Oh dear...

Okay, in the interests of furthering the oft-abused art of writing, here's
my two cents on the work.

First off, unabashed plagarism. Sorry, but denying it in authors' notes
don't cut it. I mean, come on, you've got artificiall human types named
'Sable' acting as enforcers for a semi-government outfit called the 'KFC'
(apparently Colonel Sanders has fufilled his dream of world domination)
and reporting to a female directoress. I won't even get into the Skeride
clone. If yer gonna steal someone's work, do it _honestly_ and admit that
this is, in fact, the case.

Second, contrary to popular belief, making every third word an obscenity
does not make a protagonist 'cool' or 'tough'. It does make them highly
annoying, and you start to wish the R2096-ripoffs would just blow him
away for having such a toilet for a mouth.

Third, plot is a bit lacking... but that's a more common concern, I
suppose, and will come with experience.

The good points (yes, there were good points) - the writing and flow were
better than the hopefully abandoned cool-otaku-avatarfic 'Scrap in
Nerima'. All things considered, the technical quality of the writing was
at a decent-to-good level, although there still remains an unfortunate
tendancy to switch tenses in midsentence.

A suggestion to the author, and to other aspiring writers of fanfics: try
writing a work or three without a single new character, ne? NC's are
difficult to do properly, and you gotta learn to walk before you can run.
Besides, then you won't get grumpy authors like me C&Cing you like this.

- Mike Loader
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l  "For, look you, there is humour in all things, and the truest
 / () \   l   philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and make the
/      \  l   most of it." - Jack Point, _The Yeomen of the Guard_
--------  l                    mike@thekeep.org
==========+==================================================================
Fnord.