Hi. My name's Jackson, and I've got a fanfic I'd like to submit
to the FFML. It's called Off Track, it's a Neon Genesis Evangelion
fanfic. Fittingly, it's evangelical. Anyway, this is it:
Off Track
By Jackson Ferrell (TowelMan42@juno.com)
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Author's note:
First off, there are almost no spoilers in this fanfic. It's
about time there was a virtually spoilerless Eva fic.
Chronologically, I think this fits in anywhere between Eva
episodes 8 and 11. It really doesn't have much to do with the series;
it's just a sort of back story kind of thing.
And another thing: the characters (and most everything else) in
this are property of the mighty Gainax, who can crush me like a bug
beneath their thumb of legal superiority. I throw myself at the mercy of
Gainax and beg for them not to squelch me for writing this. Here, I'll
advertise for them: Buy a whole bunch of Evangelion tapes! Right now!
Stop reading this and buy them all! Or else you'll wake up one day,
turn, and _scream_, because there's an Angel's head in your bed. Well,
not really.
Finally, this was originally going to be a crossover with Vision
of Escaflowne, but I quickly scrapped that idea. I don't know enough of
Escaflowne to write a crossover fic about it. As a result, it contains
slight similarities to the beginning of Escaflowne. It's just kind of
practice accurately portraying the Evangelion characters and writing
about them. And then there's the moral (you'll understand at the end).
Enough rambling. On with the story.
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Part I
I'm not sure why I decided to join the track team in the first
place. Perhaps I wanted to show Asuka that I wasn't a wimp. Maybe I was
trying to prove to my father that I could do something besides pilot an
Eva, and I had my life outside of NERV. I might have thought it would
help me pilot my Eva, but looking back I don't see how. Perhaps I was
subconsciously trying to get to know Rei? I may have simply supposed it
would be fun.
At any rate, it was that decision that found me on the track
after school, surrounded by guys with calves as thick around as my head.
Guys who looked as though they might eat me if I stayed around too long.
Guys who _drank gatorade_. And those were just the runners from my grade
level. I'm such a moron.
Beforehand, I'd asked Misato what event she thought I'd be best
at. When she finished laughing, she suggested a sprinting event. "I
doubt your skinny frame has the endurance for the mile," she told me.
"You might be good at high jump, too."
So, there I was, surrounded by guys twice my size. "Okay,
people," the coach addressed us all, "here's how it works. We're gonna
have tryouts for each event, except relays. First three finishers are on
the team, since that's the most we can have in one event. If there's
more than one heat, I'll take the top 3 times overall. Questions?
Didn't think so." Actually, I had a question, but it was about my
sanity. Just looking at these huge sweaty _runners_ made me think my
decision was completely nuts.
100 meter dash. What the heck, I thought. Maybe Misato's right.
I stepped up with some other guys. Hey, not all the sprinters were
huge. Nice.
"To your marks..." the coach bellowed, from the finish.
"Set..." The runners tensed.
"Go!"
We took off. I ran as fast as I could, trying to keep up. Hey,
I was doing a good job of it! I could catch this guy ahead of me! I
turned on the juice, passing him, but then my lungs underwent
gravitational collapse and became black holes. My legs burned. I felt
light-headed and weak. Pain overtook me. I ran as fast as I could, but
I was losing ground. The stretch looked like a hundred miles, not a
hundred meters.
I crossed the finish line last. "Aaah...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
Walking off the track, I barfed prolifically.
"How'd it go?" Misato asked as I came into the apartment. I
tried to glare at her, but the most I could manage was a weak and
hopeless look. "You get your butt kicked, huh?"
I nodded, heading for the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator to
get a soda. "I didn't make the team. Finished last."
Misato shrugged. "It's not everything. Say, I could use a drink
too." She got out a beer and downed it quickly.
"Third Child came in laaaaast!" Asuka burst into the room. I
almost choked on my soda. "You suck, Shinji. You're so weak! You can't
run!"
I didn't have to take this. I retreated to my room, Asuka
yammering and insulting me all the way.
In my room, I thought about running. Sure, I sucked. Last
place. And I barfed. I never wanted to barf from running again. Wanted
to be fast. For whatever reason, I decided that I would work, and work,
and work, until I was fast. I would be my own coach, helping myself to
improve my time. But for that, I'd need someone to time me. And a
workout plan. I set to developing the latter.
Fortunately, it was my turn to fix dinner. I'm not sure if I
could have stomached Misato's cooking, especially after ralphing that
afternoon. After I'd cleaned up the dishes (is it just me, or do I do
all the work around here?), I called up Ayanami. She'd probably make a
good timer.
Seven rings, eight rings, nine rings. I nearly hung up, but then
I heard an almost inaudible voice say, "Yes?"
"Hey, ah, Ayanami?"
"Yes?" She was quiet as usual. I turned the phone's volume up.
"Yeah, it's Shinji. Could you do me a favor? I need someone to,
well, time me. At running. Um, I'm thinking before school." She was
going to say no. I just knew it. Why would she help me? There wasn't
any benefit or anything.
"...okay."
I was overjoyed. "Really? All right! I mean, um, that's good.
I'll see you tomorrow, at 7:15? Down at the track. Thanks, g'bye!"
"Goodbye," she said concisely. Click.
"I'll be fast yet!" I promised myself, grinning. Asuka looked at
me funny.
Ayanami was there at the track, 7:15 on the dot. I smiled at
her, but she didn't smile back. That was fine; I wasn't expecting her
to. Instead, she stood and waited for instructions.
I explained my plans. "Basically, I run two warm-up laps,
stretch, and then do a bunch of sprints. You time me on the sprints, but
while I'm getting ready you can do anything you want." She nodded.
"I'll get started."
I started jogging. I'd expected Ayanami to get out a book or
something, but she stood there, watching me, instead. I jogged on, and
halfway through the second lap I felt short of breath. Slowing down to
compensate, I finished off my warm-up.
I stretched. Ayanami kept watching. "Seven minutes, forty-four
seconds," she announced as I completed my stretches.
"Geez! You don't have to time me on those! Weren't you
listening?"
"Sorry."
I headed for the water fountain. "Gonna take a drink. Get down
there" -I pointed- "at the finish line."
After I had satisfied my thirst, I met her at the finish, where I
explained the starting procedures. I made sure she understood, this
time, before I prepared to run my sprints.
I knelt at the starting line, set to take off. I waited. And
waited and waited and waited. Why wasn't she calling out anything?
Finally, I stood and walked back to the finish.
"Fifty-two point six." Coming from anyone else, that would have
been sarcasm, or some weird joke. I sighed.
"Ayanami. You'll have to be louder. You did okay except for
that. Try shouting, all right?" I returned to the start, ready to try
again.
All in all, my practice improved from there. Or rather, Ayanami
improved; she finally got the hang of timing me. My times,
unfortunately, were around 15 seconds, and I kept having to rest quite a
bit (and hurl once) between sprints. It was obvious that it would take
a lot to improve, so the two of us agreed to meet afternoons too. Every
school day.
I saw the track coach at lunch and asked if there was any way I
could be on the track team. We eventually worked out an agreement: if I
could break 12, I could join. I don't think he thought I could do it.
As it turned out, we couldn't use the track in the afternoons, as
the team practiced there. So we used the gym after school, measuring off
a hundred meters on the basketball court.
I quickly adjusted to my new routine. Get up, practice, school,
practice, come home, recover, homework, sleep. With brief interludes for
food and occasional ralphing.
Ayanami never brought anything to do while I warmed up. She just
watched me, committed to her job of timing and being ready to time. I
guess; it's hard to tell what's going on in her head.
About halfway through the week, I was talking to Touji during
lunch break. "Say," he inquired, "I saw you and Rei at the track before
school today. What were you two doing?"
I explained to him my quest to beat 12. "Rei's my timekeeper."
"Any particular _reason_ you picked Rei?."
"I just figured she'd be a good timekeeper. She's pretty
complacent, and she wouldn't insult me like Asuka would. And she doesn't
talk while I'm running, doesn't distract me."
"I would've kept time for you." Touji looked disappointed,
though whether because I'd picked Ayanami or because I'd picked her for
nonromantic reasons, I didn't know.
By the end of the first week, my best time was down to 14.34
seconds.
As the third week began, I started jogging to school. I'd broken
14 by now, but just barely. I was still getting nauseous, though less
often.
"So, what sports *inhale* do you play?" I asked my trainer on
Friday as I stretched.
"I swim," she replied quietly, "but not competitively."
"Why not?"
"Commander Ikari won't allow it."
It was kind of scary that I wasn't surprised.
Into the fourth week, there was a class trip planned. However,
the Eva pilots weren't allowed to go, as we had to remain on standby for
Angel attacks. Misato suggested that we use the time to catch up on our
studies. I supposed that all the time I spent running was at least
partially at fault for my D in basic physics. I didn't stop, though; I
just used the weekend to catch up.
Asuka, on the other hand, had different problems. She simply had
trouble reading the test questions in Japanese. Calculations were a
breeze for her, as she indicated to me beside the pool. She provided a
"helpful" illustration for the concept of thermal expansion. I noticed
that Ayanami was swimming.
It's strange. Ayanami, who was sort of nice to me all the time
and was always agreeable, was merely sort of my friend. Yet Asuka, brat
by nature and a real jerk toward me, I'd tried to kiss once. I didn't
understand it. Maybe I didn't want to.
Speaking of Asuka, when NERV found an unborn Angel in a volcano,
she volunteered to help them retrieve it. They lowered her in Unit 02
into the volcano, and she captured the thing pretty easily.
Unfortunately, it kind of became born suddenly and attacked her. Several
expletives on her part, one progressive knife, and an application of
thermal expansion later, the Angel bit the dust, but Asuka's lowering
cables had been snapped. I saved her, though, grabbing the ends of the
cables.
I told you that it's strange.
My synchronization in training had been a little off too, that
week. My mean sync percentage had dropped two points, and my accuracy
wasn't optimal. Asuka rubbed it in, so I applied a little extra effort
and the problem went away.
Part II
Tuesday, the first day of week five, began sort of well. In the
classroom, before school began, Touji approached me with advice. "Your
form is wrong," he told me. "Don't cross your arms in front of your
body. Keep them moving forward, like this." He demonstrated, moving his
arms parallel to his body.
"Thanks, I'll try it."
Kensuke, a mutual friend of Touji and me, joined us. "So why do
you want to join the track team? Or do you just wanna spend some quality
time with Rei?" His voice took on that half-syrupy, half-sarcastic tone
that implies someone (me, in this case) likes a certain person of the
opposite sex.
I ignored the second question. "I don't know why I want to join.
I think I'm trying to prove something to everyone, that I'm not just an
Eva pilot. That I'm capable of something else, I guess. Of being fast."
But Kensuke had got me thinking about Ayanami. She'd been
sacrificing her time for me, every morning, and had nothing to show for
it. Why didn't I do something nice for her? As we continued chatting, I
started formulating an idea.
I entered the apartment, noticing that my legs didn't ache quite
as bad as they usually did coming home. "Hey Misato!" I called. "Can
Ayanami come over for dinner Friday?"
"So, you're still carrying a torch for her, after all this time?"
Misato stuck her head out from behind the refrigerator door, beer in
hand, and giggled. "I knew you had your eyes on Rei when I saw you
staring at her ID card! Sure, you can have 'er over." She spontaneously
burst into song. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match..."
Why was everyone thinking I had a crush on Rei, suddenly? "I
just want to thank her for timekeeping my running practices. She's
giving up a lot of time for this," I said, almost drowned out by Misato's
off-key singing.
"Why so defensive, Shinji?" she teased me, laughing. "Oh, don't
worry, your secret's safe with me. I'll let you be the one to tell her."
She looked inside the refrigerator. "Could you do some shopping for me?
We're running low on beer."
"Hey," I addressed Ayanami as I stretched out on Wednesday, "um,
I'm really grateful that you're helping me out. Thanks."
"It's okay."
"You wanna have dinner at my place? Friday, around 6?" She's
gonna say no she's gonna say no she's gonna say no she's gonna say
"That would be agreeable."
yes. "Good! I guess I'll see you there."
Silence met my words head-on. She turned her head and looked
past a fence, into a parking lot. Why?
The next day, I beat my best record twice, finishing in 13.47,
then 13.40. On the downside, Misato was threatening to do Friday's
dinner. I managed to spare everyone's stomachs, convincing her to order
out for pizza. If I paid for it.
I finished my jog to school. It was a rainy Friday morning, but
I had decided to practice anyway. If Ayanami was there, I couldn't very
well leave her out in the rain, waiting. She wasn't there, but someone
else was, beneath an umbrella. The rain fell down too hard for me to see
the person well, so I came up to the finish to find out who it was.
"A...Asuka?" Sure enough, the Second Child was under the
umbrella.
"I hear you invited Wonder Girl over for dinner tonight. What
_splendid_ news!" She leered at me. "I'm sure everyone will be happy to
hear that Shinji has revealed his affections!"
This was going too far. "Don't tell! It's not true, and I'll
never live it down! Please!"
Asuka smiled sweetly. "You know I'm not a mean person. I'm just
here to time you this morning. You let me do that, and nobody knows
anything. Otherwise...well, as most popular girl in school, I have plenty
of connections."
It couldn't be too hard to take her insults, just for one day.
"Okay," I agreed halfheartedly.
Rather than tell how practice went that day, I'll simply say that
I'm trying to suppress the memories, and leave it at that. However,
Asuka kept her end of the deal; no rumors surfaced.
The doorbell rang a bit after six. Fortunately, Asuka wasn't
there to get it; "I'll be sleeping over at Hikari's," she had declared
earlier. "Don't want to get in the way of the two lovebirds! Ah ha ha!"
Truthfully, I think she just didn't like Rei, who was at the door when
Misato opened it that night.
"Hello there, Rei! We're glad you could make it!" Greeting our
guest, Misato looked my way, winked, and waited expectantly. Ayanami
missed this exchange, as she had apparently developed an interest in our
floor.
"Ah, yeah, hi," I said cheerfully. At least I hope I said it
cheerfully.
Misato, excessively and quite definitely cheerful, smiled widely.
"Well, now that everyone's here, let's talk pizza! What you guys want
for toppings?"
"Cheese," Ayanami addressed the floor.
I shrugged. "Fine by me."
"No meat?" Misato was appalled. "You guys are so weird. All
right, I'll go order." Picking up the phone, she dialed the pizza
place's number, paused, and began talking. "Yeah, I'd like one large
pizza, half cheese, and the other half with pepperoni and herring--what
do you mean, you don't do herring?"
"Two slices for you," --my older, but not necessarily more
mature, roommate handed me a plate of pizza-- "and two for you," --she
did the same for Rei-- "two for me, and a bag of chips for all." She sat
down and dug in. "G'wan, eadit!" she said, mouth full, noticing that we
weren't eating. I took a bite of pizza, and Ayanami followed suit.
"Oops! Forgot PenPen." Misato grinned sheepishly and plopped a
fish in the penguin's dish. He hungrily and gratefully commenced eating.
"There we go."
A silence descended over the table as we chewed. After finishing
my first slice of pizza, I caught Misato glaring at me. Say something,
you dummy, and say it NOW, her stare conveyed. I immediately swallowed a
mouthful of chips, almost choking, and spoke up.
"Ahm..."
The two females turned to look at me, Misato smiling, Ayanami
expressionless. A pause.
"So, um, Ayanami, how's school going?" I asked.
"Things are fine." She resumed eating.
That ought to satisfy Misato, I thought. Unfortunately, it
didn't, and I caught her glaring at me again. I decided to give
conversation another shot.
"How's your swimming? Doing well?"
"Yes."
This wasn't working. Misato brightened, but kept looking at me
as if to say, go on, you have to _make_ it work. "That's nice to hear.
Um. What's your best stroke?"
"Backstroke, I suppose."
Good, good. Without looking, I could tell Misato was still
watching me and smiling up a storm. "How fast are you?" I asked, and it
occurred to me that this was kind of fun, despite the terse responses.
Ayanami wanted me to walk her home, which sort of worried me.
Maybe I had given her the wrong idea with the dinner thing; it _could_
have seemed kind of like a date, and I hadn't really specified that it
was to thank her. So it was very nervously that I stepped alongside her,
following the sidewalk.
Okay, I said to myself, let's set this straight. "Hey, about
dinner, it was just...er...just to thank you for, well, timing me, I
guess. I'm pretty grateful and all, and, I, I wanted you to have
something to show for helping." I paused, hearing my heart way up in my
throat. "Um. Yeah."
She nodded. "I will not be able to time you anymore."
Huh? "Wha--? Why not?" I asked her, surprised.
"Commander Ikari has ordered me to stop."
I should've known my father would stick his head into this.
"Sorry to hear that. You've done a good job, though, and thanks." We
arrived at her apartment complex. "Here we are. G'bye, Ayanami."
"Good night, Shinji."
I guess she'd wanted me to walk her home to tell me all that. It
wasn't a good thing, but it was okay.
When I got back home, Misato was there waiting. She smiled
widely and brought her face level to mine, asking me, "So, how did it go?
Did you kiss her good night?"
I didn't particularly want to be grilled, but I replied anyway.
"No. We just talked."
"That's nice." Misato seemed mildly disappointed. If she was,
she dealt with it by opening a beer. "What about?"
"Not really much. She just can't time me anymore," I explained
succinctly. "I'm gonna go to bed."
What was this? During pilot training on Saturday, I couldn't
seem to control my Evangelion. Gun accuracy was pathetic, at best, and I
kept fumbling with my prog-knife. I was scoring less critical hits; it
appeared that my focus was off.
"Sync-rates check out okay," Ritsuko announced, puzzled. "The
problem can't be anywhere but with the pilot. Shinji, are you all
right?"
I thought for a second, about running and piloting and Rei and my
friends. "I'm okay. Just...I dunno."
"Shape up," Misato ordered. "You're not going to defeat any
Angels like that." In the background, my father hmph'ed, and I jabbed a
simulated S2 globe in frustration. It was one of the few solid hits I
managed that day.
A girl's feet pounded rapidly, one after another, against the
rubbery surface near the south end of the track. She suddenly planted
one foot forcefully, launched the other into the air, and in an instant
was flying. Her body pitched itself over a plastic bar, landing on a
soft blue mat. I saw her from the window by my desk.
The geometry teacher droned on, and I continued watching sixth
graders run, throw heavy things, and hurl themselves across a long-jump
pit. My mind drifted to Ayanami, constantly and dutifully timing me as I
ran each day. Constantly and dutifully obeying my father. _Her_ father?
He might as well be.
Why had she obeyed him? Why did she give him the authority to
dictate such things in her life? I thought about how children obeyed
their parents out of love and respect. Of course, some obeyed out of
fear of punishment. I didn't love my father; perhaps I feared him, and
thus I obeyed him. Or perhaps for other reasons.
Could you obey someone because you hated him?
Thinking, for me, usually provided more questions than answers.
I decided to return my attention to my studies, where answers were
definite and clear. Where my father couldn't control anything.
Touji was more than willing to fill the now-vacant position of
timer. "I'm pretty athletic," he told me that Monday afternoon, when I
asked him to help. "I bet I could give you some pointers, huh?"
His tips were useful. Don't bring your foot down so hard; spring
off the balls of your feet. Didn't I tell you about crossing your arms
in front of you? Nice one, but loosen up next time. I said loosen up!
You're too tense. Your breathing was off.
It was getting harder to break my record, but I was becoming more
consistent in my times. By Friday morning, my best was 13.02.
After finishing my lunch that day, I decided to talk with
Ayanami. I'd been thinking about my father, and about her. Perhaps
thinking of these things had made me more tense, running. Ah, well.
"Hi, Rei," I said, sitting down by her.
"Hello," she said to the window. I'd had better starts, but I'd
also had worse. I recalled _that_ moment, then put it out of my head
quickly.
"Yeah, I wanted to talk." I opted for a casual beginning. "How
are things going?"
"I am fine," she replied. "Is that all?"
Time to plunge in. "No, I was kind of wondering. Did you...want
to time me, or, ah, are you just, do you want Gendo's approval or
something? I mean, that's not bad or anything. I, uh, just want to know
why."
Rei turned her gaze from the window to me. "Ikari-san is my
superior. I cannot disobey his order." Was I sweating as much as I
thought I was?
"Look," I tried, "it seems kinda weird that he'd have
jurisdiction over your, um, that kind of thing. You sure that's your
reason?" Her red eyes seemed to be piercing me, even though I was the
one asking the questions. Aghhh...
"I respect him and his position. That is all. You too seek his
approval, to a degree."
That wasn't true! "I do _not_, I just have to pilot Eva. And
this isn't about doing that, either!" This conversation was rapidly
deteriorating to personal attacks. Maybe I should try to cut back.
"Don't slap me again, but I don't approve of...of some things my father
does. Heck, I don't even approve of everything I do."
She remained unspeaking. Her face appeared emotionless, but you
could detect well-contained rage in the silence.
I swallowed. "Sorry. I-I'm just trying to say that nobody's
perfect. I oughta leave your decisions alone."
"I understand." She nodded and eased. "Perhaps I judge too
quickly as well." Turning her face to the window again, she lapsed into
a placid silence. Mission accomplished, I think...
Sunday brought training of a different sort: pilot training. As
my plug filled with LCL, I thought about Angels. It was ironic that I
was training to fight them on a Sunday, the "Lord's day." But of course,
I didn't have a choice. I had to pilot my Eva, because if I didn't...if
I didn't...I don't know.
Training, I thought about God. Angels come from God, correct?
"Shinji!" Misato shouted through the communication system. "What
are you _doing_ with that gun? Aim before you shoot!"
And God is all-powerful. If we oppose something all-powerful,
and we're not, then it will kill us, right?
"I don't understand it," I heard Ritsuko say. I was only barely
listening. "His sync-rates are abysmal!"
I'm fated to die, if there is a God. My only hope is if there's
no God.
"Hmph." A mildly annoyed grunt from my father. Why was I putting
my butt on the line for _him_? Was killing Angels for _him_ my only
purpose? He didn't care if I died.
"GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, pitching an autolaser to the
ground. "Get me out of here." I stomped the device. "I quit."
They let me go. They probably thought I'd be back for training
later. And I would, because my purpose was defeating Angels. Why
couldn't I choose my own purpose.
Having changed into everyday clothes, I walked clear out of NERV
headquarters and kept walking. Did God exist? If He did, were the
Angels some kind of test? I didn't know much about God, but I knew He
was always testing people. And sometimes the testing destroyed them.
God wouldn't destroy me. I kept walking, along the streets of
Tokyo-3. My destiny was mine, not my father's or God's or an Eva's. Now
would the Angels kill us all?
I couldn't fight them, because I'd die. But if I didn't fight,
I'd die anyway.
I finally reached my school's track. I couldn't even run; all I
could do was kneel down, close my eyes, and fight crying.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw Ayanami. She was looking at
me, as if trying to figure me out. I'd tried to figure her out before.
That had turned out...well, I guess. In the end, it had been okay.
"Why did you run from your orders?"
I remembered what I always said: I mustn't run away. Had I been
lying? I was running away from my responsibilities, and NERV, and
Evangelions. God, if He was out there. But I didn't want to be just a
pilot.
I looked at the track.
I looked at Ayanami. The sun was directly behind her, framing
her in light, and her pale face had a firey brilliance to it. Her
light-blue hair was even brighter, with sunlight flashing off it, as was
her white (almost blindingly so, now) blouse. Her eyes, a pair of
shimmering, bright-red gateways to her soul, shone with some sort of
inner light I'd never seen there before. There were only two words I
could think of to describe her at that moment: radiant.
And beautiful.
And I didn't want her fighting the Angels alone.
"It's okay," I said. "I'll come back." But I wasn't _just_ an
Eva pilot, and neither was she. I looked at the track again. "Make me a
deal, though. If I break twelve right now, then...my first kiss. Okay?"
Her pale cheeks took on a mildly red hue. "I..." she started,
then paused. She glanced off to the left, stared at her feet, and
finally raised her head, asking:
"If you don't?"
I thought for a moment. "Buy you a soda."
She nodded firmly, and I pitched her my watch. "I'll be down at
the start. You know the routine."
Coming to the starting line, I remembered all the advice Touji
had given me. Thrust your foot forward when you start. Run off the
balls of your feet. Relax. Arms at your sides. Remember your
breathing. I stretched out a little, then looked to Ayanami by the
finish line.
"On your mark." I knelt down.
"Get set." I prepared to lunge forward.
"Go."
My start was nearly flawless, I could tell. I kept my arms at my
sides, my feet jabbing like two pistons. I pushed off, one foot after
the other, in rapid-fire succession. I kept my eyes on the finish. I
could make it.
I hit the halfway mark, and the pain hit me. My legs burned and
my lungs seemed five times smaller. My arms felt like two lead weights
swinging on either side of me. I gulped for air and kept running, even
though everything inside me screamed not to.
Approaching the end, I felt a rush of adrenaline. The pain was
nearly gone. My body was no longer working against me; it was pushing me
forward. I could breathe. Meter after meter passed under my soaring
feet, and finally I crossed the finish.
I slowed down, and the pain came back. I collapsed.
"11.91," Rei said slowly, looking at my body sprawled beneath
her. I gasped for air.
I saw her again, but this time I saw her differently. The sun
wasn't behind her any longer, and she wasn't shining at all. She was
just her normal, pale, calm, quiet self. Someone who was there to help
me pilot Eva and save the world. Someone who had taken a hit to protect
me, fighting the 5th Angel. Ayanami Rei, my teammate and...my friend.
Yes, I think that was right.
And now, I'd accomplished my goal. I could join the track team.
But did I want to? I was surprised to discover that I didn't.
I had been trying to show everyone that I wasn't just an Eva
pilot, but I didn't have to. They already knew. The only person I'd
needed to prove anything to was myself, and I just did that. There were
people who saw me as a human, not just the savior of the world: Kensuke,
Touji, Rei, Misato...maybe even Asuka. I had something to fight for.
Humanity.
"Hey," I said to Ayanami, sitting up. "Never mind about the
kiss; I'll buy you a soda anyway." I extended my hand to her. "Help me
up?"
She pulled me to my feet. If God was testing me, I was sure I
could pass His tests with the help of the other two Children. I smiled
at Rei. "C'mon, let's get something to drink."
She smiled back. "I would enjoy that."
Shounen yo shinwa ni nare.
THE END
-------------------------------------------
Whew. I feel beat. Writing that took a lot out of me. Do you
have any idea how draining it is to write angry parts? I sincerely hope
that reading this was "agreeable" for you and not draining. I feel kinda
happy too, now that I finished this.
No, wait, I'm not done yet. I want to say something. It's sort
of about...well, God...so if you don't like that stuff, you can leave
now. But I suspect you like it, since you like Evangelion. Eva raises
questions about that kinda thing. Sort of relational stuff. A moral, I
guess.
Well, this is about how Shinji was looking for meaning in his
life through running, trying to prove that he wasn't just an Eva pilot.
In the end, he didn't find meaning in his being fast, but in the
friendship he and Rei had formed. Yeah. He was happy then.
Maybe you're looking for meaning too. Maybe in sports, like
Shinji, or perhaps in watching anime, or in schoolwork or popularity.
It's not gonna last; all these things will be made meaningless by time.
(Think about that part for a sec or two before going on: are you going to
be sitting on your deathbed wishing you'd seen one more Eva episode?) How
are you going to be happy? Same way our hero was: relationships.
Specifically, _a_ relationship. I'm talking about God here...it's kind
of a parallel or something. A relationship with God is the only thing
time isn't going to make meaningless.
Just like Shinji found meaning and happiness by accepting what
was there, so can we. And if I got boring or preachy, sorry; but if I
helped you, or if you just liked reading my fanfic, I'm happy.
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