At 06:00 AM 6/16/98 -0500, Curry Coffelt wrote:

Well since this is the frist time I have actually gave some C&C I will do

my best

Robyn, Duke of Amber wrote:

 I wake up.
 I have no idea how much time had passed and only know realize that I must
have fallen asleep.
  present tense being what it it I decide to complete a bit of a change.

 After waking up fully I realize I'm not alone anymore.
 -funny how things like that are negleted by oneself when waking up
becomes the bigger priority.
I decide that that as well as not having any inside hinges or handles the
door is also pretty munch soundles in it's movements.

 My guest is a man close top my age (i'dd guess) and he's wearing a black
uniform - a stark contrast to the room.

In your dialogue I recomend doing something like this

   "How are we feeling," he asked pleasantly in English.

This is the proper way to deal with dialogue. Jeanne Hedge pointed this

out to me

and I am passing along the advice to you. In other words Repace all question
marks and periods in your dialogue with commas.

?????

I think you misunderstood what I sent you, Curry.  You do NOT replace
question or exclamation marks in dialogue, and you only replace some of the
periods.

Your Example #1 would correctly be:   "How are we feeling?" he asked
pleasantly in English.

Example #2

   "I'm sorry," The man apologised "It's simply that we have some questions
about your experience and it was decided that some rest might help you
recover from any ill effects."

You follow me on this?

This is better, but you don't capitalize the 'the' in 'the man apologized'
and you need punctuation leading back into the dialogue after 'apologized':

#2 would be: "I'm sorry," the man apologized. "It's simply that we......"

or "I'm sorry," the man apologized, "it's simply that we....."

 "How are we feeling?" he asked pleasantly in English.

 "I'm not sure how "WE" are feeling I said...but I'm feelling paranoid."

Well, great. If I'm gonna blow it I might as well do it in a big way.


 "I'm sorry." The man apologised "It's simply that we have some questions
about your experience and it was decided that some rest might help you
recover from any ill effects."

Jeanne Hedge



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