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Ranma 1/2 "An Emotional Day"
Hard Battle Story by Douglas MacDougall <dougmacd@thecia.net>
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Ranma 1/2 (c) Rumiko Takahashi / Shogakukan * Kitty Film * Fuji TV.
Exclusively licensed throughout the United States and Canada by Viz
Communications, Inc. This fan fiction is for private home use only.
Not Rated. Parental Guidance Suggested.
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Part 2 Fathers Know Best!
The Pregnancy Power Law of Practice.
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KASUMI: Oh, my!
[Having entered the change room, Kasumi sees girl-type Ranma sitting
on her butt on the floor, with Akane kneeling next to her. Ranma is
wearing boxers, T-shirt, and one of Kasumi's gowns from the hamper.
None of it conceals Ranma's very pregnant belly.]
KASUMI: Let's get you into the living room, shall we?
[Ranma is still shaking her head in denial]
AKANE: I don't think I can carry him alone, Kasumi.
KASUMI: We'll just get father and Mr. Saotome to help.
RANMA: No way! No WAY the old man's seeing me like THIS!!
PANDA: [outside door] Bowf?
AKANE: [running to the door and slamming it shut] Girls only!
SIGN: [under door] I'm sorry, Akane.
AKANE: So Kasumi...
FLIPPED-SIGN: [under door] Of course I'd be happy to get my ungrateful
son out of your way, girls.
AKANE: ...
KASUMI: Oh! I forgot to tell you. Breakfast is ready, Mr. Saotome.
PANDA'S VOICE: Mrowf? [pause] Nrowf.
[Akane listens to Genma's footsteps leading away,
when the door opens again, bumping into her ear.]
AKANE: I SAID, "girls only"!
NABIKI'S VOICE: That had better not be a snipe at my dating life,
little sister. [forces door open and enters] So where's the party?
RANMA: [groans and clutches belly]
NABIKI: Whoops, looks like I already missed it.
KASUMI: We're not sure what to do with Ranma. I really think we should
bring her into the living room where we can make her more comfortable,
but she doesn't want her father to find out...
GENMA: [perched in window, and dripping wet] Too late! You can't keep
secrets from me, boy! Now why did I have to go to the kitchen to...
[boggle]
RANMA: ...
[Genma falls out the window in shock.]
RANMA: I suppose that went about as well as can be expected... [wince]
KASUMI: Father!
SOUN'S VOICE: Yes, Kasumi?
KASUMI: Father? Can you help me with something in the bathroom?
[Soun comes into the bathroom, somehow not noticing Ranma writhing
on the floor, Akane kneeling next to him in concern, or Nabiki
brushing her teeth.]
SOUN: Yes, Kasumi? What can I do for you?
KASUMI: Well, Ranma needs to see a doctor, and we can't carry her out
of the bathroom...
SOUN: What! Ranma is hurt? What about Akane? Is she alright? If he-
AKANE: [cutting off rant] I'm fine, dad. It's Ranma who needs help.
And he's not precisely... hurt.
SOUN: So why do you need to see a doctor, Ranma?
RANMA: Uh...
KASUMI: Why, she's going to have a baby! [smiles beatifically]
SOUN: [blink blink]
KASUMI: Isn't it wonderful?
[Soun flees the bathroom.]
AKANE: Geez, Dad...
KASUMI: It's been such a long time since we had a baby in the house!
[looks lovingly at Akane].
AKANE: [blushing] Now is not the time for childhood stories.
RANMA: Well, our fathers bailed out. I guess we're going to have
to rely on Akane's brute strength.
AKANE: [indignant] Hey!
[Suddenly, in a whirlwind a motion, Soun comes into the room
with bags of packed luggage. He gingerly scoops up Ranma, and
runs back out with the whole load.]
SOUN: Don't worry, dear! We'll be at the hospital in no time!
RANMA: [blinking] Dear?
NABIKI: Ingrained behavior!
AKANE: What?
NABIKI: Think of all the times Dad took Mom to the hospital. He's
had so much practice that he can take care of everything in just
a few minutes!
AKANE: [awed] Wow...
SOUN: What's wrong?
[We see Ranma clinging to the doorframe as
Soun attempts to carry her out of the house.]
NABIKI: ...Or rather, he's had so much practice, he takes care of
everything without any conscious thought. Which is what we're
seeing right now.
AKANE: ...
RANMA: [shaking head] Let go!!!
SOUN: But dear, you...
RANMA: I'm not leaving the house! No WAY anyone's gonna see me like this!!
SOUN: But you look beautiful! You're so radiant when you're pregnant.
You're... [blink blink] You're not my wife.
RANMA:
[smacks head]
AKANE:
SOUN: Ranma?
RANMA: Will you put me down, now!?!
SOUN: [gingerly puts Ranma down] My daughter's fiance... Is pregnant!
[eye waterfall time]
AKANE: [helping Ranma into the living room] Geez, Dad.
NABIKI: I called Dr. Tofu. He'll be over in a few minutes.
SOUN: [pauses from his lamentations] Thank you, Nabiki.
[Akane has now helped Ranma onto a tatami mat. Once again
Ranma is lying down, and Akane is kneeling next to her. As
Ranma clutches her belly, Akane holds her hand.]
KASUMI: So Ranma, how far apart are the contractions?
RANMA: [confused] What's a contraction?
KASUMI: Has your water broken?
RANMA: [panic] Huh? What does THAT mean?!?
KASUMI: Well, I guess I should just get things ready for Doctor Tofu.
[Kasumi steps into the kitchen. After a few minutes Ranma's
pain has stopped.]
NABIKI: So, Ranma... Who's the father?
RANMA: [startled] ...
AKANE: [confused] Father?
NABIKI: [voice of common sense] Think about it, Akane. If Ranma's the
mother, there has to be a father.
AKANE: That's right... How could I have forgotten? [dangerously calm]
You went out... as a GIRL...with someone ELSE... behind my BACK...
and got yourself PREGNANT!?! [otherworldly flames flicker about her]
[Ranma remembers her dream:
"This heavenly date was slow but sure in coming. Long have
I waited for this day, pig-tailed girl! My faithful (if twisted)
sister has finally put her alchemy to good use. Now Saotome is
forever gone and you are mine!"]
RANMA: I can't believe she drugged me!
AKANE: She? No, who's the FATHER, Ranma? It can't be a girl!
GENMA: [appearing out of nowhere] Why not?
I mean, the mother's a guy. [scratches head]
NABIKI: My, this IS an interesting development. [amused]
AKANE: [punting GENMA] YOU stay out of this!
AKANE: The mother is... a woman? [blushes]
RANMA: It was...
AKANE: You didn't... with another woman?!? [fearful]
NABIKI: Ranma's just full of surprises today. [grins]
RANMA: ...Kuno! [saucer eyes]
NABIKI: [frowns] Did I miss something, here?
AKANE: What's to miss? Ranma slept with Kuno. [eyebrow twitches]
NABIKI: So what about the "she" Ranma mentioned?
RANMA: K-Kodachi.
AKANE: [winds up with her trusty shinai] BOTH OF THEM!?!?! You PERVERT!!
NABIKI: [holding sword at top of swing] You aren't really going to
beat a pregnant woman, are you?
AKANE: Oh...
RANMA: Pregnant... woman? [eyes bubble up]
AKANE: Ranma?
RANMA: No! I'm a guy! A GUY!!! [holding stomach] I'm a gu... a gu...
a.. a guuurl! I'm having a BABY!!!
[Ranma's world falls apart.]
RANMA: You've... you've gotta help me, Akane! I... I can't go through
with this! Yo-you've gotta DO something!
AKANE: What can I do?!?
RANMA: I don't know! You're a girl! You've gotta know SOMETHING!
AKANE: What, NOW I'm not sexless?!?
[RANMA gets a crazed look, like when he's surrounded by cats.]
RANMA: I'm a girl, I'm having a baby, and Kuno's the father!!!
AKANE: Calm down!
RANMA: [sits up] And my stomach about to burst! [wince]
[Nabiki scribbles something down]
RANMA: I know! I'm NOT pregnant!
It's just an alien trying to burst out of my body!
AKANE: ...
NABIKI: Well something's coming out, anyway.
RANMA: Just give me some baking soda. That'll take care of its acid blood!
[twitch] AND take care of this gas! Two birds with one stone! Nya ha
Ha HA Ha ha!
AKANE: When will Tofu get here...?
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End Part 2 Preview of Part 3:
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KASUMI: Oh, my! You're going to be a mommy, soon!
[...]
RANMA: I'm a MAN!
[...]
AKANE: You mean he can't change back?!
[...]
TOFU: Please calm down, Ranma. You're making this difficult.
[...]
SIGN: This is for your own good, boy!
[...]
SOUN: What will the neighbors think?
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Next Time: What a Coincidence, Meeting Here, of all Places!
Tofu Delivers!
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Douglas MacDougall
dougmacd@thecia.net