What the heck is it with me and spamfics today?  Sheesh.


Disclaimers:
I own none of these characters.  Brief nudity, violence, and gore occur.
Rated NC-2000.  No one admitted!

I wrote this as I thought of it, so there's been no spell checking,
grammer checking, or OCC checking performed on these fics.  And it really
shouldn't matter that much anyway.



Y'know how Hinako is described as a chi-vampire in many fanfics?  I've
been wondering, what if she really was one?

			Vampire Hinako-sensei

"Satome Ranma!"

In the crowded classroom, Onna-Ranma had to stand tip-toe to see the
diminuitive teacher.  Perhaps taking night classes at Furinkan wasn't the
best of ideas.

"Satome Ranma!  You've been a delinquent for the last time.  Now, I'm
going to suck your yummy blood!"

The six-year-old-like teacher strode with a steady gait towards her
victum.  Fortunately for Onna-Ranma, a six-year-old's steps aren't very
large. Unfortunately, she could not take advantage of the fact, as she was
held back by the lustful boys in the room, who were looking forward to
seeing Vampire Hinako's transformation. 

"W...wait!  You don't want my blood!"

*step*

"I just eat meat and vegitables!"

*step*

"Hiroshi ate a snickers before class!  His blood'll taste sweeter!"

"But Ranma, you ate the rest of the box!"

"Shaddap!"

*step*

"Ano...is this the right room?"

Everyone paused, as Gosunkugi Hikaru walked into the classroom.  Vampire
Hinako-sensei racked her brains to try to place this new student.  Oh, of
course.  This was that new kid, who was skinny due to insufficient diet
regulation to cope with his diabetic problem.

Wait a minute.  Diabetes?  That meant reduced insulin production.  And
*that* meant his blood was full of...

"SUGAR!"

With her original target all but forgotten, she leapt at the candle-headed
boy.

-----

Gosunkugi, new to Furinkan, watched with horror as his teacher's mouth
opened to reveal fangs.  With a battlecry of "Sugar!", she'd just leapt at
him, her intentions clear.  Quickly, he pulled out his magic signet ring,
and began his chant.

"From the beginning of time, the Gosunkugi family has battled the ilk that
would prey on unwary souls.  Now, I, Hikaru Gosunkugi have taken up the
cause, despite the fact that the hot wax dripping off these damn candles
is killing my brain cells.  Your time has come!  13th Generation Mamono
Hunter Hikaru is here!" 

While the rant was in session, most of the male population blanched, while
Hikaru was thinking to himself, I gotta get more of those Crackerjack
boxes!

"Hey, Ranma.  Why don't *you* try that transformation sequence?"  Hikaru
called, a lustful look in his eye.

"Shaddap!"  *bap*

Vampire Hinako faced off with her student, who was wielding a sword twice
his width and five times his height, and who was wearing a rippable dress.
We'll skip over the battle, because all Mamono Hunter battles involve the
dress getting ripped in strategic locations, and I *don't* want to deal
with describing Gosunkugi like that.

It seemed that the battle was evenly matched, until Hinako summoned a
breeze, and extinguished her opponent's candles.  With the loss of his
candles, his Soulsword disappeared, and his clothes returned to normal. 

"Waiwaiwaiwaiwaiwaiwaiwai"  The sounds of doom approaching were loud in
Gosunkugi's ears.  Time for me to use my ultimate weapon, he thought.

"Ha!  Have a taste of my voodoo magic!  Um...er...give m a second to find
my dolls.  Here, " he said, handing a ward that he had just fished out of
his pockets to Hinako "could you hold this please?"

"NOOOOOooooooo...."  *poof*

"Oh!  Here they are.  Okay, now prepare to...Oops!  That ward banished her
to the netherworld for 1000 years.  Oh well, looks like another job well
done by Mamono Hunter Hikaru!  Now, away I go!" 

*WHAM*

The classroom peeled the hapless Hikaru off the closed door, and
surrounded him, cutting off all avenues of escape.

"You banished Hinako?"

"The sexiest teacher of Furinkan High?"

"1000 years?"

"Get him!"

Gosunkugi waved his hands frantically in protest.  "B...but she was a
vampire!"

As cries of pain eminated from one side of the room, Ranma picked up a
ring that was lost during the scuffle.  Hmmm, he thought, perhaps I
*should* try on that dres...er, transformation sequence after all.

End.

But wait!  If you were able to endure that until now, you deserve ANOTHER
spamfic!  That's right, two spamfics for the price of one!

			Vampire Nuku Nuku

*swipe*
*splat*
"EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK"

(Think the intro of Phase III)

Nuku Nuku sank her fangs into her victum, a predatory smile on her face. 
Lying on her bed was Akiko, eyes screwed shut, hands brought together in a
sign of warding.  As she fed, Nuku Nuku was dimly aware of the door to her
room opening. 

"Nuku Nuku!  What happened to Akiko?"

"Hi, Ryunosuke!  Mama-san looked hungry.  I offered to give her the rest
of my dinner." 

"Nuku Nuku, I don't think she likes to eat mice."

"Really?  Do you think Mama-san would like some fish?"

End.

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...