Under a Ranma Moon

A Ranma 1/2- Sailor Moon Crossover/Parody


Copyright notice: Any similarities between these characters and any 
other characters, living, dead, undead, or in limbo, is entirely on
purpose. I make no apology for it. I also make no apology for any 
spelling or grammar mistakes. If you spot a mistake, and you just can't
stand seeing it, download the story to your hard drive or a floppy disk
and fix it yourself. If you get mad, angry or upset while reading this 
story, its a definite sign you should probably watch less Sailor Moon.
If you must flame me, the address is ShampUsagi@yahoo.com. If you wish 
to give kudos, the address is the same. Thank you and enjoy.

Starring:

Ranma Saotome as Sailor Ranma
Akane Tendo   as Sailor Mallet
Ukyou Kuonji  as Sailor Okonomiyaki
Nabiki Tendo  as Sailor Accountant
Rin-Rin       as Sailor Copycat
Shampoona
Tuxedo Mousse

Also Starring:

Kunoite
The Evil Queen Kodachyl
Polly and Pelvis

And: The Luna P-Chan




	Ukyou slowly swept the steps of the Cherry Tree temple. Grandpa 
Happosai and Tsubasa had gone out on a training mission, so Ukyou had 
the entire place to herself. She allowed herself a small smile. Tsubasa
was cute enough, but honestly, she was glad to be rid of him for a 
while. He could just be too clingy sometimes. Besides, now the scout
meeting that was scheduled to take place this afternoon could do so
safely, with no chance of evesdropping or pantystealing.
 	Ukyou could hear Rin-Rin, laughing happily in the courtyard, 
playing with her Luna P-Chan. She had come here from Ranma's house 
earlier in the afternoon, and Ukyou was glad to have some company. 
Temple chores could be so boring. 
	Akane and Nabiki appeared on the steps.
	"Hi Ukyou!" Akane cried.
	"Hello Akane, Nabiki," Ukyou paused in her sweeping to greet
her friends and fellow Sailors. 
	Nabiki nodded her head in greeting. "Is Ranma here yet?"
	Ukyou shook her head. 
	"Is he late again?" Akane asked. "I swear he's never been on 
time for anything in his life! Except meals, of course."
	Ranma suddenly became visible, jumping over rooftops to get to
the Cherry Tree Temple. He skidded to a stop next to Ukyou.
	"Am I late?" He panted. 
	Akane frowned. "Of course you're late. What did you do, fail 
another test?"
	"No," Ranma pouted. "You're so mean, Akane! Miss Hinako kept me
after school for talking to Polly and Pelvis during class." 
	Shampoona jumped down from the top of the gate where she had
been watching the four of them. The small white and pink cat looked 
very worried. Ranma screamed when he caught sight of her and wrapped 
himself around Akane. Akane ignored this. She was used to it by now.
	"Hiya! We have big problem, Sailor girls!" Shampoona said in 
her irritating high-pitched voice.  "We sense bad energy in city! Could
be Lego-verse!"
	"The Lego-verse!" Nabiki growled. "What are they up to now?"
	"We not know." Shampoona said. "We only know is bad."
	"Let's ask the sacred grill for guidance," Ukyou suggested.
	"Good plan!" 
		*		*		*

	The three girls, Ranma, and Rin-Rin, who would not be left out
once she heard what everyone else was doing, gathered in front of the 
Temple's sacred grill. Ukyou ran her hand over its surface, relishing
the feel of smooth Teflon beneath her fingertips. 
	"Well?" Akane asked impatiently. 
	"It has to heat up a while first," Ukyou told her. "All right,
it should be ready now." She knelt in front of the polished black
surface, ready to ask the okonomiyaki spirits for their guidance.
	"Oh sacred grill," she chanted, "We seek your wisdom! Tell us
what the evil energy is Shampoona felt gathering in the city."
	The grill's shiny surface became cloudy for a moment, then 
cleared to reveal a picture of two people, lying helpless on the 
ground, their energy being sucked out of them through two enormous
twisty straws.
	"That's Polly and Pelvis!" Ranma shouted. 
	Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Are they the only people in the city
whose energy gets taken? We have to rescue them time after time. They
must have some sort of sign on them that says 'Here! Take my energy!'"
	Akane shrugged. "That's not important. What's important is 
who's behind this! Ukyou? Can you tell?"
	Ukyou tossed some vegetable oil onto the grill. It sizzled, and
when it disappeared, they could clearly see a tall, brown haired man, 
wielding a bokken. 
	"It's Kunoite!" Ranma gasped. 
	"Thank you Mr. Obvious," said Akane.
	"Shut up, Akane, you're always so mean to me!" Ranma whined.
	"Well if you didn't go around stating obvious things that 
everyone here already knows, maybe I wouldn't be!"
	Ranma burst into tears. "I know you hate me, Akane!"
	"You two stop fighting!" Ukyou turned around. "What's important
right now is to go rescue Polly and Pelvis!"
	"Right." Ranma dried his tears on his sleeve. "Let's go...."
	Everyone waited tensely for a good ten seconds.
	"Sailor team!" Ranma finally finished. 
	Akane raised her power mallet high into the air. It started to
glow with an otherworldly light. "Mallet Power!" She cried, "Make-up!"
A giant mallet came down on her, and when it rose, it was Sailor Mallet
who stood in Akane's palce.
	Nabiki held her checkbook up. "Money power! Make-up!" A flutter
of paper money from all over the world swirled around her until it 
solidified into her green sailor uniform. Nabiki was now Sailor
Accountant.
	Ukyou raised up her transformation spatula and shouted,
"Okonomiyaki, Make-Up!"  Okonomiyakis flew at her from every direction
until the sauce formed the dark brown Sailor fuku of Sailor 
Okonomiyaki.
	Ranma glanced around quickly to make sure no-one was watching,
then pulled a bra out of his pants pocket. "Pervert power, switch!"
He yelled. He instantly became a girl. Rin-Rin used the Luna P-Chan to 
create a bra exactly like Ranma's. She threw it up in the air and 
yelled "I wanna be just like her!" A pillar of underwear surrounded the
two until Sailor Ranma and Sailor Copycat had joined the other scouts. 
	Ukyou wiped her brow as the five sailors ran out of the 
temple. "Whew," She said, "I thought that transformation sequence was
never gonna end!"
	"Endlessly recycling the transformation sequences saves money
on production, Sailor Okonomiyaki. You know that," Sailor Accountant
chided her as the five sailors raced to the heart of the city.
	"I know," Sailor Okonomiyaki sighed, "I know."

		*		*		*

	"Kunoite!" The Evil Queen Kodachyl of the Lego-verse drummed 
her fingers against her throne. "Seventeen times you've been defeated 
by the Sailor Fools. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you 
right now!"
	Kunoite bowed deeply. "Evil Queen Kodachyl," he said, "You 
cannot kill me."
	Fire lept into the Evil Queen's eyes. "And why not?" she asked,
low and dangerous.
	"Because you've killed all your other warriors, Evil Queen
Kodachyl. I am the only one left."
	Evil Queen Kodachyl paused for a moment. "You're right," she
said. "Now, go out and destroy those Sailor Kids once and for all!"
	"Yes, Evil Queen Kodachyl. Forsooth, it will be my pleasure.
I already have a trap laid for them."
	Evil Queen Kodachyl's evil laughter echoed throughout the halls
of her Lego-Palace. "Excellent!" She cried.
		*		*		*


	Kunoite stood grinning over his two victims. At this rate,
their energy should be gone within an hour. Sometimes, though, he 
really wished that energy could be taken faster, so it didn't give
those Sailor wusses time to show up. This time, though, he was 
expecting them.
	"Stop right there!" A girl stood silhouetted in the street. At
the proper dramatic moment, the lights turned on to reveal Sailor 
Ranma and the rest of the Sailor Scouts. 
	"We're not going to let you get away with this! We are the 
Sailor Suited wonders, we fight for Love and Justice..."
	"And the occasional cash bonus," Sailor Accountant added.
Ranma glared at her and continued.
	"I am Sailor Ranma!" 
	One of the passer-by in the street turned to look at the battle
going on, then decided it would be best to ignore it and headed for 
home.
	Ukyou stepped forward. "Guided and protected by the 
Okonomiyaki of a new generation, I am Sailor Okonomiyaki!"
	Akane knelt next to her. "From the depths of mallet-space, I
come to punish all evil. Sailor Mallet!"
	Sailor Accountant stood behind them. "I am the thing that 
every man fears. On behalf of the good money wasted on your ridiculus
costume, I will punish you!"
	"Me too!" cried Sailor Copycat. "Me too, me too, me too!"
	"Glad you showed up," Kunoite said, "While you have been
rattling off your ridiculously long entrance phrases, I have been 
setting a very clever trap." He pulled a rope next to him and a large
metal cage descended from above, trapping the 5 Sailors. "And," he
said to Sailor Accountant, pulling his large green tutu straight, "My
costume is not ridiculous."
	"Quick, Sailor Okonomiyaki! Use your powers to destroy the
cage!" Sailor Ranma shouted.
	"Right!" Sailor Okonomiyaki started to spin around. "Super
Deluxe Mega Double Okonomiyaki Spatula..." Deep breath, "Attack!"
A thousand spatulas flew out from Ukyou's hands. Every one of them
clattered harmlessly off the metal bars of the cage.
	"Ahahaha!" Kunoite laughed. "Your powers can't defeat my cage!
Now, say you will date with me, and I shall let you out!"
	Sailor Ranma retched. "Never!" She shouted. "Oh, isn't there
anyone who can save us?"
	Complete silence. 
	"Isn't there anyone who can save us??" Ranma shouted again, a
little bit louder.
	Again, nothing. 
	"ISN'T THERE ANYONE WHO CAN SAVE US????" Sailor Ranma screamed.
	Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a red water baloon burst in
the middle of the street, completely soaking Kunoite. 
	"I just paid to have this cleaned!" Kunoite whined, wringing 
out his purple cashmere sweater. 
	"Like the summertime breeze that blows through the privy,
you really stink!" A form in black appeared on a nearby rooftop. 
Because the roof was slanted, the form promptly fell down, bounced off
an awning and landed in a graceless heap in the middle of the street.
	"It's Tuxedo Mousse!" Sailor Ranma cried, hearts in her eyes.
	"That's right, Sailor Ranma!" Tuxedo Mousse adressed a 
telephone pole.
	"Put on your glasses, Tux!" Sailor Mallet cried. 
	Tuxedo Mousse reached beneath his top hat and pulled out a 
pair of inch-thick glasses. He put them on, and suddenly saw the 
sailors trapped in the cage.
	"Hang on, girls," he said, "I'll have you out of there in a 
jiffy!" Suddenly, he caught sight of the dripping wet Kunoite. 
Kunoite's tights, which had once been white, were now a dingy gray from
the water baloon, and he was scowling at Tuxedo Mousse.
	"Forget it!" Tuxedo Mousse slowly backed away. "I'm not
getting paid enough for this!!" He turned tail and ran off down the
street.
	"Tuxedo Mousse! Don't desert us!" Sailor Ranma called, "We
need you!" Tuxedo didn't look back once.
	"Now what are we going to do?" Sailor Ranma cried.
	"Oh that's it," Sailor Mallet stood up. "I'm tired of having
to be rescued by a guy! Mallet strike!" With a mighty swing of her
mallet, Sailor Mallet broke through the cage.
	"What?" Kunoite yelled, "That's impossible! But, now that 
you're out here..." He sidled up next to her. "Will you date with me,
my Mallet goddess?"
	Akane was nearly sick. She whapped Kunoite upside the head
with her mallet. Sailor Ranma joined the fray, debilitating Kunoite
with a mighty karate kick. Sailor Okonomiyaki, who had finally 
caught her breath from saying her attack, started beating on him
with her spatulas. Sailor Copycat kicked him in the shins and bounced
the Luna P-Chan off his head. When it fell to the ground, the 
Luna P-Chan got up, a little dizzily, and scampered off as fast as 
its little legs could take it.
	Suddenly, another red water baloon burst in the street. 
	"Tuxedo Mousse!" Sailor Ranma cried, "You came back! You do
care!"
	Tuxedo Mousse appeared on top of a street light. It looked 
just like him, but when he spoke, his voice seemed much deeper.
	"I'd never leave you, Sailor Ranma!"
	"What's wrong with your voice?" Sailor Ranma asked.
	Tuxedo Mousse coughed. "Uh, my voice? Nothing, nothing. Same 
voice I've always had." He coughed again.
	Suddenly, they were all pelted with a rain of herrings. Kunoite
was making his getaway under a screen of fish. The sailors could
see nothing through the falling seafood.
	"Not so fast!" As Kunoite tried to crawl away, he came face to
boot with Sailor Accountant. "Where do you think you're going?" 
	"Ah..Um.. Well..."
	Sailor Accountant narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't think you'll
get away that easily," She said. Then she said the seven most feared 
words in the universe.
	"I've been looking over your expense accounts..."
	Kunoite screamed, and didn't stop screaming. 

	 	*		*		*

	The five scouts met back at the Cherry Tree Temple. Shampoona
was there to greet them. "Good job, Sailor Scouts!" she cried.
	Ranma screamed and tried to hide in Ukyou's hair. 
	"Hey, Shampoona," Akane asked, "Where were you when the 
fighting was going on?"
	Shampoona blushed. "I- Um, Shampoona had very important meeting
with food bowl- I mean Central Command!"
	"Come to think of it," Nabiki said, "You always ditch us when
we fight!"
	Shampoona looked up into the five angry faces. "There good 
explanation..." she started, then turned tail and ran as five angry
Sailor Scouts ran after her.

(Curtain)

Sailor Ranma Says!

	Sometimes people tend to take things too seriously. When they
do, they're fair game to writers of parody and satire! While the 
writer may have nothing against certain series, in fact be a huge fan
of the series, they see it as their duty to bring it crashing back 
down from the lofty height it has acheived in the minds of many. So
remember kids, lighten up! Sailor Ranma Says! Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee.


Author's Note: This is my very first submission to the FFML. It is also,
coincidentally, my very first peice of humorous writing. So please,
please tell me what you think!!! The only way I'll ever be able to 
improve my writing is if people tell me what they like/don't like. 

This story and my other writings (Plus a whole bunch of other crud),
can be found at my homepage

http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/garden/2324

A special thank-you to Mortimer, who is a good fish. Believe it or
not, that counts for a lot. 


 




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