Note: Please forgive this piece. I am mentally ill.

The following is taken from an interview with Saotome Akane conducted by 
Ken Otoko


Ken Thank you for meeting with me for this interview Mrs. Saotome. I'm 
sure that there are many people out there who want to find out more 
about you. 

Akane It's no problem. There are a few points about my public image that 
I want to clear up anyway.

Ken You are known as the raging beauty of the Nerima Ward. Men have 
clobbered each other for years just to have a chance to date you. You 
are now married to Ranma Saotome, to whom you were engaged in your 
youth. Ranma is the practicing head of the Anything Goes School of 
Martial Arts ever since the previous master, Happosai,  was allegedly 
mistaken for an eggplant and used to make a drink at a health food 
store. 

Akane I had nothing to do with that.

Ken I didn't say that you did.

Akane I mean, sure I was working there at the time, and I did consider 
stuffing him in the blender plenty of times, but �

Ken Okay. Moving along now. Why don't you tell us a little about 
yourself and your family. You have been married to Ranma for five years 
now. Don't you have three children?

Akane Yes. Three little boys. They are four year old triplets. The boys 
take strongly after their father.

Ken They must be quite energetic.

Akane Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a four year old in bed 
when he can jump onto the roof from the ground? Now imagine three of 
those. 

Ken Could I meet the boys?

At this point a small boy with long hair tied in a pigtail comes running 
into the room and knocks over my tea.

Su-chan I'm Su-chan Saotome. Sorry 'bout that.

Akane Su-chan, could you go find your brothers? 

Su-chan 'kay!

Ken Many people were surprised when you and Ranma finally got married. 
There was talk that the  wedding had been forced by your parents. One of 
several other women vying for Ranma's heart is quoted as saying "Ranma 
no marry violent tomboy perv�" umm�

Akane Now that is just the sort of talk that I want to change. It is 
just so unfair to label me like that. I am always represented as violent 
and angry. No one ever stops to think that Ranma and I might actually 
care about each other. 

Ken I'll take your word for it.

Akane I mean everyone assumes that just because Ranma makes fun of me 
and I constantly bludgeon the hell out of him that we have an unhealthy 
relationship. Verbal and physical abuse is just how we show that we love 
each other. No, everyone talked about how sweet and talented Ukyo was 
and how Shampoo was really just being manipulated by her evil great 
grandmother. Kodachi would have been a great match for Ranma with a 
little therapy, but I was always just the violent tomboy. Well I Showed 
them all! I got him! Ah Ha HA HA HAHAHAHAHAH [section cut] ha ha�

Ken Well, I'm glad that you feel cheerful about all that.

The front door was heard opening

Voice I'm home!

A man with dark hair walked into the room.

Akane Ryoga! What are you doing here?

Ryoga A-Akane! I'm in the wrong house again aren't I?

Akane Yes you are Ryoga.

Ryoga Could you point in the direction of my house? 

Akane You recently moved with Akari to Hawaii, right?

Ryoga Uh-huh.

Su-chan Hey there Mr. Hibiki!

Three identical boys were suddenly perched on Ryoga's head.

Ryoga I'd better leave. 

With that, he walked into the closet.

Akane Oh, mister Otako, these are the boys. You already met Sukebe. The 
others are Ecchi and Hentai.

Ken Are those really their names? 

Akane Well they do take after their father. I figured they ought to get 
used to the names that they'll be called for the rest of their lives. 

Ken �

Ecchi Mom! Hentai ki-blasted the refrigerator!

Hentai  Did not!

Ecchi Did too!

Hentai I was just playing. I tried to get you.

Akane If you'll excuse me, Mr. Otoko.

Ken Certainly.

Akane and the boys walked into the kitchen. I could still make out their 
conversation.

Akane  You blew up the refrigerator?!

Hentai I didn't mean to.

Akane How many times have I told not to use ki in the house! You 
destroyed the freezer too. We don't have any frozen food now and you 
know that I can't cook!

At this, I heard a sound that bore an uncanny resemblance to that made 
by the spontaneous creation of a giant wooden mallet from pure air. It 
was followed by horrible screams and shrieking.

Sukebe Mommy, I think that you hurt Hentai.

Ecchi Look at all the blood.

Sukebe Oh, my god! You killed Hentai! 

I slowly made my way to the door and crept out. Once I got to the 
street, I took off running. 


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