(Back to Rob Bob's Last Call, and "Her"...)
The ex-fiancees of Ranma, convinced that he's possessed by ol'
Ranko, decide to exorcise the soul out of Ranma, and to do that they
need...okonomiyaki spirit wards. If those wards look familiar to you,
that's because the idea came from 'Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Ranma', so
a big credit goes out to the guys on the BSSR team for inspiring
that.
And what happens when they try to exorcise Ranko? They get their
butts whooped. Now Ranma's mom comes to visit, and surprise, she's
just fine with the whole thing, but now things are going to get
pretty messy with the three determined jilted fiancees as we continue
with "Her"...
Yes, friends, we're getting closer to the end, and the big battle
scene featuring...okay, we won't mention that until later, for those
that haven't seen this yet...
********
When Ranma and Ryouga got home, they received another surprise.
"Welcome home you two! Ranma, you have a visitor!" Kasumi said
cheerfully. "You can come out now, Nodoka-san!" Ranma looked slightly
panicked. Saotome Nodoka came out of the kitchen, carrying a platter
of
delicious-looking mochi. She turned and smiled at Ranma and Ryouga.
"Why, Auntie Saotome!" Ranma said, fighting to force a cheerful
smile.
With all this craziness going on and people thinking she was
possessed,
having to go by the name Ranko now would NOT be a good thing.
Fortunately, that wasn't even an issue. Nodoka laughed softly. "You
can
drop the act, Ranma. Kasumi told me everything."
Ranma looked freaked out, and both she and Ryouga gulped.
"E--everything?"
Nodoka nodded. Then she came over and hugged Ranma. "I'm so glad to
see
you're alright, and happy!"
Ranma smiled nervously. "Exactly how much did Kasumi tell you?"
Kasumi and Nodoka both smiled. "I know about Jusenkyo, I know that
you
and Genma were here all along, and I'm not too happy with him at the
moment. I know about the soul of the drowned girl." Suddenly
grinning,
she said, "I also know that my son is now my daughter, and has caught
herself a rather handsome young man." Ryouga blushed at that comment.
Nodoka turned to him. "So, introduce yourself!"
Ryouga bowed and said, "I'm Hibiki Ryouga. You have a wonderful
daughter,
Saotome-san."
Ranma blushed, Nodoka smiled. "Just call me Mom...I'm assuming you
two
ARE planning to get married, ne?"
Ranma and Ryouga looked at each other and smiled. "Probably,
someday,"
Ranma said. Nodoka beamed.
Kasumi looked worried for a minute. "I'm glad that your family is
reunited, Nodoka-san, and I'm happy for Ranma and Ryouga,
but...there's
still the problem of Ranma's ex-iinazukes to deal with."
Ranma and Ryouga smirked. "Don't remind us. We just got attacked in
the
park."
Nodoka gasped. Kasumi frowned. "Oh my. Akane-chan attacked you?"
Ranma nodded. "And Shampoo and Ukyou too. Apparently they think I've
snapped or something and they're trying to beat me back to my
senses."
Nodoka frowned. "Won't those girls listen to reason?" Ranma shook
her
head. "I tried, but they weren't even listening."
Ryouga put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll make them
listen,
the next time they attack."
Nodoka looked thoughtful. So did Kasumi. Then Nodoka remembered the
mochi and said, "Oh! I almost forgot I made snacks for everyone!" All
four of them sat down at the table. Each of them took one of the
sticky,
sweet bean-paste filled rice cakes, careful to hold it by the bamboo
leaf
wrapped around it and not touch the sticky rice. Ranma bit into hers
and
smiled. "Delicious!" Ryouga was enjoying his too. Nodoka smiled.
"I'll
teach you how to make these if you like."
Ranma beamed. "Oh, I'd like that!" Ryouga looked at her curiously.
Kasumi giggled. "Ranma's a good cook...even when she was still a
boy."
Ranma blushed. Ryouga looked surprised. "I had no idea!"
Nodoka smiled. "We found it out the last time I was here and I was
trying to teach Akane-chan how to cook. I asked Akane to help me make
dinner, and Ranma volunteered to help too...of course at the time I
thought she was Akane's cousin Ranko..." Ranma looked embarrassed
about
that. "Anyway, they got into this little duel in the kitchen while I
was
taking the remains of Akane's attempt to cook carrots outside to
Panda-
chan...if I'd had any idea that was Genma..."
"You'd still have fed it to him," Ranma said, giggling. Everyone
laughed.
"So they each made a dish and when I got back to the kitchen they
asked
me to test them. The dish Ranma made was delicious!" Nodoka beamed at
her
daughter, who blushed. Ryouga grinned. Kasumi smiled.
"I hope Akane's dish didn't hurt you too badly," Ryouga said,
prompting
a groan from Ranma and an embarrassed smile from Kasumi. Nodoka
looked at
them quizzically. "Well, I hate to insult anyone's cooking," Nodoka
said
simply.
Kasumi said, "At least Akane's getting a little better. Her cooking
stopped attacking people quite some time ago." Nodoka shot her a
look.
"Kasumi-san, honestly! I know she isn't very good, but that's a
horrible
thing to say!"
"Mom, she means it literally," Ranma said. Ryouga and Kasumi nodded.
Nodoka paled.
"I don't even want to know." Changing the subject, she smiled and
said,
"I just thought about something ironic."
"Oh? What's that?"
"Ranma, dear, do you remember what I said to you after I tried your
dish?"
Ranma blushed. Ryouga glanced at her and her mother curiously. She
smiled and said, "After Mom tried my dish, she said I'd make a
wonderful
wife someday."
The four of them spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and eating
mochi.
********
Akane winced as Cologne cleaned her cuts and scrapes with alcohol.
Shampoo was holding a cold compress against the back of her head.
Ukyou,
whose shirt lay on the floor next to her, was being careful not to
move
too much as she examined what was left of her spatula. A set of
bandages
had joined the bindings Ukyou usually wore to mask her femininity. A
little blood had soaked through the bandages on the side where Ukyou
had
been hit. She winced as she turned to see how the others were doing.
"Shampoo, your head feel any better?
Shampoo frowned. "Shampoo still feel like herd of elephants is
stampeding inside Shampoo skull." She absently shifted her cold
compress.
Cologne finished wrapping Akane's fists, and started preparing a
splint
for Akane's right wrist. "You should have known better than to try
attacking Ryouga without a weapon," she said as she splinted the
wrist
and went to work wrapping braces around Akane's ankles.
"Great-grandmother right, Akane. Ryouga built like Mount Fuji." She
held
up one of her bonbori, there were dents in the metal where she had
struck
Ryouga with it. Akane looked at it and shuddered.
"You should all be ready to try it again in a couple of days. We'll
meet
here tomorrow to plan for the next attack," Cologne said.
Ukyou stood, wincing. "Come on Akane-chan, you can crash at my place
tonight." Akane nodded. "Thanks Ukyou. I don't think it'd be smart to
go
home tonight." They waved goodbye to Cologne and Shampoo and left.
A spatula whizzed by Kasumi's head as she was sweeping the veranda
and
stuck in one of the supports. She pulled it out, and read the
attached
note. "Good," she said to nobody in particular, "If she came home
tonight
her and Ranma might destroy the house." She went inside to tell
everyone
Akane would be staying at Ukyou's place tonight. Akane leapt off the
wall
around the house and landed in the sidewalk next to Ukyou, wincing as
her
abused ankles took the force of her landing. They walked off to the
restaurant, slowly and painfully.
********
Ranma, Ryouga, Soun, Genma, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Nodoka sat down to
breakfast two mornings later. Soun was crying because Akane had not
come
home yet. He was also crying because of Ranma.
"Soun-kun, now, quit that crying," Nodoka said. "I know you're
worried
about your daughter, and I know you're upset that she doesn't have a
iinazuke now, but she'll get over this! There are other men in the
world,
she'll eventually fall in love with someone and get married."
"I suppose you're right." Soun calmed down and started eating his
breakfast.
"Besides," Nodoka continued, "I think Kasumi-san is planning to
marry
that nice man before too much longer." Everyone looked at Kasumi, who
blushed.
"Nodoka-san!"
"Well, it's true isn't it?"
Kasumi smiled. "Well, he is sweet. Even if he does have those silly
trances sometimes."
Ranma, Nodoka, and Ryouga smiled. Nabiki schemed. Soun wailed. "My
oldest daughter is getting married and she hasn't even told her
father
who her future husband is!"
Kasumi sighed. "Oh, father, father, father. I thought everyone
knew."
"This is the first I've heard of it!" Soun cried.
Kasumi smiled and patted his arm gently. "As soon as he's ready to
propose to me, I'm going to marry Tofu-sensei, father."
Soun blinked. "Really?" Kasumi nodded. Soun was in full wail now.
"My
daughter is marrying a doctor! I'm so happy!" Everyone just sighed
and
continued to eat breakfast.
Cologne, Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou were gathered once more at
Nekohanten.
Ukyou said, "Are we ready for today's attack?"
Cologne shook her head.
Akane frowned. "What's wrong? We're well enough to fight!"
Shampoo spoke up. "Shampoo been thinking, and Shampoo realize
something.
Of all three of us, Shampoo train most, and Shampoo no match for
Ranma or
Ryouga. If we try again we just get beat again, maybe get hurt much
worse
too."
"She's got a point, sugar," Ukyou said. Akane sighed and nodded.
"Yeah,
you're right...I just...I just can't give up on Ranma though..." She
raised her fist. "I have to fight! For Ranma!"
"Yeah, Ranchan needs us!" Ukyou raised her newly repaired spatula
and
twirled it over her head.
"Shampoo fight too, but think we need much training first. Akane
need
train in some weapon, and we all need get much better before we even
think of fighting Ranma and Ryouga again."
Cologne nodded. "I made a mistake last time that could have cost you
three your lives. I didn't consider Ryouga, and he's twice as
dangerous
to this battle."
Akane frowned. "Twice as dangerous? How?"
Ukyou nodded. "I see. Remember when I threw him into the fountain
last
time?"
"Aiyah, Shampoo see what you saying. When he turned into pig, we
ignored
him."
"That's right!" Akane said. "And while we were busy fighting with
Ranma,
he snuck off and got cold water!"
Cologne nodded. "Even when removed from the fighting, Ryouga is
still
dangerous, because then he's free to look for cold water with which
to
transform Ranma into his more powerful female form."
"And if we DON'T turn him into P-chan, then we wind up having to
fight
someone who's basically indestructible," Akane added.
"That's right," Cologne said. "So next time, once you've weakened
son-in-
law with hot water, your next priority is taking Ryouga out of
commission."
"Turn him into pig, catch him, and tie him up," Shampoo said
enthusiastically.
"Yeah! Then we can get Ranchan back for sure!"
"You four are hopeless," came a voice from the doorway.
"Nabiki!"
"Why don't you girls give this up? You're way off about all this
demonic
possession stuff. Ranma CHOSE this. She's not possessed."
"Stop stupid talking. Ranma possessed by soul of stupid drowned
tomboy."
"Yeah. I could never accept that Ranchan wants to be a girl."
"We're gonna fight Ranko and drive her out of him for good!" The
three
girls sent up a battle cry.
Nabiki smirked. "Then I suggest you send a formal challenge letter,
if
you really intend to go through with this."
Akane frowned. "Is that REALLY neccessary Nabiki?"
Nabiki nodded. "You haven't been home in two days. Nobody's very
happy
with what's going on." She handed Akane a note. Akane read it. Her
face
paled. "You see. If you're REALLY that certain that you three are
right,
then write a challenge letter, and I'll take it back to them." She
sighed,
and said, "And Akane...no matter which side wins this, we all want
you
back home when it's over."
Akane looked less pale. "Really?"
Nabiki nodded. "Everyone misses you, but Ranma wants this settled
once
and for all, and if this is really the only way..."
Akane nodded, and reached for paper and ink. She said, "Guys, when
should we set the challenge?"
Cologne said, "I think a month should be sufficient training time."
"Sound good to Shampoo."
"Fine by me."
"Alright then. One month from today." Akane wrote the letter, signed
it,
and passed it to the other girls for them to sign. Then she handed it
to
Nabiki.
"Sayonara Akane. We'll see you in one month, at the Tendou-Saotome
Dojo."
She left.
Everyone turned to Akane. "Hey sugar, what was that all about?"
Ukyou
asked. Akane handed her the note Nabiki had brought. Ukyou read it
and
her eyes widened in shock. "No way!" Shampoo took it and read it.
"Aiyah!
They really taking this that far?" Akane nodded.
The note read:
Akane,
We are very sorry to hear that you and the others cannot simply
accept
what has happened to Ranma. However, if you are truly certain that
you
are right, you may choose to challenge Ranma and Ryouga to a battle
royale at the Tendou-Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts at
a
time of your choosing. Know that if you choose to go through with
your
challenge, you will not set foot within the gates of the dojo until
the
day of the battle. When the battle is over, win or lose, you are
welcome
to return home.
Signed Tendou Soun, Saotome Genma, Saotome Nodoka.
"Are you really sure you want to do this, sugar?" Ukyou asked.
Akane nodded. "I care about Ranma...I have to do this. I have to get
him
back. If it means being banned from my home for a month, I can take
it."
"Aiyah. Akane very brave girl. Would make good Amazon."
Akane smiled at Shampoo. "Thank you Shampoo. That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me." She smacked a fist against the table. "Now,
we
need to get busy preparing for this battle." They sent up a battle
cry
once more.
Cologne looked thoughtful. "We have our tactics and our strategy
laid
out. We had the right idea last time, but we forgot to consider
Ryouga.
We've got a contingency plan for him now, all that remains is
training."
She thought for a minute, then said. "There also remains one other
consideration: Akane needs to learn to use some kind of weapon other
than
the mallet trick. It simply isn't practical in combat."
The girls all thought for a minute, then Ukyou looked up. "I know!
Akane-
chan, why don't you let me train you in the art of okonomiyaki?"
Cologne and Shampoo looked panicked. Akane blinked. Ukyou frowned.
"You
don't have to be able to cook to learn it. Besides, since you'll be
living at my restaurant for a month, you'll have no problem learning
to
make okonomiyaki if I help you. That way you could help me with the
spirit wards in the fight. And of course, the main thing is to teach
you
how to use one of these." Ukyou held up her spatula and grinned.
A slow smile spread across Akane's face. "Alright, you're on!"
About three days later, Happosai returned. He found Ranma and doused
her
with a bottle of water.
"Ack!" Ranma turned around and saw Happosai. "Hey old man!"
Happosai grinned. He took out a kettle of hot water and poured it on
her.
"AAAHHH!! That's hot! ....Hey it worked!" Ranma looked down at
herself
and grinned. "Old freak, if you weren't such a lech I'd kiss you."
"Why don'tcha kiss me anyway cutie?" Happosai puckered up.
He ended up kissing Ranma's foot as she punted him into orbit.
Smiling,
Ranma ran inside to tell everyone the good news.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Try to control yourself..."
"Hey, I'm 20. I'm male. I'm single. I'm not
getting any. What do you expect?"
"...I stand corrected. And you...just...stand."
-Conversation between Lurker and an
anonymous AOL user
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
...gettin' ficcy wit' it...
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/~etlostlurker
"Heeere leezard, leezard, leezard..."
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