Ranma 1/2 Presents:
Shampoo 1/2
Chapter 38

And With Naught But My Flesh, I Dared to Challenge the Gods Themselves

A nicely pretentions title, and one that's entirely appropriate to the
episode. :)   My only problem is that it gives away a little too much.

As for the rest -- well, I spent yesterday evening critiquing an 88K
'fic line-by-line, and I'm damned if I'm going to do it for something
that's half as long again! :)   Fortunately that's not really necessary
here.  So, taking it scene-by-scene instead:

Comb and Cologne:
You've made Cologne a complex character over the series, and this scene is
no exception to what's gone before.  To see her admitting that she couldn't
train Comb to be an Elder because she loved her too much -- and then
manipulating Shampoo into betraying, or abandoning, her own mother --
it's rather disturbing.  But I can believe it of her...

Shampoo after injuring Perfume:
The sudden, shocked realisation of what her training _means_.  Nasty.
One can see why Shampoo became colder afterward (at least until Ranma
broke through the shell).

Shampoo "sparring" with Ranma:
That same coldness in force, and the first signs that it's not permanent.
Shamps' musing over the advantages and disadvantages of a male form is
lovely... :)

Working out, and pondering the upcoming play:
So, gradually she admits that she loves him.  But there's Kasumi on the
side-lines...

The Lemon scene:
Well, nice to have all _that_ cleared up.  An eminently believable
demonstration of how those two could end up together.  But it does leave
a _major_ thread hanging.  We've seen some of the aftermath of this scene
in earlier chapters, and Kasumi's apparent acceptance that "this cannot be",
but -- especially in view of Shampo'os closing words in this scene -- there
has to be a lot more that needs to be said on the subject.  Fortunately
you did say that this isn't the last chapter... :)

Shampoo and Death:
I thought about it for a while, then decided that I was relieved that
you hadn't used Neil Gaiman's death.  She wouldn't have fit here.
One thing bothers me about this scene, and that's the discussion of
Oblivion.  It seems unnecessary, unless it's a setup for something to
follow.  If not, dropping it probably wouldn't be a great loss.

Ranma mourning:
Yes, I'd guessed that "it was disappoinement" that he felt when he saw
Akane.  As for the rest: well,it takes a lot to break the dam on Ranma's
emotions.  But it's worth it.  :)
As for Tarou's death: I found it difficult to feel anything at all about
this.  But it does seem to leave Akane with nothing, even if he was "only
a friend", which seems a shame.

Ranma's apotheosis:
The only thing I can say here is that I'd like to see this filmed... :)

D'Amour and the boulder:
"Damn, I'm good!"  Oh, YEAHHH!  I want to see this filmed too.

Arguing with Death:
Giving death a cat-face for Ranma was a good touch.  (But it raises
interesting questions about why Shampoo's Deathwas tall, dark and
handsome.)  The dual speech segment was wonderful, but the formatting
came out very uneven; you might want to look at this.
"I promise I'll be the first thing you see."  Yes.  Perfect.

Epilogue:
Perfection again.  Especially seeing that, when all is said and done,
Ranma is Ranma ...

Overall:
Amazing.  The previous chapter was the one that I -- like, I suppose,
most other readers -- expected to be the climax of the story.  Instead
it was more of an anti-climax (though logically so -- there was really no
way that Maelstrom could have been taken out in any other way).  Instead,
this chapter is the climax, and far more dramatic -- and emotionally
satisfying -- than we had any real right to expect.  Very well done indeed.
And now, I look forward to the winding-up episodes to come ...


One final comment on the series to date:
Regarding the early, script-format chapters.  You've said that you intend
to rewrite them as prose; and the prose version of chapter 7 did appeared a
few weeks ago.  Oddly enough, in this case I prefer the script version.
The early chapters of Shampoo 1/2 were very jokey, fast-moving pieces, and
it just didn't work as well for me in prose form.  When you switched
to prose in chapter 8, the pace slowed down a good deal and the whole
tenor of the story changed.  This was for the good; but still, a straight
translation from script to prose, such as you did for chapter 7, really
didn't work too well.

Hope all this is of some help.

Cheers,
Angus

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angus MacSpon                                                Allen Gainsford
http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/