First some little bits and pieces, then the overall commentary:

	Another idea, another failure.  It wasn't something Nabiki was
used to.  Ever since she had graduated from college (honors in
business, no less) and had attempted to make her own way in the world,
everything seemed against her.
	It was all the fault of Japanese society.  Oh sure, it was
easy to say 'If you don't like the way things are, change them,' but
she had tried.  She had tried, very hard, and failed.  Multiple times.
	No one was willing to *to* believe a woman, at her age, could
do anything in the real world, let alone anything business related.
Not in Japan.  That was an impossibility.

Got an extra "to" in there.  I highlighted it.

I must say that I would be a bit gun-shy about issuing that kind
of blanket cultural condemnation in a story.  I realize that we're
seeing it through Nabiki's eyes and she's fed up with the system,
but still... I mean, I couldn't tell you for certain that Japan is not
like that, since I don't have enough firsthand experience to 
differentiate prejudice from reality.  Not saying that you were wrong 
to write it this way - you may well have enough firsthand experience 
or reliable info to know that this is how things actually work - but
I wouldn't feel justified in doing so myself.

	That fat, arrogant bastard.  He didn't know a thing about
business.  The only thing he knew was how to get someone else to wipe
his ass.  Maybe the ass was right though.

This was a little confusing.  It sounds "Maybe the ass was right" refers to
the "ass" in the last sentence which someone else was wiping.  You might
want to choose a different pejorative - "Maybe the corpulent bastard was
right" or some such.

	The man began to laugh.  "Dear goodness, no!  We're looking
for some fresh talent to help in writing new contracts and evaluating

"Dear goodness"?  That seems a little out of place for this guy.

	Laughing a little, Kuno shook his head.  "What did you think
would happen to me?  I'd be sliced into sections to be studied?

"Then that official 'Ear of Kuno' souvenir I bought was a fake!  Damn!
I got ripped off!"

	Nabiki assumed an uninterested look and shrugged.  "Maybe.
Just a little.  But then, you're smarter than me, right?"

Maybe you're trying to indicate that this older version of Nabiki has 
had the edges worn off her pride a bit, but I would still expect her to
be much more stung by having to admit something like that.  Maybe
she could phrase it as a semi-joke, or throw in some kind of barb
with the question about his "genetically superior intellect" or something?

	"Yeah, but...  I had to live with that.  I lived with it for
seven years, while I went through hell to get where I am now.  And
that's only because of you."  Nabiki looked angrily at Kuno.  "I
couldn't even..."  She trailed off and looked down at her cup of tea.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the story or not, or whether
Nabiki is wise enough to realize this yet, but the way she landed a 
decent job finally is pretty par for the course.  Many, many people get
their first real break because they know somebody who can help them -
friend, family, whatever.  

---

Okay, overall commentary...

A nice closing chapter to "Blood Relations," I thought.  You took the
story in a completely different direction - away from the action, intrigue,
and violence to a sort of "normal life goes on" chapter.  I like the 
depiction of Nabiki having a hard time getting ahead in business...
many authors casually assume that she'll be a whiz, even without
paying her dues.

The only thing I'd really like to see more of is an acknowledgement of 
who Kuno was before he changed.  This was the biggest problem I had
with the whole of "Blood Relations," actually.  I can appreciate a Kuno
who grows into a very different person (in a very accelerated way, thanks
to the genetics stuff), but I would have liked to see him either show signs
that he retains some of his previous life (after all, he was "the old Kuno"
for years... some of that would probably stick around in his head, no matter
how thoroughly reprogrammed he was), or perhaps show signs that he 
remembers who he was.  Maybe he's embarrassed by his previous self,
maybe he finds it funny... I don't know.  I thought your Kodachi seemed
more like her old self than Tatewaki did, in spite of her radical changes.

In any case, there's a real irony in the idea of Kuno being the one who
bucks Japanese tradition.  I think you could play with that a little more,
perhaps.  Certainly Nabiki would recognize the strangeness of it, even
if Kuno didn't.  Perhaps Kuno is trying to compensate for being so boorish
in his younger years... perhaps doing this thing is as important to him, 
personally, as it is for Nabiki.  

Anyway, it was a well-written story, and I enjoyed it.

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless