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Tabris, My Only Friend
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfic
By Katsuragi Misato
Ikari Shinji silently sat in a corner in the geofront, still wet from
the showers. The only indication of life was the single tear that slipped
down
his cheek. Then, breaking his statuesque being, he whispered, "Kaoru-kun..."
Shinji broke down into a crying mess, but only for a long moment. He could
barely
believe half of the things that had happened around him the last few days.
Every
day things were exponentially getting darker and more tragic. Especially now.
Shinji could feel himself going into a sort of 'waking coma' state, but.. he
didn't care. He would rather die that have to face another day. What was life
if there was so much pain? Why live? He had heard that SEELE invaded the
geofront and were slaughtering hundreds of NERV personnel without regard,
looking for the three children. So be it. Shinji didn't want to feel
anything,
anymore. He had been betrayed so much, by his father, and now by himself.
Nothing
to live for. Not humanity, not for a chance for happiness, not for his father.
Nothing.
The boy was sitting on top of the rubble, strewn there by Rei's N2 bomb,
humming part of the Fourth Movement of Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 in d
minor. He
looked like a shining angel in the sunset's orange glow, the light bouncing
off of
his silvery hair. "It's a nice day for a melody, ne?" the light haired boy
had asked
Shinji, a complete stranger. He chuckled at Shinji's nervousness as he
nodded. Shinji
had relaxed quickly around the newcomer, he just couldn't help it. Kaoru
was so
easy to like, for he had, for what it seemed, an unconditional love for
everyone that he came in contact with. It was unusual for the Fifth Children
to come from SEELE, unmentioned by the false Marduk Report. What really was
unusual
was that SEELE seemed to have no influence on Kaoru, they had not implanted
their
trademark coldness into him, making his bright red eyes cloud over, jaded.
So gentle, Kaoru was.. like a lamb. So similar he was to Ayanami, with those
eyes of his.
The thoughts of being in the bath with Kaoru, the steam rising from
Kaoru's sweaty pale skin. The way that his lips moved as he said "I love
you."
He was gentle and lovely in whatever he did. Later that evening, Shinji in
Kaoru's
apartment, Kaoru sleeping in his own bed while Shinji was on the floor.
Shinji's
own mixed up feelings for Asuka, Misato, Ayanami, and now... Kaoru. Yaoi.
It was
a word that Shinji had heard before, but never considered himself to be. But
now, his thoughts wavered. Love. Shinji had never loved before. True, he had
feelings for Ayanami, he wished that he *didn't have feelings for Asuka, and
there was no denying the at least one way attraction between Misato and
himself.
Could he love another person? Could he love another man? Did gender matter to
love? Isn't the soul without gender, only thrown into a random body? Why
did Kaoru
love him? Why him? No one had ever loved *him before. At least, if anyone
had,
they kept it to themselves. Shinji had wanted desperately to be loved,
that was
the sole reason that he piloted an Eva. For others' praise. For others' love.
"No!!!" Shinji yelled out, striking the tiled shower wall in front of
him. No matter how hard he tried to tear the feeling, the memory, from his
heart, he only succeeded in removing the LCL from his body. Watching the
blood
appear and wash off of his left hand only reminds him of Kaoru's own blood on
Unit 01's left hand, causing him to punch the shower wall again, cracking the
ceramic tile. Shinji ignores the pain, making himself believe that he
deserves
such punishment for killing Kaoru, willingly. He said that he loved me...
Dammit! No one.. NO ONE ever told me that!! And I.. and I killed him. Because
he was an Angel. The seventeenth Angel, Tabris, asked me to kill him... but
not before he told me that he loved me. Why?! Why Kaoru-kun?? Why??!
But, it didn't matter anymore. Nagisa Kaoru, Fifth Children, 15 years old,
was dead. He died for the sake of humanity, a final sacrifice. And it was
Ikari Shinji, First Children, 14 years old, who had sent the last Angel
to his Heaven.
---
Author's notes
This actually started out as a yaoi lemon.. Oh, a lemon writer writing
lemons..
Surprise. ^^; But I was feeling especially weird the morning I wrote this.
And it's turned into the tiny little chunk of angst that you have before you.
I'm guessing that this is the end of this fic. I don't really know what to
add to it.. though I've tried several times in the last year to sit down
and work on this. It's sat on my hard drive long enough.. might as well
let it circulate on the net and attempt to clear my reputation as a bad
Evangelion lemon writer. Or would that be butcher? I dunno.
Comments, confessions of love, challenges to a duel? Send those to:
miharu@niders.com
Thanks to Zhou Tai An for prereading this bad boy about 14 months ago..
For anyone asking about my other works.. hell, I don't know when they'll be
getting out.. I seem to be all out of inspiration lately. I mean, just look
at my old homepage.. *laughs*
And the last time a few of you heard from me, I was sick with pneumonia from
AWA 4.. well, I'm okay now. I'm back to being the strapping young lass I was
before. Yay! ^_^
When I start rewriting all of my old stories, and moving them to my Sagara
Productions homepage, I'm changing my penname from Katsuragi Misato to
Miharu. *le shrug* This whole Evangelion thing is getting to me.. I think
I need to do a little obsession with Gasaraki instead. ^_^
My author's notes are longer than the fic.. God, I love mediocrity.