Yks Kaks Kuus Kaks, Muori Pisti Nuuskaks Productions
Presens:

Well, this isn't really a part of Revenge Wars, but Alpha and
the rest of the rev. end crew have seen this thing.

Still, if there is somebody who is offended by this fic, my apologies.
If there's somebody out there who wants to kill me for using their
characters, please flame me in private.

All C&C, praise, flames and death threats should be sent to
Jussi.Nikander@alien.nixu.fi

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Just Another Morning in the Lives of the Saviours of the
Universe

by Jussi Nikander

Loosely based on characters created by various authors.

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FRED, Frosty-Usa's office, entirely too early in the morning.

It was yet-another morning. Early in the morning. Entirely too
early in the yet-another morning that marked the start of yet-
another day of saving the world from the evil forces of the
mysterious-but-still-incredibly-powerful Question Mark.

Grumbling, and still not quite awake, as most people tend to
be when it's entirely too early in the morning, Frosty-Usa,
governess of FRED, author, and one of the general head
honchos of the good guys of Revenge's End, walked into her
office, not at all ready for another day in the glorious life of
the head paper-pushed and leader of the planet FRED.

...

Lets use shorter sentences in the future, shall we?

Letting out a final, long yawn, she went to the coffee table
and poured herself a cup of "coffee" from the red thermos,
which was reserved for those with incredible cosmic powers.
What she actually got into her acid-resistant coffee mug was
closer to battery acid than coffee, and tasted more like
battery acid than coffee, but that was one of the drawbacks of
having incredible cosmic powers. Normal coffee just doesn't
work on your system anymore.

After taking a long gulp from the mug, Frosty-Usa sat down
and looked over the day's schedule.

"Hmm... Entirely too early in the morning -- wake up and get
to your office. Too early in the morning -- meeting with Ms.
Madigan, discussing the coming day's disaster schedule.
Really early in the morning..."

Frosty's monologue was interrupted when the buzzler at her
table's all-purpose-comm-unit emitted its 'doorbell' buzz.

The only reason Frosty-Usa knew it was the 'doorbell' buzz,
was because all-purpose viewscreen of the comm unit
informed her that Katherine Madigan was there to see her.
Even if Chief Engineer Cadwgan had assured her that the
'doorbell' buzz was different from the 'incoming call' buzz and
the 'you have new mail' buzz and all the other buzzes from
the comm unit, Frosty had never been able to separate them
from one other.

Complaining to Chief Engineer Cadwgan hadn't helped since
he had informed her that she probably had something wrong
with her ears -- after all it wasn't even necessary to analyse
the buzz byte-by-byte to recognise which it was.

The Chief Engineer had been acting more and more oddly in
the last few months. Not that it was particularly odd in the
middle of all this weirdness.

All the buzzes and oddities aside, Frosty let Kate in. The ex-
GENOM-executive also showed signs of getting up entirely
too early in the morning, so the first thing she did upon
entering Frosty's office, aside from the obligatory salute and
greeting, was to head to the coffee table and pour herself
some coffee from the blue thermos that had actual coffee in
it.

Well, the blue thermos that should have had actual coffee in
it. Instead...

"Hot water!?"

Taking another long gulp from her mug, Frosty-Usa spared
her agitated officer half a glance.

Incredulous, Madigan screwed open the top of the thermos.
Taped to the inside of the thermos' lid was a short letter and
a dropper.

"From the kitchen staff: The constant repairs of FRED and
the lack of manpower have left us with no time to brew
coffee. Please use this special acid-resistant dropper to add
a little of the metahumans' brew to hot water. Three drops
should be enough for one large mug of coffee, four drops if
you want the extra-strong stuff.

CAUTION! Never use more than five drops or we won't be
held responsible for the consequences.

		- Your Overworked Kitchen Staff Who Have 	
		  To Double as a Repair Crew. (Thanks a 	
		  Bunch, Management!)"

			* * *

Far away, Keener wondered what he would do with 50,000
liters of coffee. It had sounded like a good idea when he had
done it, but now...

			* * *

"Well, I guess we have to cut on something." Madigan noted,
adding four drops of the metahumans' brew to the hot water,
which immediately turned blacker than the deepest night. "As
long as nobody gets the bright idea of taking the water heater
from my shower again..." she added under her breath.

Quickly, Madigan sat down and the two women composed
themselves.

"So," Frosty-Usa began. "What's in the schedule today?"

Madigan quickly looked over her notes, more for
appearance's sake than for any actual need. (she had
compiled those notes, after all) "Not that much, Madam
Mayor. It's going to be a quiet day."

"Still, I should be informed on all major happenings on planet.
So, if you please..."

"Right. First, Kirra is scheduled lose control over her powers
around lunchtime..."

"Since when has she been in control of her powers at all?"
Frosty asked.

"While she has never been in complete control of her totally-
mindboggling potential, she has never before completely lost
control either. Not more than once or twice, anyway."

"Right. Any knowledge on the cause?"

"Yes. This time it's apparently a major demon..."

"Which demon?" Frosty-Usa cut in again.

"Who knows, we've lost count of them long ago. And it
doesn't really matter, since they're all more or less
interchangeable."

"True. Please continue."

"Major Demon that was able to put some sort of spell upon
Kirra during either the fourth or the fifth invasion of FRED. In
the passing months the spell has made its way through her
system in secrecy, and will gain control of her body, mind
and all powers around lunch."

"Okay. What must we do to stop it then?"

"Kirra hasn't given any info. She said that we should figure it
out ourselves. Dramatic necessity and all that."

"Oh. Did she give any convenient excuse or do we have to
think of one?"

"Hmm... The reason is that the spell has already established
quite a lot of control over her. Even if she wants, she can't
give us any information concerning the spell. Oh, and she
noted that she won't be held responsible for any dimensions
she might destroy while under the demon's control."

"Fair enough. Don't reduce any damages she causes after
lunch -- if she falls to the demon's control  that is -- from her
pension."

"Noted. Now who should I assign to stop this?" Madigan
asked.

"Are Prime and Webdragon free?"

Madigan consulted her notes again, for a second. "No, I'm
afraid not. Prime's going to go away on one of his reckless
solo actions..."

"Again!?" Frosty interrupted.

"Yes, again, and Webdragon has been assigned to angst-
duty." Madigan answered calmly.

"They're still trying to sort their relationship out?"

"No, they patched it up two days ago, if you remember.
Apparently, they're going to have a brief break-up that will, in
the end, only strengthen their relationship."

"Oh, whose idea was this?"

Madigan actually smiled at that. "Prime's, of course. He
suddenly realised there was a cliche he hadn't yet used."

"Of course... How about any of the Wyrms?"

"Not available. Wyrm and Wyrm-chan entered Wyrm's
bedroom three days ago, put out the 'do nut disturb unless
the world has already ended'-sign and haven't been heard of
since. And Wyrm of Gallifrey... Well, he's..."

"He's what Ms. Madigan?" Frosty asked.

"Apparently he's been sitting in his suite's kitchen, eating ice
cream and listening to Beethoven for four days straight. He
says it's very important and he shouldn't be disturbed unless
absolutely necessery."

There was a moment of complete, total, utter silence. A small
gust of wind ruffled Frosty-Usa's and Madigan's hair.

"Ice cream?" Frosty-Usa finally asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"For four days straight?"

"Uh-uh. Without visiting the bathroom."

"It must be a Time Lord thing."

Madigan nodded. "That's what we think. Oh, and Barry
doesn't have a clue as to where all that ice cream
disappears."

"Uhh... Yes, of course... Now, about the problem with Kirra.
Maybe we should put some expert magicians on it. Is Rally
Cheyenne or Lina Inverse available?"

"Rally cannot be spared from her duties and I don't think we
can use Lina."

"Why so?"

"First, by her contract, we'd have to give her overtime pay,
hazardous duty pay and saving the world pay. She's hired to
be a magic instructor after all..."

"Surely our budget isn't that tight?"

"No, but the that's not the main reason. It's going to happen
around lunchtime, remember?"

"Oh, right." Frosty-Usa nodded.

Madigan nodded back. "We simply can't afford to lose
another mess hall. Not to mention all the faceless min...
personnel we'd lose if Lina's lunch was interrupted." There
was a brief pause. "Plus, they're both animates, and all major
rescues, victories and savings of the world need the
participation of at least one author, preferably several."

"True. Any recommendations?"

Madigan flipped over a few pages on her notes. "How about
having the Apprentice to do it?"

Frosty-Usa raised an eyebrow on that. "Any particular
reason?"

"He's an author, a demon and has major magical powers. It
would also let him gain our trust for a later betrayal."

That made Frosty lift her other eyebrow. "He's supposed to
betray us?"

Madigan shook her head. "It's not in the script at the moment,
but it might well happen. He is a demon, after all."

"True." Frosty hummed for a moment. "All right, assign the
Apprentice on it. Let him handle the details."

Madigan nodded. "Right. I'll inform all the participants."

"Good. Anything else?"

"Concerning that reckless solo action of Prime's. He's
supposed to end up in a real heap of trouble with Question
Mark's troops again."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Prime's plan is to take that experimental Valkyrie out
when a sudden wormhole opens and throws him above one
of Question Mark's main supply posts."

"Kinda convenient, isn't it."

Madigan nodded again. "That's the way it usually is, Madam
Mayor. Anyway, since it's a major supply post he'll be up to
his neck in trouble until..." She consulted her notes again.
"...The Flashman shows up with Really Convenient, But Still
Completely Coincidental Timing."

"The Flashman?"

"He hasn't got much screentime, and I guess Prime just
liked his style or something."

"Oh, so he's going to actually save Prime?"

"Goodness, of course not!" Madigan answered, taking a gulp
of her coffee and grimacing at the taste. "So that's what
battery acid tastes like..." she murmured to herself. "He's a
fairly new character, so he'll just draw away some fire from
Prime, so Prime can go and destroy the supply post."

"Ah. Now, will we then congratulate or condemn them?"

"Congratulate, since the wormhole wasn't Prime's fault and
Flashman's navcomputer had a glitch."

"OK. Was that all?"

"More or less, like I said it's a quiet day. And here's the list of
people who have been assigned to angst-duty." Madigan
answered, handing Frosty a piece of paper.

"Right." Frosty said, scanning over the paper. "Not very many
this time, are there?"

"We have to be careful now. Redlining's coming, so we have
to ration the angst or we might suddenly run out."

"Very true, it just wouldn't do for that particular storyline to
suddenly turn WAFFy."

"Well, personally I think it would turn spoofy or just plain
ridiculous if we ran out of angst in the middle."

"Most likely. Was that all?"

"Yes."

"Return to your duties then, Ms. Madigan, and good day."

"Good day Madam Mayor."

fin.

With apologies to:
Frosty-Usa
Barry Cadwgan
Keener
Wyldfire/Kirra
Alpha Centauri, the Prime Sagittarian
Webdragon
Wyrm
The Apprentice
The Flashman
Anybody else offended.

This ASCII-file is a work of fiction, using characters borrowed
from other people. Any resemblance to persons, living or
dead, is not my fault!
----------
Jussi Nikander
Jussi.Nikander@alien.nixu.fi