Even worse than VAMPIRE PRINCESS USAGI, I'm afraid.

[AKO] [Spamfic] "Vampire Princess C-ko"
By Henry J. Cobb
$Id: vamp_pri_c.txt,v 1.5 1998/04/14 15:13:22 hcobb Exp $

Disclaimer: This parody is a work of fan-fiction, and is distributed
purely for it's subtle political effect.  A-ko and all related
characters are copyrighted by Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima and Central
Park Media and are not used with permission.  All original material is
copyright 1997 by Henry J. Cobb.  Permission is granted to browse and
redistribute this material, but not to modify it.

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I leaned against the gate post as I waited.

None of the other girls had dared to say anything as they passed by
earlier.  They're used to this.  After all, we've been going through
this ritual for the past year.

The final bell had rung five minutes ago.  Miss Ayumi would be furious,
but not as angry as I felt.  Where are they?

Finally, a lone figure turned the corner.  She was walking and alone.

"Where is Shiko!"  I demanded.

"Biko, what?"  Eiko asked.

"Shiko!  Short, blond, wears daisies in her hair.  You know, the friend
you stole away from me eleven years and 22 days ago, Eiko!"

"Shiko?"  Eiko looked around herself for a bit.  "I don't know, she
must've come earlier, by herself."

"She did not!  What did you do with her?"

"I don't know."  Eiko feigned confusion.

"OK, be that way, I shall beat the truth out of you!"  I tossed aside my
school uniform and stood revealed in the Akagiyama-23.  "Die!"

Eiko reacted as I charged in and tossed me aside, I replied with a
spread of missiles.

She jumped over the first three and then tripped and fell as the last one went over her.  Then she just lay there.

"Eiko?"  I walked up with my missile launcher ready.  She didn't move.

I pushed her over with my boot.  She rolled over limply.  She didn't seem
to be breathing and was very pale.

"Eiko!"  I knelt down and grabbed at her wrist, she had a weak pulse and
was just breathing.

I gathered her limp form in my arms and took to the air.  "D-don't die
Eiko!  Don't die before you tell me what's happened to Shiko!"

I landed in front of the emergency entrance to Daitokuji General
Hospital.

"Emergency case!" I pushed my way in and placed her gently on the
offered cart.  Then I flipped my visor back and filled out the forms,
giving her parents, home phone and address.  For insurance, I wrote down
my personal account number.

I flew back to the school and was just in time for third period.

"Were where you this morning Biko?"  Miss Ayumi asked.

"Eiko collapsed, I had to take her to the hospital."

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know."

Miss Ayumi let that one slide.

In class, I couldn't concentrate.  I glanced at Shiko's empty desk then
turned to study Eiko's.  What could bring you down?  You are always so
full of energy, but then you felt so lifeless in my arms.  What's
happened to you Eiko?

"Biko?"

"Yes teacher?"

"Could you give the class your analysis of the poem we're working on?"

"What?"

"Page 124, third paragraph."

I picked it up in one scan and said something meaningless.

Miss Ayumi was disappointed, but moved on.

As soon as the last bell rang I pulled out my cell-phone and dialed up
the hospital.  Eiko was still unconscious, but her situation was stable.

That taken care of, I looked up at my gathered gang.  "Find Shiko!"

I was reviewing the past week's video tapes that evening, searching for
some clue, when I heard a soft footstep behind me.

I spun around.  "Shiko!"  She was standing halfway through the curtains of
my open window.  She was in her school uniform, but barefoot.

"Shiko, you're safe!"  I rushed to her.  How did she get here, to my second
floor balcony, without setting off the alarms?

"Biko, I'm hungry."

"Don't worry Shiko, I'll wake up the staff and get you lots of good stuff
to eat."

As I picked up the phone, Shiko stared at me, her eyes burning into my
soul, the phone receiver dropped from my fingers and everything faded to
black.

I felt so weak.  I took a shallow breath and gathered my strength, then
opened my eyes.

It wasn't my room or my bed.  "W-Where?"

"You're awake?"  Eiko asked.

I turned and saw that she was sitting in a hospital bed next to mine.
"Yes, what?"

"Did she get you too?"

"Shiko?"

"Yeah, she sucked us both dry."

What was Eiko doing in my room?  "Why don't I have a private room?"

"I think this is something of an isolation ward.  The docs think you
caught whatever caused this sudden blood loss from me."

"I guess you couldn't just say ``Oh no doc, it's not a bug, it's my
friend the vampire, honest!'' "

Eiko giggled then clutched at her head and bent over forwards.

"Eiko, what's wrong?"

"It's -- OK.  It'll pass.  My blood's unique.  Mom's will do in a pinch,
but it gives me awful migraines.  You'd think I'd learn by now and keep
some of my own bottled up, in case I scrape my knee or something."

"Very funny.  Say Eiko, if you're not really human, I guess you're not
really interested in Kei."

"Oh, I've shown him how human I am..."  She winked at me.

"What!"

"Just kidding.  I noticed that your dad came by to top you up."

"Well, some of us need blood of very high quality and purity to keep
going, unlike that sludge in your veins.  I'll have to remember this.
His birthday's coming up, maybe I can finish that death ray.  Eiko,
could you help me with that?"

"What do I know about death rays?"

"Nothing of course, but I need to make sure it works."

"Grrr..." Eiko thought for a few seconds, then came back with one of her
silly smirks.  "Hey, Biko, the doc'll wanna know that you're awake.
He's a real cutie too."

"What!" I stabbed at the call button.

A few minutes later the doctor showed up.  Eiko was right, he was
something to look at.

"Miss Daitokuji!  It's good to see that you're awake.  I'm doctor Ono.
How are you feeling?"

"Weak and thirsty."  I tried to sit up.

"No, please, just lie there and rest."  He got a glass of water then
helped me sit up enough to drink it.  "Do you remember what happened to
you?"

"No, I was in my room Monday night, when I suddenly collapsed."

"Just like your friend Eiko.  No sign of injury either.  Any specific
pains?"

"No, just weak and and a little feverish."

"And how are you Eiko?"

"On the mend, doctor Ono."

"Still got the migraines?"

"Oh, they're getting better.  Say doc, when do you get off tonight?"

Why did Eiko always do that with anybody attractive and what did they
see in her?

"I wouldn't worry about that.  Neither of you two is leaving here for a
few days yet.  Well, I'll let you two rest now.  Ring if you need
anything."

"Damn!"  I said, after he left.  "I forgot to ask him what day this is."

"It's Thursday."  Eiko replied.

"I've been out for three days?"

"I was out for two.  Whatever it is that Shiko's doing, it's nasty.
Won't your dad want to know you're awake?"

"Yes!"  I tried to struggle up to the phone, but fell back.

"Here."  Eiko sat up on the edge of her bed and handed me the receiver.
"What's the number?"

Father rushed over immediately and sat on the edge of my bed.  "How's my
princess?"

"I'm fine father."  I held out my hand to him, and he held it gently in
both of his.

"Get well soon please, we've got some critical contracts coming up."

"Oh you silly.  What do you pay all those engineers for anyway?"

"To put your plans into action.  The entire company's counting on you."

I gave a brave smile.  "Tell them, I'll be back as soon as soon as I am
able."

Eiko's parents came in next.  They talked for a while with her, then
turned to me.

"We'd just like to thank you for taking our daughter to the hospital."

"It was nothing."

After they left, Eiko spoke up.  "Yes, Biko, thanks for dragging me in."

"It was purely selfish.  Without you, who would I blame everything on?"

My gang of four came in next.

"War council."  I announced from flat on my back.  "Eiko's included."

"Eiko and I were attacked by Shiko and left for dead.  She is to be
considered extremely dangerous, but is not to be harmed.  Eiko, has she
ever done anything like this before?"

"No, she's been a simple airhead for as long as I've known her."

"OK, you four be very careful, operate in pairs and track her.  Only
intervene if she attacks somebody again and carry human blood to offer
her.  Find her, save her, don't let her become a murderer.  Go..."  I
felt faint and rested my head back onto the pillow.

When I opened my eyes again, it was light outside the window.  I was
famished.  "How do I get breakfast around here?"

"You could try the call button."  Eiko answered.  "The food's a little
bland, but at least Shiko isn't cooking."

"That's a relief."

Friday afternoon after class, Miss Ayumi came in with some papers.
"Here you go, all the homework you two have been skipping out on.  The
classroom has been very quiet without my prize trouble students."

"Sorry about that teach."  Eiko replied.

"It's nice to see you Miss Ayumi."  I took the papers and placed them on
the nightstand.  "Thanks for bringing this stuff over.  I'll make sure
that Eiko studies, for once in her life."

"That would be an interesting change of pace."

"One thing.  If you see Shiko, please run."

"What?"

"Take our word for it teach.  You don't want to get involved with her
right now."

Saturday afternoon, I was up and about and doing better than Eiko, with
her migraines.  It was a relief to have something ordinary like homework
to do.

Agent-D came in to visit.  She listened to our stories then started her
own.

"I was afraid of this.  Something about this planet has awakened an
ancient curse in the princess's blood."

"Does this happen often?" I asked her.

"This is the first case in three generations, but it stretches back to
the daughter of the first empress."

"I know that I was an obvious target, being so sweet and delicate, but
how did Shiko bite through Eiko's leathery hide?"

"A side effect of the curse gives her great strength."

"Is there any cure?"  Eiko asked.

"I have a few methods that will cause it to remiss for a while, but any
true cure will require that she leave the planet."

"You seem to have everything worked out, why are you telling us this?"
I asked.

"I need your help."

"For muscle, right?"  Eiko stepped out of bed and collapsed.

D caught Eiko and put her back into bed.

"No.  For bait."

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb