Starting Notes....
I've really tried to consider self-insertion into NGE and pretty much came
up with the simple "Why? Do I really want to die?"
Of course there are some who would put it a different way... but those
would be spoilers.....
It's similair in some ways to the way I've written my never-finished
alternate BGC fic but with differences.
I may write more of this.. I may not but it depends on whether people
throw up their hands in dismay, and if I feel like it.
I'm not sure how I feel about this whole self-insetion thing...other
people do it all the time and I (usually) have no problem with it to a
greator or lessor degee. Also, here I'm using first person which REALLY
gives an in-your-face POV to self insertion...stroonger than if you are
"just another character who happens to be me."
Adittionally, "I" took on a life of my own near the end of this... odd.
As a fair warning.
-it's rough and there are bound to be typos and formatting probs.
Probably due to the fact that I did not spell check it and wrote it cold
off and on over the space of a couple of evenings.
Robyn, Doke of Amber
aka.
Neil
EVA Self-Insertion Fic....
No Title as of Yet.
All rights reserved by proper owners.
I am mine.
Flicker/flick
"DDadadgfS."
"AHHHH?"
The dim submerged sound of machines and voices.
A Hum, a vibration of the bone which made me clench my teeth....blocked
by...????
My mouth is full of cotton candy.
My mouth is full of fatty raw meat.
Rubber?
The taste/feel of rubber and new plastic in my mouth.
***
A sunlit room, warm but you can feel the air-conditionoing.
I'm lying in the curved chair and looking into the narrow rectangle of
golden light.
My glasses are off.
Of course they're off...If I was wearing them I'dd be reading (or rather
re-reading my book.
I feel the book folded over on my leg.
Somehow this whole idea is trying to make itself into a joke I can use
later when I get out later that day.
"So there I was, lying there, "Freedom and Nesessity on my leg." No, not
quite.
Dr. Steen comes from around a corner -after doing something to someone.
He glances at the x-rays.
He "tut-tut's"
"I wouldn't have to do this if you didn't grind your teeth you know."
I tell him about the possibility that I do indeed grind my teeth in my
sleep. I tell him about the cotton candy.
****
Ah.
It's a bite plate.
I feel cold and wet.
No, still part of the dream. Oh boy, I hope my subconcious and my bladder
don't start talking.
"He appears to be regaining counciousness." The voice was flat
businesslike and German.
German? I don't recall anyone actually speaking German on the project.
Of course, the whole purpose of the thing was to see if I could actually
learn anything. Three languages - one useless; - and math. I wondered if
math phobia could be better dealt with in most people if they were simply
knocked out?
Wow. It worked.
a six month sleep, a bunch of useless skills and more importantly $1700.
I hope somebody bought my comics.
Unless I'm actually sleeping and I'm dreaming this.
*
I'm tilted.
I'm now at about a 45 degree angle and my inner ear feels like I've been
riding a roller-coaster.
Suddenly my eyes were blasted with a white light. The light shot through
my closed lids imprinting the red tracings of blood vessles inside my lids
as a wonderful wake-up to my optic nerve.
Migraine?
I throw up my arm reflexively to block the light.
Well, I try to.
I can't move. I feel tied down or something.
(a more rational part of my mind spitefully reminds me "that's what
happens in nightmares.)
I want to scream. if I could have open my mouth, clear my
clogged feeling throat.
I'm surrounded by the image of a childhood nightmare.
If I struggle I could at least wake up.
Suddenly the light dimmed to a more bearable level of hostility.
I open my eyes. All of a sudden it does feel like I've been asleep for
several months.
My vision is obscured by clots of pinkish jelly on my nose.
Suddenly there is a sliding yanking sensation (inside?) me. It's like the
time I had the gastroscopy. If I could cough I would. I really want to.
Glove-covered hands are pulling out the tube.
I follow the hands up arms to a face.
It is not a particularly kind face. I'm guessing it's attached to the
voice -efficent.
I glance around.
Where the hell is Louise? (Dr. Stone, a voice in my head corrects.)
Did something go wrong?
I notice that we are in a large room. Larger than the one Istarted off
in anyway. The familiar (certanly not comforting) form of the cylnder
rests on it's travelling cart off to the side. Thre are several carts of
technical looking gizmos and several canisters of gas.
The Doctor, whoever he is seems to be the only one doing anything of
value. The others seem merely ornamental.
Neatly they stand slightly recessed in each of the room's eight sides
blue-suited medical technicians, guns held ready.
guns?
GUNS?
I almost choke trying to yell around the device still in my mouth
and I begin to struggle for real.
I can't see the faces of the people with the guns - they are just barely
two far away -blurs.
("They should be in the little box under the cylinder " My memory
cheerfully reminds. )
But, by the way that nome of my attempts make them move I'm guessing they
are bored.
I'm starting to have terrible flashbacks to every bad science fiction
movie I've ever seen when I feel the PSSSST-STING of the injector im my
arm.
As I black out I hear the clever German voice say "Shock."
****
The room is small and white.
If I ever found myself in a mental home (which I have yet to) I would
guess it would look something like this -assuming as well that I was a
dangerous crazy.
The bed is a single and a half and the sheets were white as a detergent
commercial.
So are the pajamas I wear. They have the texture of that fuzzy paper
fabric.
At least I'm not naked anymore.
Thre is no window.
There is no chair.
The door has no handle or visible lock.
The light was a milky-looking dome set in the ceiling and could not be
reached from the bed.
I doubted jumping on the beds was considered an act of "good clean fun"
here.
There WAS a plastic pitcher of cool juice and an equally innofensive
plastic cup.
Obviously nobody around here had ever affected escape with tupperwere.
Under the bed was a plastic device which I had never used before and a
bedpan. I was not to keen on using either but had not felt the need since
I had woken up soem time ago.
I really have no idea how long I had been here or even how long I had
been awake now. My internal clock is still as unreliable -at least some
things don't change.
I had no idea what had gone wrong but it did seem like I was in my usual
heaps of trouble. If only I knew what to do right so that I would be told
what I had done wrong.
Hopefully there were cameras etc. in that light fixture, and if not?
well, screw em.
I began to sing.
I decide that it was one of those "hit's of the 60's, 70's and 80's sort
of times but as I continue other sources slip in.
One of the most interesting (and distracting) thing which I gradually
discover is my new-found fluidity in other languages also gives me
something to do.
Unfortunately, the words in the lirics (and their meaning) when switched
to a different language really play hell with the melody.
Between sips of juice I start attempting to translate
songs in my head and also start to sing the original songs in
their original language. I run into a problem here.
My limit hearing and recalling German music was (and is) horrible to say
the least and I decide to skip any sort of meantal contact with Wayne
Newton songs, polkas and happy camping songs.
Finally I simply get tired.
I fall asleep singing Belldandy's egg song.
*
I wake up.
I have no idea how much time had passed and only know realize that I must
have fallen asleep.
present tense being what it it I decide to complete a bit of a change.
After waking up fully I realize I'm not alone anymore.
-funny how things like that are negleted by oneself when waking up
becomes the bigger priority.
I decide that that as well as not having any inside hinges or handles the
door is also pretty munch soundles in it's movements.
My guest is a man close top my age (i'dd guess) and he's wearing a black
uniform - a stark contrast to the room.
"How are we feeling?" he asked pleasantly in English.
"I'm not sure how "WE" are feeling I said...but I'm feelling paranoid."
Well, great. If I'm gonna blow it I might as well do it in a big way.
"I'm sorry." The man apologised "It's simply that we have some questions
about your experience and it was decided that some rest might help you
recover from any ill effects."
"I WAS sleeping." I said. "That's as close to " some rest" as I really
need."
"Uummm yes. Well anyway, we just want you to help us clarify a few small
matters."
"Sure." I nodded. "Just one thing though....I don't know you. I's sure
someone else on Red Lightning would be happy to fill you in."
"That's true except for one thing - The members of the project
are...ah...gone."
"Gone?" I felt a shivver up my spine and had to fight off actually
shuddering. I felt sick.
"There was an..accident." The man explaned gently and the more sothing
his tone got the more I felt like rocking back and forth.
I felt my left arm drawing itself across my chest, a sign that I was
quite nervous
"An accident." I didn't beleve a word of it. I was sure that I was about
to be strapped down again. The wods "Is it safe?" rang in my head.
"Perhaps you are getting the wrong idea." the man said.
"No, I understand completely. accidents happen. Universities fall into
the sea.... research teams are killed in car wrecks....So.. what do you
want to know?"
"No. Listen, I'm trying to tell yo uhat happened."
"I believe you. Just ask your questions." I hoped they (whoever "they"
were) killed me quickly. I REALLY didn't want to be tortured. I felt like
throwing up.
The man sighed. "I can see yo udon't beleve a word I'm saying."
"I do. only I don't want you to hurt me."
"Hurt you?"
"Oh come on. 'I want to ask yo ua few questions' and 'everyone else id
dead' Why don't you just shoot me full of pentathol and get it over with."
"We did."
"Excuse me?"
At least he had the honesty to look abashed but his voice was angry.
"As per standard we used the pharmacologicals bu tit seems your immersion
liquid had some interesting side rffects. Unless of course you have been
trained that way?"
This was scary. My stomach was a pool of hell. I didn't feel sick
anymore...well, I did, just not like throwing up. I swallowed some of the
bile which rose in my throat. I shivverd and found I was soaked in sweat.
To hell with it, I was dead anyway. I might as well piss this guy off
and maybe he would kill me quick.
"Some drugs." I agreed. "But yes, the fluid was designed that way. The
active ajents for that have probably broken down. It was supposed to be a
quick process."
He actually smiled.
"We thought so. Although tests of the fluid contained a few odd elements
we didn't find anything really strange. I'm assuming you are conditioned
against pain as well.
"Mostly." I agreed. "I could tell you I was conditioned to go into
medical arrest if it got to bad but..." I swalloed. "I might be lying."
He nodded.
"That's better. some of us expected you to put up more of a fight and
keep to your cover as the documents we had but it's just as plain that it
really isn't nessisary for those games if we both have a *respect* for
each other. I'm Maltrox Rei. Major Rei of the Marduk Institute."
WHAT?
Obviously I was wrong. I was still out of it. Either that or I was
happily (or more probably unhappily asleep in the test cylnder.
"Could you....could you repeat that please?"
"Maltrox Rei, of the Marduk Institute."
I was wrong.
I could be sick.
The room was a lot more colurful than it was 5 minutes ago.
***
"Sorry." I said when I could stand again. "I'm sure you have to pay the
janators hazard pay to come in here."
Maltrox looked at me in concern.
"Are you all right?" He glanced up at the celing light.
Obviously someone, somewhere, was monitering my condition. I took the
fact that neither a Trauma Team or a group of thugs with machine-pistols
burst in that despite my impromtu redecorating all was still well.
"Not really, Listen, since we now have all of our cards out on the table
can I get a real room, a shower and a toothbrush?" I glanced over at the
juice container and dismissed the idea...just in case my still surging
stomach had some more wonderful ideas.
"Oh ya." I tried to sound casual and off-hand (which would not fool the
medical moniters.) ".. and I would love ot speak to the head of SEELE if
he's got the time."
It was good to see someone look as frightend as I felt.
"Did you just...?"
That old familiar feeling of deja-voodoo was creeping into my life.
"I think you heard what I said." I coughed and began to dry heave.
**
A few hours later I still felt like hell but I was past caring.
I suppose if anyone had tried to hook me up to anything to see if I was
lying I would have had a bullet in the head, ditto for any sort of
strong-arm tactics. I'll be the first to admit I'dd break faster than I
care to think about under a wee bit of torture. Hopefully I had started
wheels turning. Equally hopefully I wold not actually face the man I had
actually requested and thigs would get deligated to a lackry who was
slighly less threatening (in the gallactic scale of fear).
I was in a more comfortable cell now. Or rather I was in a place that
might as well have been a cell. The apartment was nicely furnished with a
large bedroom and bathroom.
It also had hot and cold running guards. Two green uniformed goons who
stood inside the doorway with big guns held in black gloved hands.
I was terrified -but it didn't stop me from eating.
The food which was brought in was standard -not good, not bad but it
acted to fill an emotional void if not anything else.
So I stuffed myself and yawned a lot. I do that when I'm nervous.
I wondered if the people in charge took my yawning as some sort of
gesture on my part that I was bored with the whole affair as opposed to
being scared silly.
There was a rap at the door.
"Come in." Like I really had a choice?
The door opened and the guards stood a little straighter (if possible).
I stood and started towards my guest but backed up as I saw guns being
lowered in my direction.
"Good Afternoon." The person who entered was a twisted little gnome of a
man with several white scars marring his already ugly face. At least his
eyes were hidden behind a set of small lenses. I had the feeling they
would be red.
He carried a silver case which was attached to a cuff on one gnarled
wrist.
He wore a black suit with a small tasteful crest. The familiar seven-eyed
logo.
He waved me to take a seat and then sat himself, putting the case in
front of him on the table.
"You sir are a problem." Well, he certanly had me there.
I said nothing and hoped I could use whatever he said as some sort of
clue to save my skin.
He punched a code into a keypad on the case's side and with a snap pulled
his hand and a silver bracelet free.
Punching another code he then pressed his thumb on another portion of the
pad.
The case (which my friends and I have always called "dope dealer" cases)
*clicked* open.
He took out a bulky file, looked at me over his small lenses.
"Tea would bbe nice."
It was a demand and not a statement.
I got up (to quickly for my liking) and scuttled over where the thermos
of hot water was. I unsteadily poured water into the teapot I'd been
provided and rinsed it.
I added the tea leaves and then more water and stirred.
"Milk?" I asked. "Sugar?"
"Both." He gruunted.
I opened the small fridge and removed the milk which had been delivered
there along with some assorted snacks earlier.
I poured some milk into the empty mug and took it and the pot to the
table.
I nervously watched for a moment as the man perused the file and then
startled when he spoke.
"It's strong enough. Pour."
I poured.
My hands were shaking.
I added two spoonsful of sugar and stirred trying to make as little noise
as possible.
"Nervous?" The Gnome asked, and a sort of bitter glee filled his dry
voice."Good."
This did nothing to set me at ease.
The Gnome picked up the mug and sipped the straming tea.
"Good." He repeated.
"Your files lie." He said. "Or you do."
"Oh?" I tried ot sound casual.
He nodded.
"It say's here Neil Sinclair. test subject. Project Icarus. Suspension
and Induced learning. Duration 6 months."
"It seems you overslept." His smile was unpleasent.
"It also says nothing about conditioning or anything else which might or
might not indicate that you are (excuse me) you WERE working for any sort
of agency."
"Oh."
"Also, if you are who and what you claim to be you should have no
information on certain information."
"Like the Marduk Institute, SEELE and NERVE ?"
*
This was where I began to lie in such a way that hopefully even I would
believe it.
Earlier in the day as I had showered and cleaned up I had thought about
what was happening.
Probably (I hoped) this was some sort of wacky side-effect of the
hybernation system and this was all one big hallucination. Although, if
this was true why was I here and not somewhere whereI would at least be
having a little fun. At least Bert got Nene. Perhaps this was my
subconcious getting back at me for all the things (mostly harmless) that I
had done while I was awake.Maybe it was some form of interative dreaming
that was an aditional part of the testing...just sort of tacked on at the
last minute. Maybe it was real?
*
"Exactly." Said the Gnome. "Perhaps you would care to elaborate. Some of
my companions seem to think that the more conventional methods of
persuasion -well, those we haven't tried already, would possibly leave you
to...um...dammaged..to properly give is the information we desire. I'm
sure it would be to our mutual benifit to avoid that."
I don't want to die.
I don't even want to be in extreme pain.
I don't want to lie - or rather, I don't want to get caught.
"Covenant" I said.
"Hmmm???"
"I'm sure you have records of Covenant." I said.
"Not everything could have been destroyed. Seele wasn't just established
to satify Keel Lorenz and his particulair ambitions."
I really hoped I'dd gotten the name right. It was the little goof-up that
got you.
The Gnome raised his almost hairless eyebrows at this.
"Indeed."
"Indeed." I replied. I would say that Covenant came first but that would
be a lie as well. Let's just say it was in our mutual interest to see
things working out. Of course he may not have know about us. Unlikely, but
possible."
"Oh?"
"I'm not saying we wanted any sort of control (if yo uunderstand my
intent here. We just wanted to make sure things worked out the way we
wanted them to."
"Lorenz has said nothing of this to me. It is strange that although he is
interested in your case he does not seem to have any more infomation on it
than is in the files. He could not be here to see you himself but he has
no memory of you."
"Well, that could be for a few reasons, and please, let me be frank."
"Of course... please continue."
"I'm a nobody and I've never met him -only heard about him from others.
I was mid-level, and a volenter for the program I was in.
If I was lost to Covenant well, I THOUGHT that they would
carry on with narry a problem. The experiment was supposed to be a brief
one but it had long reaching applications...you might look at the
similarities between my suspension fluid and another of modern type."
"L.C.L." he hissed.
I nooded. This looked good. Now all I had to do was save my butt...
somehow.
"Let's say that...." I paused "Hypotheticaly, that someone (and I'm not
talking about myself here) was able to take the long view of things....not
because of good planning or anything else... more like a "Tallent" if you
understand my meaning. Now let us asy that such a person was part of a
group (or agencey) which held certain viewss about a bunch of scrolls
written...well.. a while ago. Wouldn't it make sense to you if this fellow
of "Vision" shared a few of his thoughts with his....coworkers, and thet
began to make ready for those things and people before any actions which
were to occur."
I frowned now and sighed." Unfortunately, although hindsight is often
20/20 It seems that they missed a few more directly important things -like
where they might all be when a certain event occured. I'm guessing of
course that's what happened anyway?"
My statemnent was partially a question.
The Gnome sipped his tea and after a while his head nodded as he spoke
his thoughts.
"If what you say is true....if. Then I would suppose the memers of this
unnamed group were at their base of operations..?"
"Toronto." I supplied.
"Toronto." He repeated. "When the Impact took place. I'm not sure if you
are aware it was located on a fault?"
I nodded. I REALLY hoped this was a dream or sooner or later I would have
to admit to myself thyat most of my friends and family were long gone. I
dindn't want to think about it now however. - In a way, thinking about it
made it more real. Lying about it however kept my happy littl elife
intact.
"A fault through the Lake Ontario." I agreed.
"The Ontario basin." He corrected.
"Then how..?"
"How did we find you?"
"Yes?"
"Well, as you are aware, the University complex is quite a distance from
the lake. When the flooding and the earthquake occured it caused a great
deal of dammage to the city. The University itself only took minor damage,
a few collaped service tunnels and basemet rooms. In the following
events afterward some areas were simply sealed off as unsafe. One of the
areas was the sub-basement in which you were found only 5 months ago. The
Marduk Institute was following up some partial references in an obscure
database and then... well we found you.
We made sure we had at least a rudementery understanding of the device
before we attempted to revive you."
"I'm flattered." I said dryly.
"It IS interesting that only you out of your entire orginization
survived."
"Lucky." I said "...well, for me anyway."
"I wonder." He was talking to himself now more than me. "If that fellow
with the "foresight" you mentioned simply made the mistake of the time of
events. If your test had gone well, then the entire group could have
possibly used a similair practice."
The Gnome suddenly realized that he was talking aloud. He glanced sharply
at me...(or so I guessed by the turn of his head. "But what do we do with
you now?"
Nervously I cleared my throat. "Um..If you actuall want my opinion I DO
have a suggestion."
"Go on."
I hoped he bought this.
"Well, as oposed to helping me to become dead in a ditch somewhere may I
offer to do something for you....I do have some skills in a particulair
field and I would ceartanly be comepletly willing to make them available
to you. I don't know the particulairs of the situation but I seem to recal
that an operative of yours might (and I say might) prove "troublesome".
Provided with a cover of some sort I could "investigate" his actions and
take mesures to remedy them if you so desired."
The Gnome looked over at me and I noticed his silvery lenses had slipped
down a bit. For the First time I saw his eyes were indeed red. The hot red
of cybernetic lenses.
"Ikari Gendo." He said and smiled -like a shark.
*
I didn't let myself relax until he had left and even then I did it in
such a way that I would hopefully siumply seem like a man who had just
saved his life because the person who had saved him considered him
entirely dispensible. Part of the sigh was the fact that I had just sold
my first gallon of snake oil and I was soon going to Tokyo to sell a man
the Brooklyn Bruidge (if it still eisted.)
**
I was flown to Germany the next day.
Well, not simply myself...I was like extra baggage on the plane. I was
given documents and information and although I was not told directly that
I would die if I failed it was more than evident.
I was given a place to live, ID and a bracelet.
This time an dthe next two weeks gave me an actual time-frame in which
to place myself. It was actually before all the shooting started...but I
guessed that it was just barely.
I'dd never been to Germany, well to be honest I'dd never been to anywhere
other than both coasts of my own country and found the whole experience
amazing. Of course it would have been even better if I did not have to
worry about somehow slipping up and being killed. The Rhine valley was a
mess and the low countries were still in a bad way even this long after
Second Impact. places like Holland was a sliver of itself striving to
regain what it had lost from the sea. Knowing what Iknew (or thought I
did) it all seemed a bit moot.
I wondered how my imagination had managed to furnish the geographical ruin
that I explored through SEELE's massive database.
Perhap, I thought, that my dreams while in suspension were almot fractal
in nature. Perhaps the tinyest amount of data in my mind coupled with
outside learning stimulus created whole worls from the slimmist
information.
While at SEELE headquarters I was furnished with new I.D. and a fictional
back-history and some practice in planting and use of "modern" servelence
devices. It seemed that while the world had struggled to rebuild some
things fell behind. Most of the devices I was shown and given could have
been from a mid-90's spy movie. Obviously my brain was not as original as
I had thought.
It was in my third week I'dd met HIM.
I was sitting at a terminal reading old files and waching newsreels when
I had heard someone behind me.
The man stood there with an escort of fully armoured guards and a man
whose middle torso seemed to be made up of boiler plate or an iron-lung.
I've always had this way of translating anime charecters into real
people in my dreams and he was no different. It was odd.
Lorenz had simply looked at me and then asked one question. "Did you
enjoy Independence Day?"
I paused for a moment as my mind tried to get around what he had said and
then answered as honestly as possible.
"It sucked. We rented it and I STILL felt we paid to much money."
"He's real." Lorenz said to Iron-lung and they had all turned and walked
off.
As part of my new "job" I got to read all (well, I knew thre were more)
of the file of the head of NERVE Ikarri Gendo. When I was finished I
liked him even less than when he was simply a fictional character.
In the process of doing all of this I also got to take a look at some of
the EVA pilot bios. Actually, I should say prospective pilots. Only one
pilot had been confirmed for the test type Unit 00.
Although NERVE itself knew of the first couple of pilots only a select few
knew that even more were under observation. of those few at NERV who knew
that much only one knew that SEELE had records for more if nessisary who
could be conviently "discovered" if need be.
The only reason I actually knew of these files was I had already intimated
that I had some knowlege of them. That and I would be killed if I leaked
it in any way.
I was given a high enough level of acess to "bring me up to speed" on
evevnts and the people who I would be dealing with. I knew that there were
things I was not seeing and plans that were being covered up but I did not
let myself let this on in any way when I was asked if things were
confirmed by what I already knew.
I also knew my responces to these questins were being used to guage if I
"knew too much" and should be gotten rid of no matter what the possible
benifit of keeping me around.
I would lose the luxury of all this data when I began my "real life" at
NERV.
I was working at the treminal that had been installed in my quarters and
I was bored. Being in constant fear for ones life simply becomes
background noise after a few numbing weeks....it was just another thing.
Whoever had decided to create this dream fantasy for me had managed to
somehow make me actually FEEL time like it was actually happening.
Out of curiosity I punched up the file on the girl (young woman) who
would pilot EVA 02. She loooked pretty much as I expected her to.. but
younger.
I'dd had a dream with Asuka in it before... but she had seemed much much
older in it.. somehow the sliding scale of my brain had aged her to her
mid to early twenties... this time it was not the case.
I checked her current location...the German branch of the offices of the
Marduk Insitute. They were about a block away from this SEELE building
- convienient for thos who knew what was going on....of course this did
not include most at the Institute.
I couldn't really go over there but I could call up their video feed.
She came to the surface with a gasp of air.
A lythe figure pulled herself up out of a tank where she had been
attempting to preform a variety of tasks underwater. She was clad in a red
form-hugging garment which glistened from the sunlight that entered in
from the skylights above the pool.
She picked up a pale yellow towel and began to dry her hair as she argued
good-naturedly with a young tech who seemed befuddled by her flirtatios
manner.
A block away in front of a 24 inch screen I swallowed and reached for
my coffie mug.
When I say form hugging I mean form-hugging.
I remembered a conversation I had had one day in the Absinthe, a pub on
York campus. A friend and I were drinking Scotch and thinking up goofy
names for anime conventions....I laughing suggested a con which could get
a bunch of fuku-wearing mascotts and we could call it Lolicon....
It did not seem all of that funny all of a sudden.
Seen this way the girl was YOUNG...I mean REALLY YOUNG. This was the
sort of thing that set off alarm bells in my head and my brain cells stood
by the lifeboats - just in case.
It's funny how idle thoughtless fantasy can make you feel really sick to
your stomach all of a sudden... because you entertained certain thoughts
without thinking them through.. that and looking at a girl in a slick red
plug-suit.
It's amazing to see how you can cure fantasy with a cold hard dose of
reality -it was even more amazing to see this happening in an elaborate
dream such as this ome.
My coffee was cold and I got up to get myself another.
I was just spooning in the sugar when the door-chime rang.
I opened it.
It was the Gnome.
He entered, this time sans briefcase and surveyd the room.
"You have made yourself at home I see. Good. It's good to see you are
such a happy part of our little family." He laughed and I felt a shivver
run up my spine.
He hobbled over to the computer where the screen still dissplayed it's
previous scene.
"Ahhhh." He sighed ."Young flesh. Delicious is it not?" the Gnome ran a
pale tounge over puckered turtle lips and that to was like a cold
shower.....of liquid nitrogen.
"Ummm." I replied non-commitally.
He turned ot face me.
"Ikarri plans to test-activate Unit00 in one week. You will be there.
You will have two days to finish your preperations. You will be flying
out with a regulair personel rotation from NERV Germany."
He headed for the door speaking as he went.
"Lorenz is impressed with your possible use to him. He also recalls that
the Soviet Union was testing so-called precognitives at the time you claim
Covenant was doing the same. This lends even more credence to your story.
Your new documents will be ready tomorrow. Please give your existing
documents to the agent who brings them so that they me be erased.
SEELE has much invested in the Evangilion Units.
Please do not dissapoint us."
The door closed.
Well, so much for being used ot living in terror.
I needed to get out.
I poured the coffee crom the carafe into a thrmous and mixed in some milk
and sugar before screwing on the cap. I took a light rucksack I had been
provided with and jammed in a stick of bread, a chunk of cheddar, and a
bottle of whiskey. I suppose getting drunk with a bottle of wine would
have been more romantic and prosaic but I wasn't interested in prose..I
was interested in getting drunk. Also, you would have to be an idiot to
put whiskey in coffee. After adding two books to the sack I slipped a
jacknife in my pocket, got my keys and left.
I was dropped off out of the city by a guard who had agreed to come and
pick me up in about 6 hours.
How did I know he could do it?
How did They know I would not head for the hills (Black Forest actually)?
Simple.
When I arrived at SEELE I had been given a bracelet. A black band
containing a beacon of sorts so that I could be tabs upon. It could be
unlocked but only by a series of coded signals in 2 inset plugs. I has
also decided that it probably contained some sort of nasty anti-tampering
device as well but had not been an idiot enough to find out.
In the real world Isupposed it stood for a symbol of societies constant
control or someything silly like that. I DID feel odd anylizing a dream as
I was having it.
I walked for a few miles and then hit theend of the world.
Actually it was a place where the trees gave way to a jutting cliff which
then dropped downward to the flooded Rhyne. I climbed up the rocks tothe
edge.
No Rhine-maidens were about today.
Oh well, I guessed I would have to make due with lessor entertainments.
I drank a healthy amount of coffee washing down chunks of freshly
baked bread and when I had room in the thermos dumped the contents of the
bottle in.
I was halfway through that and "the Annotated Alice" (I had decided to
keep my plesure reading to books I had already read so I would not totally
strange myself out in this dream world.) when I heard the light crunch of
footsteps upon leaves.
I had visions of crazy German Hunters in leather shorts and Frankenstein
peasants with rake-things.
I was wrong.
Emerging into view was a normal boy.
He was normal from the top of his head to the tips of his black hiking
boots. Part of me was dissapointed. The saner part however was happy.
The boy squinted up at my rocky perch and held up a hand to shade his
eyes from the sun's glare.
"Hello." He said in German.
I replied in the same language.
"You are English." He said climbing to join me, his words in English.
"Canadian." I said. He was an odd kid Ithought as he climbed. his hair
seemed sun-bleached but his skin was an unhealthy indoor pale -still, he
seemed fit enough as he climbed.
He plunked himself down becide me and looked at the waters as they rolled
over and around the rocks below. mist was cast up and in the light formed
small rainbows.
"Pretty." he said.
"I though so." I replied, and after marking my place set my book down.
"May I?" He asked gestureing at the book.
"Go ahead."
As he reached for the book a black band slipped from the arm of his demim
jacket to stop at his boney wrist.
I tapped my own to call his attention to it.
"Curiouser and curiouser." He quoted and put the book down.
"Are you one of my guardians?"
"Not that I know of." I said." In fact I was going otask you the same
question...although yo useem a bit young to watch over me."
He grinned, a shy grin that had not seen much use.
I picked the remaining bread up off the knapsack and broke it in half.
I offered him a chunk.
"It's not much, but I've eaten the chease and I'm not letting a kid drink
my whiskey."
He stared at me for a moment and his face grew sober. Then he spoke.
"In the olden days they said that if when they met, men broke bread
together there would be peace between them."
"Actually." I replied grinning. "Since I broke it thre are TWO pieces
between us."
The boy laughed then and I joined him.
As he took the bread his hand brushed against mine as I offered it.
This was not a good thing.
I was thrown against the ground and my hand burned like the time I had
spilled boiling water on it....like the time I had brokenmy arm.
The boy two was hunched over in pain cluching his hand.
My vision was blurring and there was a ruashing sound louder than the
water below in my ears.
Then as quicky as it had started it stopped.
"You..." The boy said slowly and I saw it had been the same for him.
I knew him.
I simply knew.
"You." he said again. "You do not belong here. You are....???"
"Kaworu." I said. "Tabris. 17th Angel."
"How?" He whispered.
"Bad luck." I said and I wasn't really anwaering whaterver question he
had. I was answering mine.. "Mine."
"What will you do?" He asked and I knew that at that moment no matter
what he was Outside he was a 14 year old boy who could easily plunge to
his death. Especially of course if somebody larger pushed him.
"What can I do?" I asked and answered myself and him. "Nothing now.
nothing later. It's my choice."
"We broke bread." he whispered and ran stubling down the hill and into
the trees.
Me, I didn't run. I had nowhere I could run.
It wasn't a dream.
___________________________________________________________________________
Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene
I met a Lady in the Meads,
Full beautiful, a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light
And her eyes were wild.
J.Keats
________________________________________________________________________
Agent Of Chaos. Robyn, Duke of Amber. Unicorn Knight
****************************************************************************