The Superheroes are Out at the Moment, Please Leave a Message
  Pt.1
 
 	Earth.  Known the universe over for being the nexus of not only an 

 infinite number of dimensions, but a frequent target of plots to 
take it 
 over.  Ever since the days of Man's beginning, the ambitious have 
 attempted to acquire some or all of the blue planet by hook or crook.
  
 Fortunately, such attempts were thwarted by two factors: 1) the 
tendency 
 of the 'bad guys' to contrive horribly complicated plans that could 
go 
 wrong at every turn, and 2) the tendency of 'good guys' to band 
together 
 to stop the 'bad guys'.  However, the prize that could be won was 
much 
 to tempting to be given up after a mere failure; instead, the 'bad 
guys' 
 became even more determined to conquer the elusive goal.
 
 	Now, unknown to most people, the Earth was also a nexus of 
 improbability.  Correction, it _was_ an improbability.  The odds of 
the 
 'good guys' arriving at exactly the right time knowing exactly what 
to 
 do and having exactly enough firepower to stop whatever ominous plan 
in 
 action was astronomical [1]. Obviously, the 'good guys' usually 
resorted 
 to large amounts of Luck, or the immensely powerful force of Author 

 Magic [2], to accomplish their goals.  Considering the large number 
of 
 dimensions Earth emcompassed, and thus the even large number of 'bad 

 guys', and thus the even larger number of 'good guys', one can 
imagine 
 the severe drain this would have on Luck.
 
 	Today, Luck just ran out.
 
 
 	It wasn't supposed to be possible: the universes were set up in 
such a 
 way that there was more than enough 'good guys' lounging around with 

 nothing to do except wait for the 'bad guys' to show up and unveil 
their 
 latest diabolical scheme.  Today, though, the 'bad guys' seemed to 
be 
 especially large in number, and more and more 'good guys' were 
called 
 away from the comfort of their homes to battle for love, justice, 
and 
 the occasional jelly doughnut [3].  Left home to guard the base and 
to 
 maintain morale were those who didn't quite make the 'good guy' cut 
and 
 had to settle for Friend of 'Good Guy' status.
 
 	Needless to say, when The Really Bad 'Bad Guy' loomed omnimously 
over 
 the horizon, the citizens of Earth suddenly found themselves in deep 

 trouble.
 
 [1] Almost about the odds of being able to say that last sentence in 
one 
 breath.
 
 [2] Author Magic, however, occasionally became a double-edged sword 

 which became exeedingly dangerous to those who weilded it.  See also 

 'Self Insertion'.
 
 [3] I'm really very, very, very sorry about that.  I just couldn't 
help 
 myself.

One such "Not-So-Good-Guy" was Jay Ya.  He was tired of being left 
behind
sortie after sortie, but his comrades always said the CAPOW Self 
Defense
Force needed a "rear guard".  He constantly wished he could get into 
the
action.  

"Hmm.  They got sent on a peace keeping mission to keep football 
games from 
becoming too rowdy.  Yeesh.  Did anyone ask if I wanted to kick 
hooligan
arse?  No.  It's always leave Jay home. Let him clean up the mess.  
Why
doesn't anything exciting happen around here?"  

Jay was whining to himself.  He did that quite often.  He missed out 
on
the Earth's First Intergalactic War.  He wanted to be one of the 
lucky few
that got to get into combat mecha, hovertanks and areospace fighters, 
but
he got the short end of the straw.  

He decided to kick his legs back on his desk.  He then slapped his
earphones on and turned his minidisk player on loud.  

His bliss didn't last very long.  

*Boosh----whump!*  *Krackathoom!*

Jay was knocked backwards off of his chair and into the wall behind 
him.
The door to his office had been knocked off of its hinges and onto 
the
front of his desk.  The few personnel who were in the compound were
dashing back and forth, a few of them cheerfully burning to death.   
The
staccato sounds of a Really Big Automatic Gun were getting closer to 
his
office.  Several guards ran by and were mowed down by something or 
someone
behind them.  Movement started to slow down outside Jay's office and 
after
a few minutes it became quite silent. 

[Uh Oh.]

Jay leaned his head out the doorway and looked around.  

[Hmm.  Well.  George is here, there and everywhere.  Ugh.  Miss Ruth 
from
the Armor division is sorta missing her legs at the moment.  Wait.  
She
has a gun in her hand.]

Jay swiftly ran out into the hall and pried the pistol out of the 
dead
woman's hand.  Faint crunching sounds started to echo through the
hallways.  

"Gronk.  Dwaaaaaaba.  Do doonywanga.  Do noooooom."  {kinda 
translates
into "What weenies.  They coulda left some guys to kill for me!"}

The barrel of a large gun appeared around the corner.  Jay prepared 
to
ambush this straggler.  A large powersuited soldier with several
appendages came around the corner along with its gun.  Jay leveled 
the
pistol and squeezed the trigger.

*Click*

He squeezed again.

*Click*

Alien and terran stared at each other for a few seconds.  

Jay chucked the empty pistol at the alien.  As the alien momentarily
flinched from the pistol bouncing off of its viewplate, Jay ran like 
hell.  

[Where the heck are the other people?  I'm not a combat rated soldier.

Hmm.  Maybe a desk job was a nice thing...]

Jay found the emergency staircase and ripped the door open.  He found 
the
staircase fairly empty.  He ran upstairs.  The doorway below blew 
inwards
and the powersuited alien squeezed through; its wide "shoulders" 
smashing
through the surrounding doorframe.  Jay ran up faster.   The alien
waddled to the center of the shaft and then used some sort of jump 
jet.  
It landed on the balcony of the top floor, just as Jay was
approaching the top of the stairs.  It started to level its gun.  

Something cracked.  Both Jay and the alien looked down.  The floor
fractured and the alien fell through the balcony and seemed to hit a 
few
other floors on the way down.  It looked quite painful.  Jay edged
carefuly around the broken floor and rushed into the hallway.

To be continued?