more strangeness by metroanime@mindspring.com
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/
disclaimer #1: i don't own these characters.
disclaimer #2: this is just written for amusement, it is
   NOT intended to be taken as great literature. it is posted
   to the FFML solely because some people on the FFML
   enjoy these things and could use a laugh once in awhile.
   i fully realize that it does not advance the human condition
   or make any philosophical breakthroughs. You want either
   of those, go read Lurker-san or Kleppe-san.

-------------------------------------------------------
 Ryouga came to a simple crossroads in the Mystic Woods.
It wasn't that spectacular, just a pair of dirt roads that seemed hemmed
in by ancient trees so thick they blotted out all view of the sky.

 It all looked vaguely familiar to Ryouga, and there was a
reason for this. It was part of his family's curse, you see. Each Hibiki
periodically finding their way into the labyrinth of paths and roads
that criss-crossed the woods. Each road and path leading somewhere
completely different. Until the ancient wrong was set right, no Hibiki
ever could be sure of finding their way to where they wanted to go.

 A black cat, a flash of color quite visible at the collar, sped
past Ryouga.

 "Plaid?" Ryouga blinked. What kind of person puts a plaid
collar on a black cat? Shrugging, Ryouga started forward. He didn't
notice that there was a strange double-image of himself.

 One image, fading as it went, headed down the road where
he would buy a koi rod among other things.

 The other image, seeming to become slightly more solid as
the other faded, headed down the path that the cat had taken a moment
earlier.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
 BOTTLE OF DJINN
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
 The black cat grinned, watching Ryouga stumble
out from the treeline into the desert. It was working out just
as he planned. He really wanted a good laugh, a little mischief,
and this timeline was three days away from merging with a
mainline, so why not?

 Someone clearing his throat caused the Elder spirit
of mischief to flinch.

 "Here now, my fine furred friend," purred Loki. "Did
you want to go doing something like this without letting your
good friends know about it ahead of time?"

 "Well, yes," conceded Toltiir. "Would you mind
terribly going somewhere else for awhile? And NOT interfering?"

 "Only if you tell me what's going on."

 Toltiir sighed. "You remember Haurvatat?"

 "Persian pantheon, portfolio: purity of spirit, second class,
unlimited license." Loki cocked his head. "Great legs too, as I recall."

 "That's the one. She made a comment about how mortals
never seemed to learn, they always chose to ignore the longterm
consequence and concentrated on short-term profit."

 "Well, what's wrong with that?" Loki thought it an entirely
sensible way of doing things, it had served him well for quite a long time.

 "It was really depressing the hell out of her." Toltiir looked
up, not really expecting the other to understand.

 Loki surprised the cat. "Gotcha. So you, being an elder being
known as the Jester, decided to do something about it."

 Toltiir smiled a little. "Yeah, I made her a bet. Watch."
-------------------------------------------
 "AAAGGHHHH!" Ryouga screamed at the sky. "I wish
I could find the Tendo dojo!"

 "Sorry," came a woman's voice. "Unless you're actually
holding the bottle, I can't do a thing for you."

 "Eh?" Ryouga froze. His eyes began to track around, but
there was no sign of anyone who could have said that. "Just my
imagination. Go figure."

 "Try looking down," advised the voice, now sounding
a little irritated.

 Ryouga did, noticing a very ornate bottle, made of brass
instead of glass, capped with some elaborate stopper. His first thought
was here was another souvenier he could present to Akane.

 It was hot and burned his fingers as he pried it out of the
sand. He brushed off some of the clinging sand as he juggled it from
one hand to another.

 "Gently now, fang boy. Geez, you gotta act like this?"

 "You shut up!" Ryouga stopped. He was yelling at a
bottle. Of course, the bottle had an attitude.

 There was a moment of silence. "WELL!?" The woman's
voice sounded more irritated than it had earlier.

 "Well what?" Ryouga was at a loss. What the hell were
you supposed to say to a bottle?

 "MAKE A DAMN WISH, WHY DON'T YOU!" The
woman sounded thoroughly pissed. "Or put me in that backpack
of yours. Geez, what kind of loser do I have for a Master this time?"

 "Yeah, pull the other one. You can't trick me that easily!"

 "Huh?" The angry tone was gone. She sounded puzzled
now. "What ARE you talking about?"

 "I'm Ryouga Hibiki! NOTHING good ever happens to me.
You're gonna grant me a wish, don't make me laugh!" Ryouga got
ready to throw the bottle back into the sand.

 "WAIT! Don't do it, boy, I can't kill you but I can sure as
hell hit you with a curse if you do anything to abuse my prison here."

 "I've already got a curse, thank you, I don't need any more."
Ryouga got ready to throw the bottle VERY far away.

 "THEN," said the voice with more than a touch of
exasperation, "WHY don't you wish for me to remove your curse?"

 Ryouga stopped. He blinked. He blinked again. "You
can do that?"

 "Yeah," a slight tone of relief sounded in the woman's
voice. She was SO damn tired of this desert. "Mind how you word
it, though, because I have to follow the exact wording."

 "Honestly?" Ryouga couldn't bring himself to hope.

 "Honestly." The voice was beginning to sound irritated
again.

 "No joke?"

 "WOULD YOU JUST MAKE THE DAMN WISH!!!"

 "Well, then, uhm, I, uhm, I...how many wishes do I get?"

 There was a whimper from the bottle. "Three. Each Master,
which means the possessor of the bottle, gets three wishes. One is
Instant Gratification, the next takes five minutes to take effect, and the
last
one takes an hour before it happens. Don't ask, those were limitations
put in there by ANOTHER Master may his skull be used as a shovel
by some camel-herder."

 "Oh. Heh heh." Ryouga tried to think about what he'd
want first. "Akane? To be rid of the pig? Should I wish I could always
find Akane's bedroom? Ah..."

 "GRANTED!" Lightning crackled, thunder boomed.

 Ryouga blinked, standing in the doorway to Akane's bedroom.
"Oh. I...well. WHAT?!?"

 "Your first wish," the woman sounded satisfied. "You will now
find Akane's bedchambers. All the time, without fail. Oh, that was nice."

 "Ryouga, when did you get here?"

 "Akane?" Ryouga whipped around to see the very girl
he'd wanted to see so badly. "Oh, Akane, heh heh. What a surprise
to see you here."

 "Well, it IS her bedchambers, Master."

 "You shut up!" Ryouga yelled at the bottle then looked
up into Akane's startled eyes.

 "Ryouga, are you a ventriloquist?"

 Quickly recovering from the resulting facefault, Ryouga
looked deeply into Akane's eyes. This was it, this was his big chance!
"Akane, I..."

 "Yes, Ryouga?" Akane blinked up at him, completely
trusting of the lost boy. After all, he was nice and much more mature
than that jerk Ranma.

 "I...I...wish that Akane..." Ryouga's mouth was dry but he
forced himself on. How could he abuse her trust like this, but how
could he let that travesty of a relationship between her and Ranma
continue?! "...were completely, helplessly, totally..."

 "Ryouga?" Akane began to look puzzled, she gave a slight
pout that just pushed Ryouga's hormones up past their own breaking
point.

 "i-in love with..." Ryouga stammered. The guilt, the shame, but
the prize! Would he be able to look himself in the mirror after doing this?
Would he be able to look himself in the mirror if he DIDN'T do this?

 "Oh, hey there, Ryouga!"

 "Oh, Ukyou, you're here!"

 "...Ukyou?" Ryouga looked up, startled.

 "GRANTED!" Crackle. Thoom.

 "Yeah, Ukyou's gonna help me with my homework." Akane nodded.

 "Well, Akane's gonna help me out too. It's a tough assignment."

 "Uhm, excuse me." Ryouga grinned and ran down the hall. Holding
the bottle up, he growled at it as soon as he found a corner. "What do you
mean
granted?"

 "HEY, it was your wish, Master."

 "THAT WASN'T WHAT I MEANT!" Ryouga yelled at the bottle.

 "Gee, Ryouga, keep it down would you!" Nabiki scolded as she
walked past.

 "Yes, Master, keep it down. You've only got one wish remaining
now."

 Nabiki stopped. Slowly she turned, step by step, inch by inch.

 "I want a refund! That last wish wasn't what I wanted!"

 "Here's your exact wording, Master." The woman stopped speaking
and Ryouga's voice could be heard. "I...I...wish that Akane......were
completely,
helplessly, totally...i-in love with......Ukyou?"

 "It's not my fault!" Ryouga squeezed the bottle tighter. "I meant
to say that I wish..."

 Nabiki clapped her hand over Ryouga's mouth before he could
complete the sentence. "Ryouga-baby, me and you and that little bottle of
yours are going to have a nice little talk, and you're NOT going to use that
word."

 "Hmmmpphhh!" Ryouga nodded. Nabiki didn't remove her hand
though she loosened it so he could breathe some.

 "Lust spells, Ryouga? You'd think after seeing Shampoo fail
as much as she has that you'd have learned they never work out as intended."

 "Shampoo," mumbled Ryouga, he spotted Kasumi sticking her head
 up the stairs, curious about the noise. "Nabiki, Kasumi."

  Nabiki slowly removed her hand.

  "Lust? Ah hah hah ha." Ryouga tried to pass it off as ridiculous,
after all, his feelings for Akane were much deeper than mere lust.

 "Yo, Akane! Ucchan!"

 "Ranma," growled Ryouga. He was about to add more. Something
about this all being his fault.

 "GRANTED!" Crackle. Thoom. "That's three!" The bottle
went silent.

 Ryouga stared at the bottle. "What?!?"

 Nabiki pulled the bottle away from Ryouga. "What did he do?"

 "Oh, a new Master already. He used up his three wishes."

 Nabiki paused. "He said he wished...then he...no. No."
No, that couldn't be it, she didn't feel any different, after all.

 "You're a jeannie lamp, like on TV?" Images of Barbara
Eden appearing in a cloud of pink smoke were forced down in Nabiki's mind.

 "TV? Hang on a sec. Oh. Actually, I'm a marid."

 "B-B-But I..." Ryouga looked at the bottle in Nabiki's
hands. He looked like he was ready to cry.

 "Three wishes, huh?" Nabiki smirked. "Any particular
limitations, exclusions, riders, hidden pricetags, or problems with
these wishes?"

 There was a pause from the lamp. "Wow, guess you've
got a bit more on the ball than fang-boy there."

 Nabiki smirked. "Get on with it."

 "Local changes only. Nothing that has world class
repercussions. No pricetags beyond the ones you put in through
your wording. Same goes for problems. Fang-boy there is a major
example of those."

 "So what do YOU get out of it," Nabiki wanted to
know.

 "Mainly amusement," said the voice. "See, I've
got to do this gig until I grant a completely selfless wish.
You can tell how often THAT happens."
------------------------------------------
 Loki looked down at the cat. "She's lying."

 "She's one of yours." Toltiir shrugged.

 "I wasn't disapproving."
------------------------------------------
 Commercial break:
 Nabiki smirks at the camera. "I work a LOT with
photography."
 cut to: pictures of Ranma-chan asleep, Kuno kissing
Kodachi's feet, Hiroshi and Daisuke in the locker room trying
to cover their privates, Unnamed Boy and Unnamed Girl necking
in the hallway of their High School, Akane looking guilty and
trying to hide something behind her back.

Nabiki voiceover: "Color film with good definition, that handles
odd lighting conditions and all sorts of unforeseen environmental
changes."

 Back to Nabiki, still smirking. She holds up a green and
white box. "For all YOUR extortion needs. Fuji Film, the choice of
experts."
we now return to the regularly scheduled fanfic, currently in
progress.
--------------------------------------------
 "So, you see, Akane, while they use double and triple
negatives, that's street slang and not considered proper English."
Ukyou watched as Ranma got up to get some snacks. Maybe she
should have brought some okonomiyaki.

 "Yeah, I kinda..." Akane looked up at Ukyou and
realized she had never really seen the okonomiyaki chef. She'd
looked at her plenty of times, but she'd never really SEEN the
other girl. She was really, really, cute.

 "Akane, do you feel all right?" Ukyou looked on with
some concern. She hadn't seen that sort of expression on Akane,
ever.

 "Mmmm-hmmmmm?" Akane blinked, her eyes tracing
those imminently kissable lips, those expressive sandalwood eyes,
those lovely cheekbones...

 "Akane?" Ukyou wondered what was wrong with her
rival for Ranma. "You look all flushed. Do you need me to get
Kasumi or Nabiki?"

 "No, no, I'm fine." Akane smiled and looked down,
blushing slightly. Ukyou was concerned about her. It made her
feel so warm. Ukyou was SUCH a good friend. "Ukyou-chan..."
Akane seemed to caress Ukyou's name as she said it.

 Ukyou was a little more concerned. This was just an
English assignment, why was Akane acting like this? If it had
been acting, well, this could have at least fit into something
comprehensible. "Akane?!"

 Akane leaned moved a little closer to Ukyou, and
caressed her hair. "You have such beautiful hair, Ukyou, so soft
and..."

 Ukyou scuttled back as quickly as she could. "Hey,
come on, Akane, you're scaring me! What's going on?"

 "Oh, nothing," Akane pouted. "We're just such good
friends, and I think we could be much BETTER friends."

 Her back against the wall, Ukyou nodded. "Yeah. I
guess. If it weren't for your engagement to Ranchan, I s'pose."

 Akane brightened. "Really?! Then I give him to you!
I relinquish the hold my family has on him so he can marry you.
Does that make you happy, Ukyou?"

 Ranma stopped at the door and dropped the tray he
was carrying.

 Ukyou blinked. Marry Ranchan? Akane was telling her
that SHE should marry Ranchan? Ukyou pinched herself. No, this
was not a dream. A sudden tidal wave of hormones immediately
overturned her concerns and reservations and swept them out to
sea. An image of herself, wearing white, dancing, laying Ranchan
out on a griddle and licking okonomiyaki sauce off of him....

 Akane looked at the silly grin on Ukyou's face, the
crossed eyes, the little trail of drool, and smiled herself. She'd
already pleased Ukyou. She'd do anything for Ukyou, anything
at all. Ukyou was so kind, and good, and beautiful, and made
such wonderful okonomiyaki...

 Ranma just went into shock. Akane was happier than
he'd seen her in quite some time. Had all his suspicions about the
two of them been wrong after all? He stepped back away from the
doorway, forgetting the fallen tray. How? Why?

 Ryouga wandered into the room, saw that he'd found
Akane's bedroom again, then left.
---------------------------------------------
 "So," Nabiki regarded the bottle in her hands. She had
sent Ryouga to go get some books from downstairs. With any luck
he wouldn't be able to interfere with her until she'd had her fun. "What
should I go for first?"

 "Whatever you like, Master." the bottle answered. Both
paused as Ranma ran past the doorway. Was that a sob?

 "How about..." Nabiki thought over the wording. "I wish that I
had about 45 million yen in gold coins, unmarked by any security precautions
or the like, in good condition, and that is obtained in such a way that no
one
is going to come looking for me, my family,  or the money." Nabiki winced,
wondering how disaster was going to strike.

 "Hmmmm. Granted!" Crackle. Thoom.
------------
 Kasumi looked outside. That's odd, she kept hearing thunder.
------------
 Takeuchi Soichiro looked into the vault at the money
gleaned from this month's operations and converted into international
capital (krugerrands) and ...blinked. The Yakuza crime boss watched as
the suitcases of ransom money they'd just converted abruptly ...vanished.

 Panic hit. No one would believe him. He'd made a living out
of betraying confidences, brutal violent acts, and being one of the nastiest
sharks in some very dangerous waters.

 Takeuchi considered his options:
a)   Tell them the truth, that a large chunk of money had just vanished of
its
       own accord. (Problem: they'd kill him.)
b)   Throw himself on their nonexistent mercy and come up with a story that
       one of his men had absconded with the money. (Problem: they'd kill
both
       the scapegoat AND him.)
c)    Flee with enough of the remaining funds to some foreign country where
       they'd never find him. (Problem: they'd find him.)

 Deciding that since A&B were instant death and C would at least
prolong his existence, Takeuchi decided to run. Antarctica sounded nice.
------------------------------
 Nabiki took each of the suitcases, opened them up so that the
coins made a large pile, and leapt into them. She did the backstroke, she
held up a double-handful and let them cascade over her, she buried herself
in gold coins and hugged the metal to her.

 Nabiki had the sort of grin on her face that usually accompanied
multiple orgasms except she wasn't tired.

 Then, very carefully, she rounded up each and every coin. She
put them back in suitcases and hid them under the bed. She restrained
herself from laughing hysterically and yelling "mineminemine" a lot. She
only said it a few times while possessively hugging the suitcases.

 As she put the suitcases away one last time, Nabiki looked
up at the clock. Only fifty nine minutes had passed since she had taken
the bottle away from Ryouga. She had everything she needed, so what
could go wrong?
-------------------------------------------
clip to bottle of djinn 2