On Fri, 1 May 1998, Elsa Bibat wrote:

OK, this idea comes about on a phrase that continually reappears in
my head. It first appeared when RpM posted this fic about joining 
GENOM in an Self Insert.....

You ready for the phrase..........OK.....here goes.........
 
' Kate Madigan, will you marry me ?'

That's the crux of the idea. I hereby challenge anyone out there to
write a reasonably romantic fic with either an author avatar or the
author himself, saying these words in a totally honest manner,
i.e. not under mind-control,not part of an evil master plan, at gun-point
, as a wise crack etc.

Well, I won't be doing it for obvious reasons....and since I know you
FFML guys are totally ingenious and probably some nut out there
has an idea to do this.

Why not?  I'm a nut...Just keep in mind that WAFF stuff isn't my forte.

Currently Untitled

	Tossing another drink, I heard someone take the seat next to me in
the bar.  Without looking, I knew it was Fargo.  We greeted each other,
then got down to business. 

	"GENOM wants to know where the Knight Sabers' next two targets
are.  Standard exchange?" 

	"Yeah.  In return, I'd like to know the layout of the new AI
research facility, and the chassis supplier of the prototype U-21
Boomers." 

	We dickered into the night, both of us with our small pieces of
information.  Like packrats, we were trying to augment what we had, while
not unnecessarily revealing too much to the enemy.  Finally, hours later,
as we concluded our negotiations, I turned to leave. 

	"You know,"  he said "I really think that this sort of life isn't
cut out for you." 

	"Well, yeah.  But it's the only way that I could be around her." 

	"Give up.  I'm serious, Hikaru.  If she hasn't paid any attention
to you before, what makes you think that she'll do it now?"

	I just smirked at him.  "Okay, mister Ferris Wheels Make Secure
Hiding Places.  I'll think about it."

	Despite the tone of my words, I -did- think about it later, as I
walked to my next destination.  Even when I was still in grade school, I
knew what I wanted to be. A photographer.  When I found something a great
beauty, I would take a picture of it.  Though I irritated a few girls I
had a crush on to no end, when I would snap photos of them without
permission, I persisted in my pursuit.  That only stopped when the last
girl's boyfriend (a real popular jock) crushed my camera in his hand. 

	Of course, nowadays, there isn't much to photograph, is there?  I
mean, pictures are for memories.  What would I take a picture of in
MegaTokyo?  The slums?  The seedy club across the street?  Genom Tower? 
People don't want to remember these, and if they did, then they could
always look out the window.  The rest of Japan wasn't any better; 
pollution from MegaTokyo had ravaged the land in the last decade.  Any
career in photography would have meant that I'd have to leave Japan.  That
was something that would rend my soul.

	Of course, I still would have left...if it hadn't been for Kate.

	"Hello.  Do you have an appointment with Katie?"

	I vainly tried to conceal my blush, as I nodded my head at the
secretary.  During one of my visits to Kate Magidan's office, I had
inadvertantly called her Katie in front of the secretary.  Luckly, there
was no one else in the room at that time, but she enjoyed watching my
reaction to being reminded of my slip every so often.

	"Yeah.  I have that information that she paid for."

	"One moment please."

	Where was I?  Oh yes.  Kate had been like me during my high school
days, a recluse.  Funny isn't it?  She ends up the corporate ladder
climber, playing with more money than most see in their lifetimes.  I get
to consort with the dregs of society.  At least I get to see her every
month.  She is a dream that I could touch if I just reached across the
desk...and I would never dare to.  I had amounted to nothing in High
School, and I didn't that to ever expect that to change.

	"Mrs. Magidan will see you now."

	I thanked the secretary, then walked into the office.

++++++

	Damn, damn, damn, damndamndamndamn!

	I sprinted towards Genom, with little time to spare.  I'd be a
long time in paying Fargo back for the information on the assassination
attempt, but right now, that consideration was secondary.  In little more
than two hours, the top Genom execs were going to be very dead.  Qunicy.
Carter.  Dr. Liao.

	Kate.

	The two security boomers at the entrance were not told to expect
me, and so after I had identified myself, they insisted that I be
'escorted' to the management level of Genom Tower.

	As the elevator door opened, a stray laser shot pulsed into the
head of one of the boomers, destroying its AI chip.  Quickly, the other
boomer began to fire back at the mysterious group, clad in black
hardsuits.  Though one was killed outright, and the another was limping
badly, they managed to destroy the boomer quickly. 

	Ordinarily, they would have been swarmed by boomers rallying to
the defense of Genom Tower, so the lack of trashed boomers told me that
this was an inside job.  Thus, they would also know where the top
management was located.  Luckly for me, while the hardsuited mercs were
fighting that Doberman, I had ducked behind a deserted office door and
had withdrawn my gun.  Sure, a Colt 45 might be old, but it packed a
punch.  While it wouldn't have dented a combat Boomer's armor, most
hardsuits had to sacrifice -some- protection for mobility.  I just hoped
that it was enough.

	The mercs were heading down another corridor, so I followed them,
trying to keep out of sight.  At last, it seemed as if they had reached an
arranged meeting point, because they met up with two more groups.

	Dr. Liao was already bleeding from the head, or at least what was
left of it.  Quincy was next, pushed against the wall by the person whom I
believe was the leader of the group.  "Why are you doing this?"  Quincy
asked.  "I could pay you far more than whoever is your current employer." 

	"No good, Quincy.  Betrayal is bad for business.  Besides, we are
loyal Microsoftites!"  He ended this sentence with a shout.

	"NYAK!" a roar from twelve throats punctuated his declaration.

	"You shouldn't have tried to step onto the Empire's turf, Quincy.
Bill says hi."  He fired a flechette into Quincy's head.  It exploded,
exposing an electrical current flowing through damaged wiring and
circutry.

	"Damn!"  he swore.  "That's it!  Kill them all!  NYAK!"

	The other Genom executives were quickly being cut down.  I scanned
the crowd for Kate.  Yes...right there!  The leader of the mercs was
aiming for her head.

	"Kate!  Behind you!"  I shouted, as I snapped off a couple shots
into the guy's back.

	As the leader stumbled, I saw blood spurting from the hardsuit.
Good, at least one of the bullets punctured his armour.  Before the rest
of the mercs could react, I grabbed her hand, and we both ran to the
closest stairwell.

	By now, we had the rest of the black suited squad chasing after
us, and with good reason.  If we could make it down to another level, we
could alert security what had happened.  Still, though the stairs were now
in sight, I knew that we wouldn't make it, before the squad had caught up
with us.

	"Run!"  I shouted, in a fit of macho bravado.  "I'll hold them
off." 

	"Ok, bye!"

	Well, a refusal to leave, or a declaration of undying love would
have been nice.  Oh well, at least she would survive.  I fired twice more
at our pursuers, then struggled with my trenchcoat pocket for another
clip.  That was the problem with the Colt 45, it only held 7 bullets at a
time. 

	Just as I had snapped a new clip into place, I felt a searing
sensation in my shoulder, spinning me around.  Somehow, I had retained my
grip on my gun, but I couldn't aim straight anymore.  One of the Black
Suits grabbed my gun, and with a flair of drama, crushed it in his palm.

	"That should be that."  he told me.  "Now, it's your turn.  Buy
Microsoft!  It's at $167 a share, and rising!"

	I closed my eyes, and waited for the inevitable.  A shot rang out,
but strangely, I felt no pain.  Risking a glance, I noticed six or seven
Dobermans firing into the mercs, and by the sounds of it, more on the way.
The mercenary who had just been about to shoot had his torso removed.

Epilogue:
	Later, I was pronounced a hero by Quincy himself, and been give
the promise to have my picture in the corporate newsletter.  I thought to
myself "Well, now is the only chance I'll get.  Better do this while I'm
still considered a hero." 

	I approached Kate in her office, which had not yet been cleaned.
Papers, diagrams, and equipment were strewn about, no doubt the effects of
the Black Suits.  I knelt down amongst the papers, and asked her "Kate
Magidan, will you marry me?"

	Her eyes seemed to fill with emotion, as she answered "I'll say
yes, Hikaru, but I have one question first."

	"What?  What is it?"

	"Why do you wear candles on your head?"

END

Well, it's a self insertion (The doctor with his head blown off).  It also
had the required phrase.  Okay, so Ranma-Ranma realizes that the idea was
for the inserted author to ask for marriage, but strange thoughts
whispered in my head, and Ranma-Ranma couldn't continue with that
plotline.  I tried to do this seriously, but if I can't take myself
seriously, how could I write a Self Insertion seriously? 

Blame God.  It's -his- voice in my head, after all!  Elvis too!

The blatant Microsoft bashing was just for the hell of it.  If you read
carefully, Ranma-Ranma does give one or two hints that the narrator is
Hikaru Gosunkugi.  Why Gosunkugi?  Well, after the introspection section,
and the gunfight section, can you really picture the protagonist as a
strange Voodoo practitioner?  I just couldn't resist.  Sorry. 

If you really feel the need to flame me, go ahead, but it'll be wasted
effort, since even -I- acknowledge how bad it is.


-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth it.  A few more shots, then Ryoga-san would
overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, I managed to lose him 
as I entered the ramshackle residence of my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."  I
insisted, pulling his face close to mine.  He refused, so I slammed him
against the wall. "Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?" 
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.  I heard
the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the window, one step
ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...