The Ladle Lady

Written by Aaron Shattuck

Edited by Chippy the Transvestite Gnome


	Ranma dashed down the street. After malleting him into the pavement, Akane had left him to recover himself, and now he was going to be late for school! Dreading another day spent holding buckets in the hall, the martial artist increased his pace even more, melting the scenery into a blurry mesh of color. Suddenly, he felt different. Skidding to a halt, and burning off the heels of his sandals in the process, Ranma inspected himself. As he had feared, he was now utterly wet and utterly female.
	Cursing, Ranma spun around to find a little old lady, engaged in ladling water on the street directly outside her house. She held a bucket in her right hand, from which she would fill her ladle with her left and splash it across the street. It was the same little old lady, in fact, that seemed to always trigger his transformation in such a manner. Well, Ranma had had enough.
	"Hey! Old woman!" Ranma shouted, while squeezing excess water from her shirt. "Every time I pass by here, you always splash me! Are you aiming for me or what?"
	The old woman made no response and continued her activity.
	"Are you deaf or something?" Ranma asked, half seriously (she was a _very_ old looking woman, after all).
	The old woman, once again, made absolutely no response at all.
	Ranma was becoming very frustrated indeed. She marched up to the woman, and bended down to look her directly in the eye.
	"I'm talking to you, you know," Ranma calmly explained.
	The old woman finished tossing the water on her left side, and twisted to her right, in order to fill her ladle with more water from her bucket, knocking into Ranma in the process.
	"Hey!" shouted aquatransexual, the knock stinging her side more than it probably should have. "Will you stop that...?!" she implored, grabbing the old woman's let arm.
	The old woman struggled to complete her transaction. She continued to jerk towards her left, attempting a full swing, even though the water had already fallen out of her ladle. Ranma was quite surprised at the amount of resistance the mute woman was putting up. He held on tight, as the elder struggled against her, emitting little grinding sounds. Suddenly, there was a snapping sound. Ranma looked down, and discovered the woman's left arm in her hands. Where it had previously been attached, was a gaping hole, overflowing with metallic wires that sputtered and sparked. Closer inspection revealed the same wires to be leaking from the arm Ranma held, electricity crackling from their severed ends. The old woman continued the movements of ladling out water, ignoring the fact that she no longer had an arm to ladle out with.
	Ranma dropped the arm and started run. The day went down hill from there.

The End


Well whatayaknow! Not one death in this entire fanfic! At least... none _shown_ (play creepy music here). I guess I could enter this in a contest for "shortest fanfic in existence," but since there is no such contest, I can't. I'd probably loose anyway. If you feel the need to comment on this story or just need someone to explain the visions of the apocalypse that aliens send directly to your brain to, please write to me at dilandau@hotmail.com. If you're lucky, I might print out your letter, and use it to plug my gaping chest wound!