Subject: [FFML] (Fan Critique) Eternety's Tears chap 2
From: MXJK67C@prodigy.com (CHRISTIAN A ROGERS)
Date: 9/2/1998, 7:29 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com, mitama@yahoo.com

			     THE FLASH POINT

(The members of FFML Sentai Fiveman are sitting around talking about 
something.)

Sakura: I can't believe YOU leg dived Tuxedo Chris!
Flashman:(Shrugs) He attacked me first, I was just defending myself.
Trident: It has been long since we've reviewed something.  Will there 
ever be another?  I feel so... meaningless without one.
Voice: Feel meaningless no longer, cause here we go.
(Everyone looks up.)
Zero: What have you got for us today?
Voice: Now that Jessica "Litiger" Hardy has returned to us, I feel 
it's time we start doing this again.  So here we go with Chapter 2 of 
Eternity's Tears.
_________________

	The early morning air swirled through the deserted streets of Izumo, 


[Space Sailor Moon:(Imitating Oscar)  Hi everybody!  I'm he... 
Where'd everybody go?]

	A small white blob slowly emerged from the chaos. Its puffy body was 
dirty and had scratches across its hide; one of its long, rabbit-like 
ears was ripped along the edges. The dark pink jewel adorning its 
forehead lit up briefly, then dimmed. "Puuu....," Mokona whimpered 
softly before turning and limping down the street.

[Trident: The "," is not necessary following the "....".
Flashman:(Imitating Mokona) Oooh, PUUpiee.]


Tora-chan Productions, Ltd. presents

[All: Since when have YOU been limited?!
Voice: It's called "Collage".]

	*After the war in Heaven, when I lost a third of My children to Evil,
* Kami-sama explained to the gathered Norns, *I knew that I could not 
possibly contain all the evil in the world. So I made a pact with the 
being then known as Lucifer; the forces of Good and Evil would have 
one final battle for the souls of the worlds . . . .*

[Zero:(Imitating Kami-sama) E...4.
Sakura:(Imitating Lucifer) BLAST!  You sunk my Battleship!]

	A teenaged girl shuffled slowly through the mass, a red-furred wolf 
at her heels. Her long scarlet hair was braided down her back, nearly 
reaching her knees; she was outfitted simply in a slightly ragged 
pair of red overalls, a white T-shirt, and a pair of scuffed sneakers.
 Her face was what made her stand out, though; pale skin drawn tight 
over high cheekbones, dark circles under her eyes, and her eyes . . . 
. Her deep crimson eyes were cold and hardened against the adversity 
of the times, but behind the steel was a haunted collection of 
memories that threatened to overwhelm her.

[Flashman:(Imitating Hikaru) Why did Lurker-kun dump me (Sniff)?
Sakura: VEEEERY nice imagry.]


	*. . . . I gave Lucifer two choices for a time period to have this 
battle: 2014, with the advent of Adam, Lilith, and the Angels; or 
1999, with a clash between fourteen avatars, seven for each side.

[Space Sailor Moon: It was called "Survivor Series".]

	*Lucifer, however, has broken all the rules by beginning the battle 
early . . . and has thus put even the lives of the gods in danger . . 
. .*

[Sakura:(Imitating Kami-sama) He's a nasty poopie pants cheeter.]


	In another area of Juuban, a hapless teen was packing an armload of 
supplies down a broken street when she tripped over a crack in the 
pavement. Dried food packages and plastic bottles of water went 
flying everywhere as 

[Flashman: Three guesses who this is... and the first two don't count.
]

	Before her stood a small child. She couldn't have been over two 
years old; her cherry-red hair was done up in heart-shaped odangos, 
the curls which spilled from them framing her chubby little face. Her 
bright red eyes seemed to study the older girl, as if trying to 
ascertain something important; the sparkling depths of her eyes were 
strange . . . almost . . . hypnotic . . . .

[Trident: I have a question... Which version of Chibi-Chibi is this?  
Manga or Anime?  As I am sure you are aware, there is a major 
difference and it would effect the entire outcome of the story.]

	Usagi shook her head suddenly. "Nan desu ka . . . ?" she murmured; 

[Flashman: Waiter... could you take this back please, I ordered the 
dub.
Trident: An explenation of the Japanese terms would help those of us 
who are... limited in the regard.]

	Her chubby little hands clutched her pink parasol, a sad look on her 
face. "Oh, are you lost?" There was still as small percentage of 
people

[Trident: "A" small percentage not "as" small percentage.]
 
especially in the Tokyo area. Usagi sat back on her heels for a 
second, then pointed to herself and said, "I'm Tsukino Usagi. What's 
your name?"
	The child studied her carefully again, her gaze holding an odd 
wisdom for one so young. Finally, she nodded in satisfaction and 
grinned.
	"Chibi Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi . . . ."

[Flashman:(Reading a Chibi-Chibi To English dictionary) Let's see... 
that was either, "I'm your Moonshadow Knight", "I'm part of Galaxia", 
or... "Why aren't there any Tentacles?  I mean, this DOES have 
Overfiend elements in it!  I WANT SOME DAMN TENTACLES!  SOMEBODY GET 
THE GREAT RED SERPENT ON THE PHONE!"
(Everyone else pounds him into the dirt.)
Flashman:(Weakly holding up the dictionary) That's what it said... I 
swear I wasn't making it up, damnit.
Sakura:(Grabbing Dictionary) It does NOT! (Looks at the book.  Eyes 
widen) Whadda you know... it DOES.  (Hands the book back) Sorry about 
that.
Flashman: Owww...]

	*. . . . Everything that I have set forth, all of My plans, have now 
been rendered useless. My avatar has been seduced to the Darkness; My 
other child has perished at My chosen's hands. Yggdrasil, the living 
computer I created to mediate the general forces of the universe, has 
shut itself down; the boundaries of the universes are weakened 
because of it.*
	*Then what can we do, Kami-sama?* Belldandy asked, her voice 
quavering slightly.
	The eyes of the Lord remained fixed upon the small globe in his 
hands. *Nothing,* he said softly. *Nothing at all . . . .*

[Trident: So, basicaly, all realities are in danger, correct?
Flashman: Yeah... (Smirks) So why hasn't FFML Boss put us on the job 
yet?
Sakura: Maybe he has and we haven't shown up yet.
All(Looking at Jess with Puppy-Dog Eyes) PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEE?]

<SNIP the description>

[(A Troll comes in.)
Troll: Too descriptive!  It shows too much of how the place looks 
like and describes the mood too well, so it must be wrong!
Flashman:(Swinging the glowing Sentai Saber) CROWN FINAL CRASH!
Troll: ARRRRRGH!]

	She was silent for several seconds, then quietly said, "They took 
the bandages off today."

[Space Sailor Moon:(Imitating Fuu) Mirror.. mirror... GIVE ME A 
MIRROR.  
(Starts doind a Joker laugh.)

	"Fuu-chan . . . ."

[Zero:(Imitating Hikaru) Who wrote "Group Huggies" on your forehead?
!]
 
	Fuu looked at her friend levelly, her one eye peering out from the 
shapeless mass of scars and raw flesh that had once been her face. 
"You should have let me die, Hikaru-san," she stated. "You should 
have let me die in the fire with Umi-san."

[All: <Wince>
Flashman: <Hums Kane's theme music>]

	*I have sent many of My children down to Earth, to try to discern 
the Adversary's plans,* the Lord God continued. *The reports . . . 
are grim.*

[Sakura:(Imitating Kami-sama) Disco is making a comeback, as is 
Seinfeld.
Others: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]

	He turned away from the Norns and clasped His hands behind His back. 


[Flashman: I can understand the need to stretch out.  This is gonna 
be a busy day.]

	The Tsukino family was gathered in the Family Services "office," 
which was little more than a renovated two-room apartment. Limited 
space forced Usagi's father and little brother to wait in the hall; 
even then, Usagi had to stand in the corner to make enough room to 
walk. Filing cabinets and portable generators filled the remainder of 
the room. The social worker, Okawa-san, was perched rather 
precariously upon one of the generators, somehow managing to balance 
both her laptop computer and a huge binder on her lap.

[Flashman: TRUST me, when you go to collage the "Balancing Act" 
becomes easy.]

	"Oftentimes, when a trauma occurs, such as the recent events in 
Japan and her separation with her family, the child becomes 
traumatized. He or she may withdraw into themselves, regress into 
behavior that's only suitable for children half his or her age,

[F/S/T/Z: ARRRGH!!!
Space Sailor Moon: What's wrong?
Flashman: Mama's... Hand... flash... back.]

	The child nodded her head. "What is your name, dear?"
	"Chibi-Chibi."
	"What is your family name? The name that you got from your mommy and 
daddy, what is that?"
	Silence answered her. "Do you know your mommy's name, ko-chan?"
	She paused. "Chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi," she answered.

[Flashman:(Reading the dictionary again) "STOP calling me ko-chan.  
My name's CHIBI-CHIBI!"]

	 "I'm going to ask you some easy questions. I want you to nod your 
head if the answer is yes, and shake your head if the answer is no. 
Do you understand?"
	To the woman's surprise, she nodded vigorously. "Good girl. Now, do 
you live here in Tokyo?"
	She shook her head no. 
	"Do you live in Yokohama?" Another negative.
	"How about in Kamakura?" Yet another negative.

[Flashman: Wakasa?
Sakura: Hokaido?
Zero: Hiroshima?
Space Sailor Moon: Nagasaki?
Trident: And that... are the only Japanese cities we know.]

	After giving the names of ten other cities and getting negative 
replies, she asked her, "Do you even know what city you live in?"
	Chibi-Chibi paused, her little brow furrowed as if in deep 
concentration, then nodded. "Chibi chibi chibi," she said gravely.

[Flashman:(Reading Dictionary) That was either, "I'm from space" or 
"I'm from the future".]

	She nodded happily, slipping off Tsukino-san's lap and bounding over 
to the map. Standing on her tippytoes, she reached up as high as she 
could. Okawa-san lifted her up to the map's level. "Now, Chibi-Chibi-
chan, I want you to point at the city where you live. Can you do that 
for me?"
	The toddler stared hard at the map, deep in thought, scanning every 
section of the nation. Suddenly her face lit up in a kawaii smile,

[All: Awwwww...]
 
planted one chubby little finger directly over a dot on the map. 
"Chibi Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi . . . ."

[Flashman:(Reading Dictionary): "I got it!  I got it!  That damn 
fly's been bugging me ever since I got in here!"]

	Okawa-san had to lean forward to read the tiny name printed on the 
map. 
	"Izumo?"

[Zero:<Raises his right eyebrow to a ridiculously high>
Trident: Where is this, Izumo?]

	A light morning rain had begun to fall in the forests on the fringe 
of Hokkaido. The continuous patter of raindrops on the maple trees 
and the slight whisper of the wind through the grasses set a serene 
backdrop for the small forest path. Mists swirled around the tree 
basesand kissed the forest floor with dew. The occasional twitter 
from a small bird could not even break the quiet calm of nature.
	The earthy tan of ship's sails drifted into view, gently pushing 
it's way through the fog. The tiny boat was rough and weathered from 
many travels; the faint kanji inscribed on it's starboard side read 
simply "Hope".

[Flashman: Well, whadda you know... Hope Floats.
S/SpSM/T/Z: <Groan>]

	A lone figure stood on the bow, staring out into the open with eyes 
shimmering in quiet joy. "Home," Saotome Ranma whispered, her blue 
eyes shimmering with some unknown joy. "Home at last."

[Space Sailor Moon:(Imitating Ranma) Home at last.  Home at least.  
Thank GOD almighty, I'm home at last.
Sakura: Too bad you can never go home again...
Flashman: Welp, that's it for this time, see ya soo.]

The Flashman
(Proud member of The Church of Tsukino Usagi)
Loyal G-fan
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
May The Spirit Preserve You!