Overall, I have mixed feelings about this one. The good news is that
it's well-written, and Ranma's emotions come through quite strongly.

The bad news is that it really feels contrived to me. Most of the
supporting cast seems quite OOC, like you've forced them into doing
things they just wouldn't have done, in order for Ranma to end up in the
situation that you wanted him in.

So, I'm not really sure what to tell you except that I liked reading it
in spite of the lack of believability. Anyway, a few nitpicks:

Jonathan Ng <jonathan@worldy.com> wrote:

Five years after acquiring my ill-fated curse, and meeting Akane, 

"Ill-fated curse" sounds redundant and a bit cliche.

Akane's pregant with Ryouga's baby now - they told me about it three
months ago, and they sounded really excited.  Strangely enough, 
Ryouga's the only one who can actually stomach Akane's cooking.

Actually, her cooking was improving towards the end of the series.

I now stare down at my body, lithe and graceful, and the flowing 
locks of red that ran down past my face.  What girl would want a 
body like this?

Huh? Lots of them, I'd guess. (Did you mean to say "guy" instead?)

But I miss the love that my former fiancees gave me.  Just because
I realized I can't love them doesn't mean I don't want love; I miss
small moments with Akane; the okonomiyaki I get regularly from Ukyou;

If he still gets it, he shouldn't be missing it. Make that "got".


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics