Subject: Re: [FFML] [spam][funny] Books that anime characters will NEVER write
From: Jason Liao
Date: 8/16/1998, 6:50 PM
To: Koban Hiryuuno
CC: ffml@fanfic.com

On Sun, 16 Aug 1998, Koban Hiryuuno wrote:

---Andy Kent  wrote:
---Chris Hall wrote:
This is just a funny list of titles I came up with a while ago.

I couldn't resist. Sorry!
Me neither. Hmm, this might become a cascade, if it isn't already...
=^,^=

*Ranma 1/2*

Kasumi: (Co-authored with Belldandy)
_HATE: The purest emotion_

_Proper Care and Maintanence for your Assault Rifle_

Nabiki: (Co-authored with Yotsuya)
_How to Keep Others From Taking Advantage of You_

_Benifits of performing Community Service_

Akane: (Co-authored with C-ko)
_Cooking with Akane Tendo_
_How to Seduce Unsuspecting Men_
(Any Newtonian Physics textbook.  Co-authored with Lum and Mihoshi)

Ryoga:
_Mapsco_
_The Art of Refusing to Ask For Directions_
_Top Fifty Pick-up Lines_

Ranma: (Co-authored with Tasuki & Lum)
_Patience & Humbleness: The Path to Enlightenment_
_How to be PC_

Shampoo:
_Bicycle Hand Signals & Etequitte_
_Modesty and The Working Woman_

_Animal Explosion:  Why your pet should be spayed/neutered_ (Co-authored
	with Mousse and Ryouga)

Happosai:
_The Joys of Men's Underwear_
_Ascetic's Manual to Spirituality_

Kodachi:
_Sanity: A Twelve Step Program_
_Dangerous Food Additives_

Mousse:
_20/20_
_Don't Hide Sharp Metal Objects in Your Underpants_

_Dealing with Rejection_

Dr. Tofu
_Staying Calm and Collected All the Time_

Pantyhose Tarou
_500 Names for Your Child_
_Genial Laughter's Healing Influence_

Ryuu Kumon
_Use Your Skills to Get Ahead_

_Fight Identity Crisis:  There's only that one special You!_

Cologne
_Modern Medical Miracles_
_Women in Traditional Roles: A Good Thing for Life_
(She'd write this.  She'd just use the Amazon interpretation of a woman's
traditional role)

_Genetic Diversity:  Why cloning should be banned_ (Cologne-ing)

Herb
_Acting Like Your Employee's Best Friend_

Genma
_How to be a Responsible Parent_


Tatewaki

_How to Win Friends and Influence People_ (yes, I know that it's a real
	book)
_Recent Advances in Neuroscience_

*Tenchi Muyo*

Ryoko:
_Path of the Nun_
_Queen Serenity_

Ayeka:
_Lambada: The Forbidden Dance_

Tenchi:
_Kama Sutra_
_How to Tell Women No Because You're Gay_

Ryo-oh-ki:
_Carrots Are Bad For You_

Washuu
_Mad Science for Dummies_
_Dumb Luck: Winning the Lotto_

*Fushigi Yuugi*

Miaka:
_Gluttony: The World's Worst Sin_

_Crisis Management Technique_

Nakago:
_How to be Nice to People_

_Fond Childhood Memories_

Tamahome: (Co-authored with Nabiki)
_Money? No, I'll Do it For Free_

*Marmalade Boy*

Miki:
_I Know What I Should Do!_

Tsutomu: (Co-authored with Mousse)
_How to get over a girl who's been rejecting you most of your life_

Yuu: (Co-authored with Ranma & Tenchi)
_How to Attract Only One Girl_


*Evangelion*

Asuka:
_Speech? Why bother?_

_How to Overcome Feelings of Inadequacy_

Shinji:
_Journal of a Mega-Playboy_

_My Dad; The Best Man Alive_

_The principles of a strategic retreat, Art of War suppliment_  (Mustn't
	run away!)

Rei:
_Life's a Joke; Laugh!_

_You Only Live Once_

_Curing Autism_

Misato:
_Beer is the Most Horrible Substance on the Earth_

_How To Dump a Guy For Good_

Ritsuko:
_Don't Tolerate Sexual Harrassment!_
_Dog Care Made Easy_

Gendo:
_A Reaffirmation of Kantian Ethics_
_How to Plan a Second Marriage_

Touji:
_Wheelchair Basketball Studies_
_My Eva Piloting Career: Retrospective_

Kensuke:
_Guns Are The Problem_
_How To Attract Women_

*Maison Ikkoku*

Godai:
_Straight A's: No Problem_

_Party, Party, Party!_

Kyoko:
_How to Lead Two Men On for Five Years_

Yotsuya, Akemi, Ichinose:
_Minding Your Own Business_


*Sailor Moon*

Usagi (Co-authored with Soun Tendo)
_Keeping Your Emotions in Check_

Rei Hino
_Why Shinto Doesn't Work as a Religion_
_Don't let your Friends get on Your Nerves_

Darien(This applies only to the DiC version)
_How Not to Come off as an Asshole 9 Times out of 10_

Naru
_Teach Yourself Self-Defense_


-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...