HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
~By Kayu-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~stroma/hard.html

"We cannot learn without pain."
~Aristotle.

*Ranma 1/2 characters are copyrighted to the ingenious of Rumiko Takahashi
and company. I _own nothing_ on these characters or their "unusual"
situations. Ranma 1/2 characters used without permission.*
~Be warned, this will be a sadfic but as for a bitter ending? You'll just
have to find out... ^_~
~I recommend reading the previous chapters before reading this one. It will
be pretty confusing otherwise. Just e-mail me or get it from the temp
webpage up there.~
~Character/plot development up to 11:
Kuno:  Orphaned and made homeless by a fire at his house, denial of grief
slowly drove him over the edge, where in a brief moment of insanity he set
fire to the remains of the house, unfortunately someone was trapped in the
underground training hall... Now in hospital because of malnourishment,
guilt and depression reign supreme. He has abandoned his family name,
feeling unworthy of it.
Nabiki:  Having helped Kuno out from the beginning for reasons still clouded
in grey, she is unable to accept the compassionate streak growing in her.
She got caught in the second fire, and knows it was Kuno and although she
hasn't forgiven Kuno, she understands a little what he's going through. She
and Kasumi hid an important secret about their mother from Akane that their
father knew about as well.
Kasumi:  The deaths of the two Kunos forced Kasumi to deal with unresolved
feelings about her mother. When she found out that Nabiki deliberately lied
to her about Kuno, the fact that Kuno accidentally nearly killed her little
sister isn't what upset Kasumi the most, it's her sister's behaviour. She is
also startled at her own over-emotional behaviour. In a moment of
desperation she went to talk to Kuno.
Akane:  After finding out that everyone in her family knew about the
secret -- how mother knew she was dying and didn't tell anyone -- the shock
sends Akane into deep anger and feelings of betrayal which she now confronts
openly with Nabiki and Kasumi.~

Chapter 11: Peace

      The room, for a few moments, was quiet. An unnatural, stilted silence
muffled the tense atmosphere. Nabiki lay in her hospital bed, thinking of
what to say next. Akane stood tall, stiff and yet trembling jerkily, her
cheeks as fiery red as her temper. Kasumi sat weeping in the chair beside
Nabiki's bed with her flushed cheeks wet with tears. The snow started to
fall gently against the windows, knocking softly on the glass.
      "Akane," Nabiki suddenly spoke in a slow, low voice.
      "What? Finally gonna tell me why?"
      "Yes. Since Kasumi is incapable." Nabiki reached over to the table and
pushed the box of tissues towards Kasumi, who took it as soon it was in
reach, her head bowed down.
      Akane's eyes flickered over to her eldest sister and then back to her
other sibling. "Well, c'mon, I... I need to know why!"
      "I think the answer to your question is obvious." Nabiki returned her
stare with alarming intensity, but Akane couldn't tell what emotion lay
behind it. Not knowing how her sister felt put her on edge. "Look at you,
Akane. You're not usually this angry. You can't expect me to believe that
the only reason you're so upset is because we made up one little lie."
       Akane's dark, thick hair bristled like a cat's, her hands curled up
like claws. "It isn't little, there's nothing little about it! Kasumi and
you lied to me about something to do with our mother! We're sisters and what
you knew about Mom, you should have told me! I don't like being left out,
lied to, betrayed...."
       Betrayed. There was that damned word again. First Kasumi and now
Akane, all they could rattle on about was betrayal and lies and being
sisters, therefore obliged to tell each other everything. What a naive and
narrow-minded attitude. Life just didn't work like that.
       "We found out by accident, Akane. Mom never meant for us to know. The
only consipirasist here is her."
      "How can you pin the blame all on her?!" Akane cried. "It was you and
Kasumi and Dad, my own dad, who lied to me, not just her!"
      "Akane, you never asked and we never talked about it. Not until
recently, anyway." Nabiki's voice was balanced and only peeks of emotion
managed to escape through her tone. The thought of why the topic had been
brought up began again to haunt her mind. "We didn't want to know about it
but we did. And we felt that it was best to save you from the... hurt and...
bitterness it brought," she added, not saying who it brought those emotions
too. Sisters didn't have to know everything about each other. Unfortunately,
Akane's feelings were often badly hidden, meaning Nabiki knew her sister
better than her sister knew her. "It was better that one of us would be able
to live in peace with an untainted picture of a mother rather than all of us
knowing the truth."
      Akane's anger was very slowly diminishing, her fingers subtly
unfurling and her eye's hardness beginning to lose its tough edge. "But
Nabiki, don't you see? You've ended up just like Mom, telling lies to
protect your family and only hurting them more."
      "I am _not_ my mother," Nabiki snapped icily, her hands scrunching up
the bed covers. "I am _nothing_ like her. She knew she was going to die and
didn't even let us say goodbye. She didn't want to have to deal with the
consequences of her death. There was nothing she could do, or at least
nothing she tried to do, to stop death. Instead, she left us to carry the
emotional baggage that she didn't want to deal with. Death was unavoidable.
This situation here wasn't. Got the difference? Or would you really have
liked to deal with the memory of a lying mother for all these years?" She
took a breath of air, trying to relax her tight, stiff chest as it seemed to
strangle her words. Faint steps outside her room distracted her from
uncomfortable thoughts.
      "I... I..." Akane stared at her sister, confusion diffusing into her
once angry face. Her stuttering words and frustration over her own
contradictory emotions took away the righteous martial artist ready for
confrontation and revealed an unsure teenager trying to deal with issues
beyond her maturity. "Now if you had the chance to do things differently,
w -would you have?"
      "Yes," Nabiki answered calmly, "I would never have discussed it with
anyone so that there was no chance of you finding out."
      "You wouldn't have told me? I... don't.... I don't know what t-to,"
Akane stammered, "I don't kn-know what...." Suddenly, she circled around and
dashed out of the room, tears sparking in the light. Kasumi threw away the
tissue and prepared to run after her when an arm tugged on her sleeve. She
turned to see Nabiki holding on to her, an unreadable expression on her
face.
      "Nabiki?"
      "Don't run after her."
      "Why?"
      "I need to talk to you, more. Plus, Ranma was standing in the
corridor." She grinned slyly. "He's usually good at hiding his presence but
I guess he had other things on his mind, eh?"
      "Well, if you're sure," Kasumi replied, not sure at all.
      "For once, Kasumi, I'm not lying." Her grin disappeared. "Besides,
there are few conversations I've wanted to have less than this one."
      Kasumi settled back into her seat, wiping away the last of the tears
to reveal red, puffy eyes. She took a few breaths to calm herself down. Her
heart still thumped madly away but gradually it slowed down. Very gradually.
"Sorry, Nabiki? What are you talking about?"
      "Kuno."
      "Oh, dear. That."
      "I'd ask why but I think I already have some idea of that." Nabiki's
flat, calm tone confirmed Kasumi's suspicions about the way this
conversation was going. Her younger sister was most probably upset, she
always tried harder to hide her feelings the more intense they were. "I just
want to know what you said and how."
      She didn't avoid Nabiki's unreadable gaze, wanting her sister to know
that she was telling the truth. "I really needed to talk about it with
someone, and Kuno, he-"
      "What did you say to him?"
      "Nabiki, why won't you lis-"
      "What did you say to him?"
      Kasumi stared at her sister in silence, studying her supposedly
passive face. Suddenly, she regretted her words to Kuno, regretted letting
guilt and anxiety motivate her, instead of what was best for her younger
sisters. Now, Nabiki was drawing further and further away from her. The
middle sister had treated a distressed Akane like the sixteen-year-old
girl's emotions were meaningless and she was just being silly. Even Nabiki
was never that cold before this whole mess had started. It was like Kasumi
was talking to a machine, emotionless and flat, and she was afraid that the
intense emotions underneath that seemingly impenetrable veener of her
sister's would soon be as cold as that veneer.
      "Nabiki," she quietly replied, her voice both trembling and deadly
serious. "Don't do this to me, please. It's all right to show how you're
feeling. I need my sisters back, I need both of them. Please don't distance
yourself like Akane has." She reached out a hand to grasp Nabiki's, fearing
her sister's her withdrawal. "I forgive you, I can't take this any longer,
this worthless fighting is killing me. It isn't worth it. Can you now
forgive me?" Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as her sister's hand didn't
jerk away from her own. "Can you?"
      "You don't understand, Sis," Nabiki answered, her tone still distant
but not as cold as the winter that draped itself across the hospital
buildings. "I never hated you, I just need to know now what you said to
Kuno. You may think that you know what he's going through just 'cause you
read part of a letter that he wrote while on the verge of being taken to one
type of hospital or... the other kind. But that ain't even the half of it
and he...." She seemed to be hesitant about continuing. "What did you say to
him?"
      "I never meant to hurt your feelings, Nabiki."
      She smiled widely, an all too familar smile that said that no-one
could hurt her feelings. Ever. "You haven't. I just found your change of
character... off-putting. I'd like to know why you acted so differently
but... later. I have to deal with Kuno now. He's a guy of extremes and I
need to know what you said to him. Alright?"
      "Alright, sister," Kasumi replied softly, her face nearer to one of
happiness, to her old self but not quite. Guilt started to pollute her
conscience as she wondered if what she had said to Kuno could have
far-reaching consequences. She didn't want that. She had never wanted that;
hurting someone for revenge just wasn't her. Then again, recently, she
hadn't exactly been feeling herself. Taking a breath in to face the music,
she spoke slowly and quietly, "I asked him why he started that fire..."
      "And?"
      "And he said that he thought he knew why but realised that it was no
excuse for his actions. That he never meant for you to get hurt, that was
the last thing he had wanted...."
      Nabiki slowly nodded her head, her eyes narrowing with the last
comment. "Right. Continue."
      "After apologising profusely, I-I asked him what exactly he intended
to do after getting out of hospital considering all that had happened. Then
Akane came up in conversation and...."
      "Great." The sunshine streamed in through the windows but didn't seem
to touch Nabiki's cool face, which stiffened with guarded seriousness.
       "What's the matter, Nabiki? What was wrong with what I said?" Kasumi
asked with all sincerity.
        Kasumi really can't see it, can she? Nabiki wondered what it would
be like to be less perceptive, her senses dumbed down to all the darker
possibilities and explanations in the world. She was glad that she wasn't.
Mostly.
       "You asked someone as depressed and messed up as Kuno is as to what
they're going to do now," Nabiki said, pausing for effect to let her words
sink into Kasumi's mind, "and you don't think that it isn't going to put
certain ideas into their head?"
       A blank look melted her older sister's guilty face. "Sorry? What
ideas?"
      The narrow slit of Nabiki's eyes seem to cut through Kasumi's
innocence but she didn't know why. The stare Nabiki gave her, so calm but so
grave, caused tugs of fear at her eyebrows.
       "Certain ideas," Nabiki answered so coldly that Kasumi almost
shivered, "that might be a solution to seemingly unsolvable problems. A
way...."
        "...Out?" she finished, paling in understanding.
        "Exactly."

* * * *

      Oh, man, why did she have to look like that? Why?
      The snowflakes from the sky nestled in stray strands of her dark hair
and the winter temperatures flushed her cold cheeks. She hugged her winter
coat closer to her, shivering slightly. But her eyes... her eyes, partially
hidden from him by his high vantage point on the tall fence just inside of
the large sprawling hospital grounds, had lost that anger, that tension that
had stiffened her face for what seemed to have been forever but was really
less than a week.
       And he couldn't handle that look. Anger, now _that_ he could deal
with. Fighting fire with fire, oh yeah, easy enough. But now she appeared so
fragile and... so cute. No, beautiful was really the right word. It made him
uncomfortable, the odd sensations that came to him with those words. For
some reason, the cool air didn't bite as his skin as much, the sun seemed
brighter as it fought the white, falling snow and a strange shiver teased
his spine.
      But that wasn't important, she was. What was up with her? It had been
like a stranger in Akane's body and sometimes he had wondered if it really
was. Ever since she went to visit Nabiki after the training trip, she'd
locked up the part of her that he... he... liked. Walking silently on this
high fence, he knew that she hadn't noticed him following her. He wanted so
much to talk to her, to find out what was wrong but... he didn't know how.
Especially with the way she liked to twist all his innocent words into
criticisms to be righted.
      A tear that rolled down her face made Ranma's decision for him. He
couldn't stand a girl crying, and when Akane cried... it was even worse on
him.
      Springing lightly off the fence as it approached a hospital exit, he
landed a metre or two in front of her, his hands tucked into his black
jacket's pockets.
      "Hi Akane," he suddenly said, filled with a new confidence to ask,
"what's up with you?"
      Akane didn't answer straight away, her wide, startled eyes revealing
why. As the surprise faded, a slight curiosity quirked her features subtly.
The tears stopped and glistened at the edge of her eyes, sparkling against
the white snow brightening the sky.
       "R-Ranma?" she gasped. "What are you doing here? Where you following
me?"
       Sudden hesitation clamped down on his mouth, muffling his words:
"Hey, I, uh, I just w-wanted to-to.... Nothin' really.... See ya." Turning
away, he started to mumble to himself , bemusing Akane with his mention of
Ryoga.
      "What's the matter?" she asked, the bemusement spreading to a small
frown.
      Brought out of his uncharacteristic grumbling, he faced her again,
unable to ignore the tinge of concern in her tone. He would ask her, he
would. Right now. After all he was Ranma Saotome, afraid of no-one and
nothing! Well, there were cats and... thinking about that wasn't helping his
cause, dammit!
      "I just wanted to know what your problem is," he spilled out in a
single breath.
      "My problem?"
      "Yeah, why you been acting so strange lately?" He braced himself for
an angry reply, a denial of the anger itself. Instead, her eyes narrowed
into sadness again, into a melancholy weariness that wasn't her.
      "I'm beginning to wonder, too," she answered quietly, gazing down at
the snow, the lazy white  reflecting in her pupils. "I thought I knew... but
now, I don't know."
      "W-was it something I did?"
      She looked up at him, seeing his mouth slightly open and his eye-brows
curving upwards. The thought of it being his fault that she was so upset had
worried Ranma. He couldn't seem to stand the idea of her being hurt because
of him. No, that couldn't be it. After all, he did tease her and insult her.
How could he even care about her after all they've said to each other?
      "It was, wasn't it?" he announced in a low, slow voice, the look of
concern accented by the disappointment.
       Or could it be that both of them hadn't exactly been truthful with
each other?
      "No, Ranma," she said with all sincerity, "it wasn't your fault.
Really."
      A small smile lit up on his face, sparking the energy back into his
grey blue eyes. "Heh, I knew it wasn't. I was just kidding! So, um...." The
hesitation creeped back from where he thought he had beaten it to a pulp.
      Taking a brave step of her own, Akane decided to tell Ranma a little
bit about what had happened. After all, who could she talk to? Doctor Tofu?
He wouldn't take too well to hearing about her treatment of Kasumi. Auntie
Saotome was someone she couldn't figure out completely, didn't know well
enough to really talk to. And for some reason, she felt so much closer to
Ranma, even if he could be really insensitive sometimes. Perhaps it had
something to do with that time when they had stood outside of the hospital
entrance and he had been so... kind as she worried about Nabiki.
      "It's about my family, Ranma," she started to speak, unable to look
away from him. "They kept this secret about my mother from me." His
curiosity increased with the mention of a "secret" and when she told him
what it was and how she found out, his face tensed as he grew more compelled
to the story.
      "Woah," he murmured, steeped in seriousness, "and I thought my Pop was
bad." Seeing the startled looked on Akane's face, he clapped a hand over his
mouth as he realised that he'd just put his foot in it. Oh man, he knew that
he was in for it now.
      For a few moments, both were silent, standing just outside of one of
the quiet side exits to the hospital where few people passed. Those few
moments were agonisingly long for Ranma and he didn't run away because he
knew he deserved it this time.
      Suddenly, Akane did something totally unexpected. She laughed. Loud.
Ranma's hand dropped from his face and he stared wide-eyed at her, stunned.
     "Akane?"
     Stifling her laughter into a large grin, she answered, "I'm sorry
Ranma, I just... you... you just say the stupidist things sometimes in the
most sincere ways and I can't help but l-laugh!"
     Akane? Laughing when he said something the wrong way? This was too
weird for even Ranma, weirder than Jusenkyo or agile hundred-year old
martial artists.
     Catching the puzzled look on his face, she laughed even louder, unable
to keep much control on her emotions, unable to stop. The chuckling reached
hysterical proportions and pain began to stab Akane's chest but she just
couldn't stop.
     She tried to talk inbetween bursts of laughter: "It's just... ha-ha...
th-that... 'choke' after... oh, after 'snigger' ...my fa-family
betrayahhahah... m-me an-an'... it-it... sta-stabbed... hee hee... at m-my
sou-soulll... 'choke' ....your insults don't seem so... hah hahh...
hurtfullll...." With this last comment, the pain caused by the manic
laughter slayed Akane's balance and she doubled over, caught by Ranma.
     "Akane!" he cried, wrapping his arms around her waist to keep her
steady, unsure of what to do but try to calm her. Unfortunately, he wasn't
so calm himself.
     Moving closer to him, as her laughter turned to sobbing and then
crying, she flung her arms around his neck like a lifeline and cried into
his black jacket. Wincing inwardly at her cries, all he could think of to
say was: "I'm sure they were only tryin' to protect you."
      "I-I kn-know," she whispered, "b-but that doesn't st-stop... it
hurting m-me."
      "It's alright, Akane," he whispered softly back, unaware that he was
stroking her hair to soothe her. "It's gonna be alright." But he didn't know
if it really was, he just knew it was the right thing to say.
      She backed away, suddenly self-conscious. Unable to look at him any
longer, she watched a snowflake drift to the ground. His hands lingered on
the sides of her waist and afraid that he might let go, she didn't move.
      "Thanks," she whispered, looking up at him. "For the second time."
      "No problem," he casually replied, smiling for some reason. It was
probably because she looked awful, with snow sticking to her hair and her
face puffy and red because of the crying. She bet that he was laughing at
her, as hard as she wished that he weren't.
      "Man, you're beautiful," he gasped softly before he smacked his hand
against his mouth, realising that he'd said that private thought out loud.
Now she would think he was a pervert or flirt or somethin'. He was in for
it!
       As suspected, her hand rose to meet his cheek and he didn't flinch
away. But the slap didn't come, no bitter sting or bruising were created.
Instead, her gloved hand gently touched his cheek and he dared to look in
her eyes, still bubbling with tears but the smile on her face told him what
the tears really meant.
      "For once, Ranma, you have perfect timing." Her grin brought back
those odd sensations and his cheeks warmed with a certain kind of bliss at
her smile. He didn't feel so uncomfortable with those feelings anymore. With
a sudden need to touch that stunning smile on her lips, he leant towards her
and quickly placed a soft kiss on her lips. A shiver played with their
spines but it wasn't from the cold and they both knew it.
       "Baka." She lightly whapped him across the head and grinned as wide
as she could.
       "Macho chick." In mock hurt, he rubbed his head, and grumbled
nothings under his breath.
       Once again, Akane laughed. But this time, Ranma joined in.
       As they stood there, laughing away, the delicate snowflakes twirling
around them, they didn't know that out of one hospital window, one
particular patient had a clear view of that particular side exit.

* * * *

      "Are you sure you're allowed to do this?"
      "Relax, they let me do it this morning."
      The wheelchair whirled along at a slightly impatient pace with its
wheels spinning along the smooth white floor. The lithe hands gripped to the
leathered wheels pushed them with a hidden strength. In and out of people's
way, the wheelchair went, its owner using it as if she always had.
      "Are you sure you don't want me to push you?"
      "No, I told you already, I can manage fine."
      Coming to a lift, another delicate hand pressed the button for going
up. An arrow lit to go up even though the owner of the hand felt like she
was going down. The wheelchair clacked over metal as it entered the lift.
      "He couldn't really have reacted to my question with such a dark
interpretation, could he?"
      "Lately, I don't know how he would react to anything and that's why I
have to be sure."
      Reaching the right level, the lift doors opened and let the wheelchair
leave into another long white corridor.
      "I would have gone and checked for you, you really should be resting
in bed."
      "I have to be sure, I have to see for myself."

* * * *

      As the snowfall cleansed the city landscape, the sun slowly began its
descent to another land, another time. This window wasn't the largest but
the view it gave was certainly... revealing. He could stand here forever,
looking into the distance.
      "Kuno? You in there?"
      "I'm sorry, Miss, but you can't go-"
      "-I won't be long, Nurse, I promise you."
      He turned around, balancing carefully on his weary feet, to see the
female nurse from earlier on standing at the door, talking to someone in a
wheelchair. Who could that possibly be?
      "What is the problem?" he finally asked.
      "Oh, Mr. Kuno, I apologise for the trouble," the nurse said back to
him, blushing slightly in embarassment. "This young lady insists on seeing
you and I've already allowed one visitor out of normal visiting hours."
       "I don't mind. Please, let them in and I promise you that this won't
happen again." He smiled warmly and the nurse blushed again.
      "I-if you promise." The young nurse stepped out of the room and the
wheelchair rolled in, seated by one so familiar to him. Her dark cropped
hair slightly was wild and wispy and her dressing gown was so neatly tied up
it was as if it were a business suit.
       "Good afternoon, Nabiki Tendo," he greeted politely, a little too
politely for Nabiki's liking.
       "Kuno?" she asked in wonder, as if it were his whole identity she was
questioning. She examined him and became bemused at what she saw, so
different in appearance and demeanour from when she had last seen him. His
dark hair was clean and combed, his face still pale but the dark circles
under his eyes slightly faded, he stood with a lot of confidence and didn't
slouch and his eyes were so... peaceful. No depression, no turmoil crying
out in his once darkened eyes and no worry or anxiety seemed to emanate from
any part of him. This wasn't the Kuno from yesterday and, from the look on
Kasumi's face, it wasn't the one her older sister had seen less than an hour
ago. "Kuno?"
       "Yes, Nabiki Tendo?" He smiled that damned happy smile again, though
it was not as warm as the one to that nurse. "There must be a reason for why
you are here. Was there something you wanted to say to me?"
        For once, Nabiki had no idea what to say.

* * * *
End of chapter 11...
Hope you all had a nice Christmas. ^_^
Why not give me a belated present? - some C&C would be perfection. :)