trailed by a score of unhappy young women.
Accordingly, the two 'ninjas' collide and, subsequently the drawing goes flying.
Ranma, agile and quick on the uptake as ever, sails over the two prone forms and
catches the artwork in mid-flight. By now the girls have caught up with the 'two' panty
thieves and are proceeding stomp them into the pavement.
As the trailing crowd catches up we find Ranma-kune walking round the building
with a bit of steam coming off his head courtesy of a well placed Panda and a kettle of
hot water (which no one else notices, of course). Also, Ukyo , dressed as a guy today,
has joined the group by now and is muttering her greetings to Akane. Ken is un-burying
himself from the crowd in the back somewhere as his hat tries to edge its way towards
the crowd.
Ranma (tossing the scrolled drawing to Akane): Here you go Akane. Got it back in one
piece. (seeing Ukyo) Hey Uk-chan. (smiles)
Ukyo: Hey there Ranma-honey (smiles).
School bell rings signalling lunch time, Ken has almost fought his way to the front of the
crowd.
Ranma: All-right lunchtime! (turning to the bell and ignoring the two girls, eliciting twin
frowns) Nothing like a good meal after a morning workout. (walks towards cafeteria in a
good mood).
Ken (finally managing to get to the front of the crowd and Akane): *pant-pant* ...the
drawing ....? ....is it?
Akane and Ukyo turn their attention to Ken. The latter stares at the newcomer for a bit,
Ken doesn't notice (play a bit of dreamy music). Ukyo then realizes she's blushing and
turns away.
Akane: Oh! Ranma got it back. See? (proffering the drawing)
Ranma: Hey are you two coming or not?
Akane, Ukyo and Ken (simultaneously): Ok!
They all stop, turn, look at each other, blink and burst out laughing.
Ken: You two go on (Akane and Ranma), I'll take my lunch out here.
Akane grabs him by the arm. She shakes her head and speaks: No deal. You're having
lunch with me Ranma and Ukyo. Isn't that right Ranma?
Ranma: Nanda?!
Ukyo's face slips a little. Clearly Ranma was hoping for the two to come along to be
Ukyo and Akane, not Ken.
Akane: Gimme a hand with him Ukyo? (grabbing Ken's left arm)
Ukyo: Sure thing Akane. (grabbing his right)
We see the two girls dragging Ken between them to the cafeteria. Slow fading to next
scene, we can hear Ken comment to Ukyo: Excuse me sir, have we been formally
introduced?
Ukyo: Er,... My friends call me Uk-chan. :)
Scene: 5 minutes later in the cafeteria
Fade in to Akane's voice asking the question to Ken: So how do you like Japan so far?
Ken is currently struggling with the concept of chopsticks and noodles. Grab, slip, fall
into plate. Grab, slip, fall into plate. Grab, almost make it to the mouth, then slip and fall
into plate. The trio watch the struggle with amusement: Well I can't say for sure. I've
heard that the food is great. I'd love to try it one of these days; should I not starve before
that (the sarcasm drips of the statement like so many noodles of his chopsticks. He's
probing for a laugh)
He's finds what he's searching for as all three laugh; Ranma's being the
smuggest laugh of the three.
Ken: (muttering)... my kingdom for a fork. *Blink-blink*
Uk-chan hands him a spatula (smiling, with a bit of slyness).: Keep it. I got plenty. Don't
worry, you'll get used to chop sticks.
Ken: Where did you....?
Akane, trying to cover: Ken?
Ken (distracted from Ukyo to Akane): Yes?
Akane: Japan?
Ken (regaining his train of thought): Oh yes, Japan. Well I've seen a couple of films of it
in school (though bubble of Godzilla stomping through city). I spent some time in Little
Tokyo back home in Vancouver to get a knack for the language. And of course my mom
was born and raised in Hong Kong, so I know some Cantonese and Mandarin as well.
But nothing really prepared me for my first night. Ken sips a cola as the scene fades
out.....
Ken (orating): It was my first night at the public baths.
.... fade in to a scene of a typical Tokyo public bath. Men sit in the various pools. A
young teen pleads with a small boy with blue hair, horns and a tiger stripped bathing
suit. Muttered conversations go on in the background "... Come on Tenchi, the girls
would be disappointed if we didn't try."
Scene pans left.
Ken (orating): I was just relaxing, trying to unwind after the flight in. When all of a
sudden.
(Haposai chase music) Screams from the girl's side of the shower dominated by the yell
of Ranma-chan "Hold still you old lech!". The wall separating the two sides explodes and
Haposai is being chased by a topless Ran-chan, her lower half barely covered by a
towel. Haposai bounds along happily as a pervert with a bra (as he has one in hand).
Ken (orating): When this really small old man breaks through the wall and runs along
with this redhead's bra.
Ranma (standing, slamming his fists onto the table and yelling): IT WASN'T MY BRA!
The cafeteria is silent, save for others mumbling about Ranma and issue's of his past
crossdressing.
Ken stares at Ranma, speechless. Akane and Ukyo are having a great deal of difficulty
trying to contain themselves from not breaking down and crying out in laughter.
Ranma (sitting, trying to recover): I mean, it might not have been her's you know...
The cafeteria resumes its background hum.
Ken: .... (bewildered at Ranma's outburst as much as Uk-chan and Akane's giggling)
... Yes. Well, anyways. Come to think of it, you could be right Ranma, her bust did look
pretty small.
Ranma glowers at those at the table as Akane and Ukyo are just inches off of going into
hysterics. Ken, is still in the dark. Ranma forehead rests on the table and a groan
escapes his lips.
Ken (as an afterthought, to no one in particular): You know, she was kinda cute. Maybe
she'd want to go out on a date or something.
That did it. Ranma's head hits the floor eyes unfocussed as Ukyo and Akane lose it all
and just bellow out in laughter, tears et all.
Ken just stares in wonderment. <thought> "I'll never understand Japanese culture."
Ignoring that dilemma for the time being, he tackles his next dilemma, a sphere of rice.
He contemplates trying to eat rice the proper way with chop sticks. His stomach
grumbles.
He subsequently skewers the ball on one stick and devours it shishkabob style
(Scene: backing away to the laughter of the girls).
Scene story 2: .....That night....
Open scene, end of school day, treetop perspective of kids leaving from class. A still
fuming Ranma, Ken and Akane (in conversation) walk out. Ukyo waves good-bye to
them in the distance and head of in the opposite direction.
Ken (waving back): That Uk-chan seems to be a pretty ok guy.
Ranma comes out of his fuming for a moment and looks at Akane. She matches his look
and smiles: (Akane said to Ken) Yah. Uk-chan is a childhood friend of Ranma's.
Ken: Cool.
A group of school girls walk by giggling and wave to Ken with a united, "Hi Ken.
*tee-hee-hee*". Ken responds with a gentlemanly bow and doffs his baseball hat grinning.
"Ladies." Their giggling redoubles and they race away. Ken kneels to unlock what's left
of his bike while continuing the conversation with Ranma and Akane.
Akane: Gee Ken, what happened to your bike?
Ken: Well, you see. Er,.. you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Ranma: Try us.
Ken.: (struggling to lift the bike out of the rack) Ok. I drove *hurmp!* it into a concrete
poll *urg* after something *yerrrargh* distracted me. *pant-pant* (no success again).
Akane (gives a swift tug and yanks the bike out with one hand): So. What distracted
you?
Ken (a 'how embarrassing' look on his face): Unh, a girl with purple hair in pink silk
pyjamas riding a bicycle on a telephone wire.
Ranma: Hah-hah!
THWAK! Akane hits Ranma on the side of the head
Ranma: Hey! What'd you do that for?
Akane: Don't make fun of him. He's new here. How could he know about Shampoo.
Ken now begins to blush and smile.
Ken (jokingly): You do know, you two fight like you're a married couple.
Ranma and Akane: ....
Ken: What? What'd I say?
Ranma: Well, you see, (with great difficulty) we're kinda..... well our parents....
Ken: Ranma, you talk like a man condemned...
Ranma (lightly): Gee, when you put it that way...
SMACK! Akane returns a small hammer to her school bag which she has hit Ranma
over the head with (darn she pulls those things out quick).
Akane (sulking): Our parents made an arranged marriage. We're engaged.
Ken: Well then. Congratulations are in order.
Ranma (sulking and nursing the previous wound): That's YOUR opinion!
SMACK! (doesn't he ever learn?): Akane returns the same small hammer to her school
bag, yet again. A second lump is now beside the first.
Ranma (sulking and nursing a second wound):... OW!
Akane (insulted): Shut up Ranma. It's not as if I'm the only one causing you misery.
Ken: 'not the only one' ? You mean there's another fiance? Who?
As if waiting for a cue, "Nihao!" CRUSH! Ranma is now face down on the ground,
caught under Shampoo's delivery bicycle. In the surprise, Ken jumps into Akane's arms
like a scared toddler "Yow! Timing.".
Akane (a bit sore at Ken him jumping into her arms): Ken Urdley (wince), meet
Shampoo. Ranma's other fiance.
Ken in Akane's arms, raises his hat off his head in greeting. Speaking in fluent
Cantonese to Shampoo: It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, dear lady.
Shampoo, pleasantly surprised to meet someone who can speak to her in her
own language begins to talk up a storm with Ken, who is, incidentally still in Akane's
arms. Ranma can still be heard groaning over the weight of the bike on top of him.
Akane (annoyed): Er, HEM!
Ken (recognition dawning): Oh yes, *blush*. Sorry.
Akane drops Ken on his butt and, as Ranma's moans become louder, Shampoo moves
off his body. Both boys get up and dust themselves off. Shampoo attempt to coddle
Ranma's wounds and Akane looks upon him with ire. Ken, wisely stays out of the way. It
is Shampoo who breaks the silence.
Shampoo: Here. All you take one (she hands out some fliers, one to each of the three
there). We have special at Nekohanten this week. Take out and delivery get you free
bowl of Ramen. (smiling a smile that would melt ice in winter).
Ken (in Japanese now): Why thank you miss.
Shampoo gives Ken a polite smile and turns her attention back to her betrothed.
"Ranma, when you come date with Shampoo?"
Akane's getting pissed again.
Ranma: The day hell freezes.... THWAK! (you think he'd have learned).
This time it's Shampoo that's landed the blown. Akane seems much more
satisfied now that Ranma's unconscious. Grabbing him by the collar, she turns her head
towards Dr. Tofu's place.
Akane (to the unconscious form): Come on Ranma, time to get you fixed up again.
Ranma: -assorted sounds of pain issue from his body-
Akane (to Ken): Well I've got to go home now Ken. Thanks again for the great drawing.
See you Monday. Bye.
Ken: Goodbye Tendo-san. Give Ranma my regards when he wakes up.
Shampoo continues looking towards the walking away figures of Ranma and Akane.
Ken interrupts her thoughts with an extended hand.
Ken: It was a pleasure meeting you Shampoo.
Shampoo gives a quick smiley nod and a grunt of agreement, when suddenly, a sharp
electronic beeping goes off near her waist. "Hi-ya! (worried) Shampoo almost forget
delivery." Her bike turns a sharp 180 degrees and rockets off in a northerly direction,
eventually taking to the rooftops and fences.
Ken: *Blink-blink*, *Blink-blink*. Wow. So it wasn't jetlag hallucinations. Well that's one
way to beat traffic. (He stuffs the voucher into his bag and wheels his bike homeward).
Scene: We back away from Ken and begin to hear the conspiracy theme music. You
know, the one where the villains plot their dastardly plans. The camera pans to the back
of the school. There, Sasuke, kneeling in front of a seated Kuno, plot in private.
Kuno: Who knows what lurks in the eye of the beauty's beholder as the image of Akane
Tendo and the Pig tailed girl. (becoming angered) I too would know that beauty if you
didn't foul the theft of the portrait Sasuke.
Sasuke: I'm sorry Master Kuno.
Kuno: Sorry does not get me what I want! (Face coming to mad tears, mouth agape,
hands flexing involuntarily) Oh, if it were only I that had returned the stolen portrait to
Akane. Then her gratitude would shower upon me like rain upon the humble grass. Do
you know what that would MEAN?!
Sasuke: No, Master Kuno. Master? Master Kuno?
Sasuke's voice goes unheard as Kuno's mind enters a pastel fantasy of him and
Akane. The background is a light pink with soft music permeating the air.
Kuno: Here, fair Akane Tendo, is the lost portrait of thyself
Akane: Oh Kuno. You are so wise and handsome (yep, this is a fantasy all right) how
can I ever repay you for this act of kindness.
Kuno looks down to see Akane with her head pressed against his chest, eyes averted.
His hand strays down and touches her cheek. She looks up, their eyes meet and slowly
their lips close upon each other.
Akane (in Sasuke's voice): Oh Master. How could I have known that you felt this way.
The fantasy bubble bursts (stop fantasy and play 'blunder' music) and we see
Kuno with Sasuke blushing in his lap. The scene cuts to the sun setting and Kuno's
penetrating scream of agony ripping across the skyline as it grows dark with storm
clouds. Thunder can be heard in the distance.
Scene: Slow zooming in towards Maison Ikoku. The sky is darkened but no rain has yet
begun to fall. All of the room lights are out save one. Closing in on that, we enter into
Ken's room where we see him packing away clothes. It is a relatively spacious room,
equivalent to Akane's in proportion. School books are piled on his work desk and a small
stereo system is on the chest of drawers beside it. It's clock register's 8:30 pm. Against
the far wall, we see an artist's angular drawing table and an overhead lamp. On the wall
is a "Priss and the Replicants" poster. Leaning against it are a artist's easel, a
synthesizer and a trunk labelled 'stuff'.
Ken can be heard rummaging along in the background humming along with a Phil
Collins tune "...and I can feel it comin' in the other night,... woah-oh....". Contrary to
popular belief, white men do have some rythmn and Ken keeps with the tune rather well.
We eventually pan around to Ken opening the mini fridge in the room, to find it
completely empty, save one bottle of Helman's mayonnaise and half a bottle of milk. (
'duh!' sound goes off ).
Ken: Aw great. I knew I forgot to do something; groceries. (Looking to his wristwatch)
There's no way any store's going to be open this late. (lightning crashes across the
windowsill) Not that I'd want to go out in weather like this. Man, that's gonna be some
downpour.
Springing upon an idea Ken digs deep into his knapsack. He quickly fishes out
the flyer handed to him by Shampoo that afternoon.
Ken: All right! Hot food tonight. (seizes the phone while squatting on the floor)
He dials up the number on the brochure. <Ring!> <Ring!>
It is a busy night at the Nekohanten. Customers are starting to flock in to take
cover from the rain that is beginning. The phone rings. Mouse who is washing the dishes
with rubber gloves answers the phone. Well, he tries to answer the phone. He actually
answers a ladle.
Mouse: Hello? <Ring!> Hello?! <Ring!> Geez this stupid thing never works. (shaking
ladle) HELLO?
<WHACK!> Cologne's cane come down on mouse square in the head. <OW!>
While stunned, the cane (under Cologne's dexterous control) exchanges the ladle with
the receiver of the phone.
Mouse (a bit woozy): Hello Nekohanten.
Ken: Hello I'd like to have an order of Peking duck for takeout.
Mouse (snapping to furious attention): What are you some kind of psychotic cannibal?!
(hangs up phone).
Cologne: Who was that Mouse?
Mouse: Eh? Wrong number...
Cut back to Ken's apartment. "Gee, I guess he must be a vegetarian. I'll try again.
Maybe this time I'll get someone normal."
Dialling again: <Ring!> <Ring!>
Mouse tries to answer the phone again, this time acquiring a gravy boat; filled
with water.
Mouse (on floor as Mu Mu Chan):<Ring!> Quack? <Ring!> Quack!
Cologne can only sigh and answer the phone herself. She po-go's over on her stick.
Cologne: "Hello, Nekohanten? ... Yes we do serve Chinese cuisine. ..... No, we're not
strictly vegetarian (a bit surprised)."
Mouse can be seen in the background wringing the gravy boat trying to improve
the reception. Eventually it slips out of his hand/wing and lands on his head. Now he
wanders around the kitchen floor aimlessly, bumping into stuff and eventually knocking
himself unconscious.
Cologne: Um-hm. Yes... (writing down order) Yes. That comes to 1600 Yen. Your order
will be there as soon as possible. Thank you, have a nice day.
Cologne (to Shampoo): Shampoo dear?
Shampoo approaches after serving a table. She has changed outfits since we
saw her last. "Yes great grandmother?"
Cologne: Granddaughter, I need you to take this order of Peking duck and shrimp fried
ramen out (pulls out a bag and hands it to her) to a house called Maison Ikoku (insert
address here).
Shampoo looks out at the weather and cringes a little. She doesn't like getting wet.
Cologne, in the meantime is pouring a kettle of hot water onto Mouse.
Mouse (screaming): <YOW!> You don't have to make it boiling hot you know.
Cologne responds with another club to the head. "Show respect to your elders and get
back to work. You should be thankful I didn't use you n the last order."
Shampoo (with some regret): Hiya grandmother <sigh>
Cologne (sensing her Granddaughter's dismay): If you hurry Granddaughter, I will give
you the rest of the night off to spend chasing my future son in law. (Gently lifting her chin
up with the cane). Now what do you say to that?
Shampoo (smiling greatly): Hiya! Shampoo do order right away and go see Ranma!
Thank you great grandmother!
With that, in an oddly bouncy fashion, she grabs a full length raincoat and an
umbrella and bikes off to Maison Ikoku.
Scene: Shampoo arrives at the Maison. She gets in the front door past Suichiro with
little difficulty. Apparently Suichiro can sense a bit of the cat within her. She removes the
raincoat and galoshes and leaves the umbrella at the main entrance. "Delivery!", she
yells up."
Ken (from his room): I'll be right down.
She walks up the stairs holding the duck in one hand and the ramen in the other,
smiling happy thoughts of Ranma. A crash of thunder and a burst of lightning is heard.
Cut to scene, Nekohanten; lights fail while Mouse serves food and Cologne cooks
Cut to scene, Tendo Dojo; lights fail while the Saotomes and Tendos dine.
Cut to scene, Maison Ikoku; Ken turns his head. Lights fail
Cut to scene, Maison Ikoku; Shampoo has her eyes closed while walking up the stairs.
Unfortunately while daydreaming she fails to notice the bucket catching the rain water
(how odd) and trips over it, ending up headfirst, facedown, wet (catlike), dazed and
buried under her own clothing on the first floor landing.
Ken (heard running from his room with a flashlight): Hey are you okay, I heard... (arriving
and looking round for the delivery girl/Shampoo). Hey? Where'd she go? I (startled at
finding the takeout on the floor with wet women's clothing.)
Ken: Gee! I guess this stuff must've belonged to that woman Auntie Karrini talked about.
I though she was joking when she said she walked around in her underwear but I've
never though she just leaves her clothes in the middle of the house. It must've scared
the poor girl off.
Noticing movement under the dress. "Hey, what's this?" he opens the zip off the
dress and sees the cat stumbling around inside. "Hey there fella, what're you doing
there?"
We switch to Shampoo's view of Ken poking his face into the dress and of her blacking
out from as much as the blow of the floor as the thought of a stranger seeing her
transform into a cat. Fade to black.
Fade back in (begin soft 'Shampoo the cat' music). .The storm rages on outside.
Shampoo (her cat state obvious from the perspective), lies on her side. Ken enters into
her field of vision. "Ah, your awake I see."
Ken's room is lit by candlelight. The power is out everywhere. A plate of food is in
front of Shampoo: some pieces of duck and shrimp from the ramen. She rights her body
and finds that she has been lying in a white towel.
Ken: I wasn't sure if you were a duck or a fish person so I thought I'd leave the choice
up to you.
He indicates to the plate as if to say 'help yourself'. Shampoo takes a tentative
sniff at some of the food but opts not to eat. Ken, dining on the lightly steaming noodles,
who has raised a Spock like eyebrow to the reluctance to dine. Then he gets the 'A-ha'
expression on his face. He opens the fridge and removes the container of milk, emptying
it into a clean bowl and placing it in front of her with a flourish. "But of course, you
cannot dine without a beverage."
Sniffing it, she finds it edible and laps some of it up.
Ken: Much better. I was wondering what you were doing under all that wet clothing.
Geez, you were a mess when I found you. Had to dry you up and everything.
Shampoo looks up to find her clothing hanging in a clothes line in a corner of the
room. Her attention focuses on her underpants. Ken see this and blushes in a bit of
guilt.
Ken: Well what was I supposed to do? Leave them in the middle of the hall?
Shampoo does NOT let him off that easy and 'harumphs' (as much as a cat can)
and continues to feed. Ken comes over to the cat to pet her
Ken: Aw come on. Don't go accusing ME of perversion. That's the guy across the hall
He laughs a bit. Shampoo doesn't. She just stares at him.
Ken: Ok. Ok. Enough with the bad humour. Say I wonder, (picking up Shampoo by the
scruff of her neck) I wonder if you're a guy or a girl.
"Re-yow!" Shampoo takes a swipe at Ken that almost adds a third nasal passage
to his face.
Ken (putting a hissing Shampoo down as gently and as far away as possible): Right.
You're a girl. No way a guy could have a temper that bad.
Shampoo begins to stalk threateningly towards him.
Ken (in submission): Okay! Okay! I give up!
She backs off and looks indignant.
Ken: I wonder what your name is? (Shampoo pays attention again) You don't have a
collar, but those bells on you tell me that someone owns you.
A loud and frantic barking is heard after Ken finishes his statement.
Ken (to himself): Oh, no. Suichiro! He'll be soaking out in that weather, and Auntie
Karrini's not here to bring him in! (turning to the cat) Er, stay right here. (realizing only
then the foolish statement of asking a cat to do anything).
Still, he heads out to bring Suichiro indoors. Shampoo seizes upon the
opportunity to try to change back. She heads straight to the hot water tap in the room's
small sink. Placing herself between the wall and the tap she pushes the water tap open
and promptly falls into what she thinks is hot water. Unfortunately you must remember
that this is a student's room. Therefore you do not have hot water. Rather you have two
temperatures of cold; chilly and below absolute zero. A shivering and very wet cat drags
herself out of the sink, teeth chattering.
Scene: cut to Ken. dragging in a wet Shuichiro. "Come on Sui. That a boy."
The dog is dripping from head to tail. Ken, however is relatively dry. "All right.
Good dog. Now all we have to do is dry you off and... (reaching for a towel on the front
table)" Shuichiro give him a look that registers as, 'Oh I can dry myself off'. And off
course he does the dog-shake thing. And off course Ken, who was once dry, is now
soaked, holding the towel in hand. Looking at the dog's towel and talking to himself,
"Apparently this was left for me.". He begins to towel himself off and Suichiro happily
plods on down to Karrini's room.
Scene; cut back to Shampoo, looking around the room for anything to restore her to
human form. She spies Ken's ramen on the other table's edge. Yes, wasn't that warm
just a moment ago? It's far, but she could just reach it with a running start. The ice cold
cat takes a couple of steps back and tries a flying leap for the bowl. The jump falls short,
but she manages to snag the edge of the cup so it's contents empty out on her as she
falls.
The water is warm, at least in comparison to the tap water. But apparently the
water is not warm enough as she remains a cat, now comically covered in shrimp and
ramen noodles. Of course Ken chooses this moment to walk in. "So kitty cat, you still..."
(seeing the mess, the running water, and the, shame faced, ramen covered cat).
Shampoo expects he'll be angry, but instead he bursts out laughing at the sight.
Ken: Well I guess we do have a name for you. I'll call you Noodles.
Shampoo, 'Rayeow!'<thought> "I think not!" tries to pounce on him for the suggestion
but instead tangles and trips herself in the strands of noodles
Ken (still laughing): Then it's settled. Noodles it is.
Shampoo, <thought> "I kill him, *grunt* if ever get out of mess." trying to bat herself out
of the entanglement. She continues her struggle in fits and starts, beginning tangled and
ending up worse off for each successive effort. Ken allows her to wear herself down
before coming to her aid.
Ken: Are you quiet finished there? (towelling his hair and face with a new towel)
Because if you are I'm perfectly willing to help you out and dry you off, provided you
don't take a stab at me. Do we have a deal?
Shampoo: Meow. (resigned)
Ken: Okay then. Here I come.
Ken walks over and places the defeated Shampoo on his lap throwing Suichiro's
towel on the damp floor. He untangles the noodles from her hair, placing them in the
spilled now empty cup. Soft, gentle music can be heard in the background of the
character's minds. Shampoo's eyes take on a somewhat dreamy quality as she relaxes
in Ken's hands as he gently towels her dry. He ignores his own wet clothes.
Ken (removing a final shrimp from behind her ear and then giving it a playful scratch):
There we go, all done. Now it's my turn.
He pulls his yellow sweatshirt off, whipping it into the corner laundry basket.
Shampoo's eyes become wide with embarrassment and she blushes (as much as a cat
can blush). His t shirt is close on the heels of his sweater and is followed soon thereafter
by his pants. Walking over to the closet we see Ken's body save what his boxers will
leave to the imagination. Though not 'muscled' by any means, it is certainly toned
however and not unattractive in the least. Shampoo has by now turned to face the
corner, but manages a sly peek once and awhile.
Scene: cut to the Nekohanten. Cologne and Mouse are serving the guests who are
dining by candlelight since the power went out. Lightning breaks and thunder crashes
outside as the rain continues to pour down.
Mouse (muttering to himself after some thunder has struck): I wonder if Shampoo is
alright in this weather? She should have called. Maybe I should go out and look for?
As he turns to walk outside, he comes face to face with the Old Ghoul's cane
barring his path.
Cologne: Don't concern yourself Mouse. My great granddaughter is an excellent martial
artist. She can't call us because the phones are out with the power. She's probably gone
over to my Son-in-Law's to spend the night. (cackles to herself at the possibilities that
that could entail)
Mouse (alarmed at the possibilities that that could entail): I've got to find Shampoo!
He pulls a 180 and runs straight... into the broom closet, knocking himself out.
Cologne: *sigh*, ... Looks like I'm serving tables myself tonight.
Fade from Nekohanten
Scene: Back in Ken's apartment.
Ken: Ah, much better.
Now Ken sports a collared denim shirt and a pair of grey track pants. Well NO
they don't match but do you think Ken cares?
Ken: Now I can properly welcome you to my humble home Noodles
Shampoo: *flinch*
Ken: I wish it were under better circumstances, what with the storm and the blackout
and all. But, be that as it may, you are my first guest and I welcome you. (he bows)
Shampoo: Meow! (jumps into his arms, much to Ken's surprise)
Ken provides her with a 'grand tour' of the place, spending some time showing of
some of the sketches he'd done after he'd arrived at home. We see him talk through
sketches (seen by candlelight) of Ranma and Akane, Shampoo riding her bike in the
morning, the Tokyo skyline and one VERY out of place picture of godzilla stomping
through the city battling a large mecha of some sort with words like "POW!" and "BAM!"
interspersed in the drawing.
Shampoo: Meow?
Ken (a bit embarrassed): We'll just try to ignore that one shall we?
He sheepishly slides it under some of the other sketches. One sketch not show
falls out of the pile. Ken tries to hide it, but Shampoo gets to it first, holding it in place
with one paw, pacing around it, studying it. It is of 3 people; Ken and two others, one a
European male and the other an oriental female.
Shampoo: Meow? (inquisitive)
Ken (with a bit of regret in his eyes): That's my parents. (strokes Shampoo along the
back). They're in Canada right now, a thousand miles away (the homesickness is
apparent in his speech) and across an ocean.
Shampoo: Meow. (sadly, nuzzling against his chest trying to comfort him)
Ken (snapping out of his melancholy): ...but I'm being a poor host. Here. (lifts and places
Shampoo on the ledge near the window above his desk by a candle) What's a evening
at home without entertainment.
Shampoo looks at him half cocked as he reaches over and pulls the keyboard
onto the desk. Flicking on the power switch and dropping the damper pedal to his feet,
various lights of the keyboard flicker on and off. His hands start to play a light jazz
prelude with the keys even as he talks to Shampoo.
Ken: I usually don't play for strangers. Heck, I usually don't talk to cats either. But,
(looking deep into her eyes) somehow I think you know what its like to be far from home.
(he begins the piece).
The intro plucks at the playful emotional heartstrings or frolic and joy in G Minor.
It breaks in a bit of sorrow, because all life must have a bit of tragedy. The pace is of the
bitter-sweet tears of not to long ago memories that diminish to a strong, but light ending.
The body of the peice strikes back with a strong left hand support, altering
between a fierce heart beat pounding and a silken whisper of sadness. There's a great
strength of heart to the work, granting it a life of it's own. His right hand leads you over
the high moutain peaks. His left, the valleys and green hills of the land. You feel your
soul soaring across San Fransisco Bay, past the goden gate to the land beyond. It
speaks of the Monterey, of the lost California fantasies, the beautiful west coast soft and
strong.
He bridges into heartwarming lapse steadying the pace and fading gracefully into
majesty of a ritardando'ed ending. Ken fingers rest from their dancing on the electronic
ivory. His left slides up and flicks the 'off' key. All Shampoo can do is stare in wonder. It's
probably her taste of jazz and she certainly got an earful. She purrs and nuzzles against
Ken's chest in approval breaking his silent trance of introspection.
Ken: Why thank you. I've never had a higher complement in my life. (smiling and then
stroking the back of her head absently while staring off into the rain) I wish I could take
credit for the work. But that would have to go to Vince Guaraldi, one of the greatest jazz
composers to ever walk the planet.
Ken is caught off guard by a yawn. "Excuse me. (turning to his watch: 11:27pm)
My oh my where does the time go. (to the cat in his lap) It's time for me to go to bed
Noodles (the cat flinches). I've got a busy day ahead of me and I daresay you've had an
interesting day yourself. Well, I guess it's off to bed for the both of us then.
Shampoo blushes at the insinuation that could be made, but trots along at Ken's
heel.
Ken folds the blanket that Shampoo was first in and makes it a bit thicker for her.
He then goes, pulls back the covers, and lies on his own pallet, turning to watch the cat
try to get comfortable. He notices, as she lies down, her shivering a bit. With quick
unbuttoning, he removes his shirt and tucks it in around the cat.
Shampoo turns to look at him a thankful but questioning look in her eyes.
Ken (answering her look): ... and thanks for the company, Noodles.
Shampoo flinches, but accepts the complement with a meow and a smile.
Fin.
Foreward and forewarned....
Hello dear reader,
You're probably wondering why on earth someone has porduced yet-another'
Ranma fan fic. Well just be thankful that it's not a Sailor Moon one OK! *grin* Seriously
folks, the motivation is simply this. I heard about the actual ending of the Ranma comic
series in Japan and, well, was a bit dissatisfied do to an excessive lack of closure in it.
Other fics have gone on to portray what could' happen if Ranma et al went to college or
just in the future in Lessons in Love. Both are well written series, pick em off the web if
you can find them.
Let's face it Rumico has created a set of quite endearing characters that interact well
together, producing a wonderful chemistry. However with the possible exception of Kasumi,
there are very few (if not no) characters that deal well with emotions. Without someone to
help grant the characters insight upon themselves, there will never be resolution. Ergo
therefore, I create Ken Urdley *wince*. He's a tribute to schleppy North American Ranma
fans everywhere and embodies many of the characteristics that the available characters
lack. He's artistic, sensitive to others and has no martial arts prowess whatsoever!
The fics , of which this is the first in a series, will first intro Ken in to the Ramna world
of japan and then Ken will fade into the background as a secondary character as the main
characters rise to the fore. Obviously, at the pace I'll take this will take time. I do not believe
in short quick answers. Heck this fic itself is apporaching 20 pages. But, I'd like to get some
feedback if you please so, mail me at laughlin@accessv.com' so I can find out if I'm
actually doing a good job at this.
Also, you'll see in CH2 that I've taken reader's advice into account re: the direction
of the stroy. It gets a little more silly since people tend to associate new characters with
avatars. So I intend to roll with the punches and enjoy the writing process.
MTS me if you dare Mwuhahahahah
-- Listar MIME Decryption --------------
-- Decode : from quoted-printable...
Dear readers,
First off, forgive the delay in CH2. I had lots of work to do with school. Not bad
though I'm only 3 months behind :). I have been reading your commentary on Ch1 and
have taken it into account for Ch2. This fic is a waffy and somewhat slapstick due to
your feedback! So remember,... it's all your fault. With that said, on with the show.
Oh,... and one other thing. If we have any would-be MST'ers out there, I'm leaving in the
grammar mistakes and whatnot in HOPES that this fic and Ch1 will get the MST3K
treatment.
Episode 2: But will you respect me in the morning
Saturday morning passes over Maison Ikoku. The digital alarm clock changes
from 10:29 to 10:30 followed by the alarm sounding off. A groggy Ken tosses the
nearest object at the clock. This is 'almost' Shampoo, but is instead, a small brown
stuffed animal resembling a bear (which bears a distinct resemblance to a character on
a poster above his bed who is posing with 2 women, one brunette and a red head, in
minimal dress and packing energy weapons). The shot hits the clock, knocking it over
and out of it's socket, silencing it. Regardless, Shampoo IS awake now and decides that
it's time for Ken to follow suit. She tries to pull the covers off him, but he manages to pull
them back and turn over muttering "...five more minutes...".
This failed, Shampoo tries a different approach. She silently, as cats tend to be,
pads up to his ear, places her feet on either side of his ear, and SCREAMS!
Shampoo: REYOW!
Cut to Ken, eyes wide open, suspended in mid air with his sheets and a displaced
Shampoo, uttering, in desperate response, "I'm up! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!"
THUD! Ken lands chin first on the floor and lies their moaning for a moment.
Shampoo walks up to meet him face to face.
Shampoo (happily): Meow. (Good morning)
Ken (somewhat miserably): Oh, great. An early riser. I take it you want breakfast?
Shampoo (more happily): Meow. (yes)
Scene shifts to Ken cooking breakfast for himself while the radio plays. Two
eggs, sunny side up are on the skillet (right beside Ukyo's spatula). A slice of toast is in
the small toaster oven. Water is boiling on the electric stove for tea. The cup for the tea
lies on the edge of the counter on a small towel. Shampoo looks up at the water once in
a while as she finishes the milk from last night. She thinks to herself something along
the lines of, "You know, that not such bad night last night. Except for cat' part and for
being and (*wince*) Noodles'." Ken mutters on a little bit between radio broadcasts to
Noodles (*wince*) about how he'll see about getting her something more substantial to
eat from his aunt in a moment and how lucky he was to be able to scrounge this food off
her for the time being.
The kettle whistles as the water reaches its boiling point. Ken pours some into his
teacup humming to himself. The toast seems about ready and he goes to retrieve it.
All the while, Ken mutters on to Shampoo/Noodles who is now behind him: "Hrm, I
wonder. Are you a fish person or a liver person? (Looking through his near empty wallet
and frowning) Well if you want to eat, I guess you're going to have to be a cat food
person." He continue on with his back to her.
Shampoo, seeing the opportunity for transformation, seizes it with gusto. Leaping
straight up, from her seat on Ken's jean shirt, she tips the cup of hot water.
The world begins to slow down. Shampoo descends at a faster rate of fall than
the hot water (well, we can opt to ignore physics once in a while can't we?). The ceramic
cup, now on its side rolls towards the edge of the table. She lands, as cats tend to do,
feet first onto the shirt; just as the water touches her head. The transformation is quick
and silent and conveniently' covers her naked body in his shirt. She begins to button it
quickly and does not notice the cup fall off the ledge. It impacts with the wooden floor of
the apartment with a clatter but does not break of crack.
Ken (reacting to the sound with a smile, slowly turning around): "You're not getting into a
mess again are you? Cause if you are I'm not going to ....." Ken, now fully turned
regards a barely clothed female (enter soft' Shampoo theme ); a sight he was NOT
expecting, ".. towel... you... dry .... again." Ken's eye's are wide open and his mouth
manages a twitch now and again; the butter knife in his left hand, held in a death grip.
Shampoo does not react violently to the situation as one would expect. She simply gets
up and walks over to Ken, at a liesurely pace. Coming to stand in front of him, she
reaches out a hand and brushes a cow's lick out of his face. Her hand slides down to his
shoulder. Smiling, she bends forward and gives him a light kiss on the cheek. (NO THIS
IS NOT THE CHINESE AMAZON KISS OF DEATH! This is something a bit more tender
and a lot less lethal.)
A flush rises to the still stunned Ken's cheek. He puts his hand there as if to see if
it was real. Shampoo gently moves the hand to his lips, moulding it so that one finger
binds both lips together and saying, "Ken no tell anyone about cat-form. Yes?"
Ken, still to stunned to speak, simply nods by having his right hand move his head up
and down.
She accepts this and walks to the door, neglecting to pick up her clothing on the
way out. Standing by the door, she turns, leans on the frame, and mentions, in the
cutest possible voice, "And if Ken tell anyone, Shampoo kill Ken." Cute smile. :>
Ken: (blink-blink)
Shampoo adds one last comment to him with just a hint of seductive innuendo: "Oh,
Shampoo forgot to tell say that she really have good time last night." She turns and
walks out of the room.
Ken, still dazed, manages to work his way to the door to his room and grab one last look
at Shampoo as she disappears down the hallway, tossing her hair back with one hand.
She seems completely unaware that she is wearing no pants. Ken (and the now prying
eyes of the pervert next door) does notice this fact, seeing how the tail of Ken's shirt
manages to fulfill the barest needs of adequacy in covering her posterior assets as her
hips sally back and forth, back and forth (a rhythm mirrored motion for motion in Ken's
eyes). She walks down the stairs disappearing from sight.
Yotsuya, the pervert next door (in his nosy British mannerism) to Ken: Ah! I see our
young exchange student has already managed to acquire himself a companion to
comfort him in his lonely nights.
Ken (as if startled out of a dream): Nanda! WHAT! (in a desperate attempt to explain) I,
we didn't, I mean I didn't. No. It's not like THAT.
Yotsuya: I see (unconvinced). Well your private affairs are no business of mine.
And he leaves the conversation and goes to his room, closing the door behind
him; not allowing for rebuttal.
Ken, with butter knife still in hand, moves out of his room and down the stairs to the
doorway (now dazed and in semi-defeat).
Cut scene to Shampoo walking down the stairs and out the door as bouncy as ever.
Aunt Karrini, who is sweeping at the other end of the hall sees her pass out the door and
walks towards the entrance to see who has left. By the time she reaches the entrance
way, Ken has managed to arrive at the doorway ahead of Karrini-san to watch Shampoo
depart. He stares outside watching the bicycle blur into the distance, over rooftops and
powerlines, muttering to himself, "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."
Karrini puts 2 and 2 together, much to her dismay. (With great reluctance) "I'm glad
you've... mingled... so well already with the students... Ken." She tries not to make her
sad disapproval sound any worse than it already does; and fails. "No! Really! Your
mother and I were worried that you wouldn't find make friends here. (Pause, turning
towards her room, now a bit stunned herself) It seems we were wrong. I just didn't think
you'd make friends like this so quickly."
Ken, essentially, has a relapse of his conversation with the Yotsuya a few moments ago
and now sits on the stairs dazed. Suichiro calmly walks up, plants a lick on the side of
Kens face and walks on.
Dog spittle is a wonderful substance; REALLY! It can do amazing things. It can act as a
lubricant, clean fur, and wake people out of near comatose states. So it was that Ken
managed to be woken from his dazed condition and sets to work (ad given that the
Canadian dollar is now trading around the value of the yen, he'll need it).
Cut to Nekohanten (cat cafe).
Shampoo arrives at the back of her home without incident, drawing much less attention
than a your girl wearing naught but a dress shirt, riding a bicycle on telephone lines
should. No customers are about yet. Using her year of experience of sneaking up on her
betrothed, she quietly obfuscates herself into her residence with minimal incidence. That
is, minimal, until she arrives in room; where she finds her great grandmother awaiting
her arrival.
Cologne: Well, well, well. Have we had a busy night granddaughter? (She asks with a
curious glint in her eye.)
Shampoo: (surprised, and beginning to feel her nakedness underneath her only apparel)
Ai-ya! Great grandmother no scare Shampoo like that.
Cologne: (softening a bit) Your years of amazon training should prepare you for any
eventuality. Hehe, but no child is ever really expecting his parents to be waiting up for
him or her after they come in late from their curfew.
Shampoo: Great grandmother stay up all night wait for me?
Cologne: But of course. You are my granddaughter and I had daughters myself once
upon a time. I would do no less for them than I would for you.
Shampoo: (touched, but trying to avoid the question of "where were you last night") Oh.
But, no you need sleep? You go bed now yes?
She gently, but firmly begins trying to shoo grandma out of the room his the
approximate success of attempting to move Mount Fuji
Cologne: *chuckling to self* You think in over 300 years of Chinese Amazon history I
haven't heard that line before. Where were you last night child?
Shampoo: (rats!)
Cologne: And were are your clothes?
Shampoo: (Whoops! Me knew me forget something.) Ah,.. Ehm.. Shampoo go to Aien
house after delivery. Get caught in storm. Sneak into bathhouse with Aien as cat.
Cologne: *almost-but-not-quite-evil-chuckle* So then. Do we have a wedding date set or
should we just skip ahead to the baby shower?
Shampoo blushes furiously. Not only concerning the nature of the line of
questioning, but also because she had not spent the night with her aien and had toyed'
with such thoughts, after a fashion.
Cologne merely sighs and puts a hand on shampoo. If this were coming from a
normal mother talking to her daughter, it would be a comforting hand around the
shoulder. Instead, it was a comforting hand on the ankle.
Cologne: *sighs* Do not worry deary. You persistence will eventually be rewarded. Now
come on, it's time to get dressed and open the restaurant.
At mention of getting dressed, Shampoo is very salient of the fact that she is not
wearing panties her grandmother is now looking up at her from a very compromising
angle. She quickly tries to cover herself, bows, and ducks behind a silk screen to
change out of view (casting quite the profile).
Ken's Levi's shirt flips over the top, a small button falling off and coming to land at
the old ghoul's feet. This raises her curiosity a bit.
Cologne: Shampoo.
Shampoo: Hi (yes!)
Cologne: Who loaned you this shirt (she says, picking up the button and, after a cursory
examination, pocketing it).
Shampoo: It Aien's shirt.
Replied while struggling to clasp on her brassier. She is relieved to hear the door
close and her great grandmother depart
Cologne: (to self) Hrm,... I didn't think Son-in-law had taste for American clothes. He
wears Chinese silks more often than not (glancing at the button curiously as she hops
on her stick towards her room). *shrugs* Kids today, no sense of tradition (opens door to
her room). They just don't...
Mouse sits on the floor, cross legged staring at Cologne's entrance. Upon seeing
the door open, he leaps up and clasps her round the shoulders.
Mouse: Shampoo! I missed you! I stayed awake while you were gone. Where have you
been? I.....
Cologne just returns his glassy stare, silently.
Sensing that something is just not right' Mouse takes off his glasses and cleans them
briefly. Turning back, he sees Cologne.
Mouse; Oh,... never mind. (Dejectedly) I'll go set the tables.
Cologne: *sigh* Just another normal day at the Nekohanten.
The scene pans across the city. Past a mall, across the train tracks, over the waterway.
The view slows briefly to the marketplace where Ken has attracted a small crowd of
onlookers and customers while he does portraits. The view flies on a short distance to
the Tendo household around mid morning, which means
Ranma: UNCUTE!!!
Akane: Come here and say that Ranma!
P-chan: Bwee!
Ranma: Nya-nya.
that Ranma and Akane are at their usual exercises of, respectively, insulting and
trying to beat the other senseless with blunt instruments. Akane doggedly pursues her
fianc� with a broom
and is trailed by her faithful pig companion P-chan. Also, true to form, both fathers
watch with not-even the remotest sense of interest. This is all old-hat to them. Instead
they play their typical game of Shogi as Kasumi serves them tea. In fact, the only vague
oddity is that Nabiki is not with them at the table.
Soun (to Kasumi): Kasumi dear, how's Nabiki doing.
Kasumi: She's doing well father. I just came down from her room. She has almost no
fever and she'll be up and about by tomorrow. She's just dosing for a while. I left her
window open so the fresh air could do her some good.
Soun: Excellent.
Akane: BAKA!!!!
P-chan: Bwee!
Akane has opted to exchange her broom for the much larger mallet-of-justice. Ranma
continues to implement evasive manoeuvres, streaking back and forth in the garden
past the dinning room entrance.
Genma: Will those two ever learn?
Kasumi (to herself): Sometimes I wish a character outside the normal continuum of our
existence would come and solve all our problems in one dramatic gesture making all our
lives happy and complete.
This singular statement froze everyone in mad action EXECEPT for Akane.
Akane: AHA! *kapowiee*
Ranma is launched like a croquet ball and firmly embedded in the dojo wall. Akane is too
pleased with herself to notice the conversation.
Soun (shocked): K-Kasumi, what did you just say
Kasumi (blissfully ignorant): Why, nothing father. I was just mumbling something I read
in a story somewhere.
The world resumes its motion.
Soun (regaining composure): Well,.. ok then. But we have a more serious topic to deal
with. Ranma. Akane. Come here please. Look around you. Tell me what you see.
Soun gestures towards the wall. The paint was well worm down to the bare wall in some
places. Chips and cracks marred the surface. Various Ranma-like indentations adorned
the surface like slap-dash frescoes and bass reliefs.
Akane and Ranma glance at each other and hang their head in a pouty shame.
Akane: Well that wouldn't happen if Ranma didn't call me a ..
Ranma (interrupting): Well hey, the truth hurts. (he just doesn't learn does he?)
Akane (furious again): Oh really?! Do you want to find out JUST HOW MUCH IT
HURTS?
Now where did she get the bisento from? Ranma starts to back away in fear of his life
and Soun leaps to restrain Akane's killing blow. Akane's eyebrows are twitching in
insane rage.
Soun: Now Akane, this is just the kind of behavior which is wrecking our happy home.
What we need here is a plan to fix up the wall, NOT destroy more of it.
Ranma: Lemme guess. We don't have enough money to hrie someone to do the work.
Right?
Soun (ashamed): . well I though that you and your father, being houseguest of ours
for the past two years and paying no rent would be more than happy to help out.
Ranma: Well I don't know anything about wall repair. What about you pop?
Turning to Genma, we see that Mr. Panda has now appeared and is holding a sign
proclaiming that a thorn in his paw will prevent him from assissting in this matter. This is
ouf course supplemented by Panda-like whining and crying.
At this point Kasumi makes a quiet entrance carrying two huge buckets of Plot-Crontrived Spackle (tm). She lifts them as if they were empty, but from the way the floor
creaks under their weigh as she puts them down, they must weigh two metric tonnes!
Kasumi: Well father, yesterday I was passing by the hardware store and I happen to find
this Plot-Crontrived Spackle (tm) and white paint on sale for practically nothing.
Soun (a bit shocked): Why, thank you dear. That's what did you say the brand
name was?
Kasumi: Plot-Crontrived Spackle. Aparrently it's a Canadian company. the reason it was
on sale is that the instructions are only written in Canadian and not Japanese. (not
French, not English,.. not American, Canadian!)
Soun: Hrm,.. that brings us no closer to using the spackle and paint.
Ramna: What kind of skill does it take to USE paint?
Soun: Quiet boy! You have no idea of the powers you could be meddling with. Canadian
paint and spackle are know throughout the world at some of the most dangerous and
powerful building materials. If used inproperly, they could cause irrepairable damage to
the entire country.
EVERYONE including the pig sweatdropps.
Ranma: You're kiddin, right? .
Soun: No! It's true I tell you! Saotome tell them it's true.
Mr. Panda (sign): I'm not buying it either Soun, it sounds pretty stupid.
Soun: Well it's true I tell you . Any building expert could tell you the same.
Akane: So YOU know how to fix the wall dad?
Soun: Ar, erg, . of course not. I just heard it on A&E last night.
Akane and Ranma:
Kasumi: Father, but even if we do find someone who know hoe to fix walls, hoe will we
pay him?
Soun: Why simple Kasumi, we'll offer to give him free lessons at the dojo in return for
his services. The reputation of the Anything-Goes school of Martial Arts will attract
dozens of fine young men ready to slave away for our benefit. HAHAhahahahah .
Kasumi, Akane and Ranma:
The sign in posted, time passes. Around mid afternoon, just as the Tendo's late lunch is
finishing, a knock is heard at the from door.
Kasumi: I'll get it. (muttering to herself quietly) That must be the miraculous saviour to
our problems now.
Kasumi slides open the door. Unsurprisingly, it's Ken holding the advert that Soun
tacked to the dojo entrance.
Ken: Ohio! Hello there ma'am. I'm here to inquire about the notice about the wall
painting and repairs.
Kasumi (pleased as usual): Please come right in. Father, we've found a worker for the
job.
Soun (in the background): Bring him in dear.
Ken: Hello sir my name is
"Ken?" said Akane who'd peeped in from the garden at hearing his voice. "Ken! It's good
to see you. What are you doing here?"
Kasumi stiffles a small cough, "plotdevice Oh, excuse me."
Ken: "We'll I was working in the market doing protraits, but someone complained that I
was taking up his business space so I had to move. So as I was walking home I saw this
sign and decided to check it out."
Soun: Ah so you're the new student at Akane's school. The art major. I've seen your
work impressive,.BUT CAN YOU SPACKLE!
Ken (snapping to military-like attention): Yes sir! I've worked on restoration projects at
local museums back home sir. Chipped sculptures and bas reliefs.
Soun: And are you familiar with Plot-Crontrived Spackle? Can yu use it?
Ken: Sir, yes sir! We use that spackle to hold back the American disco invasion of the
1970's sir!
Soun (to Akane): You see, I told you this stuff was powerful. Ken. You will be assisted
by my youngest daughter Akane and her husband Ranma.
Akane: DAD! We're NOT married!
Soun: Merely a formality.
Akane: Grrr .
Ken (worried): Um, I'll start right away. Akane could you gime me a hand with these?
Ken tries with all his might to budge one of the spackle barrels. Akane, in her
rage lifts up both with one hand and drags Ken out with the other.
Ken: So your father teaches to eh?
Ranma: Yup.
he replies disheartened & frustrated as he recalls learning cat-fu fighting.
Akane: Why there he is now (cuts herself off ) OH!
Ken (turning around): It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. ARGH! AIEE!!
Mr. Panda (a loud bellowing): Wrarwl!
Ken, following the most common sense tactic, runs away. Genma pursues as if
chasing down prey.
Ranma: Aw, cut it out Pop.
Akane: Well, so much for hiding his secret.
Ken (on lap 1 around the yard): Help me!
Ranma: It's not as if he goes out of his way to hide it y'know.
Akane: That is true. He does got to market like that.
Ken (lap 2): . Some body!! Any body!! .
Mr. Panda: Rawl! *hehe* Wragh!
Ranma: Come on old man, you going to give yourself a hernia.
Ken, in an attempt to save himself from this vicious escaped zoo animal attempt a
desperate move only to be imitated by professionals and sailor senshi. Grabbing the last
bucket of spackle, he turns and aims the contents at the beast
Ken: Canadian Spackle Attack!
*Fpoot!* (cue stupid Panda music)
We are now faced with a large, erect, stunned-into-immobility Panda covered in spackle
and a smaller, panting Canadian ready to bolt. Enter Kasumi
Kasumi: Oh my. (taking the Panda my the paws) Come with me Mr. Saotome and we'll
get you cleaned up with the garden hose.
Ken: That's? That's your . dad?
Ranma: Um, . yeah.
Ken: You were born to a Panda .?
Ranma: Um, . no.
Akane (to Ranma): Should we ..
Ranma: No.
Akane: Oh well, Just trust us Ken. the Panda's harmless.
Ken: Nani? The wild creature who just chased me across the yard. The one
whom I just spackled. Is harmless?
Akane: Pretty much.
Ken (getting angry at Akane): So what? Next time I'm here, he rips my leg off and
buries it in the grass is his way of saying, "It was a pleasure to meet you? Come
back again so I can finish you off?"
Akane (indignant): Now you just wait a second! He never
Ranma quickly garbs some paint as the argument between Ken and Akane
becomes more heated.
Ken: well heck mizzz' Tendo what do you expect we to say to that?
(looking behind Akane and speaking distractedly) You - are - so - uncute
- when- you - are- angry.
Akane: WHAT!
Ken: It's as clear as the writing on the wall.
Akane: Why you little?
Ken (realising what he's saying and what Akane's about to do to him): No, no, no!
On the
wall! (pointing) The writing! Behind you.
And lo, upon the spackled wall they found scrawled in white paint "You -
are - so - uncute - when- you - are- angry."
Ranma: See Ken! Now is that a tomboy or what?
*Kapowie!* Houston, we have lift off.
Ken (who is too busy laughing at Akane to notice): Ha! Ha! HA! God, (chortle)
you're right, (guffaw) I'm sorry Akane, but he' so
riiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .
*Kersploosh* Ranma-chan (pulling herself out of the pond): Geez Akane, can't
you take a joke?
Ken (coming down from orbit):
..eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeYOWW! *Splash*
A perfect 3.0 crash right on top of Ranma in the pond. The eagle has
landed. Granted, all this ruckus outside seems to have roused the attention of
Nabiki. She dozedly dragged herself to the window to find out what's going on.
Akane (smug): Sure I can Ranma. I found that joke highly amusing, (flexing her
right arm)
especially the punch line.
Ken (the first to get up, groggily): Gee, I'm glad there was that nice soft rock to
break my fall.
I might of hurt myself on re-entry.
Looking down he sees a Ranma like shilouette in the bottom of the pond.
Reach under Ranma's armpits and locking his hands around her chest, he drag's
her out of the water.
Akane now discovers the error of her anger. Ranma is now in his girl form.
Ken will clearly see the girl form. Kasumi looking from beside a spackled Mr.
Panda mutters to herself, "Dear me. It looks like he's found out all the family
secrets in less than one chapter. Oh well. Now hold still Mr. Saotome or the
spackle will harden and we'll have to use you as a statue in the garden along with
the little gnomes."
Panda (worried): Rworl?
Ken (pulling the semi-conscious Ranma by to dry land): Geez *pull-squeeze*
Ranma *pull-squeeze* you feel *pull-squeeze * kinda heavier
*pull-squeeze* than before Wait-a-minute . *squeeze*? *squeeze-squeeze*?
Ken: Squeeze?
Ranma (having one's breasts fondled tends to rouse people to consciousness):
Do you mind? Please stop that.
Akane: Oh oh.
Ken (very confused): Wha-, . Ye? You're the naked girl from the bathhouse!
Ranma (deadpan): Your hands. Would you please remove them from my chest?
Akane:
Ken (moves his hands away): S-s-so I guess that kinda ruins my chances for a
date then hunh?
Ranma & Akane (agape): Nanda?
Akane starts to giggle, remembering the joke from lunchtime.
Ken (regaining some' composure): Yeah well, your loss Ranma babe.
Akane (recovering): Ken are you felling alright?
Ken: Well let me see. In the two days I've been here I've seen: 2 ninjas, one
wandering samurai with a wooden sword and a sound system, 2 people who can
break the sound barrier on foot, one who can defy gravity with her bike (and
possibly her breasts, but this ain't a hentai fick), I've seen walls explode, panda's
chase me, met a guy who spontaneously turns into a girl and I've been licked by
Suichiro on the mouth. Tell me. Is this normal' around here?
Ranma looks to Akane then says, "Pretty much. Yeah."
Ken: Well then, (he pauses to take off his T-shirt and wring out the water) I'd say
I'm pretty much ok.
They all begin to laugh. Laughing always seems to make things better (except
when Akane hit Ken and Ranma, but hey .). Even Nabiki, in her weaken state
managed to smile. She was happy too, but not because of the humour of the
situation. Now maybe it was a side effect of the fever. Maybe she was feeling a
little light headed. Maybe it was the way the water played off Ken's shoulders and
hair. Maybe it was something real. Who knows. But there was always one thing
that Nabiki knew. Nabiki always knew what she wanted. Today, she wanted Ken.
____________
Fin.
Shampoo gets Ranma jealous with ken and Akane present
ken hides behind scenery (built by self)
Mouse goes psycho on Ken
Ken