hamster@arn.net wrote:
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Revenge in the Dojo
by Chris Jones
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The Tendous and Saotomes set down at the table with eager expressions,
ready to joyfully consume whatever dish Kasumi had made for them.
Ranma in particular looked at the steaming dish with an expression akin to
ecstasy. Genma's stomach audibly rumbled.
"Hungry, eh, Saotome?" Soun chided.
Genma effected a smug expression as Kasumi started to scoop rice onto his
plate. "A martial artist's day is filled with activity that builds
appetite, Tendou-kun," he answered, digging into the mound of soft, white
rice.
"Mmmm... Smell's good, 'nee-chan!" Nabiki cheered as Kasumi ladled rice
onto her plate. "I'm starved!"
"How 'bout some here?" Ranma demanded.
Kasumi smiled winningly and and served Ranma a portion of the rice. After
serving the rest of the Tendous, she put the rice dish down on the table
and walked back into the kitchen. She returned with a steaming plate. With
a pair of chopsticks, she deposited a long, steaming mushroom on Nabiki's
plate.
Nabiki smiled and bit into the mushroom.
Kasumi deposited another, about the same size, on Akane's plate.
"And a big one for father," she said, as she deposited one about twice as
long as Akane and Nabiki's.
"You're so good to us, Daughter. What would we do without you?"
"Another for Uncle Saotome," she said, laying another large mushroom down
on his plate. "And one for Ranma," she cooed, placing a small mushroom on
his plate.
"Hey!" Ranma exclaimed. "How come I get the smallest one?"
"There's more in the kitchen if you finish that one, Ranma-kun," Kasumi
explained.
Ranma made an expression of understanding and shoveled another mouthful of
rice.
*It's so small,* Genma thought to himself. *Ranma won't mind!* He reached
out with a lightning quick jab to snap Ranma's steamed mushroom for himself.
"Uncle Saotome!" Kasumi exclaimed, placing her hand in front of Genma's
chopsticks. "Eat your own mushroom first! I'll get you another if you are
still hungry."
Genma faltered in amazement. Kasumi had never actually scolded him for
fighting over food before. Something was amiss... Something...
A feeling of dread washed over the bulky martial artist as a half
remembered incident sprang to mind. Genma was suddenly sure that the exact
length of his mushroom was forty-two centimeters. Soun's appeared to be
about forty... and Akane's and Nabiki's were probably seventeen and
eighteen apiece.
With a sinking feeling in his gut, Genma calmly pushed his own mushroom to
the side of his plate and tried to fill up on rice.
"Mmm!" Ranma exclaimed as he swallowed the last of his mushroom. "That was
the best mushroom I've had since... Well... since..." Ranma's face paled as
the realization hit him. "Oh, *shit*..."
"What?!?!" Soun asked.
Akane finished her mushroom with a wicked grin. Nabiki held the last bit
of hers between her teeth and closed her lips over it, grinning at Ranma.
Ranma hiccupped and lost five sizes.
Wincing, Genma estimated that Ranma's mushroom must have been about
thirteen or fourteen centimeters long.
Akane stood and threw a glass of water in the now diminutive martial
artist's face. Ranma suddenly looked rather pathetic, female, soaking wet,
and buried in clothes that were far to big for her.
"What the--?!?!"
"This is for that little... *surprise* you gave us last week, Ranma,"
Nabiki explained, grinning evilly the entire time.
"What surprise?!?!" Ranma demanded in a high pitched cry.
"He doesn't remember," Akane snorted.
"I'm not surprised," Nabiki responded. "Ranma-*chan*," she said,
emphasizing the suffix, "Barely remembers anything he does around here.
Walking in on a ladies' bath should be punished, don't you think, Daddy?"
His chopsticks hanging loosely from his lips, Soun backed away from the
table and stared dumbly at his daughters.
Ranma turned and started to run, but Akane leapt over the table to tackle
her to the ground.
"You're not getting out of this on *that* easily, baka."
"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma. You're getting sloppy..." Nabiki scolded.
"Let's play dress-up, Ranma-chan!" Kasumi offered, holding up a cute,
frilly dress that would just fit the martial artist in her current state.
As the three girls drug Ranma, screaming and kicking, up the stairs, Ranma
wailed the cry of a condemned man... or little girl in this case.
After several minutes of staring dumbly at the staircase, Soun's
chopsticks fell from his mouth.
"What was that, Saotome-kun?!?!"
"That, Tendou-kun, was the most frightening thing I have ever seen." He
paused, and then ate his mushroom. He pointed at Soun's uneaten mushroom,
which was a centimeter or two shorter than his had been. "You going to eat
that, Tendou-kun?"
Revenge in the Tendou Dojo is a dish best served tasty and warm, with lots
of attention to detail.
You *do* realize that Ranma is never going to forgive this...
"It was AWFUL, Ucchan!" Ranma dug into another okonomiyaki as the chef hovered over
him. "They dressed me up, and put ribbons in my hair, and they made me sing the
lollipop song. I HATE the lollipop song!"
"That's the meanest, nastiest, cruelest, most despicable thing I've ever heard of!"
cried Ukyo passionately, if inaccurately.
"Buncha witches. A whole coven. Can I have some more?"
"I'd never do anything like that. Not ever. I'd be PROUD if you saw me naked!" She
flushed. "Wait, I don't mean proud, I mean happy. No, wait..."
"But what can I do? I can't hit girls, Ucchan. I just can't!"
"No. YOU can't..." Ukyo said thoughtfully, "But I can. I'll go teach those girls a
lesson for you! You just wait right here, Ranchan. Your Ucchan will be right back!"
She snatched up her weapons and darted out of the restaurant.
Ranma cleaned his plate and walked over to the telephone. He dialed a number.
"Nekohanten. May I take your order?"
"Can I talk to Shampoo?"
"No."
"C'mon, Mousse."
"Are you insane, Saotome! Do you think I would let you talk to Shampoo after what
you" WHAM! CRUNCH! THUD! "Ai lan?"
"Oh, Shampoo! I have to talk to you. You'll never believe what those Tendo girls
just did to me...."
They say that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. They also say fight fire with
fire.
-- David