DBZ:  Where Does It Go?
By Justin Fraser with a couple o' suggestions from his good friend Derek 
Brunt.
You can blame all the "Codename"'s on him, for one.

If you don't know that All DBZ characters are copyright of Akira 
Toriyama and GNR is under ownership of W. Axl Rose (Who never should 
have broke the band up), or even that Sam Sii is copyright of Golden 
Harvest's "Drunken Master", consider yourself enlightened.  Or a 
diskette organizer.  Whichever suits your...boat...

        Setting:  Nighttime  (On a little submarine, Codename:  
"Yellow").  
Master Roshi's Hermitage.
        Characters:  Those of the large DBZ world.  Sam Sii.  Music.  An 
I-Mac.  
The Supaa Pawaa Desuku (with Sapunaa).  Godzilla.  Words (lots of).  A 
seal...
        Theme:  Humor.
        Plot:  Not Applicable.


        The dark figures clambered out of the little submarine (Yellow, 
We All 
Live In).  There were various clangs and cursings and corn-on-the-cob 
shoelaces tearing at one's burly mortal coil.
        "Ya' got the stuff?" whispered one.
        His accomplice raised a suede pouch in the moonlight (Codename:  
"Blue"), Exhibit A:  "The Stuff" (A.K.A:  Dead).  They both smiled 
eagerly and nodded at one another with their flutes, strung together by 
spaghetti that had been welded by an out of tune Ibanez guitar.  
*Ibanez:  The King of Fender Rip-Offs!*
        They negotiated the beachfront (it was a very shrewd beachfront, 
and 
got ten dollars from them, which it promptly used as silt bait).  In the 
background, a giant lizard paced by, stepping on the submarine and 
crushing it utterly, then disappearing into the ocean.  This may or may 
not have anything to do with this--for want of a better word--story, but 
I have yet to decide that.
        One of the aforementioned figures was short, but appeared to be 
some 
recently evolved relative of a Conehead-esque species, because his hair 
stood gelled--possibly cemented--straight up, and actually extended 
three feet at its sharpest point.  But the sharpest point was so small 
that only one footworth of the hair could actually be seen.  On the 
molecular level, some tachyons were currently very confused.  In fact, 
it was dangerous to walk around with hair that might cut power lines in 
two, so this man had developed a sort of *switch-blade hair*, which 
inverted itself and devastated the tachyon population.  This is one 
proposed theory on why three+ Dragon Ball Z episodes sometimes only 
cover five minutes of actual story.
        His partner in time stood much, much taller, and his cape blew 
in his 
own personal wind;  It was strange how on the most calm of days his cape 
seemed to billow.  There was a certain air about him of green.  Lots and 
lots of green.  If anyone had observed him in broad daylight, they would 
probably have said, "Yep...*Green.*"  His head bobbed up and down as he 
listened to Guns N' Roses' Bad Obsession, but this was more due to the 
weighted turbin on his head.  He'd been listening to Perfect Crime, to 
get him in the mood for this mission, and was going to carry it out to 
the background of Jungle (Codename:  Jungle).
        They paused briefly as a sound startled them.  This was very 
risky 
business, and they couldn't allow things to get screwed up this early.  
Only a brief moment of silence ensued, then a THUD and an "Ungh!" as the 
pointy-headed figure fell to the ground.  In the dark, the one of Green 
raised a questioning eyebrow.  Pinhead stood up, brushed himself off, 
gave a lopsided stare at the seal which he'd seemed to cut in half with 
his hair, and kicked it in annoyance.  He retracted his secret weapon, 
and this time made sure the safety caught.  The seal produced a welding 
device from its entrails and pulled himself back together, using the 
power of Cold-Soldering.  As the two strange apparitions stared on in 
disbelief and wax coating, the seal hobbled away toward the ocean, going 
"Orgh!  Orgh, ORGH!"
        There were rock paintings.  No difficult task here:  It was 
immediately 
decided that they would be chewed on, and no one was better at chewing 
on things than Kirby the great and powerful boxer dog with the Goon 
Face.  Greenman used his summoning spell and called him forth.
        As the Great Master charged the rock paintings, he made sure to 
point 
out that he was only doing this because he wanted to, and they should be 
thankful that he takes time out for petty mortals like themselves.  And 
then they must give him the paper cup as sacrifice, etc., etc.
        They reached the door, and, frankly, if you haven't yet figured 
it out, 
it's Vejiita and Piccolo.  The door presented an obstacle.  Apparently, 
its nickname was C:\filedir.all\file.now /print :LPT2.9  |more.  Piccolo 
was forced to wip out his PCMCIA 10-mip CAT5 T-10 Ether Adapter to 
override the RAS protocol.  When this didn't work, he reached beneath 
his turbin and produced Mr. Ralph Martin's Special Edition Supreme 
Hair-Splitter Version 2.0 Dwarven Battle-Axe and nick at  it 
righteously.
        This didn't work either, so he swung it full force, smashing the 
woodwork and decapitating Oolong, unfortunately on his way to the little 
pig's room.  Ironically enough, he'd been eating an apple at the time.
        Just as ironic, Vejiita was wearing clothes.  Sometimes you 
gotta 
wonder whether this is planned, or something...
        The pair made their way stealthily down the hall, donning their 
ninja 
zukin (hoods), but forgetting to change their normal clothes, too.  
Numerous alarms were set off, but they were all silent alarms, so's not 
to give them away.
        They passed the room of the great Mutant Roshi, tripped over 
Goku 
(doing push-ups with his teeth in the middle of the hall), sprang 
peacefully over Chichi, and lurched at Gohan to scare him away.
        At last they arrived at the Supaa Pawaa Desuku.  They smashed 
it, all 
of it; even the Supaa Pawaa Muubinturei.  The Supaa Pawaa Sapunaa was a 
whole different story, and they ended up throwing the PCMCIA card at it.  
It stopped working, and so did the Sapunaa.  Damn Mac products.
        An omenous foreboding, though, to the PowerMac that leapt around 
the 
corner growling at them.
        Vejiita and Piccolo leapt back.  The room with the now-smashed 
Supaa 
Pawaa Desuku was small (and cold, mind), but Vejiita still managed to 
produce his special Hamster-Size Mallet.  He leapt, yelling, and brought 
down the three ton Gallagher implement upon the I-Mac that stood before 
him, aiming for it's evil-influenced...
        "Piccolo!! It has no floppy drive!!!  Get back!!!"
        "Damn!  How can we fight this thing?"
        Vejiita produced a Les Paul from his pants.  "I'll play at it!!  
Flannel!  Toot-sweet!  And in Drop D, too!"
        He begin improving Panama (Codename:  "Insert Notation Here"), 
but the 
I-Mac advanced.  Piccolo leapt for cover behind the shattered Desuku.  
Even when Vejiita tried plugging the guitar into its USB-port, there was 
no effect.  If only he had practiced the November Rain solo...
        "I'm going to have to try some desperate measures here, Piccolo!  
Throw 
me some sake!!!"
        Piccolo fumbled for his wine gourd, and found none.  He stared 
at the 
rapidly approaching I-Mac and leapt out at it, grasping the gourd which 
had gotten caught in its CAT5 cable as he'd made good his escape.  He 
took aim, and tossed it too Vejiita just as he crashed into the wall.  
The I-Mac turned and rushed toward the downed Namekku.
        Vejiita tore the top from the gourd and drank it all quickly.  
Already 
the I-Mac was holding Piccolo in its evil grip, only now it was a very 
blurry I-Mac and a much greener Piccolo.  He wiped his mouth.
        "Alright, you...Now I'll get...um...*you*..."
        He began wobbling shakily, holding his fists in front of him.  
The 
I-Mac turned and beeped as a message printed out:

        Namekku Devourer has unexpectedly quit due to error type 3.

        The I-Mac confronted Vejiita, raising it's power cord, but it 
was too 
late.  Vejiita rolled forward, stood and began hitting the monitor.  He 
swung round and fell on his back, bringing a leg up, crushing the 
internal (infernal) memory.  There was suddenly an old bum in the room, 
shouting, "Now do Flute-Han, the drunken god holding the flute!"
        Vejiita used his Rage Against the Machine.  They are a horrible 
band, 
but even they have more going than an I-Mac.
        It was more like Anger Directed Towards the Machine, anyway.
        It flailed, it beeped, it even printed out random-error errors, 
but in 
the end, Piccolo produced a closet from his pants and Vejiita shoved the 
I-Mac in, slamming the door and cramming the remains of the Supaa Pawaa 
Desuku in front of it.  Always remember that Supaa Pawaa Desuku should 
be spelled in katakana.  Unless you're spelling it in English, of 
course, or any other applicable language (even Bulgarian!!!).
        And now they approached Kuririn's room.  Piccolo turned the 
handle 
slowly.  The handle turned him back.  He smacked it and tried again.  It 
was a good handle this time.
        "Must've been bought on sale," he muttered.
        Kuririn was asleep, curled up in his bed innocently, like a 
flock of 
cameras, curled up in bed, being innocent.  Vejiita and Piccolo looked 
around conspiratorily.  Then, simultaneously, they shouted and charged.
        "SUUUUUUUURGE!!!!!!!!"
        Piccolo opened the suede bag and produced Bic razorblades, 
handing one 
to Vejiita.  He proceeded to pull a stereo system out of the bag, and 
turned Jungle (track No. 1, Appetite for Destruction) on, blaring the 
sound as if it would try to escape.
        "Do you know where you ARE!?"
        Kuririn leapt out of bed and ran around the room shouting as he 
was 
pursued.
        "You're in the jungle, baby!  You're gonna DIIIIIIE!"
        Goku and Roshi came running through the room, also yelling, but 
they 
continued to run and leapt out the window on the other side of the room.  
Godzilla stepped on them.
        *If you've got the money, honey, we've got your disease...*
        Piccolo and Vejiita tackled Kuririn and went to work.


        Next Morning:

        "You know, guys, you're right.  I *did* look better without 
hair."
        Piccolo and Vejiita gave each other a Jackie Chan thumbs up.  In 
the 
living room, the Mutant Roshi watched the news:

        *A yellow submarine, which we suspect to be codenamed: "Yellow", 
was 
found washed up on shore today...a recent I-Mac infestation has calmed 
down a bit...*  etc.

        And the scene was disturbed by Chichi bursting into the room, 
shouting, 
"Gohan's lost his head again!!!" and exploding.
        "Mizzlefritz on the crabjuice!  Tis a remarking digital watch!!"
        Kuririn, Vejiita, and Piccolo looked up.  Gohan's head was 
floating 
toward them.  His body was on the ground, and Vejiita picked it up and 
threw it at the disembodied head as it came closer, blurting insanities.
        They leapt through the window onto Majin Buu's back and made 
good their 
escape.  They weren't messing with that...that *thing* anymore.  This 
time, they were calling in Kirby.


To Be Continued If I Feel Like It
Codename:  I Ain't Got The Time

--I am The Nose, whose Acolytes number in Three.  We are here so that 
reality may not win, and to find good fruit vendors.  Remember:  When 
the green fish are bobbin' to the surface and the yellow rubber bands 
are flyin' everywhere, eat peanuts.  -- Justin Fraser

--You cannot defeat us.  --Acolytes of Chaos

--Surely you have brought it here so that I may chew on it!?  --Kirby



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