*SPOILER WARNING*
PM Productions Presents
A Phillip Masters Fanfic
A Caged Bird's Song
"It is you who will finally see the light."
"Why is it to be me?"
"Because this is why you were created."
"This is all I exist to do?"
"No, this is all you do to exist."
"I do not understand."
"You were not meant to understand."
"Do you understand?"
"Finish what we began, Rei."
"Yes."
------------------------------
"Where am I?" Shinji looked around, though he was not sure if his
eyes could function.
His own voice responded, "You are in yourself, Ikari Shinji."
Shinji turned his head, though he was not sure his head could
function. "Myself? But I don't know myself."
"Irrelevant... you are, therefor you are in yourself."
"Why is that? Why is it that I must be contained in myself?"
"This is your choice... nothing can change that but you, Ikari
Shinji."
"I chose? I chose to be trapped in myself? Why?" Shinji span
around again, his gaze meeting nothing all around. "Why am I so empty?"
"Because you chose to be."
"Why?" he screamed, "Why must I be the one to chose?!"
"Because you chose to do so."
Shinji shut his eyes, more an act of pure emotion than physical
movement. "I... I hate myself for my decisions."
Misato's voice came in through the haze. "No, Shinji, you hate
yourself for your actions."
-------------------------------
Asuka looked up, "What does that mean? I hate myself for my
actions? I never regret anything!"
Shinji appeared behind her and replied, "You do not regret, because
you do not understand regret."
She turned around and looked at the third children critically.
"That doesn't make any sense, idiot! Of course I understand regret!"
Shinji looked at her sorrowfully. "No, Asuka... you have closed
that part of your mind for too long. You may never understand again."
A tear came to Asuka's eye, but she quickly wiped it away. "You
are an idiot!" she yelled.
Shinji vanished, leaving her alone in the darkness, and her own
voice said, "Who is it you are talking to?"
She looked around frantically, but found nothing everywhere. She
stopped and looked downward. "Myself."
Kaji appeared in front of her and smirked, "That's a bad habit."
Asuka turned around quickly and covered her face. "Don't look at
me! I'm dirty!"
"You're not dirty... you're just unsure of your reason for
existing."
---------------------------
"No! That's a lie!" Misato screamed, "I am dirty! I am! I am! I
am!"
Ritsuko put a hand on her shoulder, "You're only as dirty as you
make yourself out to be, Misato."
Misato pushed Ritsuko away, "No! Don't touch me! I don't want to
contaminate anyone else!"
Ritsuko smiled and wrapped her arms around Misato from behind. "No
need to worry... I'm every bit as dirty as you."
"No! That's impossible!"
"It's not... trust me."
"No! No! No!" Misato clenched her eyes shut and let the tears
run free.
Ritsuko tightened her grip, "At least you loved Kaji."
"That's not true." she whispered.
"Yes it is."
"It is..."
"There is another."
Misato wiped the tears away, "Another?"
"You love Shinji."
---------------------------
Gendou stared at the diary before him and he repeated the words
written upon the first page, "You love Shinji..." He took an eraser
from the cup at the corner of the desk and rubbed out the sentance. As
he wiped away the refuse the words reappeared.
"What is this?" he asked, though he wasn't sure whether he voiced
it or thought it.
Either way, Yui's voice replied, "This is your world..."
He looked around himself, finding only the old office he had at his
old home surrounding himself. "Don't you mean 'our' world, Yui?"
"As long as you lock out others there can be no intrumentality...
this is your design, and you have been corrupted by bringing it to
fruition."
"What?" He looked down at the diary again, "Have I truly pushed
him that far?"
The words on the page came together to form a puddle of blackness,
and then morphed into a new phrase, "You must help Shinji. He can
realize himself, but you will never realize him unless you are there for
him."
Gendou stared for moment, pondering the meaning of what was said.
He thought he understood, but in the new reality nothing could be
certain. Then, before him the diary changed once more. The letters
formed into numbers and a counter was left behind, set at '12:00:00.'
He furrowed his brow. "Twelve hundred hours? What does this
mean?"
The 12:00:00 turned into 11:59:59, and the countdown began.
"Oh." Gendou rose quickly and ran out the door. The unknown
awaited him.
END PART ONE
The reason this is this short is because it is mind wracking to write.
I am attempting to stay true to the television end of Eva while bringing
more into the mix than the show did, and from a different angle. I've
either written something profound or failed miserably. I hope the
former, but if it's the latter tell me so I do not continue to make a
fool of myself. Any discussion on interpretation is welcome and
encouraged. I'll continue it soon, I have another fanfic I'm working on
to get done by the end of the weekend, as well as a filk I'm finally
finishing.
Thanks for reading,
PMasters (7-17-98)
"I'm only holding back the rain. So many raindrops, so many pains. I
want to find my train someday. As seasons go past the station." - Tokyo
Babylon OVA 1
/ E-mail at: PhilMasters@webtv.net /
Web page pending use of a computer!
"...has anyone ever used something alive for a coat of arms?" - The
Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea (Mishima Yukio, 1965) /
"You see, what you call a cat, we use as armor." - Rune (El-Hazard,
1994)