I saw "The Big Hit" last week.  Great movie.  Couldn't stop laughing.
Doesn't take itself seriously at all.  And I started thinking:  "If John
Woo can make fun of John Woo, so can I."

Although I haven't done much besides lurk in the list this whole semester
('cause I'm trying to graduate with a BS in biochemistry), I just HAD to
take time out for this.

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz yatada yatada yatada

The following preview is rated "L".  Parents may wish to consider if it is
too ludicrous for children over 17.

Crime Boss Soun:  I have one final favor to ask of you.

Akane Tendo:  Hai.

Crime Boss Soun:  Do this for me, and your family's debt to me is fulfilled.

Akane Tendo:  Hai.

Crime Boss Soun:  This is him.  You know what to do.  (Pushes a photo
across his desk.)

Akane Tendo:  (Picks up the photo, bows and leaves)

- Cut Scene -

(Akane is busy over a wok, stirring vegetables and adding spices.)

Akane Tendo:  <I cannot do this.  This is too much for even Soun-sama to ask.>

(Ranma enters)

Akane Tendo:  Taste this, please, future husband.

Ranma Saotome:  Huh?  When did I get engaged?  Oh, well.  Food's food.  GAK
CHOKE BARF

Akane Tendo:  Oh no!

Ranma Saotome:  Water!  Water!  -SPLASH-  Aahhhhh!

Akane Tendo:  You . . . You're not a guy!  How can I . . .

Onna-Ranma:  Wait, let me explain!  I have this chinese curse, and . . .

Akane Tendo:  ARRRRRRGH! (runs away)  I have failed Soun-sama, and now I
must pay the price.

- Cut Scene -

Nabiki Tendo:  There has been a problem.

Crime Boss Soun:  How hard can it be to cook a meal to impress a man?!

Nabiki Tendo:  What should we do now?

Crime Boss Soun:  Call in professionals.  Women who surpass Akane's talent.

- Cut Scene -

(Airport, Shampoo and Ukyo Kuonji are walking through the crowd, wearing
shades, black leather, bad attitudes)

Nabiki Tendo:  You are the replacements?

Shampoo and Ukyo nod.

Nabiki Tendo:  Can you take out this girl?  (Hands them a photo of Akane)

(They nod)

Nabiki Tendo:  Deal with the boy while you're at it.  (Hands them another
photo)

Ukyo Kuonji:  Oh, Ran-chan!  He's so kawaii!

Shampoo:  Aya!  My ailen!

- Cut Scene -

Akane Tendo:  I am in serious trouble.  I need somewhere to lay low, disappear.

Ryoga Hibiki:  I'm not sure that I understand.  What are you saying?

Akane Tendo:  I need to get LOST.

Ryoga Hibiki:  Okay.  I can do that.


Don't-Go-There Theatre Presents:  The Replacement Fianc�s


Akane Tendo:  I had to marry a man to fulfil my debt.  (Hands Ryoga a photo)

Ryoga Hibiki:  Genma Saotome?  This bald old fart?  Ugh!

Akane Tendo:  No, the man's son, er, daughter, er . . .

Ryoga Hibiki:  You can't mean . . .

Akane Tendo:  Yes, that is how Soun-sama deals with people.  Through their
families.

Ryoga Hibiki:  (Facefaults)


The Replacement Fianc�s:  Not coming to a mailing list near you in the
foreseeable future.