Here's something I did a while back:

Well, it SORT of relates to anime.  I mean, it WAS an anime 
convention...
THE ACOLYTES OF CHAOS AT JAFAX
By Justin Fraser, Brian Clark, and Stick


	Once upon a time (and many stories begin in such a way), there  was a 
young man named Brian, a guitar-wielding, theme-music-pumpin' class A 
Chaos Creator, who stumbled upon an ancient script from the U of M 
Dearborn SF (cubed) club.  As fate would have it, a fiend...er...friend 
of his, named more names than can be accounted for, but who you can call 
Justin Fraser or Stick, was invited by the aforementioned Brian Clark to 
an Anime Extravaganza at U of M (also aforementioned, only afterward).
	The first night went well.  Two weeks later, another anime night, and 
another friend.  Derek Brunt joined the legion in attending this study 
of excellent artwork and pizza.  At the time, a young, boring man named 
Bryce ran and scheduled the Anime Night, as we'll call it.
	One day, Bryce brought up the subject of Sam.  This was okay.   But he 
pursued it and brought it up again.  Bad.
	Justin Fraser, one not to let things like that go so quickly, and in 
desperate search for more of the humor he (Ha!  I'm referring to myself 
in third person!) walked right up to Bryce, gave him a stern look, and 
said, "You know, I bet this 'Sam' is just a figment of your 
imagination!"
	"No," answered Bryce (well, that's how *I* remember it).
	I, me, he, *Justin* pursued for the next few Anime Nights that Sam 
didn't exist.
	Sam showed up.
	He *still* claimed Sam didn't exist.
	Sam and the Legion Three became good (maybe too good) friends.  Many 
adventures entailed, but I don't give a fuck about them right now.  The 
point is, in an E-mail, Sam once  declared us "Acolytes of Chaos".
	We established this name, and much power with it, at the Anime Night, 
and dubbed The Great Sam himself *the* Anime Knight.
	Okay, so that is a rough run-through of how we earned our name.  Now 
the fun may begin.


	It was midnight.  Roberto waited beneath the soaking leaves of the 
Village Park apartments. (Not the apartments themselves.  There were 
trees).  
	There was a crackle.  The ninja master looked up, ready to tear the 
eyes from anything smaller than an elephant if the need be.
	"Ooh!  Justeen!  Eez you!  Oops, I shouldn't use your name!"
	He covered his mouth with his hand in a humorous gesture.  Roberto, the 
ninjutsu instructor of Justin Fraser (who'd spelled his  fiirst name 
"Justine" on the 8th kyu certificate after Justin had passed the test), 
was a great and powerful entity, possibly the most powerful next to 
Masaaki Hatsumi himself.
	"We don't have that many missions theeze days.  And Yotoden was GREAT!"
	"There's a movie, you know..." was Justin's reply.
	"Hoooo...hoho...."  Roberto gasped.  "Ah.  Da neenja!"
	After three hours of complete nonsense and Roberto filling Justin's 
head with dangerous ideas (though none more dangerous than that which is 
in motion), Justin handed Roberto the letter he'd held in the hidden 
pocket of his uwagi.
	"Everything is explained here.  Hayman is going to be general of our 
forces.   He will tell you how this shall be carried out upon arrival at 
our checkpoint.  Be ready.  We leave the twenty-sixth of June."
	"Okay.  Oh, and Justin; bring Derek one day.  My computer eezn't 
working."
	Roberto's computer, not a major character in this story, has a ninja on 
top of it.  Neat, huh?


	"Ah!  Stop Playing!"
	"WHAT?"
	"I said, 'STOP PLAYING!'  CALM DOWN!"
	Mike Concepcion lowered the volume on his guitar amp.
	"Mike," Brian asked inquisitively, "I have a favor to ask."
	"Yeah?" Mike asked absent-mindedly, busy tuning his guitar.
	"Will you help us raid the JAFAX anime convention?"
	"Huh?  Oh, sure."
	"Good.  See, my friends ninja instructor will pick us up in his van on 
the twenty-sixth.  Bring the rest of the band."
	"That's fine and all, but what help are we gonna be?"
	Brian looked up.  "Oh," he said, startled.  "Well, you can write our 
theme music, of course."
	Mike tapped his foot and bobbed his head back and forth.  "Cool."
	He strummed a G chord.  Something was on his mind, and Brian knew it.  
After getting him to turn down his amp AGAIN, he said to Mike, he said, 
"Mike," he said, "is there somethin' wrong?"
	"Weeeeell,"  Mike looked at the ceiling, leaning on his fist.  He 
turned to look at Brian.  "I was just thinkin'.  How is Mike gonna carry 
his drums?"
	Brian smiled.  "Justin's already taking care of that.  He told Mike how 
he could acquire...uh...mobility..."


	And what might this scheme have been, you may ask?
	...
	I said, YOU MAY ASK!
	...
	...
	Alright, here's what happened:


	Mr. Toshi, evil Computer Tyrant of Southgate Anderson High School, sat 
at home in his expensive-ass Wheelchair of Doom.  It was definately the 
most expensive wheelchair in the world.  Able to attain speeds of nearly 
two-hundred and seventy miles an hour, it had been the last thing 
certain students who hadn't brought passes saw, heading at them so fast 
that all hope drained from their faces to be filled with utter dread.
	There was a smile on his face.  He was sure he had now defeated his 
greatest opposition, Derek Brunt, the only other person in the school 
with such knowledge of the technical world.
	Little was he aware that Brunt knew Sam and Fraser.   Fool.
	Fool.
	...
	Fool.
	Toshi was readying a program that would, upon Derek trying to create 
another file-server, print to the astonished young man's screen, "Nyah 
Nyah!  I'm better and I have the password!"
	He rang out with a shrill, evil laughter.  And stopped.
	He hadn't been sure, but there might have been someone else laughing.  
MIGHT.  Ha!  Who could laugh in the presence of my power?  Besides me, I 
mean?
	He really was a fool, you know.
	A fool in thinking that his evil wouldn't be struck down by greater 
forces.  Too late, he heard the window smash.  Too late did he turn his 
head to see the amazing Mike Pack, of the band Mr. Knowitall, charging 
at him with his tongue flailing about like the guy in Highlander 2, and 
waving his drumstick in the air, the deadly weapon it was.
	Mr. Toshi let out another yell, one of anger and fear.  He made to 
escape, but Mike, having a day's training of ninjutsu, felt powerful and 
leapt over the handicapped man, banging him accross the temple with his 
drumstick as he came down in front of Mr. Toshi.  Toshi let out  a 
gurgle of pain as Mike picked up the evil genius and looked him in the 
eye.
	"MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!" he yelled.  Mike tossed the bleeding man aside and 
leapt in the wheelchair.
	"I'M FEELIN' HEAVYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted as he revved the 
engine and flew through Toshi's doorway  singing "Peel the Rhino".
	Mr. Toshi  sat bleedin' on the floor.  He didn't know how long he lie 
there, but he was aware of the sounds of his wheelchair crashing in  his 
house through the large, already smashed, window, and a voice shouting, 
"heyjustinwaNTEDMETOGIVEyouthis!" in a dopplered effect as the 
wheelchair soared through the air and tore through the wall opposite the 
window.
	"Damn, I'm feelin' heavy!"
	With the last bits of his life draining away, Mr. Toshi opened the 
letter that fluttered down in front of his face and read:


	Fool.


	He turned it over:

	
	Derek was here before you, no matter what you do.  You think about that 
first.  He was here before you.


	"Aw, c'mon, Mr. Sietz!  Go with us!"
	The Acolytes pleaded like mad.  They couldn't let such a great man miss 
the action ensuing.
	"Weeell..."
	"Concessi won't be there!" Justin yelled in a desperate attempt.
	"Oh, what the hell!"
	"YEAH!!!!!!!!!" the Acolytes rang out.


	"You're fuckin' kiddin' me!" Derek said, disbelievingly.  "He's 
actually going to fly us there in a Comanche helicopter!?"
	"Yeah.  Jeff said he didn't have anything better to do, and the 
government would let just about anyone use a helicopter if they asked--"
	"Wish I'd known that!" Justin said gleefully.
	"--*EXCEPT* Justin Fraser."
	"AAAagh!  I won't allow it!"
	"Nooo," Brian pointed out, "*they* won't allow it.  I just said that."
	With the help of Brian's cousin, Jeff Wolcott, the Acolytes of Chaos 
now had paratroops.


	And, as Justin later said, "It all falls into place."


	"This is it!" yelled Jeff from the cockpit.  There were at least thirty 
troops in the helicopter, ready to infiltrate JAFAX at a spoken word of 
command.
	You must understand that, below, none of the people at the JAFAX 
convention had ANY FUCKING IDEA what was about to happen.
	"All right, comrades!" Mr. Hayman shouted above the thumping of the 
helicopter blades.  Brian, Justin, and Derek stood up.
	"Now, we must drive back the communist forces and fortify this 
strategic military position.  Our friend and fellow union member, 
Roberto, has his forces (Justin smirked, knowing that these "forces" 
consisted of the six or so people that had decided to show up for what 
they *thought* was just another class...) waiting outside the compound.  
Our brothers shall hold the walls and force the dogmatic pigs and 
socio-politically correct wackos from their stronghold!  Now, let's 
defend our honor and corrupt the minds of the youth within!"
	"YEAH!!!!" shouted Brian in the Dreadbeard voice.  We had to fit him in 
here *somewhere*.
	And so it came that, shattering the peaceful night, those at JAFAX 
raised their heads to see combat-ready para-troopers, among them  Nate 
"Raistlin" Holt, Ted Hayman, Derek Brunt, Brian Clark, and Justin "Stick 
and many others" Fraser, who was sporting a ninja outfit rather than 
camouflaged gear like everyone else.
	"Crush the communist forces, comrades!" yelled Mr. Hayman.
	The screaming began when Nate let loose with a round from an AK-47.
	The troops landed.  Derek began beating people with his fists, 
shouting, "STRAW!"  Justin Ninja'd at anyone who came within three feet 
of him, his side or not.  Him and Nate got into a short scuffle, but 
Nate promised to later send him to the duck pond.
	"Hey Derek?  What's in the bag?"
	Justin and Derek looked at each other knowingly.  Derek faced Brian and 
Justin ran off in search of people to hurt.
	"You'll see..."
	The bag squirmed.


	Forcing his way through the war zone, Brian came alongside Mike 
Concepcion, who was working feverishly to set up.
	"Ah.  Done.  Well," Mike stood and rubbed his hands together, "Plug in, 
Brian!"
	"Shit!  Where's Mike?" Dave Hartman, bass player, asked the *other* 
Mike.
	"I don't know, but we can't wait!  Let's start with 'Lost'!"
	Dave shrugged.
	They began to play the opening guitar for this wonderful song.  They 
were  sure going to miss the drumming that Mike Pack added, but it 
couldn't be helped.  No time.
	Then again...
	"The drums!  Who's playing those drums!?" Dave yelled.
	"Who else would know the gig but...but..."
	Dave and Mike lifted their heads just in time to see Mike Pack burst 
through the front entrance on Mr. Toshi's wheelchair.  He had his  drums 
strapped to the  front,  but he still managed to wheel around at nearly 
two-hundred miles an hour.  The shouting increased as the hapless 
victims fell rapidly.
	Dave and Mike looked at each other with their mouths agape.
	"KICK ASS!!!"
	Mike grabbed the microphone.  "Mike!  Let's do 'Sleep'!!!!"
	Mike nodded his acknowledgement, at the same time sending a teenage 
girl dressed as Sailor Venus flying into the crowd.  He didn't miss a 
beat.
	"I just wanna sleep forever, sleep on through the stormy weather!  
Someday when the clouds are gone, I'll wake up and move along!"
	"Yeah!!!!"  Leon, a member of Roberto's ninja clan, which was beginning 
*it's* attack, had stopped to listen to the band play.  Waving his 
hands, he made like this was the best party ever.  Above the screams one 
could hear his shouts of approval.


	Derek began to worry.
	It was pretty funny, considering there was nothing to worry about.
	"Justin!  What are we gonna do when everyone get's hungry?"
	"Taken care of," Justin answered, waving a hand irratably.  With his 
other hand, he defended a punch and threw his attacker to the ground.  
He kicked the man in his gut as his girlfriend ran for the stairs.  Too 
late.  Derek picked up a chair and hurled it at her, hitting her in the 
head.
	Now, what happened was, these four guys stood in their way.  They were 
pretty big guys, and neither Justin nor Derek was going to attack one 
and leave another free.
	"Damn!  If only I could reach my bag..."
	"Don't bother," Justin said, crossing his arms and smirking at his 
opponents.
	This seemed to enrage them, and they began to lunge forward, but the 
sound of an engine being revved stopped them dead in their  tracks.  
Screeching could be heard coming through the wall.  The screeching 
didn't make it all the way through, but a rickety, old Lincoln Mercury 
did.  The four men were hurled back into the frenzy.  The car came to a 
halt.
	"Pizza's here, guys!"
	Sam stepped out of his car, holding the list of pizza orders.
	The Anime Knight had arrived.


	Mr. Sietz approached two men dragging one of Mr. Hayman's corporals 
away.
	"Excuse me --"
	He was interrupted.  "-- Bugger off old man!  You'll be next."
	Mr. Sietz put his finger to his chin.
	"You know, this reminds me of an interesting war movie I once saw..."
	The two men gazed at him in an odd way, but the spell was already at 
work.  They found themselves helpless to resist the bald man's 
compelling, if radically boring, story.
	The Corporal, seeing they'd released his hands, hobbled off.
	Mr. Sietz eventually convinced the  two men to do problems 4-9 in their 
Geometry book.


	Dave, Mike, Mike, Brian, and a strange, dark-haired fellow who's 
features could not be distinguished, but played guitar *damn* good, 
continued their riff.
	"Hey!  Let's peel the Rhinoooo!!!"
	Mike peered at Slash and raised an eyebrow.  Someone tried to leap at 
the top-hat-sporting guitarist, only to  find himself impaled on the 
neck of a Gibson guitar.  Slash continued to play, slightly annoyed at 
the dead body stuck on the end of his instrument.  Another person made 
to attack the stage, but Slash spit a guitar pick in his eye.  The man 
bent back, screaming.
	"Hey Brian!"
	Brian looked up at Mike (Concepcion).
	"You'd better go help your friends over there.  Me and Slash can handle 
things here."


	"What's wrong?" Brian asked, trotting up alongside Derek and Justin.
	"Hayman and Roberto have gone missing," Justin relayed, fighting off 
all of the Sailor Senshi, "Nate ran off carrying an armload of 
explosives.  Sam's trying to distribute pizza, and ole' Mike Pack is..."
	Justin watched as bodies flew into the air, the source of their 
attacker unseen.
	He heard, amidst the cries, someone shouting.
	"THIS IS OUR BEST GIG YET!!!!"
	"Mike is fine."
	"Damn," moaned Brian, "We're fallin' apart out there without Hayman and 
Roberto!"
	Justin looked at Derek.  Derek looked at his bag, then back at Justin.
	Justin nodded.  "Now!"
	Derek tied a string around the zipper, stepped back twenty feet, and 
yanked.
	Something brown and four-legged leapt from the bag, nearly fifty feet 
in the air.
	"You fuckers brought KIRBY!!!??" Brian yelled.
	Brian's dog, Kirby, fell into the crowd, and the screams increased 
*tremendously*.
	Someone shouted, "It's eating people!!!!"
	"I just wanna sleep forever!  That way we can be together!  Be together 
in my dreams!  It's not as bad as it may seem!"
	Brian absent-mindedly impaled someone with his guitar.
	"Shit.  You two are crazy.  Wait a minute...How did you get him outta 
my house without me knowing?"
	Justin and Derek shrugged.
	"Let's go find Hayman and Roberto," Justin said before Brian could 
question things further.  "We'll...uh...split up...yeah..."
	Derek and Brian raised their eyebrows.
	"I've always wanted to say that," Justin muttered.
	

	Derek managed to make it to a hallway.  It was a good hallway, as far 
as they go.
	He entered a room where a few people dressed as various Ranma 
characters were sitting at desks.
	"And you see," came a voice that was very familiar, "that is why you 
must either join a union or become a teacher, so you can corrupt the 
minds of the youth."
	There was a lot of nodding and whispers of "Brilliant!"
	Derek closed the door quietly, satisfied that things were alright in 
the Hayman department.  He turned...
	...And came face to face with...
	...People.  They were people he recognized, four of them, but he 
couldn't immediately place it.  Then it dawned on him.
	"That's right!  We're the AV team at U of M Dearborn!  We suspected you 
didn't like us --"
	"-- You didn't even let me have the duck! --"
	"--from the beginning!  And you didn't invite us to this!  You might 
have messed up the VCR's or somethin', or played *good* tapes!"
	"God forbid," muttered Derek, and with one swing of his arm, KNOCKED 
ALL FOUR MOTHER FUCKERS TO THE GROUND.
	"Toshi couldn't defeat me, and you thought you could?  
Hahahahaha!!!!!!"


	Brian stumbled out the front entrance, torn down, they say, by a mad, 
handicapped drummer.
	Through the haze of the night, he could dimly make out a figure in the 
parking lot.  He approached it cautiously, and, finding it was only 
Nate, breathed a sigh of relief.
	Standing aside Nate, he could now see that the mercenary had his hands 
on a detonator remote.
	"Uh...what're you doing?"
	"You didn't think that the cops wouldn't be here, did you?"
	Brian did his backward neck-bob, sudden realization movement.  "Oh."
	"I foresaw this, as I foresee many things." said Nate "Raistlin" Holt.
	And eventually, flashing lights *did* began driving up the road, but 
the flashing lights were no match for the flashing explosions that 
engulfed them.
	Nate smiled.  "Good thinking!" Brian praised him.
	"Bialo was with them, you know."
	"Yes, I do," Brian said, matter-of-factly.
	"What?  How..."
	"Look."
	Emerging from the flames, hair ablaze, a figure began to lurch forward.  
There was a  smile on his face, a glint in his eye.  Mr. Bialobrzeski  
shuffled forward with his strange walk.
	"Shit!"  Nate let out a burst from his AK-47, but it fell to no avail.  
"I knew there was something strange about him!"
	He reached for a grenade, but Brian held out an arm.  "No, wait."
	Mr. Bialo came to stand in front of Brian.  He laughed.
	"Do you think you can stop me?  I, the great Bialo!?  Ha!"
	Brian didn't hesitate.  He spit his guitar pick in the man's eye. Bialo 
fell forward in agony, and Brian brought his guitar  down over his head.
	"Give me a government test in Dragonlance class," Brian said darkly, 
"and I'll spit a guitar pick in your FUCKIN' eye!"
	

	Justin rounded a corner in his search for Roberto, and ran right into 
him.
	"Justeen!!!  Come here, I show you something!!!"
	Justin followed his instructor to the only stand left, er, standing.  
It was a Ninja Scroll stand, and the man behind the counter (who was  
apparently deaf) stared at them bluntly.
	"I'm not  deaf," he said.
	"Yes you are," Justin retorted.
	"Liar!"
	"Oh!  Oh!  I'm a liar now, am I?"
	"Geez!  Calm down.  Whattaya want?"
	"Thees!" said Roberto, "Thees is not neenja.  Come with me.  I show you 
neenja!"
	Roberto snapped his fingers.  "Justeen!  Leeon! Tear thees down!"
	"Hey!  What the..."
	"Come with me," Roberto reassured him.


	That was odd, Justin thought as he  climbed the stairs.  He ducked as a 
knife whistled past his head.  "That was mean you know."
	Justin looked in the room at the lone figure.
	"You!  You and your friends ruined my convention!  Prepare to die!!!"
	"*Your* convention?  Who the hell are you?"
	"I," said the man proudly, "am Ashida Kim!  And I...OH, SHIT!!!"
	 A chair hit him square in the face.
	"Oh, so you're that MOTHER FUCKER fake ninja, eh?  I'll give you fake!"
	"Hey!"
	Ashida Kim *did* have some martial arts talent, though.  He through a 
punch, but Justin quickly ducked underneath and pulled the man's feet up 
from under him.  Kim fell to the floor, and Justin kicked him 
repeatedly.  "Using Chinese terms for a Japanese martial art, eh?  I'll 
teach you!!!"
	Ashida Kim made to lunge at him, but Justin gripped the man by the 
neck.
	"You *do* realize you must die, right?"
	Kim gagged.  "Bastard!" he said.
	"Ain't it a bitch?" Justin answered.  "I can tell you one thing; yeah, 
that's the last time you lose your head again.  You'll keep your mouth 
shut."
	With that, Justin hurled the  man down the stairs.
	Kim landed on his feet.  "Ha!" he shouted up the stairs.  "Now I'll 
escape and plot my revenge!!! Ahahahahahaha!!!"
	Justin smiled.  Kim turned to run.  He stood balancing for long moments 
on one foot, a horrified look crossing his face.
	"No!  No!"
	In front of him, a short Boxer was staring at him with a dull look on 
its face.  Ashida Kim made one last, desperate leap to escape.  But 
Kirby leapt up, growling, and began eating the man's face.  Soon, there 
was nothing left but a spine, and soon, that too disappeared.


	"Men!!!  We have fortified our position!!!  The enemy has fallen!!!  
Communism is held at bay once again!!!  We have corrupted the minds of 
our enemy and turned them to our  cause!!!  Let's party!!!!!!!!"
	Mr. Hayman raised his fist.  Everyone followed his example.
	"How about 'Sleep' again!!!!!?" shouted Mike at the mike, scanning the 
crowd to find Mike.
	In the distance, he could hear screeches.  Mike Pack came around a 
corner on two wheels, shakin' his head and spinning in circles.
	"I JUST WANNA SLEEP FOREVER, SLEEP ALL THROUGH THE STORMY 
WEATHER!!!!!!!  SOMEDAY WHEN THE CLOUDS ARE GONE, I'LL WAKE UP AND MOVE 
ALONG!!!!!  I JUST WANNA SLEEP FOREVER!!!!  THAT WAY WE CAN BE 
TOGETHER!!!!!  BE TOGETHER IN MY DREAMS!!!!!  IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT MAY 
SEEM!!!!!!!!!!"
	A guitar solo rang out.  The mysterious Slash had disappeared, but Mike 
Concepcion was a man of many talents and was able to carry on SINCE IT 
WAS HIS OWN SONG ANYWAY!
	"Alright, pizza!  We've got extra pizza!!!  A dollar a slice!!!"
	And thus, the Acolytes defeated JAFAX.


	But what about after that?


	"And that was why I thought it was a pretty good movie.  Now, hand in 
your assignments and we'll head on over to Ms. Jackson's room and take 
the quiz."
	The two men, confused at their own actions, handed Mr. Sietz the papers 
they couldn't remember for the life of them doing.
	"Ah, good job, good job.  Oh!  Hang on!  Oooh, better call Derek.  I 
need him to install the memory I just bought for my computer.  That 
reminds me of a story.  When we went to by the torq to install it 
with..."


	Justin, Brian, and Derek will surely share many adventures in the 
future, but for the moment...
	"Well, I took care of all the preparations.  I don't suppose anyone 
thought of how we'll get a ride home?"
	Brian and Derek looked at Justin and shrugged.
	Justin sighed.  "Nevermind.  I'll call my mom."
	In the distance, screams could still be heard.  Justin sighed once 
more.
	"Someone go fetch Kirby."

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