After a long hiatus due to real-life commitments getting in the
way of my fanficcing, this series resumes, and should now be back on 

its

one-per-week schedule. Enjoy!

Welcome back to the wild and wacky land of fanfic, Gary.

       Visit http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics#ham or E-mail
<kleppe@execpc.com> for previous parts. All feedback welcomed, public
response preferred.

Well... since he asks so nicely...

       "No, ma'am." Shan Pu knew that Tatewaki was attracted to her,
but still couldn't count him as a boyfriend. Whether she wanted to
pursue a future with him, she could not say. Perhaps she needed to know
him better. Perhaps she could no longer trust her own heart, after the
pain that loving Ranma had brought. "I'm travelling for... business
reasons."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Tatewaki's spent the last five years
training and living with the Joketsuzoku, right?  I'd say in that time
Shan's probably had ample opportunity to get to know him, right?

       "We need hurry." Shampoo didn't think Mousse really cared how
she felt. He had certainly never cared before, when she had wanted him
to go away. He was trying to get her to open up to him so that she 

would

trust him, in hopes that that trust might lead to something more 

between

them. He was trying to be nice, but his niceness carried a hidden 

price,

one that she was not willing to pay.

I like this insight.  It seems to cut quite accurately to the core of
Mousse's character, though perhaps it's a little unfair to him.

       Yes, it was clear now. Ranma didn't love Shampoo. Didn't trust
Shampoo. Maybe... maybe didn't even like Shampoo.

I can handle Shampoo speaking in the third person, but... thinking in
it?  

       After Ranma's failed first wedding, Shampoo had told
Great-grandmother that she had given up on Ranma. She believed that she
had -- until the second wedding. Seeing Ranma with Akane there, she 

knew

that she had been fooling herself. Deep down, she had been playing hard
to get, hoping that Ranma would miss her attentions and decide to leave
Akane for her. It didn't work. Maybe nothing would have worked. Maybe
marrying Ranma was an impossible task from the very beginning.

Hmm... hard to get really isn't Shampoo's style, and considering that
she was trying pretty hard to stop that first wedding, a sudden
turnaround to giving up on Ranma doesn't seem completely plausible,
unless there's some deeper reason here for her new tactics.

       "May not be." Shampoo's head drooped as she reached into her
dress for her keys. "Restaurant may not be open again... ever."

Nice.

       Ranma wondered for a moment whether he might be walking into a
trap. Cologne wanted to hitch him up with Shampoo, and she had done 

some

pretty nasty things to try to force him -- like giving him the 

full-body

cat's tongue, and teaching Ryoga the Breaking Point. Now Ranma was
married to Akane. That had been his choice, and he hadn't done anything
wrong, but he still felt like a grade school kid on his way to the
principal's office.

Oh, gosh, yes, nasty, villainous, evil Cologne, who did all those
terrible things like training you and teaching you the secret 
techniques of her tribe and having nothing to do with Shampoo's plots
to get you as a husband after her first few appearances...  (Quick!
Spot the Cologne fan!)

       "This my father," Shampoo said. "Shan Peine."

Funnily enough, the pun of this name didn't hit me until I read it a
few times.  Slow-brain day for me.  ^_^;

       "I'm dying," she replied. Her hands and arms trembled as they
moved. Her gaze moved slowly and often seemed to lose focus. Where she
had merely worn the mask of age before, she was now truly elderly.

The last sentence seems a bit awkward to me.  It might work better if
it was shorter and sharper, e.g.:  She had merely worn the mask of age
before; now she was truly elderly.

       "As a matter of fact there is." A slight smile crossed 

Cologne's

lips, her voice suddenly firmer.

Sneaky, old ghoul.  Sneaky.  ^_-

       "Have you ever wondered why I am here? Why the eldest and --
until now -- greatest warrior of the Amazons has been running a ramen
shop in Tokyo?"

For kicks?  For fun?  To meet men?

       "Our warriors are strong, but none of us would be able to 

defend

against a full-scale assault with modern weaponry, myself included. We
could be wiped out to the last woman. On the other hand, with me here 

in

Japan, should anything happen to my home I would remain. It would not 

be

difficult for me to determine who was responsible and to take painful
revenge against them. With this known, our village has managed to 

remain

intact.

Hmm... this seems a little implausible to me.  What's to stop whoever
destroys the Amazons with modern weaponry from using the modern
weaponry against Cologne as well?

       Ranma and Akane glanced at each other, some odd unspoken
communication passing between them. They were married now; even Cologne
respected that. The old games that they used to play were over. But 

what

would take their place?

I'd recommend casual sex.  I've heard it does wonders.  

       There was no question in Ranma's mind what his response would
be. To use his skills to protect those in need... it was what he had
quite literally spent his entire life training for. "I'll do everything
I can."

Spent his entire life training for?  Ranma Saotome?  Son and student 
of Genma Saotome, world's most selfish man? 

       "Ranma and his friends are skilled, but even they might not be
enough to tip the scales in our favor. There is a secret weapon,
concealed by me in the village. The responsibility is now yours. You
must use it when and if you judge it necessary. Listen closely...."

Secret weapon?  The plot thickens... ;)

       "The whole death thing. Y'know, just between you and me, there
were times when I didn't like Cologne all that much. But now that she's
dying, it's like I can't think that way about her anymore. Does dying
make you a better person?"

Nope.  But it probably doesn't make you a worse one.  Unless you come
back as a zombie or a vampire or something.  Err... never mind.  ^_^;

       "I guess I know what you mean. She and I weren't exactly the
best of friends either. Maybe we should all try to be nicer to each
other while we're alive."

A rousing chorus of "Age of Aquarius" was sung, and everyone gave each
other a hug.

       He could hear Kasumi's voice from the room above. Kasumi, now
there was one person who seemed to somehow see good in everyone. She
could probably even find good things to say at Happosai's funeral -- 

and

mean them. *Oh my, he founded the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts
and developed all of its techniques. Imagine how much work and
dedication that must have taken. And he did such a wonderful job
training Father and Mr. Saotome! If not for Master Happosai, neither
Ranma nor Akane would have anything close to the level of skill that
they do. In fact....*

       Ranma cut himself off in mid-thought, shuddering a bit. That 

had

been a little too easy.

Ain't it when you really think about it?  

       Shampoo reached the bottom shelf of the basement cabinet. It 

was

empty. Somehow, someday, this would spell disaster.

       A mark lie in the dust, barely visible. Someone had been here 

--
>from the look of it, probably just recently.

1... 2... 3... FORESHADOWING!

       What was she seeing, Kaede wondered? But she could not know, 

not

yet. She maintained her spiritual grip on Cologne's consciousness.

       The sadness in the Amazon's voice turned to desperation.
"Hurry... you must not fail...." Then she breathed an audible sigh of
relief. One way or another, it was over.

1... 2... 3... MORE FORESHADOWING!

       Kaede descended the steps. Her mind burned with curiosity over
what the future would bring; but she could not know. It was a play that
she still had a role in. It was time to begin that role, if a certain
person were agreeable.

Hmm... I think this is grammatically correct, but it sounds a little
odd.  Might be better as:  "...if a certain person was agreeable."

       The elder Amazon said nothing. She simply smiled -- a smile 

that

told Shampoo that what she was worried about didn't matter. It told her
that Great-grandmother knew everything she had done, everything she had
failed at, and it was all right.

*sniff*  Nice paragraph there.  

       Cologne's only response was silence, and the blank stare of
motionless eyes.

Cue the violins... 

Seriously, though, a nice scene with Shampoo and Cologne.  Touching.

       Kaede pointed at one of the people in the room. "You."

       Everyone turned to look at the designated person, whose eyes
widened in surprise.

       "Oh my!"

Cue instant character recognition.  Nice surprise, though, Gary.  Too
bad I remembered it from the first draft.  :(

       CHAPTER NOTES: I'm still not completely happy with this 

chapter,

but I'm at the point where I need to hear some feedback on it.

I tried my best.  :)

Generally a nice chapter, though it seems a trifle rushed, 
wanting to deal with the matter of Cologne's death, Kaede's successor
and a few other things.  However, it's good to see the H&M preludes 
have returned... hopefully we'll see some of that main story soon.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum

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